Bite, Lick, or Nothing: Part 9
April 13, 2025 at 2:04 AM
Skully was a little frowning, but trying to remain calm. Raising his hands up, he said:
β Hello and welcome to our show βBite, Lick, or Nothing!β β Skully greeted the viewers on camera, and then began introducing his nemesis and aunt one by one. β And these are my new guests on my show. And please, donβt ask how they got here!
The day before
Skully was brushing his teeth and getting ready for bed. He had just walked to his bed when suddenly a dark silhouette closed the bathroom door behind him. The skeleton froze and slowly turned around. The silhouette had red eyes. He came out of the shadows smiling and said: β Hello, Skully. β Lord Wander? β the skeleton in his pajamas quickly took his gun out of the nightstand and aimed it at the villain. β What are you doing here? What do you want from me? βNothing special, boy.β β he grinned evilly. β I just want to become your new participant in your stupid show. Skullie's eyes widened. β What? β You've mocked me and my daughter many times, showing it in your shows. I want to teach you a little lesson and show you a different side of myself in your new episode. That's why I came to negotiate amicably. Skullie looked at him very suspiciously and put away his gun. β But only without cheating and not lying! β he demanded. β Okay. As you say. β LW lied and hid his right hand behind his back, crossing his fingers.***
β And I actually came here for him! β Lord Sylvia answered smiling, looking at Lord Wander so that her pupils became heart-shaped. The villain didn't care and turned away, spitting. β It doesn't matter! You all know the rules very well, so I won't repeat myself. But as a new punishment, if a participant refuses to complete the action, he will have to get hit by a giant combat robot, the Dominator. I specifically asked Aunt Dominator to send us her huge Mech for the new punishment. β Enough chatter! Let's get started! β says LW. β Yes. Let's get started! β agrees LS.***
β And we have the first tray! Let's see what's in there? β Skully lifted the tray, and inside was a diamond pickaxe from the game "MineCraft" β What a joke! It's a pickaxe from "MineCraft"! Let's see what we get! β he said, and the three of them looked up. Lord Wander smiled slyly and decided to cheat. He hid a black remote control behind his back with three small boxes: "Nothing!", "Lick!" and "Bite off!". With its help, he decides who will do what. The swindler was sure that Skully and Lord Sylvia would never guess. And then, at his command, "Nothing!" appeared above LW's head, while Skully got "Lick!", and LS got "Bite off!". β Yes! I got "Nothing!" β the villain rejoiced. β That sucks! β the zbornak in the blue robe clenched her fists. β If I got "Lick!", then I'll have to lick the pick. I hope my tongue won't get hurt on its sharp ends... Although I can just lick the wooden handle. β Skully suggested and ran his tongue along the handle. Suddenly there was a flash and Skully became all square, like a player from the game. β Flit! I became a Minecraft character. β What the flell? Skully, how do we disenchant you? β Lord Sylvia worried. β No way. The effect is temporary and will go away on its own. β explained the skeleton. β Don't be shy! Bite and you too will become the same. It's fun. β Okay, I'll be right there. β LS opened her mouth wide and wanted to grab the handle of the pickaxe with her teeth, but before that she looked menacingly at LW. β If I suddenly get hurt or cut myself on this pickaxe, I'll shove this pickaxe under your jeans from behind. β then she bites the handle of the pickaxe and suddenly she too became a Minecraft player with her skin. β Hooves with holes! I'm some kind of ugly monster. β She suddenly leaned over accidentally. β Oh-oh! β No! β the skeleton said and suddenly LS fell on him, knocking him down to the floor with her. LW stood aside and laughed at them. β What the flell did I come here for? β LS scolded herself.***
Skully and Lord Sylvia are back to normal. β We're moving on to the second tray and there's... β Skully pauses and opens the tray, revealing a chocolate cake with a red candle in the center from the game "Portal." β Cake?... Hmm... It's probably not just any cake, but with some kind of surprise. β I hope I won't eat it in that case. β Lord Wander says out loud, hiding his remote behind his back and cheating again. β Look up! β Skully says and the trio looks up at the electronic signs. "Nothing!" appears above LW's head, "Bite off!" appears above Skully's head, and "Lick!" appears above LS's head. β You first, She-Lord! β Thank you. β she smiled and leaned toward the cake, starting to lick the entire cake around it. She licked all the chocolate and cream, leaving the insides and the candle that fell. LS stroked her belly and said in such a delicious voice: β Yummy! β And now me. β the skeleton says smiling and eats all the remains of the cake, leaving not a crumb for the orangeman. β Gorgeous cake! Lord Wander's eyes bulged. β U-u-uh... It was just a regular cake?... β he asked. β What, did you want it salted? β Skully asked jokingly and at the same time he and Lord Sylvia laughed. Lord Wander got angry at this, his head turned red and steam came out of his ears.***
