My smart girl 3. Rewriting our stars

We stayed like that, wrapped in each other’s arms, for what felt like an eternity. Finally, Jay pulled himself together and drew back first. He kissed my forehead, stroked my cheek, and whispered in a voice hoarse from the long silence: “Sweetheart… do you still want to see the December meteor shower?” My lips trembled into a weak smile. I covered his hands, which were gently cradling my face, with my own. “You remember?” He smiled and softly touched the tip of my nose with his lips: “Of course I remember, silly. I remember everything that concerns you, because you are the most important thing in my life…” I bit my lip so I wouldn’t start crying again. He tilted my chin up and whispered right against my lips: “So, what do you say, sunshine? Up for another escape with me from under your big brother’s watchful eye?” I laughed and shook my head. “This time he’ll definitely kill you for it. You want to kidnap me from the clinic again?” Jay sighed, but his smile was boyish and completely reckless — exactly the one I loved most. “Exactly, Bambi. I already have a plan. I just need your consent. So? Will you run away with me to watch the falling stars?” It seemed that in the soft twilight of the hospital room, my beloved husband’s eyes sparkled brighter than any stars as he looked at me. And of course, there could only be one answer. “Are you even asking?” I smiled and reached out to stroke his cheek. “With you, I’m ready for any kind of madness, because I know you… will never let me fall…” Jay exhaled raggedly upon hearing that — he remembered just as well as I did when and under what circumstances he had promised me that. He pressed his warm lips to my temple and whispered hoarsely: “Never, my love. Never.” I pressed my cheek to his chest, hugging him and feeling the strong, steady beat of his heart beneath my palms. Closing my eyes, I whispered: “You know… When we first met, I was sure you were my punishment for something terrible I had done in a past life.” Jay quietly snorted into my hair. I nuzzled into his warm neck, leaving a light kiss there, and added with a smile, slowly running my palms along his broad back: “Yes, yes, that’s exactly how it was at first. But now… I understand that you’re not a punishment at all, my dearest. No… not a punishment at all…” He sighed softly and gently cupped my chin with his fingers, making me lift my head and look at him. “Then who am I, if not a punishment?” I closed my eyes for a moment, taking a deep breath before another confession. But I knew he truly deserved to hear it. Stroking his velvety warm cheek, I whispered tenderly, never looking away: “You are my happiness, Jay… my heart… my tenderness, my weakness, and my greatest strength… You make me smile every day and keep fighting, no matter how hard it gets. I don’t know what I would do if you weren’t by my side… And also… it seems more and more often that you’ve become my personal wizard, granting all my wishes and whims.” Jay’s gaze became unbearably tender. He leaned down, pressing his forehead to mine, and whispered softly: “I did promise to spoil you, darling. And I always keep my promises.” “And you… will take me to Namsan Mountain?” “I will, little one.” “When?” The news that yet another of my dreams would soon come true completely chased away the remnants of my midnight drowsiness and seriously stirred up my nervous system. I couldn’t stop bombarding him with questions. Jay smirked and stroked my hair, whispering into the top of my head: “Very soon, sunshine. But for that, you need to gather your strength. So let’s sleep, okay? It’s already so late that it’s almost early.” I sighed but let him lay me down on the bed and tuck the blanket up to my eyebrows. He finally turned off the light and lay down beside me, wrapping his arms around me and gently stroking my hair in slow, tender motions. And just as I was falling asleep, balancing on the edge between sleep and reality, a nearly forgotten memory surfaced from the depths of my subconscious and turned into a dream… *** …A dream about the time when my relationship with the cheeky brunette had only just begun — at the stage of his constant teasing and my constant displeasure, with cheeks burning from embarrassment and indignation. I had almost forgotten that… That summer… there was one week when Jay and I had concluded a sort of temporary truce. Tae, tired of our endless bickering and fights, had threatened his friend that he would kick him out of the house with all his belongings and