Meaningless silence

      In the darkness, above the door to the roof, yellow eyes flickered. The black cat lay lazily sprawled on the metal, its paws tucked beneath it. Its tail slowly swayed, dangling down, its ears turning toward every sound. "So? Why aren't you sleeping?" Yuuki repeated, leaning slightly, trying to catch Ai's eyes.       She looked away, embarrassed. The words wouldn't come. And what could she say? That she was tired of the company? That for weeks she hadn't been able to fall asleep because of an endless stream of thoughts? She looked at the sky, then, finally, at Yuuki. "Just came out to get some air…"       Yuuki nodded, accepting the answer, and… fell silent. Ai was confused for a second. She had been ready for a joke, for a sly glance her way. But no… The guy turned his gaze to the horizon, immersed in his own thoughts. And there was something strange about it all. Something the girl had never seen in Yuuki before. But she couldn't put a name to this "something."       They sat side by side, each lost in their own thoughts. The silence stretched on, absorbing everything that might interrupt the musings of the pair on the roof.       Out of the corner of her eye, Ai studied Yuuki, his calm profile. Usually, the guy was all motion, endless gestures, grimaces, and shouts. But now… now he was still. Staring somewhere into the darkness, his gaze devoid of its usual mischief. Her fingers found the chain on her neck again… A gift from him… She ran her thumb over the thin metal, and somewhere deep in her chest, that aching warmth spread again. A frightening, growing warmth. She shook her head, trying to ward off the uninvited thoughts – the feeling wasn't new; it had been inside her for a long time.

"Don't look at him like that," she commanded herself.

      But her gaze… disobeyed… Sliding along the line of the guy's jaw, over the light strands at the back of his head and the colored accents on the tips. Memories took her back to the day Yuuki returned to the loft with a new haircut. Okada had yelled at her for a long time, forbidding the girl from changing her hair color, arguing that "you'll attract too much attention." Looking at the white-haired Kiken, even if it was from premature grayness, she felt indignant. And then Yuuki burst in as usual, shouting. His head, from crown to tips, was dotted with all the colors of the rainbow. Okada screamed at him for hours, threatening first to "shave off that mane" and then to dye the rest black, but in the end, she gave up. And Ai looked at him with admiration. That same evening, he helped her change her color.       She smiled.       Back then, looking at his multicolored crown, she admitted to herself for the first time that she admired more than just his courage. At first, her heart simply beat faster when the guy, noticing her gaze, winked and said, "Want us to do yours too?". Then her breath hitched and her legs went weak when he sat her on a chair in the bathroom and took a few strands. And by the end of the transformation… she buried deep inside what was just beginning to ignite… Forced herself to see him as a friend or an older brother who cared for his younger sister. Forced herself to believe she didn't have a single chance. "You know," the guy's voice was so quiet that she wasn't sure if she'd imagined it.       She froze. Turned her head. He was still staring into the empty darkness. To where the city lights had long since dissolved into the night. "Sometimes I think…" he continued a little louder, "… that the world is somehow wrong… Or we are wrong…" "We?" "Well, people… People are wrong. Something important happens in your life… and you're not ready for it… You just don't realize that this 'something' is really that important. And then you realize it's already passed… You realize you missed your chance… It's especially noticeable when you think about feelings…"       He fell silent. Exhausted, he exhaled slowly, reached into his pants pocket, pulled out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter. A click sounded in the silence. A brief flash of light snatched the guy's face from the darkness: half-closed eyes, framed by long lashes, and lips pressing a cigarette filter… Ai stared at them, unable to look away. A painful realization settled in her mind – she wanted to touch them. Right now. Without thinking about the consequences, just to lose herself in the moment.       Heat rushed to her cheeks. She quickly lowered her gaze, took a deep breath. Her fingers tightened on the edge of the roof.       Yuuki slowly exhaled smoke. "I, for example…" he spoke again, examining the smoldering cigarette in his fingers, "… for several years I couldn't understand something… And then for six months I was afraid to admit it to myself…"       He fell silent again, squeezing the cigarette harder. It bent under the pressure, the ember at its tip wavering. And Ai was afraid to even breathe… Afraid that if she made a sound, Yuuki wouldn't finish, leaving her alone again on the cold roof. He was silent, searching for words… And then he turned his head and looked at her.       In the darkness, his eyes seemed almost black. And in that bottomless depth was something that made Ai's heart ache. Tenderness. An endless, almost tangible tenderness, the kind with which people look at something dear to their heart, something they can't imagine their life without. Or at someone so close they want to call that person part of their family…

"Again…" she thought bitterly. "Again he's looking at me like… like I am his sister…"

