Boulevard of Broken Dreams

Edelgard's eyes fluttered open as she looked around. It was still dark in the room due to the curtains being closed, though she couldn't see daylight peeking around the corners. Was she back on her normal sleep schedule? She wasn't entirely sure. It might be a few days before she fully was. Still, she could feel Hubert was still asleep which was a bit surprising to her. Still, she closed her eyes and rested against him, keeping still until she felt him start to stir a little while later.   He leaned over and kissed her forehead and she smiled at him, though he couldn't see it in the dark. "Morning," she murmured, not wanting to break the comfortable silence too much. Honestly, she was already getting used to waking up next to him. She would always miss waking up next to Juliane but this wasn't as bad as she'd thought it'd be. She trusted him and was comfortable with him. She knew he would never hurt her so long as he could avoid it.   She felt his hand lightly card through her hair. "Good morning." His voice was equally soft. She wasn't exactly sure what he was feeling right now, but he at least seemed to pick up on the mood. She really was glad that he wasn't someone to just push through her anxieties in a way that would further traumatise her. She wouldn't have had any idea what would happen if she'd been forced to marry somebody else. In a worst-case scenario, she would've end up raped and just left to pick up the pieces of her broken psyche... She was glad that wasn't the case here.   He tucked her against him by wrapping his arms around her and resting his hands in the small of her back. Honestly, they were on a honeymoon... There was no real need to rush into waking up and starting their schedule immediately. So she nuzzled into his chest and closed her eyes again, feeling comfortable in his arms. She was so glad he was the one she'd married even if it'd been coerced. He was still so sweet and gentle with her. Honestly, it seemed like she might be seeing him even softer than she had been before. There hadn't been much talk at Garreg Mach at night, so she hadn't gotten his full attention like she was now... She knew he could be soft, but she hadn't realised just how sweet he could be. She was still afraid of what was to come, but she had somebody by her side that wouldn't push or force her into anything.   After a bit, though, she did look up at him and touched their noses together. "Hey, Hubert... I know this is just for politics, but I was wondering... Would you be okay with us trying to do actual couple things...? I'm not trying to force romance or anything but... I don't know; it might deepen our relationship a bit." She felt a little sheepish asking. She wasn't trying to make him fall in love with her or anything, nor was she trying to force herself to fall in love with him. If it happened, it happened. If it didn't, it didn't. It just...sounded kind of nice to try to move their bond to be more than just vassal and lady and to try to help even out their relationship to be more about treating each other on equal grounding.   "That... I hadn't considered it at all, if I'm perfectly honest. If you'd like to try, though, I see no reason not to. This entire thing is tumultuous and confusing." He shook his head. "I never expected to marry you, but I can see why you chose me. It's just...hard getting past what I was taught all my life. I still can't help but see you as my lady. Perhaps doing more things like that would help me move past it. I don't want to disappoint you." His voice was quiet the entire time but the last statement was incredibly fragile. It was still so strange to see and hear him behaving outside of what she was used to, but it was what she had asked of him. She really just wanted this to be the best relationship possible. If it stayed strictly lady/vassal, then she could accept it, but she wanted to at least try first.   She touched their noses together then, after hesitating for a moment, she lightly brushed her lips over his. "If it never moves beyond what we're used to, then it is what it is. But I would like to at least try before discounting it entirely... If it's too pushy or uncomfortable, though, feel free to let me know." Relationships went two ways. If he was uncomfortable with something, she wouldn't want to force him into it. But he seemed willing to try most things at least a little bit.  "And Hubert... I mean this when I say it. I know you're used to bending over backwards for me, but...I do want this to be a real relationship if possible. I want you to feel like you can speak up to me if something makes you uncomfortable." If anything would be nigh impossible for him, it would be that. He was so used to always doing literally everything for her.   He was actually silent for several minutes before speaking. "I'll...try. I can't make any promises though. You know my entire being is devoted to making sure you're cared for and happy. My own personal feelings have never mattered in whatever affair you request of me. So this will be a ...very difficult adjustment." His tone was almost a bit...defeated which, again, was strange coming from him. She did understand, though... He'd always done literally everything he could for her regardless of his own feelings. It was just the way he was supposed to operate. He was a servant, a vassal, a retainer. His duties came before his own feelings. But now all of that had changed... She was asking him to do the exact opposite of everything he'd been conditioned to think, feel, and act for his entire life. "Thank you... I want this to be as reciprocal as possible." Relationships like this couldn't be one party giving all and the other taking all. It needed to be balanced. Though she knew that her relationship with Juliane wasn't very reciprocal... The woman gave and gave and gave. She barely had any time to herself since Edelgard was always up against her physically even in court. But what could she do about that? Not much... At least she would get some space now that they were gone for...only knew how long. "I'll do my best for whatever you want, my-- Edelgard." She sensed some frustration in his voice. This entire transition was probably hard on his psyche... She felt bad, but having boundaries wasn't a bad thing. She just wanted there to be some sort of boundaries both of them could agree on. That was what she was trying to do. She was trying to make sure they could both get what they needed out of this. Though that wouldn't be easy... She