never let him back on the threshold if he continued to torment his little sister with his clingy antics. And he threatened to send that very sister (though she was completely innocent!) to their parents to keep her out of harm’s way (harm, by the way, was named Jay McFell) until the start of classes. Strangely enough, it worked. Apparently, even Jay had learned over the years of friendship with Tae that my brother could be truly terrifying when angry, and it was better not to push him. If he had resorted to such serious threats, his truly angelic patience was clearly running out. I never would have thought the cheeky brunette could become perfectly silky in an instant, but the threat of being evicted from our home without the right to hang around day and night, shamelessly raiding our fridge and pestering me, worked even better than expected. For the sixth day in a row, he was behaving quite decently and didn’t even provoke in me the insane desire to hit him the moment I saw him. On Saturday evening, Tae and I decided to have a family movie night with pizza and popcorn, just like we often did at home when he still lived with us. Naturally, the cheeky brunette found out about it and immediately latched onto us. He claimed a spot on the carpet in front of the couch in the living room, along with two whole boxes of “Margherita” and a full bucket of popcorn. Apparently, he interpreted “family movie night” in his own way. I grumbled a little for show, but soon realized there was no getting rid of the insolent tenant, who had clearly already decided he was part of our family. So the three of us settled in front of the TV like a real harmonious family — now with two older brothers. Although I kept catching Jay’s adoring gazes (he was clearly more interested in watching me than the movie), I felt strangely comfortable sitting there in the semi-darkness with Tae and his insufferable friend. I had already gotten a bit used to him, of course, but his mere presence still irritated me terribly. I didn’t really believe he had magically reformed in just five days and kept waiting for his next stunt. And it didn’t take long to arrive — though it wasn’t at all what I had expected. *** Our movie marathon ended well after midnight. I was glad tomorrow was a day off and none of us had anywhere to go — we could sleep in until lunch. The guys apparently shared that opinion, because they continued chatting and drinking beer even after the last film ended. I started feeling hot, so I decided to go out onto the balcony for some fresh night air. *** Standing on the balcony, I gazed at the August constellations sparkling like diamonds in the velvet-blue sky, secretly hoping to see at least one falling star. The last month of summer was the season of meteor showers. A fresh night breeze carried the muffled hum of the huge, never-sleeping city twinkling with lights in the distance. This sight had always fascinated me, plunging me into a kind of contemplative trance, and I felt complete and absolute peace — something that had become extremely rare since Jay had moved into our house. I flinched and sharply turned my head when I heard the quiet click of the balcony door. Speak of the devil… Of course, who else but that very devil would disturb my solitude? It looked like the evening had suddenly stopped being languid. Jay had a pack of cigarettes and a lighter in his hand. I involuntarily frowned. Of course — this insufferable hooligan had decided to ruin the fresh night air with his damn cigarettes right here! Not on the terrace on the other side of the house, not downstairs, or in the backyard! Even noticing my displeased look, he wasn’t embarrassed in the slightest. He just leaned casually against the glass door with his shoulder, crossed his arms over his chest, and put the nicotine abomination back in his pocket. “Why so angry, Bambi?” he drawled lazily, looking me up and down with dark eyes. Tilting his head and hiding a sly smile in the corners of his shameless lips, he added, “Don’t frown, or you’ll get wrinkles ahead of time.” There he went again. Starting our game, which in reality had never stopped for a moment. He had made his move and was now waiting for my response — which wasn’t long in coming. His provocative smiles and ambiguous phrases always made me flare up like a match. “My premature wrinkles shouldn’t concern you at all! You’d better worry about your own lungs!” I snorted, turning away from the guy lounging against the door and trying to recapture my zen. But his presence made