Whispering Suits

I leave the deck on my bed and focus on getting dressed, it's not like I have to make my mind up today. I get the distinct feeling that the deck will be patient, it isn't going to bind to anyone else. It will wait as long as it has to for me to be the one who wields it. For now, I need a break and to feel like something is normal. I shove on some PJ's for now, proper clothes will need to wait till after breakfast. I head straight to Dan's room, he's sat on the edge of his bed and it looks like he's been waiting for me. He reaches out his arms and I am all too happy to oblige him with a hug. His curly hair tickles my chin slightly, but it's strangely comforting feeling him nuzzle into my shoulder. “Mornin’ bud, how you doing today?” I ask. He seems more like his old self, at least he doesn't seem to be clinging onto me as much as he has been recently. Dan pulls back, a broad smile on his face as he gleams up at me. “I slept all night Indy, I didn't wake up once. Are you proud of me?” He replies, clearly giddy with excitement. “I sure am” I say, ruffling his hair slightly and giving him a kiss on the forehead. “You're the bravest person I know, Dan. Never lose that.” Dan shuffles giddily. “Now, are you ready for breakfast? You know you don't have to wait for me every morning. You can go down on your own”. Dan shakes his head rather violently at that. “But, I like waiting for you. That way we always get to eat together”. My heart could melt. Sitting here with Dan, I can begin to understand the choice mum made. I would do anything to keep this kid safe. “Alright, let's not keep Gran waiting. Come on”. Gran is wearing mum's old apron. It looks strange on her with all its paint splotches and frayed edges standing out against her neat designer jumper. Even when it's just us at home, Gran insists on always wearing her best clothes. She says you never know who might stop by, as though the King or Queen of England might just pop in for a cup of tea on a random Tuesday. She's made far too much food, again. I have tried explaining that neither Dan or I are morning people and that some toast, or maybe a bowl of cereal, is more than enough. But, Gran insists on cooking hot breakfasts. Full English, pancakes, you name it she's made it. Though today, perhaps a hot breakfast might be what I need. I have a lot on my to-do list, after all. I fix myself a plate of bacon, scrambled eggs and sausage. Then, I get Dan his usual bowl of cereal. He likes what he likes, and no amount of effort on Gran’s part is going to change that. Gran has gotten herself a plate of toast with scrambled eggs on the side. She is fiddling with her rings, which over the last few weeks I've learnt means she is anxious about something. She eventually looks up from her plate and settles her gaze on me. “So, Indigo. How did the fireworks go last night? Did you and your friends have fun?” she asks, her voice is steady but cold. I wonder for a moment if it's worth keeping up the lie, after all I don't think she would be asking if she didn't suspect something. Plus, I've always been a terrible liar. But, I can take a leaf out of the Faerie handbook. Don't lie, but don't tell the whole truth either. “It was ok. I went to the bridge, saw some fireworks. Then, I ran into mum's friend Nat, you know the one who runs The Pearl Cafe. Well, she suggested we go get coffee so we went and grabbed a drink. We talked, you know, about mum and stuff. How was your night?” I say, running through the last section a little too quickly. I keep picking at my food, not quite able to meet her gaze. She lets out a sigh, but I can see her shoulders relax a little. “You could have just said you wanted to see your mum's friend, you know. I might be old but I'm not stupid. I know…I understand that things are difficult for you right now. It's natural you should miss your mother. I just wish you had been honest with me”. I nod, surprised by her reaction. “I.. I'm sorry Gran. I guess I'm still adjusted to all this. But, I am glad you're here”. I pause. “I suppose, I should confess that I kind of have plans again today. Would it be alright if I head out for a bit? I promise to be home before dinner. I know it means leaving you home alone to manage everything again”. Gran nibbles at her toast thoughtfully. “Are you going to tell me where you are going? Or who it is you're going to see?” She asks, her voice softer than before but she is clearly still on-guard. I shake my head. “No, I don't want to lie to you. But, I also can't tell you where I'm going…I want us to get along, Gran. These last few weeks…it's been really nice having you around. I want to make this work. But, you're going to have to trust me. There are some things I need to do, and I won't always be able to tell you what they are or why. I promise to be safe. But, for now, can you just trust that I'll tell you everything you need to know?” Dan wiggles in his seat, and I can tell he isn't happy. I wish I could just be good, and stay home with them. But even sitting here in the kitchen I can hear the cards calling to me from upstairs. As much as it frightens me, it's the only thing I feel sure of right now. I'd decided when I was up in Dan's bedroom that today I was going to begin my journey to find out more about those cards. Gran eventually sets her fork down. “Ok. I suppose I don't have much choice. You are an adult. I only ask that you make sure to let me know when you'll be out of the home. And, I still expect you to do your fair share of the chores. I'm too old to look after this house, or Dan, on my own”. I nod encouragingly. “Definitely, thanks Gran!” I quickly finish off my breakfast and run upstairs. As soon as I enter my room, my eyes are drawn to the tarot deck. It's still closed, but I get the feeling it knows that I have decided to at least investigate it. I make my way to the wardrobe and try to pick out my nicer clothes, though why I'm dressing up I don't know. I suppose this time I just want to blend in. I can't find anything that looks right. Then, I find the navy blue dress mum bought me for my last piano recital. It has these beautiful silver embellishments along the hem that make it look like it's been dipped in stardust. For anywhere else, it might be too much, but it seems perfect for where I have to go. I pull on my leather jacket over the top, needing its familiar comfort. Finally, I brush through my mess of curls, pausing to make a mental note that my roots are coming in. Not that I hate my natural hair colour, I just prefer it purple. I end up tying my hair back into my usual bun, it makes me look more masculine and gender-fuck is definitely my vibe. I slip the deck into my pocket, and bring up Google maps on my phone. I type in the address for The Sun bar, and set off