Boulevard of Broken Dreams

Edelgard rolled over and stared at the ceiling. The room was dark and quiet, all save for her own breathing that Hubert's. It still felt strange to not have Juliane next to her. She didn't hate Hubert--far from--but she had just grown so used to the former Empress being next to her. It felt like a limb had been cut off in a sense. So much had changed in such a short time. She could never go back to that life, though. Plus, she was here only with Hubert and Augusta. She wouldn't see Juliane for...only who knew how long. Eventually, though, she felt Hubert shift and he let out a deep breath. He sat up and they made eye contact in the relative darkness of the room, though a bit of light from the sun peeked around the curtains. "Good morning. How did you sleep?" HIs tone was soft, warm, and comforting. He kissed her forehead and she smiled up at him, resting one hand on his cheek. "Pretty well. All of the riding and travel wore me out pretty well. I wonder what time it is." Part of her just wanted to stay there for a bit, but she wasn't one to laze around too much. She got up and opened the curtains, full daylight filtering in. It was probably close to noon with the position of the sun. "We should probably get dressed and have breakfast. Then figure out what we want to do with our days here." She really wasn't used to this sort of freedom. She hadn't had it in close to a decade. Even Garreg Mach had had plenty of structure to it with classes and homework. She hadn't had this sort of freedom since she'd been thirteen going on fourteen. And now she was almost twenty-one… "Very well. I'll flag down a servant and have them go get breakfast from the kitchens for us." He got up and came back a few minutes later. By time he had come back, she was already changed and putting her hair up for the day. She was braiding her hair into pigtails, wanting it up and off her neck. She wasn't really planning on sitting around too much. Well. Maybe she'd study magic theory for a little while after they had breakfast, but that was about it. She really was just itching to be outside. He walked over to his closet and she felt the heat in her cheeks rise as she watched him change, but he didn't wave her off or anything. It was still flustering to see a man fully like this. But she had to get used to it sooner rather than later. If she avoided it until they were coupling, it would be far worse. So just getting used to it outside of a sexual context was probably best. When he was done, he walked over and kissed her head again. "So what would you like to do today?" "Well, maybe you can help me with some magic theory refreshing for a bit after we eat. Then after that... I'm not really sure. Maybe we could do some combat training if that's all right with you?" Since she'd come back from Garreg Mach, she'd neglected her combat training in favor of sitting in court. She could probably afford an hour or two in the morning since court didn't start until later in the morning. She had gained a fair amount of weight which was good for her small stature but she definitely could stand to be more active. Sitting around so much wasn't really good for her... But she was just so intent on making sure everything was set that she felt like she couldn't afford time for anything that wasn't court related. "That I could get behind. You're going to be quite rusty since you haven't fought in a while. We do have some knights here, though, so you can have more sparring partners than just me." Hubert was a mage first and foremost; she knew that much. But he was no slouch with the blade or daggers or even improvised weapons either. As of right now, he'd be far more efficient than she was with how she'd slipped. But she would limber up quickly enough and she knew it. "I'd rather start with you first if you have no qualms with that. I know you'll adjust to where I am currently." Some of the Imperial knights could be a bit too...gung ho about sparring partners. She might very well end up injured if she was stuck with knights like that. She wouldn't use live blades yet, but practice blades could still be unpleasant to get hit with. She still preferred the axe over anything else, but she needed to get back up to snuff with lances and swords too. She had really, really fallen behind on her combat training since Garreg Mach and her coronation. "Of course, my... Edelgard. Whatever you want." She finished up with her hair and the meal arrived a little while later. They ate then headed to the library where Hubert picked out a few books to help her with basic magic theory again. They were earlier editions of the Garreg Mach books, so they were familiar enough to her. Still, the refresher was nice since she hadn't touched magic theory since she was at the monastery. Hubert was as gentle and understanding as he always was when teaching her something, never once losing his temper when something didn't click right away. But, eventually, pretty much all of it made sense again since she had learned most of this a few years ago. After that, they went outside to the sparring grounds. The knights looked at each other and then Edelgard where she folded her arms. "Don't forget I went to Garreg Mach and trained in combat for years." Sometimes these people had such short-term memories. Just because she hadn't been down to the sparring grounds in a long time didn't mean she was incapable in a fight. Well... She probably was now, but she'd pick things up soon enough. She was rusty, but she always picked up things quickly. She didn't doubt a few weeks of training for a good three or four hours a day would help her get back up to snuff. She might never get back