backed off too much and he gave too much. Trying to find a healthy balance to that would be...difficult. "Anyway, do you think we should get ready for the day?" THe air had turned from soft and comfortable to heavy and tense. She felt him nod and they both got up. After changing, she opened the curtains and saw the sun starting to rise over the horizon. It was still early in the day. She could figure out what to do with her afternoons but evenings and mornings were still pretty open. "What do you think we should do with our morning?" She wasn't sure if he'd want to do something couple-y or just study or what. She would give him the choice. "Honestly, the travel has been long and tiring. I know you rode for most of it and I just sat in a carriage, but it was still kind of tiring. Do you think we could maybe spend the day in somehow?" She was a little surprised by his request but she nodded. She was just the type to go without thinking too much some of the time. She preferred to be engaged and doing things rather than sitting around doing nothing. She knew Hubert didn't like to be idle either, but he was just asking for the day in and being lowkey, not necessarily needing to be lazing around. "Would you mind helping me with magic theory after lunch still be okay?" "Of course. I think I just need a couple of days to recover from the travel is all. I'm not against helping you with magic theory or anything like that. I simply want to have things be a little more lowkey. Have you played any board games by chance?" Again, the request surprised her, but she dug into her memories as much as she could. It was hard with how fuzzy and inconsistent her memories were. "Probably not since I was a child..." She felt like she hadn't at Garreg Mach nor could she remember anything like that in the years following the Crest experiments. Maybe she had as a child, but those memories were starting to unravel bit by bit as she got older. Soon, those memories would be completely gone. She wouldn't even be able to remember her mother... It was sad she couldn't remember the people she loved most. "There should be some games in one of the rooms here. They're mostly strategy games to help keep an Emperor or Empress sharp. I think it might be a good way for us to spend our time at least today, maybe the next few days. It's physically not too taxing, but it can help keep your mind active which seems like a good compromise. I know you don't like being idle. You won't be physically active, but you'll at least be mentally active. Does that seem like an okay compromise to resting physically but still being mentally stimulating?" He was way too good at seeing through her. After all of the riding, she was honestly raring to go with the mountain trails and surrounding area. But if he needed rest and she denied it...that wouldn't be listening to him, now would it? "I think that sounds fine. Just go easy on me, okay?" She smiled at him, teasing a little, but still mostly serious. She wouldn't have any idea of what these games would be or entail. She hadn't played games since she'd been a child from what she could remember, though it was mostly fuzzy. She hoped that he would be easy with her and ease her in. It was one thing when they were sparring to punish her openings, but when they were just trying to relax and have fun... Well. That wouldn't go too well. She might feel discouraged and not want to play again. "Of course. 'll adjust to your skill level. I won't be an easy opponent but I'll let you win sometimes." Meaning he would throw the match. Then again, strategy games had probably long been a part of his training. Being able to see things from every possible perspective was important to House Vestra. She really didn't stand a chance against Hubert. He would definitely be throwing the matches for her sometimes just to make her happy. It wouldn't make the victories satisfying but he wouldn't want her to get discouraged. "Let's get some breakfast first. And drop these off." She went over to the desk and grabbed the two letters. They left the room and dropped the letters off to their respective places. She was looking forward to Dimitri's replies. She hadn't heard from him in so very long. She missed him so much. He'd been so sweet and gentle with her, but things hadn't panned out between them. Even so, they were still siblings and being away from family was hard for her. She put the thoughts to the side and followed Hubert down to the kitchens where he requested their meal. "Maybe we should just sit in here for today?" She motioned to a small table in the dining area that was set aside for smaller gatherings rather than just the massive dining table which was meant to hold the Imperial family. Her take on the Imperial family would be...small. She wasn't sure how many children she'd have, but she wasn't fond of the idea of being pregnant for, like, an entire decade. If she'd had other female partners, maybe she could've justified having six, eight, ten, or even more children, but with it only being her and Hubert, their family would be small. She was at least mostly healed from the Crest of Flames having been implanted… Hubert nodded and pulled her chair out for her and she sat down while he sat next to her. Something must've been off because his comment caught her attention. "Is something the matter?" His tone was quiet and he offered his hand to her. She placed her hand in his and sighed. "I'm just...not sure about how many children I want to have. I know I'm probably thinking too far ahead right now but...it just popped into my mind." They were taking things day by day at the moment. THere was no rush for her to get pregnant. Well. The advisers would've been breathing down her neck, but she wasn't in Enbarr anymore to overhear them talking or for them to have them say it to her face. Hubert had shut them up and she was pretty sure Juilane would have a few choice words for them if they brought it up at any point while she was in charge. "You probably are, but it's a fair thing to worry about. You have an entire line to keep afloat. It makes sense you're worried about it. If you want to talk about it, we can. If not, let's find a more pleasant topic for this early in the morning." She nodded a bit, dithering on what she wanted to do. Keeping things bottled up definitely didn't help her. She knew that much even though she usually did it. She only discussed things when they got too overwhelming for her to handle. But keeping this bottled up probably wouldn't do her any