Forever&Ever

      - What did you want to tell me? - I almost interrupted his speech, just to delay the moment of explanation.       - Oh, right! Get me a croissant, it's in there somewhere,’ Timur said and went into the hallway to get his rucksack. Only I had time to put on the table all the goodies bought by my friend, as he grew behind me with a leaf in his hands.       - Anyway, I did a little bit of hustling and scandalised the university, so here,’ the mestizo said enthusiastically and handed me the paper, ’they gave you credit and raised your grades.       I looked at the paper and looked at Metis, then repeated it a few more times, still thinking about what he'd done for me. - Congratulations, mate, you've closed everything and graduated with a red diploma,’ Metis repeated what was said on the paper and put his arm around me. - What, not even a thank you?       I stopped my gaze on his brown eyes, and something inside me snapped, for the second time that day, and I just hugged him. - Reed, what's wrong? Is everything okay? - Metis stretched out, but I was already too tightly clinging to him, and the sudden sobs were followed by more tears.       He hugged my back, stroking it gently.       I don't know what came over me, but somehow I felt both hurt and happy. Maybe I was in over my head, but I didn't care about anything right now. Strong Astrid melted into her mate's arms and let out the emotions she'd been holding back for too long. - Baby, what are you doing? - Timur asked me out of the blue. He'd never been so gentle and careful with me before. The trepidation in his voice gave me hope for something good.       I clutched at his blue sweatshirt and squeezed to the white knuckles on my fingers, unable to stop sobbing. My body began to shake, I couldn't control the situation anymore.       Thank him for standing there and holding me for as long as I needed. For the first time in a long time, I felt safe dumping my emotions on my mate who had no idea what I was going through at the moment.       When the tears ended, I pulled away from Timur. I shuddered to imagine what my face had turned into after the breakdown.       Without a word, Metis walked over to the kitchen and started opening cupboards, one by one, until he found a glass and filled it with drinking water. He came over to me, put his arm around me, and led me over to the couch to sit down. He squatted down in front of me and held out the water.       - We're keeping the water balance, sweetie,’ my friend said warmly, ’and now I'm going to listen to you carefully. I shifted my gaze to the balcony, forgetting to close it; it was cool. Metis repeated my movements and grabbed a plaid from the sofa.       - Let's go, it'll be easier out there. - Metis told me and held out his hand. He led me to the balcony and sat me on one of the two chairs, covering me with the pink plaid. As soon as it got warm outside, I took the chairs and coffee table out here and often had dinner, watching the stunning sunsets. Timur made us tea, took us out onto the balcony and sat down next to us. For the first time I kept silent and looked at my tea in my mug, as if it hid the answers to all the questions that troubled me. But did they really bother me? What do I feel now? I don't feel anything...and that was very frightening...       - You don't talk much today,’ Metis said, sipping from his cup. - I'll start then. Taking another sip, Timur continued:       - ‘I don't know what happened there, but you've been clinging to me so hard like I'm going to disappear right here and now. I'm really worried about you. I've never seen you like this. Tell me what's on your mind, it'll make you feel better, really. I promise I'll keep that secret. I know how strong you are, believe me. But even the strong get hurt sometimes. And I'm here to support you. He took a bite of his croissant, and I decided to start:       - You know, I'm just scared. About the future, about the present. You've been hired by a very cool company, and you're a huge smart-ass. You deserve it. And I, you know, I've got nothing, nothing at all. I'm looking for a job, but nobody wants to hire me because of certain circumstances.       - Well, it's not as bad as you think. I'm sure you'll find a job. There are so many jobs out there, someone will apply! Really! Don't belittle your achievements, open your eyes and take a look at yourself. There's a lot you don't see, but others do.       - Metis, I can't forget a guy for 5 years and I'm always imposing on him... I was imposing, he blocked me... - before I could continue, I was interrupted again by Timur. - Okay, hold on. Do you have anything stronger? - He asked and headed for the flat. - I'm no relationship expert, but I'm a good listener! It took a couple of minutes for Métis to find the wine I had left over from some party and pour it into glasses. He handed one of the glasses to me. Taking a sip, I initiated him into the whole story. In my entire life, I've only done this twice. Once to Oksana, and now, to Metis. He listened attentively, nodding occasionally. We hardly ever crossed eyes, staring at the beautiful view from the balcony.       The crimson sunset enveloped summer St. Petersburg in a marvellous light, as if a celestial artist had spilled colours on the canvas. The sun, slowly sinking behind the silhouettes of buildings, flooded the streets with soft pink light. Giant domes and ancient towers, covered with evening mist, acquired a warm hue, becoming part of this magic. On the Neva, the water reflected crimson hues, shimmering and sparkling like thousands of jewels. The breeze, barely perceptible, carried with it the scents of flowers from the nearby parks. A couple of boats bobbing on the waves seemed like paintings brought to life in this enchanting light. Passers-by slowed down, casting rapturous glances at the sky, which gradually softened and turned a deep, dark blue. The light clouds, coloured crimson, seemed to be trying to linger in this moment, unwilling to part with the day.       Our conversation grew deeper and our gazes more sincere under the influence of the gentle light. In such moments the heart is filled with a sense of infinity and hope, when even the shadow of doubt recedes, giving way to frankness and silent understanding.       When I finished my monologue, we sat in silence for a while, savouring the moment.       - You know, sometimes we fixate on those who don't share our feelings and it can hurt. I can see how hurt you are, how you hope for his attention, but he doesn't reciprocate. It's hard to admit, but maybe now is a good time to consider letting him go. I know it's silly since you've tried to do it so many times already, but listen... You don't have to try to prove your worth to him. In the time you wait for him, you lose yourself, you lose the joy of life. There can't be room in your heart for someone who doesn't want to be there. No matter how much you want to, he's not going to be the man you want him to be. Believe me, it's his loss, not yours. He fell silent at the moment, as if he was considering what he had said himself. - Letting go doesn't mean to stop loving. It means allowing yourself to move forward, to open your heart to someone who will appreciate you and your love. You shouldn't waste your life on a man who is incapable of reciprocating. He didn't see your bright soul and it's not your fault. Just think about all the good things ahead of you. You deserve to be with someone who will respect and love you. Allow yourself that. Letting go is a release. Please listen to me and allow yourself to find the happiness you truly deserve.