that task impossible. I could literally feel him burning me with his dark eyes. I involuntarily shivered and hugged my shoulders with my arms. “What’s wrong with them?” He smirked again, pushed off the door, and took a step toward me. I shot him a warning look, making it clear he shouldn’t come too close. “Do you even know how much tar settles inside you from that stuff? Do you really enjoy ruining your health like that?” I was dead serious, but apparently the prospect of dying from lung cancer before forty worried only me. Jay was the picture of relaxation and calm. It seemed my lost zen had flown over to him. The shameless one! Both of them. And along with its loss, I belatedly realized that my angry tirade — originally meant to shame the cheeky brunette and make him get off *my* balcony — had actually sounded as if… “Are you worried about me, fawn? Have I really lived to see this day?” Jay voiced the exact thought that had flashed through my mind. His lips twitched into an outrageously satisfied half-smile, immediately making me want to wipe it off his face — and then bang my head against the wall. Why, why did I always fall into his traps like the stupidest deer? To maintain at least the appearance of composure, I snorted again and turned my gaze to the night Seoul twinkling with lights. “As if! It would be too much of an honor to worry about you! I just don’t want to be a passive smoker. So if you’re going to smoke here, I’d better leave,” I declared, fully intending to do exactly that. Naive. Naive little fool, Bambi. Did you really think you could escape the Big Bad Wolf so easily when he had already cornered you? And that’s exactly what he did. Completely ignoring my warning glares, he somehow magically covered the distance in two steps and trapped me in his half-embrace. He placed his hands on the railing on either side of me, leaving me no space to maneuver. I shuddered, feeling the heat of his body against my back even through my T-shirt, and froze, not knowing what to do. Caught. As always. Damn it. “Why are you always trying to run away from me, baby?” Jay whispered quietly and unusually seriously, leaning down and breathing the words against my neck. “Have I ever given you a reason to be afraid of me?” He still wasn’t touching me, but a ticklish wave of goosebumps from his warm breath spread everywhere, rolling down my spine and settling as a warm heaviness in my stomach. It disturbed the peacefully sleeping butterflies there — butterflies that had never reacted to anyone the way they did to this insufferable rascal. Before meeting Jay, I hadn’t even suspected that an entire flock of these light-winged creatures lived in my stomach. Now they gave me no peace every time he got too close. Like right now, for example. And every time they made me angry, nervous, and… melt from his warmth like snow in the sun, even though I stubbornly and desperately denied it. His voice sounded quiet and unusually serious, and I was completely lost, unable to keep up with his mood swings. Moreover… it felt like he was embracing me even without touching. The warmth of his strong body and the scent of his spicy cologne enveloped me and clouded my thoughts, making me completely lose the thread of the conversation. Still, with difficulty, I gathered my scattered thoughts and, trying to sound as composed as possible, shrugged. “I already told you the reason. I don’t want to breathe your cigarette smoke.” “That’s not the real reason, Bambi,” his already low voice seemed to drop even deeper. Jay moved closer, making me shiver again as another wave ran down my spine. “And what is the real reason?” (Not that I really wanted to know, but…) “You tell me, darling,” he whispered with a smile in his voice, sounding far too pleased — as if he was openly enjoying the whole situation. “Maybe… you don’t want me near you because when I get too close, it makes you nervous?” he purred hoarsely, imperceptibly moving his hands closer to mine and tightening the ring of his embrace around me. The trap was almost closed, but I still pretended I was in control — though in reality, he had taken full control. Realizing this just in time and finally getting scared, I blurted out the first thing that came to mind: “What nonsense! Looks like that fifth can of beer was one too many, Jay!” “I’m not drunk, bunny. Don’t be afraid,” he said soothingly in a velvety half-whisper. I could hear the hint of a smile in his voice, as if he was insanely enjoying the situation — enjoying playing with me, drawing emotions