Whispering Suits

I open my eyes, and find myself in a field unlike anything I have ever seen before. Tall golden grass sways in the breeze, and there are bright purple and pink flowers dotted about that glisten in the light almost as though they are made of glass. The air smells sweet, like cotton candy, and the breeze is gentle but warm. I run my hand through the grass at my waist, and am surprised to find it feels soft, like velvet. I look around me, and it's then that I notice it. A wall of glass, no, not glass, something else. Something that ripples and moves and flows. I gently place a hand against it, but find it resists and bounces back against my touch. It isn't quite clear, instead as the wall flows and undulates, I catch glimpses of the other side. I can make out two figures. The shorter one seems to be kneeling on the ground, crying. The taller one is resting their hand against the wall, and I can tell they are speaking but I can't make out what they are saying. I hear something come up behind me, and turn to face it only to be dazzled by a brilliant light made up of so many colours, more colours than I have ever seen before. I wake up sweating, and don't know whether to be glad to have had a new dream, or concerned about what this new dream might mean. I sit in bed for a while thinking about it. I don't want to ask Nat, I feel like after last night we need a break from each other. Plus, I know she wasn't telling me everything yesterday. I can't trust that she'll tell me the truth about this either. Annoyingly, I have made it a habit to not make friends with Faeries, which doesn't leave me a lot of options. I need someone who has no reason to not tell me the truth. Nat cares about me, and that means she wants to protect me, even if it means shielding me from things I really should know about. I get out of bed and go over to my dresser to retrieve the Tarot deck, and then sit back down on my bed. I place the deck in front of me, and try to not feel foolish as I begin to talk out loud. “Right” I say, addressing the cards. “I know you want me to use you, and you know I want answers. So, tell me the truth. What will happen if I do this? If I use you, if we make a deal, what will the future hold?” I take a deep breath as I finish, I'm not sure how I expect cards to respond to me, but I feel better having said my piece. As if on cue, the lid of the box creaks open, and three cards file out onto the bed face down. From my brief research on how Tarot spreads work, the card on the far left is meant to represent the past. I flip the card over, the Page of Daggers. My breath catches in my throat. I had known that the Faeries who attacked us that night was from the Winter court, but for some reason seeing the cards confirm this makes me feel sick to my stomach. I try to understand if the Page card has any more specific meaning, but the cards aren't being any more forthcoming and so I move onto the centre card, which represents the present. I reveal the card as The Enchanter, number 1 in the Major Arcana. The Enchanter is the representation of pure willpower, and somehow I know the cards are showing me this as a challenge. Will I commit myself to unleashing the raw magic locked within these cards, locked within myself, or will I listen to Nat's advice and reject the power offered to me. I don't yet know the answer, but I tentatively reach out to the final card on the right, the future card. I turn it over slowly, and my fingertips buzz with electricity from the magic coming off the card. The White Hart, number 0, the first card in the deck and in the Major Arcana. I think back on the story my mum read to me as a child, how The Mother first created all the Major Arcana. The book had said that the first creature that The Mother created was The White Hart. Though it looked like a beautiful white deer, The White Hart was made with a large portion for The Mother's own magic and a piece of the first star. This made it the most powerful card in the Major Arcana. The White Hart represents new beginnings, and the start of a journey. It's a leap of faith. I sigh, realising I had been holding my breath since I turned over the last card. The deck has made its stance clear, if I don't stop now, this will be the end of the life I once knew. It will show me the answers I seek, but the price is to leave everything I once believed in behind. I must commit myself to the task, and take the leap of faith, or else abandon all hope of answers now before I'm too far gone. I get up and walk around my room. I can hear Gran cooking breakfast downstairs, and I know Dan will be getting up soon. Dan, what will happen to Dan if I do this. The path ahead of me feels clear, but I can't leave Dan behind. I return to the deck. “Can you tell me, if I do this, if I start down this path you see for me. Will Dan be okay? I need the truth”. The box stays still for sometime, and for a moment I wonder if it isn't going to answer me. But then, a single card slips out from underneath the lid. It's not face down like the other cards, this time the deck isn't being subtle. I pick the card up and observe it. The Wheel of The Year, number 10 in the Major Arcana. Better known as The Wheel of Fate, or chance depending on what interpretation you prefer. It seems whichever path I take, whether that be delving further into the cards or putting them away to never be touched again, Dan's safety isn't guaranteed. The cards all shuffle themselves back into the box, and the lid clicks shut. The deck has said all it has to say for now. It knows that the decision is mine alone to make. The deck can't force me to use it, anymore than I can force it to my will. The more I interact with these cards, the clearer it all seems to be. Both the tarot and I are independent, we have our own will, our own wants, our own desires. The deck isn't a trickster. It is painfully honest. What the deck is proposing is an exchange, it can grant me answers, maybe even power, and the price is that I am bound to it. And something tells me that once that bind is made, it cannot be undone.