Forever&Ever

      The weekend flew by without a second thought, as usual. There are only a couple of consultations on subjects ahead, where I have credits, an exam and the defence of my thesis. The week started, by the way, with a test on International Business Consulting. I knew this subject very well. I did not miss a single lecture, let alone practice. Frankly speaking, I was sure that I would be given credit automatically, simply because I had almost excellent grades, good knowledge and interest in the subject.       The grey city seemed quite lifeless because of the summer rain, or rather a downpour with a thunderstorm. But it was much more pleasant to watch the weather from the window than to be outside at that moment, but here, too, one could argue.       The lights were off in the auditorium. I and a couple of other guys from my group sat one per desk. So we were seated by the teacher, who was already handing out sheets of paper for us to solve a couple of economic problems in order to certify us. I, as the luckiest student, got a problem with one known number. It was a failure. My knowledge was clearly insufficient and it made me very angry. I always knew everything, what is it?       All my friends and classmates wrote papers and got credit, but I was sent for a retake.       I was so angry. It seemed to be my own fault, and it didn't really depend on me. Oksana and I left the office together. She seemed to fly to the exit, so free, slowly. And I... I rushed like a tank to the door and with all my might swung it open. Coincidentally, there was a bloke walking by at the same time. So after I did it, there was a heavy groan from behind the door. Oh, fuck. I hit someone...       Oksana and I flew over to the fallen guy. As soon as we exchanged glances with our friend, we laughed together. The same guy who had blown me off a couple of years ago was holding his nose, which was bleeding.       - Fuck, you're trying to kill me! You broke my nose! Come on, come on, I'll go out with you, just don't touch me again! I don't want to become an invalid! - shouted the young man and finally sat up.       I thought of nothing better than to suggest that he put tampons up his nose. So we walked all the way across the university to the infirmary: me, a fragile, laughing girl, and a tall, bearded guy who looked like Hardin from After, with tampon strings sticking out of his nose.       Now I realise what the phrase ‘everything will boomerang back’ means.       They put ice on his nose in the infirmary and told him it was just a broken nose. Too bad, I should have hit him harder. Well, you can get rid of physical pain faster than mental pain!       Right afterwards, I got a call from my thesis supervisor. So I quickly left that guy without going out with him. The desire was gone, and so was the attraction.       I spent the rest of the day working on my diploma, which was just over a week away from defence.       Only by ten o'clock I arrived home, in my small flat. A feeling of loneliness suddenly came over me. Why am I so unlucky? Why am I alone? I too want hugs, kisses, sincere feelings. But nobody likes me...       Dropping my things at the entrance, I closed the door and rolled down the door. It hurt...       The usual crying turned into hysterics. The soul inside was being torn apart. It felt like I was about to die from this pain.       With shaking hands I dialled Kirill's number, but after long beeps the subscriber became unavailable to me, apparently now forever.       Why have my feelings for him been endless for eight years now? One look at him and a current ran through my body, a fine tingle on every millimetre of my skin, an explosion of feelings inside. Damn, those feelings are too strong, and I haven't learnt how to control them. The worst part was that he and I had gotten back together a couple of times, then broken up again. I've tried to forget him, and even sometimes I've succeeded. The emotional attachment had reached a breaking point.       I reached into my jacket pocket and pulled out a packet of cigarettes. I forced myself to get up and walk out onto the flat balcony.       The wind ruffled my wavy hair in a flash, and I twitched at the freshness after the rain. Cold, but no colder than my heart. My hand reached for a cigarette and with a light, a slight movement of my hand, I lit the cigarette with the help of the lighter.       The first breath, deep, painful, mixed with the taste of tears. In the reflection of the window glass       I saw a tired girl who looked at me with drooping eyes. She seemed to be deprived of her happiness and not destined for love. The mascara smeared on her face added drama to the situation.       ‘How pathetic you look...’ ran through my mind. No one had ever seen me in tears.       If it hadn't been for the incoming call on my mobile, I would have stood on the balcony for a long time, staring at the silhouettes of people passing by. Reluctantly, I glanced at the screen.       Who would even want to call me right now?       ‘Metis’ came up on the screen. As much as I didn't want to pick up the phone right now, I had to.       - Reed! Where are you? - Timur said in a breathless voice.       - I'm home,’ my voice sounded very husky, even to myself.       - Are you crying? - Metis asked with a note of worry in his voice.       I cleared my throat. We're friends, but not enough to open our souls to him completely.       - No, Timur, it's okay,’ I cut off in one breath, so as not to betray my mood.       - I'm near your house, don't you want to meet at the cafe? - Metis suggested, -and yes, don't even try to refuse, I can see you crying on the balcony...       I took a couple of steps back into the flat. Oh shit... - Reed, I'm gonna go get some sweets and come to you. What are you having? - walking under my window, my friend said. - If you don't answer, I'll buy up the whole bakery, you know me!             - Metis... You don't have to-’ Before I could finish, Metis interrupted. - Blah, blah, blah, blah... We need to talk. I didn't come all the way from across town for nothing. - Metis corrected me and hung up.       Almost immediately I got a message from him on my phone: Apartment number?       Eh, Timur... Don't... You have enough to worry about....       ‘138’ went into my private messages, and the phone went into my pocket.       I'd better get this mess off my face before I start having nightmares about Metis.       Just before I could wipe the mascara from my eyes and change into my home kit, the doorbell rang.       In Metis's peephole, you can exhale, or on the contrary, tense up. He can spout anything. It's impossible to predict his actions in advance. He's too different, which is sometimes amusing. - Astrid, finally! - grumbled my sweet friend, barging into my flat with bags full of food.       I took the groceries from him and carried them to the kitchen, figuring out how much money I'd need to transfer to his card.       Timur quickly figured out where the bathroom was and retreated to it, while I boiled the kettle and got the food out. He wasn't joking when he threatened to buy up the whole bakery...       - Well, I'm ready. Tell me,’ Metis said, rubbing his hands together as he walked into the kitchen and sat down at the bar stool across from me.