good. She sighed and rested her head against Hubert's shoulder. "In some regards, I wouldn't mind having a large family... I loved most of my siblings." Helga's daughters notwithstanding. "I don't want any children I have to be alone in the world... Not having siblings has been one of the worst things in the world for me. But I don't fancy the thought of being pregnant for a cumulative decade or so of my life. Plus, childbirth is incredibly dangerous even with the best healers in the land at my disposal." She still wondered about having Flayn as her midwife due to her extensive knowledge due to being a Child of the Goddess. She'd learned that the girl had been asleep for a long time, but she still had a lot of experience over her life that other healers didn't. "Nobody said you had to have eight or ten children. It is typical for the Imperial family to be large, but that's due to having many consorts. Obviously, there's still that possibility for you to end up with consorts. You're still young yet. But for children you birth...again, nobody said you had to have as many siblings as you once had. Just because something's a norm for the family doesn't mean it has to be replicated by every Emperor or Empress. If you want to have a small family, nobody's saying you can't. Obviously, though, you probably want to have at least two from your own words. I won't tell you how many to have; that's ultimately up to you. But I'm here to talk to whenever you want to talk about it." He squeezed her hand and she nodded a bit. That was true. It was incredibly uncommon for Emperors and Empresses to not have consorts. The system was used by the vast majority of them. But with as pulled back as she was from others, she didn't see herself having any. Especially after the coerced marriage to Hubert. "You are right, I suppose... I'm just so used to the thought of having many siblings I forgot I can set the amount of children I have. With it being just me, I probably wouldn't want to have more than three or four. I just don't want any children I have to be alone. It's...lonely without siblings." She would definitely open up the Imperial children to have friends outside of their siblings, though. With most families being so large, the typical Imperial thinking was that children didn't need friends outside of their siblings. That had been incredibly shortsighted and left her crippled socially. Garreg Mach had been very awkward for her due to having such limited experience socially. Somehow, she'd still managed to end up with friends despite it. "Well, there's your answer then. If that's what you feel comfortable with, it's what you feel comfortable with. I know the advisers will push, but as long as you have children, it should hopefully shut them up. If worse comes to worst, I can always silence them. Or, well, I suppose my mother will have to." He sighed, obviously not entirely out of the mindset of being the Minister of the Imperial Household and simply being a member of House Vestra. "I won't let them do something that could cause you irreparable harm such as having too many children." She was pretty sure she was fairly much recovered from the side effects of having the Crest of Flames removed, but she couldn't entirely be sure. She'd actually grown a fair bit since leaving Garreg Mach, so it obviously meant that her body was recovering a fair bit. She would never be super tall, but she was still comfortable with this height. Though figuring out her distancing in the sparring matches had been fun... She hadn't really been in combat of any sort since leaving Garreg Mach. "I still wouldn't mind having a large family though..." She rested against him, tucking her head under his chin. He went and pulled her into his lap. "Well, after we're more comfortable with each other as a couple, maybe my mother could check into some of the more minor noble houses to see if there's anybody that you could get to know. I know you don't want an arranged marriage; this wouldn't be that. We can just invite them to the palace and they stay for a while and, during, you can get to know them. Does that sound reasonable?" "Hm. I don't want to collect people like some other Imperials have. But if I were to get to know somebody and legitimately fall in love with them, that'd be another thing entirely. But yeah, I'd rather not think about it right now. I'd rather just focus on us right now." She squeezed his hand then slipped her fingers in between his so that their fingers were interlaced. She was entirely averse to an arranged marriage which was why she'd turned to Hubert in the first place. But if she could just get to know someone and if she legitimately shared her heart with them... Well. That was fine by hard. From what she'd gathered, that had been her father's approach to consorts. There had been legitimate love there. "We'll talk about it in the future then. For now, let's focus on us." He kissed her head and she rested against him. His free arm went to sit around her waist, resting in her lap. She really wasn't sure if she'd ever fully take advantage of the consort system or not. She would probably be best finding other nobles to get to know. Ones that hadn't been in the Black Eagles house. There were dozens and dozens of minor noble houses so she definitely had a lot to choose from... But, for now, it wasn't a concern. Breakfast came out a bit later and she slipped off of Hubert's lap, eating with him. "So do you have any games you enjoy especially?" She was letting him choose what they did for the next few days. She'd chosen yesterday, so it was only fair to meet him halfway. After so many years sedentary, neither of them were really used to traveling like that anymore. "There is a game from Brigid I'm fond of. It's a bit more relaxed than something like chess or checkers, but it still requires some level of strategy. It's called mancala. It's played with a wooden board with divots in it and beads or something else similar in the holes. You move the pieces around to gather as many as possible in your corner. The player with the most pieces in their side wins. Simple in concept, but it still requires some layers of strategy. Does that at all sound interesting to you?" She couldn't really say if it did or not. She really didn't remember playing games aside from with her siblings around her age, and they were all games meant for children. Hubert had been trained in strategy games from a young age, no doubt, so he'd be far above her in skill level. "I'll try it out. I can't say if