out of me, and forcing me to admit things I didn’t even want to admit to myself. “I’m not afraid,” I began denying the obvious again. Yeah, right… Who are you lying to, Rosie? You *are* afraid. Very afraid. Even though you know your brother is sitting downstairs and his friend won’t do anything to you, but… That dark aura surrounding him, even when he tried his hardest to seem like a harmless little flower, hadn’t gone anywhere. Jay was still the Big Bad Wolf, not the tame kitten he was pretending to be in order to lull my vigilance. “I just don’t understand why you suddenly felt like having strange conversations in the middle of the night…” I grumbled, trying to steer the conversation into safer waters. But it was no use. “You’re cold.” His voice sounded muffled and concerned. Jay moved even closer, scaring me more. “No, I’m not...” “I wasn’t asking. Come here.” And he really didn’t ask. With a possessive, commanding gesture, he pulled me to him, finally wrapping his arms around my waist and pressing my back against his hot chest. So hot it felt like he had a fever. *There you go, you’ve been caught, stupid Bambi.* “What… are you doing?” I whispered with lips that barely obeyed me, barely suppressing the tremor in my voice. “Isn’t it obvious, bunny? It’s called a hug. People do it with each other all the time,” he smirked, holding me even tighter. And... for some reason, I didn’t even want to struggle. And not just because it would have been pointless anyway. “God… I’m not a three-year-old child…” I snorted, rolling my eyes (though he couldn’t see it). He answered with his own mocking snort. “Sometimes your behavior doesn’t show it.” “Look who’s talking…” Yeah, it was time to admit that our fascinating dialogue had reached a dead end. But the cheeky brunette immediately found a new topic. Naturally, one that was even more embarrassing than the ones we had already discussed. His hot palms covered my white-knuckled fingers that were gripping the railing in a death grip. He quietly breathed against the back of my head: “You’re such a silly girl, Bambi… And your hands are completely frozen… How long have you been standing here?” I shrugged vaguely and tried to wriggle out of his embrace. He sighed and effortlessly pulled me back, grumbling reproachfully with a smile in his voice: “Why do you keep struggling and trying to run away from me? Would you really rather catch a cold and get sick than accept my completely selfless help?” Yeah… fresh legend, hard to believe. “Selfless? Then why are your hands squeezing my waist so tightly I can barely breathe? You just decided to grope me under a plausible pretext — don’t even think about denying it!” I hissed, trying to pry his hot fingers off me. They had once again clamped onto my waist in a death grip. Jay quietly snorted, burying his face in my hair. He wasn’t going to deny anything and clearly felt zero guilt. “Sorry, baby… I just didn’t calculate my strength… Better?” He loosened his steel grip a little, but now it was even worse — the brazen paws of this bandit (as brazen as their owner) had shamelessly slid down to my hips and stayed there, squeezing and lazily stroking them through my clothes. That was too much. Grabbing his broad wrists (adorned with the cool silver of his favorite bracelets, which contrasted sharply with the warmth of his tanned skin), I tried to move them away, but I couldn’t shift his heavy paws even a millimeter. I burst out indignantly: “Jay, how much longer?! Do you realize that because of you I feel like a kitten who’s constantly being petted against its will? Let me go!” His loud sigh brushed against the back of my head again. Although Mr. Hooligan had no intention of obeying me, he did move his hands higher, possessively wrapping them around my waist and pulling me even deeper into his embrace. He whispered quietly: “You *are* a kitten… A little, tender, defenseless kitten who thinks she’s a tiger and growls at everyone. But in reality… she needs to be loved, protected, and cherished with all one’s strength…” I exhaled raggedly, not knowing how to react to his words or what he was doing, but I relaxed a little, deciding he would let me go when he got tired of playing. I didn’t even notice how my frozen hands came to rest on top of his large, warm palms and squeezed them lightly — no longer trying to escape, but simply because… they wanted to. I fleetingly thought that from the outside we probably looked like a real couple admiring the August stars. Strangely, this thought didn’t cause my usual