to where she was at Garreg Mach, but she would at least become proficient with blades again. After that, she paid the knights no mind, focusing on her sparring matches with Hubert. Of course, he bested her basically every time. He knew her movements inside and out as he had trained alongside her for so long. And with her being so rusty, she was rather predictable. She was left fairly battered by time dinner rolled around, bruises already starting to form. She would definitely be sore from now on. He had adjusted to her skill level, but he had punished openings a fair bit. She would've been dead multiple times over had this been a real combat scenario, but it was sparring, so she was fine. Well. If one counted all sorts of bruises as 'fine.' "You did well, considering how long it's been since you last held a blade." He offered her some water as she sat on a bench, breaths short from the sheer exertion. "You completely wiped the floor with me, Hubert. I would hard consider that 'doing well.'" She could tell the knights were barely holding in their laughter as she kept hitting the ground hard and got battered with the wooden sword he had been using. They didn't want to be disrespectful to their Empress, but she was clearly a complete push over at this point. She was definitely humiliated, but it was just further motivation to continue to return to her previous skill level. She would not let this set her back. She would recover her skills even though it'd take time. "You'll learn and adapt quickly enough. You've always been one to pick up things quickly. Like that mind wipe you did to Felix. You only had a bit of magic theory under your belt and you managed to do a clean wipe of you breaking him." Edelgard smiled a bit at that though she barely remember the incident. Right before she'd gotten the Crest of Flames removed, she'd broken Felix quite a bit. She'd broken his shin bone and cracked his ribs. Then Hubert had proceeded to smash his shoulder into the monastery's walls before tossing him into a shallow ditch. She hadn't want to hurt Dimitri, so she'd not had Hubert take care of Felix entirely even though that had been incredibly tempting to allow. The attitude that guy had was awful especially considering the house he came from. "Yeah, I know I will. But I still don't want you to go easy on me, okay? Adapt to my level, but still give me a challenge." She wouldn't forgive him if he ever went easy on her. Adapting her to skill level and giving her a challenge was another thing entirely. She could really tell that she had fallen from where she had been at Garreg Mach. Her muscle memory was so rusty. She had gotten absolutely obliterated because of how she'd neglected her training. She wouldn't let that happen again... She'd get back on it after she returned to the castle. "Anyway, it's getting to be evening. How about we get you to a healer as well as some dinner?" She nodded and downed the water before standing up. Yeah, she was pretty beaten up thanks to all the hits she'd taken from Hubert punishing her mistakes. But she wasn't mad at him. It was just how they were when they sparred. If he saw an opening, she had told him to tell her. It would be a good way for her to speed up her training. She hopefully wouldn't make the same mistake twice. That was her thought process. They quickly visited the healer and got the bruises taken care of, then she and Hubert parted ways so he could go to the kitchens and she could head to their room. Once there, she tilted her head a bit as she thought. Writing Dimitri may not be an awful idea. She had brought some of her pigeons that had been trained to go to Faerghus with her just in case she did want to write him. It wouldn't be a long message, but it'd been quite a while since they'd sent anything to the other. She sat down at one of the desks and pulled out a small parcel of paper, then wrote down a short update on what had happened. She mostly told him that she was married to Hubert now due to the advisers breathing down her neck. She could have written a longer message to him, but in this case, she would take the convenience of pigeon over land travel with a mail convoy. It would arrive sooner than if she entrusted it to the royal mailer. Hubert returned with a tray and he blinked at her. "Would you mind me being nosy?" "Just writing Dimitri to update him on what's been going on." She put her magic pen down and sat on the bed, resting against Hubert lightly. "I'll send him a more in-depth message when I get a chance to write it." Though there were still several hours until they needed to get ready for bed. Maybe she'd do that after they ate. She missed him so much. He was her only brother left even if it was only through marriage. She really missed his gentle warmth and the kindness and support he had offered her while they'd been at Garreg Mach. She had made friends there like Mercedes and Annette. It was so hard to be separated from them, but it was just the nature of things. It was hard to be friends with somebody that was literally on the opposite side of the continent as her. "Ah, all right. It has been a while since either of you have written." He laid her serving of the meal on her lap and she picked it up, starting to eat. "I really miss him." She did. She missed him so much. The sad part was the memories of Garreg Mach were starting to really fade into the ether of her memory issues. She had good information recall but stuff she hadn't kept up on was also leaving her mind. She really hated how she would eventually lose all of the memories of her life. Her childhood memories were fading too though they'd once been so clear. Eventually, her life would be almost