I'd be good at chess or checkers though..." She knew chess was a very complex strategy game. Incredibly complex. People could spend their entire lives studying strategies and figuring out how best to counter common strategies. She had zero experience with it. She had no doubt Hubert had been trained meticulously on that game for more or less his whole life with how complex it was. Being able to see attack no matter what and where somebody was simply was too important to House Vestra keeping the Imperial family safe. "Honestly, with as much as you enjoy a challenge, you might enjoy chess once you get a taste for the strategy involved with it. You're not one to be idle. There are books on books on books written on chess and its various strategies. You would probably get a lot out of it if you took it up." He knew her too well. She relished a mental challenge and strategy games would definitely offer that. Dorothea had taught her how to read music and learn the theory behind it at Garreg Mach and she'd picked up both harp and violin. Harp was a lot simpler while violin really required a lot of musical knowledge due to lacking any sort of frets. One simply had to learn how to identify notes by ear in order to play correctly. She had at least kept up on her violin practice to some degree… "You know me too well, Hubert. I know you'll beat me into the ground, but I'll do my best to keep up." "You'll do fine, my-- Edelgard. You're intelligent and you learn things quickly. You'll learn strategies at a quick pace. I don't know if you'll ever be as good as I am, but I have no doubt that you'll be an adequate player if we do it enough." That was true. She simply relished a challenge. Going over the magic theory had helped stimulate her mind yesterday and she wasn't upset about it in the slightest. It sounded like these games would do the same. She knew she would be awful, but she would do her best in these initial plays. Granted, Hubert probably wouldn't have too much fun with such a meager opponent, but she'd do her best. "I'll do my best, though I know I won't be up to the sort of par you probably want in a partner. But it's just to have fun and relax for the next few days, right?" He wasn't going to be looking for any serious challenge, or at least she hoped he wouldn't be. She had no idea about any of these games in the slightest. She would do her best and that was really all she could do. He'd be using common strategies for the games against her childlike naivety for them. "Of course. If you do want to learn at all, though, feel free to let me know. Or maybe we could play a few rounds so you can get a feel for things, then I can begin to teach you some basic strategies? How does that sound?" "Honestly, that wouldn't be horrible. You'll kick me into the ground, but I feel like losing horribly might help me learn better." She often wouldn't make the same mistake more than two or three times while sparring against Hubert. He always punished openings she left and he had proven he would still do that. She wasn't upset since she had asked for it. He rarely got one over on her while they'd been at Garreg Mach, but since she hadn't practiced her combat in so long, she had fallen quite a bit. Her body had grown soft and she didn't have the same stamina she once had had. She would spend three or four hours in combat classes prior to Garreg Mach, but just a few sparring matches had left her breathless. She needed to get back up to par. She didn't fear a war with the Kingdom or Alliance, but still... If she got ambushed by bandits or assassins, she'd be completely defenseless.   "Well, however you want to look at it. I'll be happy to oblige you." He squeezed her shoulder and she smiled at him. She had learned a long time the best learning often came from failure. She was used to harsh teachers, though while Annika had trained in combat with her, she had had to switch to much softer teachers. She'd still learned but not as well as under the more direct and harsher teachers. Hubert was a pretty good mix of both. He didn't coddle her, but he wasn't unnecessarily harsh either. He would punish mistakes but in a way that made her learn. He was swift and direct, but he didn't overdo it either.     "Go a bit easier on me than when we're in sparring sessions. I'm starting from complete scratch here. It isn't like sparring where I have a solid background and just need to get my skills back up to par." She was willing to work with him. If she enjoyed the challenge the games offered, it might be a good way to spend their mornings and evenings before bed in the gap after sparring and before they focused on their intimate life.   "All right then. For chess, at least, I'll go fairly easy on you. Learning all of the pieces won't come immediately." She nodded. She didn't want him to go easy on her ever, but she had to admit that chess would be fairly difficult. She heard how complex it could be from other nobles and students at Garreg Mach. She had never participated herself, but that was about to change.   They finished up eating and he offered his arm to her. She wrapped her arms around it and they asked where the games were kept. The servant showed them a room stacked with all sorts of different board games from around Fódlan and even Brigid, Dagda, and Almyra. It was quite the impressive collection and would keep them busy for a very long time to come. However, he found the mancala board and sat at the table in the room. She sat opposite him. "I figure this will be easier to start off with than chess. There's still strategy to it, but it'll be more relaxed and simpler to learn than something like chess."   "All right. Teach me to play then." He set glass beads in the divots and explained the rules to her. He was right; the instructions were simple, but she could see how there was an element of strategy. The point was to gather as many glass beads in the divot at her end of the board as possible. The way to win was to string as many moves together as possible. Simple in concept, but definitely difficult in execution.   From the first several moves, she could tell Hubert was going incredibly easy on her. She saw moves he could've made to his benefit, but he left them wide open for her to take advantage of if she saw them. But considering she had never played anything like this before, she was glad he was letting her learn the ropes. She did learn from failure pretty well, but there was a difference between learning from failure and being punished for not knowing a thing about what she was doing. She was in the former camp right now and too many failures would lead her to get discouraged and possibly not want to try again. There was a fine line she rode between learning from failure and getting discouraged from being beaten down too much.   