violent denial. I simply decided to let things happen, hoping the cheeky brunette still remembered Tae’s threat to kick him out and his promise to behave. We stood in silence for some time, but Jay was the first to break it. He whispered quietly: “Rosé… Are you… afraid of me?” I sighed. “No, but…” “You embarrass me, irritate me, piss me off, drive me crazy…” I wanted to blurt out, but I didn’t say any of that, because… those weren’t the real reasons. And the real reasons… I was afraid to admit even to myself. I was terrified to admit that… maybe… this insufferable guy… was making me starting to... like him. Nightmare… No, absolutely not! So I continued to stay silent, quiet in his arms and nervously biting my lip. He began filling the awkward silence himself, making it, as usual, even more awkward — because if there was one thing he was great at, it was embarrassing me. “Let’s stick with ‘no’ and not add anything to that beautiful word,” he whispered with a smile. “But if it’s not fear, then why are you trembling?” (Did his voice drop another octave lower..?) “From the cold,” I snapped, immediately falling straight into his clever trap. Jay chuckled cheerfully and pulled me even closer, completely satisfied with my hasty answer. “See? You stubbornly deny the obvious. And I’m insanely curious, fawn… Is it out of natural stubbornness or because you specifically want to argue with me about everything?” “Jay…” I groaned, covering my face with my hands and realizing it was high time to start struggling, fighting off his greedy paws, and getting the hell out of there. But… Yeah. Dream on. “Shh, bunny. Let’s just stand like this for a little while… It’s warmer this way. And I don’t want you to catch a cold and get sick just because of your deer-like stubbornness.” His words brushed against my neck with a quiet exhale, and my knees suddenly stopped holding me up. *What is this, seriously..? And since when am I “bunny”?..* “You came out to smoke, didn’t you? Then let me leave and do your favorite thing without witnesses.” I made one last attempt to leave while saving face. Naturally, it failed. “Actually, no,” Jay informed me with a quiet smile. “And no. I won’t let you.” “No? And… no..?” I had completely lost the thread of this strange conversation. I froze and shuddered when he ran his nose along my neck, taking a deep breath, and pressed me even tighter against him. “Then… why are you here?” My voice trembled and faded when Jay lightly touched his lips to my shoulder — barely perceptible, like a feather, but there was no doubt it was a kiss, not an accidental touch. “I just… wanted to be alone with you, little one. I see that you’ve been avoiding me, and Tae has been hovering over you like a hawk lately, so I can’t manage it,” Jay said quietly, with some hidden sadness in his voice. He rested his chin on my shoulder and locked his hands around my waist. My lashes fluttered and lowered. I suddenly felt complete and absolute peace, standing in the circle of his strong arms and wrapped from head to toe in the warmth of his firm embrace. Warm, big, and insanely cuddly — right now Jay reminded me of a huge plush teddy bear. Of course, he loved putting his hands everywhere a bit too much and still allowed himself too much, but… he was so sweet and charming that it was simply impossible to stay mad at him. I smiled slightly and asked quietly: “You wanted to be alone with me? Why?” He quietly hummed into my hair as if I had asked the silliest question in the world. I didn’t even need to look to see his sly smile — it was clearly audible in his hoarse, velvety voice. He leaned down, carefully brushing the long strands from my shoulder, and whispered seductively in my ear: “Do I really need to explain it to you, darling?” Of course I didn’t need any explanations. His current behavior was screaming about his secret motives and desires louder than any words. After all, he had gotten what he wanted — we *were* alone right now. But his closeness that evening did something to me, and it no longer… even scared me. So, giving in to some inexplicable impulse, I covered his hands with mine and lightly stroked his strong forearms. Then, still sternly, I said: “Behave yourself, or I’ll tell my brother, and he won’t even let you back on the threshold.” Jay buried his forehead in my shoulder like a big mischievous cat. I couldn’t hold back a quiet chuckle when I heard his resigned: “Yeah, yeah, I remember…” He sighed so heavily that it ruffled the hair on the back of my head. I suddenly felt sorry