one giant blank… "I know you do." He squeezed her shoulder and she sighed, resting her head against his shoulder. It was so hard on her to be away from family. Leaving Garreg Mach had been one of the saddest moments in her life. Leaving  behind all the friends she'd made had been absolutely heart rending. Writing wasn't the same as being able to sit in the same room with the person and chat with them. She really wished she could see Dimitri again. And the Millenium Festival still wouldn't be for a few years more, so it wasn't like she had an excuse to go to Garreg Mach and potentially meet up with the others. They finished their meal in relative silence, though Edelgard left a little bit of it untouched. She was stressed again by thinking about this, so she really didn't feel up to eating everything. At least she'd gotten most of it down. With that done, she sat back down at the desk and started drafting a much, much longer letter to Dimitri that would follow the pigeon message. She poured out her heart and found herself wiping her eyes more than once. Tears never dripped onto the paper, but she really felt upset about all of this. Hubert was making this as easy as he could for her, but she still didn't really want any of it. Still... It was the best she could do in the bad situation she was in. As she finished up with the writing, the sun was beginning to set, making her frown. She put the letter in an envelope and applied the wax seal of House Hresvelg before leaving it on the desk. She started to take her hair down from the braided pigtails, letting it trail down her back. Well, there was no avoiding the inevitable part of the day she really wasn't looking forward to.   "Would you mind running this to the postmaster and pigeon keeper tomorrow?" She held up to the two notes. She honestly probably shouldn't have Hubert do it, but she was so used to him running her errands for her.   "Of course, my-- Edelgard." He crossed one of his arms over his chest and bowed to her before gathering up his night clothes. She did the same and followed him into the bathroom. She adjusted the water to her liking, running it a little cooler this time. With all the training she'd done, she really didn't want anything too warm today. She noticed Hubert's eyebrows drawn together a bit and she looked at him.   "Sometimes I will adjust things to warmer or cooler depending on what exactly I want. After training in the afternoon sun, I want something a little cooler." She was sure he probably did the same, but she knew he was trying to learn exactly what pattern she had. "On days we train, this is probably more the temperature I'll want. And considering I plan on doing that everyday while we're here..." Yeah, she'd probably run the water on the cooler side.   "Duly noted." He nodded.   She started to pull her hair up into a bun. "I don't wash my hair everyday and I Figure out what I need based on what I've done that day and such... It'l take a while for you to learn what all I use and when and all of that." She felt bad for him trying to learn her hair care routine. It was variable and really depended on what her hair was doing. She knew it instinctively by this point, but she wasn't sure if he could see any differences or not.   "So I see. I'll try my best to learn. Explain to me the differences and I'll do my absolute best." He smiled at her and she nodded. "Though, on days you don't wash it, I can put it up if you'd like."   "That's fine. But I've already done it for tonight, so maybe tomorrow." She had a button-down and pants on today instead of a dress since she'd been training. They were her training clothes. She really did prefer dresses but they weren't amenable to training. Well. She knew how to fight in dresses though she hadn't done that in...quite some time. She required the arms master to do that sort of training with. She couldn't pick it back up here. It was dangerous for her to be unarmed even at formal events... She really had fallen from where she'd been at even when she'd only been about fourteen.   She unbuttoned her shirt and let it fall to the floor, then removed the rest of her clothes, still seeing Hubert out of the corner of her eye. She still felt a slight flush to her face, but it didn't feel quite as intense as even just yesterday. Maybe she was already getting used to it? She was usually one to adapt to things pretty quickly. "Oh yeah, do you wash your hair everyday, Hubert? If so, I can do it for you again." She hadn't thought to ask him that the previous day. It had only crossed her mind because she had brought that up for herself.   "Under normal circumstances, yes. So you can do it again tonight." He smiled at her and she returned it, though she could feel it was awkward. This really was awkward for her. It was one thing if it was Juliane but it being a man... She felt so flustered with it. It would probably take her time to get past this entirely. She was trying, but they'd only done this a couple of times.   They slipped into the bath and she washed up, glad to get the sweat that had built up during the sparring sessions off. She always felt gross after long sparring and combat sessions like that. So she was more than glad to get in the bath and wash it all away. The bath was comfortably cool after spending so much time in the sun's heat, especially during the height of summer. She couldn't wait for things to start cooling off in a few months, though 'cool' was relative in Adrestia. The temperature dropped a bit and the water in the air decreased which meant the heat was less oppressive. It was still hot, but it was less intense.   