As the matches progressed, she could feel Hubert putting more heat on her to improve. She was still winning, but the victories kept getting narrower and narrower. Until she didn't win. She could see a few fatal flaws she'd made that had cost her the match. "You're doing well, my-- Edelgard. As usual, you're a very quick study. I knew you would learn quickly, but you're surpassing even my expectations."   She blinked and looked up at him, flushing a little bit. "Really?" She was being intent and trying to study each and every move she made. She knew he was taking it easy on her even now. He was clearly experienced in the game and knew what he was doing, but he was giving her room to grow and learn the best strategies. Still, he wasn't one to give out praise very easily or readily. So the fact he was praising her meant she had definitely gotten things down pretty well.   He nodded. "You've always been a quick study, but this is a surprise even for me. You'll be a worthy opponent if you play on a regular basis. Honestly, even given a few weeks and you'll be a force to be reckoned with at least for this game. Chess, though... That will be another matter entirely. Still, I'm not disappointed." He smiled at her and she could tell it was genuine again. A lot of his smiles were just to make her feel better and were not actually felt. But she could see the warmth in his eyes on this one. Which only made her flush grow a bit deeper. She looked down shyly, squeezing her hands together. "No need to be so bashful, my-- Edelgard. I'm only telling the truth."   "Would you like to make this a semi-regular part of our routine? Obviously, I'll probably want to go outside sometimes, but maybe we could alternate between this and doing things outside, weather permitting. Maybe two days of being mostly inside, then two days of exploring the mountain trails or whatever else and switch back and forth?" She did enjoy a routine so having the days be predictable would be good for her. But it was a vacation, so if they decided to do something off schedule, it wasn't like there would be any penalties for it. Still... Having a general outline of the days would be nice. She was trying to meet him halfway.   "I think that sounds fine. Though once we're done with this little stretch of days, we'll be going back to sparring for a few hours in the afternoon, right?"   She nodded. "I want to get back up to par with my combat skills and you're the best person for me to spar with. You know my fighting style pretty well but you're willing to punish deficits. I won't make the same mistake more than a couple times. But we'll take the next...three? days to relax and just be inside." She wasn't sure how long he wanted to do this. She was more than willing to follow his lead on this.   "Three days should do me pretty well. I'll still probably be a bit tired, but I'll be more recovered. Travel is hard." Even though they had been on roads, the carriage had been bumpy and jostled all over the place. Plus, riding those long hours from sunup to sundown had been pretty hard on her too. But she still preferred to be active. This was at least a decent compromise. It wasn't just lazing around in bed. It kept her mind and hands occupied even if she would've rather been physically active.   "Yeah, it is." But she still preferred to be active when she was exhausted. She was just the type that preferred to be physically active. Court was so hard on her because she couldn't be as active as she wanted to. She barely got any breaks to stretch or anything like that. She really, really hated court, but she had no other choice. She couldn't allow civil war to potentially break out. Rhea might get involved, but she wasn't sure if the archbishop would be able to prevent an all-out war. Plus, she had been there to oversee Edelgard's coronation. It gave her all the legitimacy she needed.   "Would you like to move onto chess now? That could be months, if not years worth of lessons in and of itself." She was honestly having fun with mancala, but she nodded. He was the one that had suggested this, so she would go with it. Give and take. She wanted him to feel comfortable asking her as well, not just doing for her.   He swapped out the game boards and sat them up. He told her to pull out her pocketbook and write down all of the way the pieces moved. She did so, having him repeat as necessary. After that, they went into the matches. Even with him going extremely easy on her, she struggled. She only saw the individual pieces whereas he clearly saw complex strategies and how the pieces moved together. After two matches, he rose and went to her side of the table. She had lost both times and was clearly frustrated. "Be gentle on yourself. Chess is a very high-level strategy game. Crom from Mancala to this is a big leap. How about I play a match against myself and explain to you each move I'm making and why it works?" She looked up at him and nodded.   "Okay." She was so frustrated. Mancala had clicked so easily for her, but nothing about this was making any sense. He had her sit off to the side to observe. Over the next few hours, he explained how the pieces moved in tandem and, eventually, something clicked in her head. "It's like a battle!" She had grown used to commanding her fellow students at Garreg Mach. Each person had their own strengths and weaknesses to account for and making each person cover for others was the way to keep everyone alive. However, the most important in any real battle was her. So everyone worked to protect her like they worked to protect the king piece.   "Now you're getting it." He smiled at her, genuinely, and his tone was warm. "Would you like to try again with that in mind?"   "Please." They replaced the pieces in the proper order. She lost again, but she felt like she had actually learned something this time. He was still going beyond easy on her too. She rubbed the back of her neck. "Sorry I'm still so behind..."   "My-- Edelgard, it's only your third match. You don't expect somebody to fully comprehend every bit of a new weapon the first day out on the practice field, do you?" She shook her head. "Think of this like learning a new weapon. You understand the core philosophy, but you still need to practice basic movements before you can begin to have any sort of flow with drills. Think of it like that. Be gentler on yourself. I'm playing on the lowest level I can. I won't move up at all until you have a steady win streak."   