for him. Not wanting this charming tomcat to get too upset, I ran my fingers over his warm, smooth skin again, squeezing encouragingly, and whispered with a smile: “Good that you remember… Then… we can stand like this a little longer… if you want, of course.” Feeling my touch, Jay shuddered and quietly exhaled against the back of my head: “You have no idea how much… I want that, Bambi…” Now it was my turn to shudder and exhale loudly — his unexpected confession somehow knocked all the air out of my lungs. Meanwhile, Jay pulled me even deeper into his strong embrace, apparently delighted that I had finally relented. Stroking my arm, he whispered with a smile: “See, sunshine? I’m not that scary, am I? And you can definitely let me closer than five meters.” I smirked, turning my head slightly toward him (we almost bumped noses), and grumbled: “I wouldn’t jump to such hasty conclusions.” Jay just rolled his eyes with a cheerful snort. Apparently deciding I had finally given him the green light, he gathered me into his arms, pulling me even closer to his hot chest. When I predictably hissed at him in protest, he soothingly whispered, smiling in the most shamelessly satisfied way: “Shh, shh, kitten. Retract your claws — you won’t need them today. And don’t worry, I won’t pester you. Relax and calm down, okay? You are completely safe with me.” I sighed but said nothing, because Jay seemed so sincere and open right now that I didn’t feel like being sarcastic or defiant at all. I just wanted… to stand here with him, in the circle of his strong arms, and look at the stars. What nonsense… “Would you really give up your favorite cigarettes for me?” I smiled with the corners of my lips, finally relaxing a little and allowing him to pull me even deeper into the embrace, which was so cozy and warm that… I fleetingly thought that being in his arms every day might… actually not be so bad. Jay smirked, burying his nose in my hair, and from there announced his cunning plan: “I won’t smoke in front of you, Bambi, but only on one condition…” *Here we go… And I was starting to believe in his nonexistent nobility…* “What condition?” *(Curiosity killed more than one cat, Rosie — it’ll kill you too…)* Jay took a deep breath, as if gathering strength to tell me something very important, then whispered in a low, unusually serious voice: “Stay with me. Don’t run away, at least not tonight, please…? Let’s watch the stars together…” My heart fluttered with some aching feeling I couldn’t name no matter how hard I tried. Deciding not to dwell on it, I simply exhaled and let go of the situation, just as he wanted. “Fine. But remember your promise, bandit,” I breathed, trying to sound as strict as possible. “What promise?” came the reply. I clearly heard the sly smile in his hoarse voice — as if he was already mentally figuring out how to break that very promise without earning my educational slap. Barely suppressing a suffering sigh, I grumbled: “Not to pester me and not to put your hands anywhere!” (“And lips too,” I almost added, but stopped myself at the last moment.) Jay sounded genuinely indignant. “Hey! My hands today are a model of chastity!” Jay and chastity didn’t belong in the same sentence at all. I quietly snorted into my fist and grumbled: “Yeah, yeah, let’s keep it that way.” I felt his chest rise and fall behind my back with another loud sigh, but he didn’t argue anymore. Smiling, he rested his head on my shoulder again: “Alright, kitten. But only today. It’s a one-time promotion.” I rolled my eyes but didn’t pursue the topic. Growing bolder, I tilted my head back onto his chest, letting my gaze wander across the dark blue sky, when suddenly… “Jay, did you see that?!” My voice rang with excitement — I had finally seen a falling star. The cheeky brunette hugging me from behind chuckled quietly and whispered: “I saw it, baby. Did you manage to make a wish?” “No…” I sighed almost soundlessly. He stroked my shoulder and soothingly whispered with a smile in his voice: “Don’t be upset, kitten. It’s not the last meteor shower in your life.” “I know, but… They burn out so fast that it seems almost impossible to make a wish in time… But it’s still very beautiful, isn’t it?” Jay was silent for a while, probably gazing at the distant constellations like I was. Then he softly touched my nape with his warm lips, making me shiver and involuntarily hold my breath, and exhaled: “It is, darling.” And then he added very quietly, “And I… want to watch the stars for the rest of my life… together with you.”