After they finished washing up, Hubert dunked under the water and bent his head toward her. She started washing and rinsing his hair for him. It didn't take too long to do. "Do I do an all right job?" She hadn't thought to ask him yesterday. Her hair hadn't been quite as clean as it normally was since he'd done it, but she couldn't fault him too much. It had been a good enough job, though she would have to wash it sooner than she normally did since it would get greasy. "And for reference, be a little more thorough with it. You can use a bit more product." She smiled up at Hubert, trying to give him constructive feedback on how best to handle her hair.   "Ah, my apologies then... But yes, you've done fine. My hair just gets greasy easily, so I wash it everyday." She...had honestly never noticed that from him, but, then again, it wasn't like she was paying close attention to his hair and how it acted. But when she did think about it, it seemed like it was always squeaky clean... Still, he said he was thorough about his appearance. He didn't want to reflect negatively on her in any shape, way, or form. She really did appreciate everything he did for her.   "All right. And don't worry about it; I just know my hair inside and out. It's...complex when you take care of it the way I do. I don't mind it if you never fully learn it. I can tell you what to do and when." She smiled at him as best she could. She just really did know her own hair and skin pretty well. Right now, her skin wasn't particularly happy with her due to having not had a proper bath for over a week. She was having to get it back up to par. She didn't want to overexert her hair, though, so she'd wash it again the following night.   "Still, I'll do what I can for you." He kissed her head and she nodded. She really did appreciate it. He always went above and beyond for her. Learning her hair care routine was just going to be yet another step. She almost had no doubt that he'd learn how to handle her hair fully in due time even if it took a couple of years. She at least had his down pat. She was open to criticism if he wanted to offer her any though.   "Why don't we just stay in here for a bit? It feels kinda nice after that rough training session." The healer had patched up all her bruises without any fanfare, but she could feel some muscle pain. He had hit her decently hard in order to punish her openings. She had told him to do that a long time ago and he was still abiding by that. She would learn quickly to not repeat her mistakes. She still had a solid base in combat; it was just refreshing those skills to get them back to an acceptable place.   "Of course. Whatever you want." She rested her head against his shoulder, looking up at the ceiling.   "Would you have any thoughts on what a next step would be? I'm not going to push us beyond this quite yet, but I'm just trying to think of what would be good." She was at least comfortable enough to think about it, which was good. She thought she wouldn't be willing to even consider it, but this really wasn't too bad. They were close physically, but there was still nothing remotely sexual yet. She would probably give this a few extra nights before moving on. She was at least getting used to seeing him fully nude but she just wanted to get a little more comfortable with it before attempting anything else.   He was quiet for a few minutes, a finger of his lips as he considered. "Maybe we should do a little bit of physical contact? It doesn't have to be anything sexual in nature yet... Perhaps start by washing arms and backs for each other?" Her throat did catch a little bit at the idea, but it probably was a good idea. There was no real need to rush anything. She could take a few more nights to get comfortable with it and sit with the idea. If she did think of something better, she could tell him. But, logically, it did seem reasonable.   "Okay. Give me a few nights more with this, then I'll see if I'm comfortable with your idea?" She paused. "Though it might also be a good idea to do the touching through clothes too..." They were going to be moving toward that little bit by bit. So extending things in the bath to outside probably wasn't a bad idea either.   "If you're comfortable with it, that probably isn't a horrible idea. But remember, if you're uncomfortable with anything, you don't have to do it. If you want to try, we can, but if you feel uncomfortable with something, we can stop immediately."   She nodded, brushing her bangs out of her face. "Yeah, if I am uncomfortable, I'll let you know. But we can have a few more nights of this, then see where I am. We can start and, if I'm uncomfortable, we can stop. Does that sound like an okay compromise?" She understood his anxiety since she was anxious herself. He didn't want to hurt her or traumatise her which was a very serious concern with this entire process. She could end up traumatised if they rushed into anything. If she had had a choice in the matter, this probably wouldn't be as big of an issue. But since she was being coerced into it, she was afraid. She was thankful Hubert was so willing to work with her.   "All right. I'll trust you to make the call if we proceed or not." He leaned over and kissed her forehead. She was at least feeling far less stressed than she would've been while at the castle. Having the freedom to choose what to do with her day was a huge weight off her shoulders. She really was glad that they'd decided to come here.   After the water cooled off too much, they got out of the bath and she applied her skincare routine before heading into the bedroom. It was dark now, so she laid down on the bed and Hubert followed her. She tucked up against him and fell asleep, comfortable in his arms.