She sighed and nodded. This was hell. She hadn't expected to struggle so badly. This was a major blow to the confidence that playing mancala had built. But still... She did relish a challenge. This might be one of the biggest challenges of the time they spent out here aside from the intimate aspects of their relationship.   "How about we switch our focus for a bit? There's no point in beating a dead horse. We can circle back to this as we please. Though we might want to get some lunch..." He looked out the window and obviously studied the position of the sun. Yeah, it was about lunch time, so it was a good chance for a break. They left the game room and headed down to the kitchen again. Honestly, she was glad for the little bit of physical distance now. She would sometimes keep going at a problem so bull headedly that she wore herself out mentally and emotionally.   "I will learn it." She was determined to. She liked a challenge though she hadn't expected it to be quite this much of one. She would definitely overcome it. She wasn't one to give up on learning something after a little bit of discouragement.   Hubert chuckled and offered his hand to her. "You'll make a fierce opponent in due time. You never have been one to give up lightly when it comes to things like this." She could sense something was going unspoken there, but she didn't ask what it was. She simply placed her hand in his, then sat in his lap again. She wasn't really enjoying learning chess, but she would rise to a challenge like this simply to better herself. And if it could help her do things like analyse situations better, she would definitely do it. "But, for now, why don't we keep it to maybe two consecutive matches so you don't get overly frustrated?"   "That's...probably for the best. I'd keep going if you let me though..." She absolutely would've. Though she would've probably become enraged by going all day. She wasn't one to be driven to anger easily, but when it came to stuff like this, she could easily become very frustrated and possibly lash out at others. She didn't want to lash out at Hubert or anything of the like. He was trying to help her learn, so it would be unfair to him to be mean to him... She really didn't like it when she did lash out like that... It was so unfair to the people on the receiving end of her anger. "Do you have any other games that might be easier?" She had enjoyed mancala since, while there was an element of strategy to it, it was simple enough to wrap her mind around in just one session.   "There's one from Almyra called senet. It still has elements of strategy but it's a lot simpler. You have thirty tokens and you use up to seven of them on the board at any time. The point is just to get them to the other side of the board. You might prefer something like that since it's not as complex as chess but still a bit more complex than mancala." She nodded. She was willing to try it out. Really, she was open to trying almost anything in the end even if she didn't like it. She'd see what all she could come up with. She hoped she would enjoy more of these games. She didn't want Hubert to get bored by switching between only mancala and chess...   "I'll try it out. And...thanks for being so patient with me in regards to chess... I'm not one to get frustrated so easily, so I really am struggling with it." She was glad he was always so patient with her. He was so good to her at almost all times... She knew he did do things behind her back that she wouldn't like, but she had accepted that a long time ago. He only did what he thought was best for her. He wouldn't be able to do that so much now, given that he was Emperor... All duties of the Imperial household would fall to his mother, she was pretty sure he'd still tell his mother how exactly to handle her.   He kissed her head. "I'll always have your best interests at heart." He wrapped his arms around her middle and rested them in her lap. "Making sure you're happy will always be my prime concern." She didn't doubt that... It was ingrained into him from a young age, but at some point, that duty had become personal loyalty. She wasn't sure how or when that transition had happened and it wasn't exactly like Hubert was forthcoming with his emotions or past. She hoped that would change with the requests she'd made, but it would all ultimately be up to him. She was just glad that he was loyal to her... She didn't know what she'd do without him. She couldn't remember her time in the Kingdom which, in some regards, was a boon since she didn't have to remember life without Hubert. She just wished she had those memories so she could relate back to Dimitri...   She looked out the windows and saw the sun was shining. "I know you said you want days in and I respect that but would it be okay if we played games out in one of the courts for a little while?" After the near week and a half of travel, she was itching to be outside as much as possible. All she was asking for was a change of scenery. She wasn't asking him for sparring or anything else. She hoped that he wouldn't mind too much.   "We can do that." She smiled, glad for that. She just hated being cooped up inside all day. It was still a day in. It was still doing what he wanted. It was just a small change in scenery was all. They could bring out a table and a couple of games with them, then play for a few hours. She knew he wasn't a big fan of the outdoors, but he would usually just swallow it and follow her lead. He was very much someone that preferred to be inside over long hikes and camping like she was.   "Thanks. I hope I'm not pushing you too much..."   He shook his head. "We can sit outside in the shade of a tree and play games like that for a few hours. We're still having a day in; I don't see why sitting outside goes against that philosophy." She nodded, that being her logic. She just really wanted to be outside. She still didn't like the heat and sticky water in the air, but there wasn't much she could do about the weather. She really hated it, but she had to adjust properly. However, she noticed he paused before speaking again. "By the way, do you have any night clothes that aren't nightgowns?"   She tilted her head but nodded. "I do have some pants and longer-sleeved shirts that I can wear at night instead of nightgowns... Why though?" It was kind of out of the blue, so she wasn't exactly thinking about what it could be.   "Well, if we're going to be touching through clothes in a few nights...it's probably best you have something other than your nightgowns." That...was an entirely fair point she hadn't considered. If she needed to leave the room in the middle of the night, she would throw those on instead of a robe. The extra layer made her feel a bit overheated, so she only went to one layer. She just...had not thought about putting those on the night she'd talked to Hubert about getting married.   "I think I did bring them... I only have a few pairs though..." She simply preferred her nightgowns. She wasn't especially feminine, but she preferred dresses and nightgowns to pants and shirts. Though she did change her clothes to what was more appropriate for situations. Horseback riding and sparring were times she wore pants over dresses. She had leggings so she could ride astride, but even so, it was a bit uncomfortable to have all of the extra cloth from a skirt bunched up like that.   "That's perfectly fine. I was just thinking you should wear those whenever we move onto that... You can change back into your nightgown when we're done with that." She nodded in understanding. It wouldn't be for a few more nights at least, so she did have time to adjust to the idea. She still wasn't entirely comfortable with all of this sexual stuff, but she had no choice in the matter. At least they were going slowly and step by step.   "Honestly, I might talk to Mother Augusta after we have dinner..." Her words were quiet.   Hubert squeezed her hand. "Would you rather talk to her after lunch? It'll give me time to get everything situated in the courtyard. I can pick out a few games that aren't as complex as chess."   "I suppose that'll work. I might be a bit distracted after the talk though." She didn't want Hubert to be disappointed in her if she wasn't super receptive to playing games for a bit afterward. She just...had some questions she wanted to run by somebody. She was glad that she'd brought the woman with her. Plus, I did give Augusta a break from court too... She could only imagine how frustrated the woman had to be after dealing with court so much. Juliane was often frustrated and drained afterward but she had to deal with the process all over again day in and day out.   "That's perfectly fine. We can just play mancala until you've recovered." He kissed her head and gave his arms a gentle squeeze in a pseudo hug for her. She rested her head against Hubert's shoulder. All of this was so stressful for her. She hated that she'd been coerced into this... If she'd had a choice in the matter, it probably wouldn't be as bad. She did trust Hubert with everything that she was, but being vulnerable to somebody in this way had always scared her. If she were choosing it, she probably wouldn't have been so afraid. She was so thankful Hubert was willing to work with her step by step. There was no pressure to move on before she was ready.   Lunch was served and they ate quietly, though Edelgard sat next to Hubert. However, she remained close enough to him that she could stay in at least slightly physical contact with her. She still could draw comfort from his presence despite the anxiety coursing through her.   Once they were done eating, they went their separate ways. She went to Augusta's room and knocked on the door, though it was quietly. Still, the purple-haired woman poked her head out of the door and offered a soft smile. "Come on in, El." She entered the room which was a bit barren, but considering it was a vacation home, she wasn't too surprised. "Can I help you with something?" She offered Edelgard the desk chair while she sat on the bed.   Edelgard folded her hands in her lap and squeezed them together. "I...just had some thoughts and I was wondering what your ideas might be." It was probably pretty clear what this was about. There was literally only one reason they'd brought Augusta. So there was no way around what this was about. "What is it, El?" Her tone was soft and nonjudgmental, obviously just trying to support her. She really would rather have had this be Juliane, but she couldn't pull the woman away from court for possibly upwards of a year. She had no idea how long this would take. Weeks, possibly months... She really didn't know. But Augusta was still a kind, gentle woman that would handle things to the best of her ability.   "Well, I know  you're a consort and I was wondering how you and Father connected." It still hurt to think about her father. He had once been such a kind, giving man but after the insurrection and Crest experiments, his health had declined so much and he was just a broken shell of a man. She'd rarely seen him once she'd been released from the Crest experiments. It seemed like looking at his last remaining child was simply too painful for him.   Augusta blinked but she smiled if a bit sadly. "Well, your father wanted consorts and so Hubert's father helped him find us. He only wanted people that he could possibly fall in love with, though. There were actually several other women at the palace when I arrived, but he obviously hadn't connected with them. Are you considering consorts, El?"   "Perhaps in the future, but it's not a prime concern for me right now. I...was just wondering how your early relationship went when it came to the...intimate aspects." She really didn't want to think about her father conceiving her or her siblings, but it wasn't like Hubert had had any past partners to draw experience from. She knew that much. He was loyal only to her and he was almost always by her side especially at Garreg Mach. He basically wouldn't have had time to have liaisons with anybody to her knowledge...unless he had while she'd been captured under the palace in the dungeons.   She did see Augusta's face flush a bit. "Well, that is the reason you brought me and I said I'd help out in Juliane's stead... What all do you want to know?" This was absolutely mortifying, but she had a resource at her disposal. She was anxious and she hoped hearing how things would play between an actual couple would help her calm down a bit. Especially when they hadn't initially been in love... Apparently her father had had other prospective consorts but he'd rejected some of them for whatever reason.   "Well, I guess did you two have sex before you were married or did you wait until after? Hubert and I obviously aren't in love so I was just wondering..." She had no idea what she was doing or what she was asking. She was just trying to figure out a rough outline for what they were doing and how it would play out.   "We cared about each other for when we got married, but, no, we weren't in love. We had a budding relationship and were attracted to each other. Thankfully, it isn't expected that Imperial women have sex with the Emperor or Empress immediately after marrying. Or, I guess Imperial men are a thing too, but your father didn't have any interest." Augusta let out a breath. "Honestly, I'll admit...I wasn't much better than you in a lot of regards. Your father didn't push for us to have sex immediately because he was an incredibly loving man. Since he already had children by time I came into the picture, I was relatively off the hook for having any immediately, but the point of the consort system is to have children... We did things slowly like you and Hubert are. But what worked for us probably won't work for you. Talk with him and plan things out one step at a time."   "That's what we're doing. He's not pushing me to do anything I'm uncomfortable with. He's really stressing that." He was incredibly worried about traumatising her which she was kind of glad for. She was glad he wasn't pushing her into anything she was uncomfortable with. She might have broken down completely if she'd been forced into having sex immediately... She had already sustained so much trauma over her life. She wasn't sure how much she could handle especially in a situation where she was made to be so vulnerable against her will.   "I figured as much, but still. With as scared as you are...I was worried you might be neglecting talking. But since you aren't, that's a relief." She sighed and folded her arms. "Honestly, one of the things that made it so easy on me was Juliane being there. Aside from a couple of us, she was there to help walk most of us through what was going on. Not that your father didn't check in, but she was always there to help check in to make sure things were comfortable for us. It's one reason so many of us are so close to her. She's been an excellent comfort since during the early days of our relationship." Edelgard nodded a bit. She really wished she could've had Juliane there, but, at the same time, it would've been mortifying to have a more experienced woman there. She was comfortable with Juliane, but having her be so involved would've felt...wrong in its own way. Borderline incest almost.   "Before you and Father had sex, did you do any sort of exploring of your own body?" She had refused the idea initially, but... Honestly, she might want to consider it. They were moving onto non-sexual touching in a few nights but...getting intimate with herself before Hubert touched might be a good idea. She was mortified by it, but she might seriously want to consider it.   Augusta nodded. "Juliane gave me a fair few books to read before we got intimate. One was written by an Empress some time ago."   "She probably gave me the same books. I...don't really remember all of the things she told me when she gave me the initial talks. So she figured it was best for her to approach it on my own terms. What...was your education like?" She might be getting too personal with that. Then again, Augusta seemed to be pretty willing to talk about anything. She got a little flustered, but she wasn't unwilling to talk.   "Pretty minimal honestly. It was basically insert Peg A into Hole B and then babies happened. My family wasn't super conservative or anything; they just figured I'd learn things on my own which...I never did. At least not until Juliane gave me those books. I was kind of scared to explore myself with as little information as I'd been given. But...it was incredibly helpful to understand how to touch others and myself for pleasure. Juliane did help me with that too." She sighed. "I wish you had somebody that was like Juliane for you... Having somebody there to help you directly is so much better."   She frowned. "With me, it kind of feels like borderline incest if I were to rely on any of the Imperial women. You're my mothers. Especially Mother Juliane given how close she and I were." Blood notwithstanding, they were absolutely mother and child. Anselma had given birth to her, but Juliane truly was her mother. Anselma hadn't been horrible to her, but she had been strict. Juliane had let Edelgard indulge in healthy ways. Anselma had tried to restrict Edelgard as much as possible so she didn't become a spoiled brat. Granted, she knew incest wasn't restricted by the Church or taught against, especially given how most noble houses were related to each other in some shape, way, or form to try to preserve Crests. Almost everyone was a distant cousin in some way.   "I'm not going to push you to try to have me guide you. I'm just letting you know that having someone there made it easier for me. Still, I would encourage you to try to explore your body before you and Hubert get too far.  If you want to have him there, you can. If you want to be alone, that's fine too. It's all your choice, El. But there is absolutely nothing wrong with masturbating." The word made Edelgard's cheeks flushed hotly and she looked down at her hands. Juliane had said the same thing and so had the book she'd read. There was nothing wrong with it, but given she hadn't even known it was a thing until she was fifteen... She hadn't done it once simply because she tended to not feel that way. She had had racy dreams before, but that was about as far as her sexual experience went. She sometimes had errant thoughts while down in the city about random people she saw, but they were errant and not representative of her actual feelings.   "Okay... I'll...give it a try." She was still mortified over the idea. But having at least some sort of sexual touch before they got to the act would be good for her. She'd have to talk to Hubert about it later... Probably after they settled in after dinner... She would really need to pick up those other books Juliane had given her. She stood up and walked over to Augusta, wrapping her arms around her. "Thanks, by the way... I hope I'm not poking my nose too deeply into your private life."   "I told you I'd help you in whatever way possible on this front. I'm an open book." She could hear the smile in Augusta's voice and the woman returned the hug. "Feel free to stop by whenever you need a tip or two. Now go talk to your husband." “All right.” She pulled back and smiled at Augusta, then headed down to the courtyard.