My smart girl 3. Rewriting our stars

Lost in my thoughts, I had completely disconnected from reality. I flinched when a hand landed on my shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze. Turning my head, I saw Ten leaning against the wall beside the window where I stood. “Hey, Ten,” I breathed out quietly. Forcing a tired smile, I finally pulled myself away from the glass separating me from my little piece of happiness. Ten handed me a paper cup of steaming hot coffee and frowned as he looked me over from head to toe, clearly noting my disheveled appearance and the dark circles under my bloodshot, sleep-deprived eyes. “Hey. How long have you been here?” “About an hour, I think. Thanks,” I nodded gratefully, accepting the black espresso and taking a burning sip. “Figured you could use it. You look terrible, man,” Ten snorted, crossing his arms over his chest. I just rolled my eyes. He added: “You can’t go in to see Rose like this. She’ll start worrying about her beloved, and you know she’s not supposed to be stressed.” I let out a heavy sigh, took another sip, and closed my exhausted eyes for a moment. “Of course I know…” I whispered almost soundlessly. “But I just can’t be away from her.” “Then why are you out here instead of with her?” Ten asked gently, tilting his head. I glanced back through the transparent glass. “I didn’t want to disturb her sleep. She needs rest.” Ten let out a quiet huff. “That’s nonsense. She needs *you* more than sleep or rest, and you know it.” The corners of my lips lifted in a faint smile, but they quickly dropped again as I whispered: “She… sleeps all the time, Ten… all the time. I know it’s better for her heart, that it reduces the strain, but… it feels like I’ve already lost her…” I said it on a shaky exhale, as if hoping that by not speaking the words too loudly, they wouldn’t be true. But Ten’s heavy sigh only confirmed them. His hand squeezed my shoulder firmly as he said quietly but resolutely: “Don’t lose hope, Jay. Be strong for her. We’re doing everything we can. The medication is keeping her stable for now, and we won’t stop searching for a donor as long as Rose’s heart… is still beating.” I closed my eyes for a moment, then nodded, accepting his words. Sometimes I became so lost in my own grief that I forgot Ten loved her too — and that it was just as hard for him, if not harder. He was also forced to hide this terrible truth from their parents at Rose’s request. We stood in silence for a while. Then I quietly admitted what I could no longer keep inside: “I’m just… trying to get used to the idea that… she might not be here anymore. I’m trying, Ten… but I can’t. If she goes… I’ll die with her. The moment her heart stops… mine will too.” My hands clenched into fists. I heard Ten’s own ragged sigh beside me. His grip on my shoulder tightened as he said in a voice hoarse with pain: “Jay… I’m so sorry. I can’t accept it either — the thought that my little sister might die. Never, not even in my worst nightmares, did I imagine something like this could happen to her… I don’t believe in God, but sometimes I just want to scream at Him: ‘Why?! Why are you punishing her like this? She’s still just a child…’” Ten took a deep breath, trying to steady himself, then continued in a strained voice: “Rose asked me not to tell our parents, and I listened to her. But she has no idea how much that lie is costing me. The only thing stopping me from telling them is knowing they can’t help her anyway. And… as long as there’s still hope of saving Rose, I’ll stay silent.” He looked at me seriously. “In childhood, I was her knight in shining armor. Now that role belongs to you. So don’t let her down. She needs you.” “I know, Ten. I really do. And I won’t let either of you down.” I gave him a grateful smile and squeezed his hand. It seemed all our past conflicts were truly behind us. His next words confirmed it. Taking a deep breath, Ten glanced at his sleeping sister and said quietly: “Jay, I wanted to tell you… despite everything I said before, I’m really glad Rose has you.” I looked at him in surprise, raising my eyebrows. He added with a faint smile: “Yeah, yeah, don’t look at me like that! I can admit when I was wrong. At first I thought you were just playing with her, but now I see how much you truly love her. And she… she lights up when you’re around.” “I can’t let that light go out,” I replied softly. I nodded gratefully to him and headed toward my beloved’s room. *** The moment the door closed behind me, it felt like I had cut us off from the rest of the world, not allowing anything to disturb her peace. Asleep, Rose looked like a small, defenseless kitten — something you wanted to love and protect with all your strength. My heart clenched with overwhelming tenderness at the sight of her. So small. So fragile… yet so incredibly strong. My beloved girl. My fierce little kitten. The silence in the room was broken only by the steady beeping of the cardiac monitor. That persistent sound comforted me, because it meant my Bambi… was still alive. I approached the bed carefully and sat down beside her. For a while, I simply watched her sleep. I raised my hand and gently traced the outline of her beloved face, smiling at the faint flutter of her long lashes and the way her cute little nose wrinkled slightly, as if she was frowning. I hoped it was only because I wasn’t beside her, and not because of bad dreams. Now I was here, and I wanted her to smile. I wanted her to smile only for me. Leaning down, I softly kissed her forehead, then finally pulled her into my arms, burying my face in her silky golden hair. Feeling my presence, my baby smiled sleepily, her frown disappearing. She reached for me and nuzzled her nose into my neck. A perfect little kitten. I smiled as I heard her familiar, sleepy whisper: “My favorite doctor… you’re here…” Pain sliced through my heart like a sharp blade once again, but I buried it deep inside and only held her tighter. I exhaled against her neck: “Of course I’m here, sunshine. Of course I’m here… always with you.”