      Her eyes stung. She looked at the sky, high, high up, to keep from crying. Her fingers mechanically clenched the chain – the gift that now felt like a weight pulling her down. "You know…" his voice trembled. "For a long time I couldn't figure out why it was so important to me that you smile… Or why I get angry when you're not around. Why I'm ready…" he trailed off, then suddenly looked into the girl's eyes. "Why I'm ready to do anything stupid, just to keep you safe?"       Ai froze. Her heart skipped a beat. She slowly turned her gaze to the guy, shifting her body slightly toward him. He was still looking at her. In his eyes – the same tenderness, the same warmth. "Ai…" he said quietly, placing his warm palm over hers. "I love you."       The world stopped. Time ceased to flow for her. Sounds dissolved behind the too-loud beating of her heart in her ears. Ai stared at his warm, slightly rough hand. So familiar and yet so foreign – he had never touched her with such tenderness and care before. And she couldn't believe what she heard – she had waited so long for those words. Hoped desperately for years, but buried her own feelings every day under layers of care and others' problems. But now, looking at his hand, feeling that warmth penetrating her chilled skin, her defenses crumbled.       She exhaled slowly. A puff of steam melted into the air along with a quiet sound that carried all her anxieties. And… she turned her palm over, squeezing his fingers in return. "Fool," she exhaled quietly through trembling lips. "What a fool you are… I… I love you too. From the very first day I came to the loft. I just thought that you… that I… for you…" she swallowed the lump in her throat, squeezed his fingers tighter, "… that you only saw me as a little sister… that… I didn't have a single chance," she laughed bitterly, covering her wet eyes. "Silly girl…" he tossed the cigarette aside and slowly brought his other hand to her face, touching her cheek with his fingertips.       Ai flinched, feeling the warmth on her skin, and opened her eyes wide. A single tear ran down her cheek. Her lips moved, trying to say something, but her breath hitched, and her heart pounded somewhere in her throat, preventing the words from escaping. All she could do was look into his so familiar, bottomless eyes.       He looked at her for a few seconds, memorizing every feature: her trembling lashes, the damp glisten beneath them, and the thin track down her cheek, her full lips, and her gaze, filled with gratitude. The final moment before he finally crossed the invisible line in their relationship.       His fingers gently wiped the tear from her cheek, tucking a stray strand of hair behind her ear. He slowly leaned closer, not taking his eyes off hers, searching for permission. She leaned forward. His warm breath, tinged with the bitter taste of tobacco and alcohol, touched her skin. The fingers on her cheek tightened slightly, holding her, not letting her pull away. She didn't want to.       The first touch was light, almost weightless. Yuuki didn't push; he let her decide for herself – did she want this? Was she ready? And she answered his silent question – leaning forward more strongly, supporting herself with her hand on the concrete, she closed her eyes.       And then he kissed her for real. Confidently, a little insistently. His hand slid from her cheek to the back of her head as he deepened the kiss.       Ai caught her breath – reality was brighter and hotter than anything she could have imagined. In an instant, all fears and worries vanished from her mind, leaving room for a drawn-out pleasure. His lips were softer and warmer than in the dreams she'd constructed before sleep. The kiss itself – more mature and insistent. And with each second, as her fears crumbled, an unpleasant realization dawned – she didn't know how to do this. She didn't know how to kiss for real, pouring all of herself into it. But his lips seemed to be teaching her now, erasing the shame of her inexperience. With each second, her own movements became bolder and more confident.       When he pulled back – just a little, leaving a few centimeters of air between them – Ai couldn't open her eyes. Afraid that if she looked, it would all disappear, as her dreams did in the morning. "Ai," he whispered, his breath touching her lips. "Are you okay?" "Breathe…" she exhaled, barely audible, pressing her forehead to his. "I can't breathe…"       Yuuki chuckled softly and kissed her again, weightlessly, unlacing their intertwined fingers. Gently pulling her by the shoulders, he hugged her. A contented smile lingered on his lips.       The cat above the door looked down at them, blinked slowly, and buried its nose in its paws again. And the two sat on the roof, embracing, until morning, until they were so cold their teeth began chattering in a strange rhythm. The cat watched them with its gaze as they, fingers intertwined, disappeared into the dimness of the hallway. Then it yawned, stretched lazily, and rolled over onto its other side.       It had seen everything. Had seen two destinies intertwine once more, embarking on a new loop. Had seen the last wall crumble between those who were afraid to admit their feelings even to themselves.       And maybe it wanted to tell the world how much people lose because of their fears.

      Only… it couldn't speak… nor tell what it had seen.