β The third tray is already waiting for us. Let's open it! β Skully said and opened it. Inside was hidden the head of Emperor Awesome. β Aha, got caught, some weaklings painted! β he said grinning. β Emperor Awesome?... And I was wondering what the stink was! β the skeleton answered jokingly. β You can find anything in our show! β Come on, who's first? Let's see how you do it! β the shark in the crown bragged. β Let's see who's going to lick and bite him? β LW asked and used his remote again. "Nothing!" appeared above his head again, "Lick!" appeared above Skully's head, and "Bite!" appeared above LS's head. Skully and Lord Sylvia frowned and looked at Lord Wander suspiciously. β That's suspicious! You always get "Nothing!" Are you cheating by any chance? β Skully asks. β No, where did you get that from? Maybe I'm just really lucky today? β the villain lied. β You're unlucky! Come on, lick it! β No way! Let Dominator crush me in his huge robot! β the skeleton said and left. β Ha-ha-ha! Weakling! β the emperor snapped.***
Skullie exited the skull ship onto the surface of the desert planet. In the way stood a huge robot made of vulcanium ix, which Domi controlled. β Skully? β she widened her eyes, not expecting to see him. β Hello. Can you crush me! β the skeleton replied and closed his eyes, preparing to be crushed. β What the...? β Dominator was surprised and laughed slightly. β I'm not going to crush you. β But I refused to perform the action. Now I must be punished. β Skully, I'm not that cruel. For you, I think a simple pat on the back will do. β She said and ordered the robot to kneel down and lower its right hand. Skully closed his eyes, afraid that his finger would crush him. However, the index finger only lightly patted his back, like a father's palm. The skeleton, not expecting this, bulged his eyes. Such a touch was very fast, light and very pleasant. β Wow! Can I have more? β Sure. β she answers and again lightly pats his robot's index finger on the back.Meanwhile
β Now since you love me so much, you will bite the head of Emperor Awesome! β the orange villain provoked the zbornak in blue mania β Ha! She has no guts! She would rather break her teeth on me. β the shark head boasted. But LS, without thinking about anything, growled like a mad dog, grabbed Awesome's nose with his teeth and pulled it towards himself, trying to tear off the shark skin. Awesome screamed hysterically in pain.***
β The fourth tray is on the table. Let's see what's in there, β Skully said and took the tray down. Inside was the hottest pepper. β Hmm... Last time we already had pepper. It's very hot. Let's look at the signs, β Skully said, and LW decided not to cheat anymore, so as not to be suspected, and gave himself "Bite off!", while Skully got "Nothing!", and LS got "Lick!". β Phew. I got "Bite off!", or did you think that I would always get "Nothing!"? β Well, yeah. We had that thought. But anyway, I'm going to run my tongue over the pepper now. It shouldn't make my mouth hot. β She ran her tongue over the pepper and suddenly her eyes turned red, and flames of fire came out of her ears, like from a flamethrower. β Holy black hole! What is this powerful thing? β Wow! Apparently this pepper is much hotter than the previous one. If it did this to Lord Sylvia because she licked it, then what will happen to Lord Wander when he bites it? He might not survive it. β the skeleton suggested and grinned. β Well, you know!... β at first he wanted to speak out, but then he calmed down so as not to give away his remote control and the fact that he was cheating. Instead, he left. β I'd rather choose punishment. Skully and Lord Sylvia laughed at him. β Oh, you coward! β Skully waved his hand at him. β Actually, this pepper is normal and not that hot. β LS took off her red lenses and headphones with mini-flamethrowers. β I just wanted to joke with him, so that he would go carry out the punishment. β she explained and laughed again along with the skeleton. And LW at this time also left the skull ship and went to the surface of the planet, where Dominator was waiting for him, controlling the robot. β Ah! There you are! β she smirked and approached him threateningly. β Oh, come on, honey! You love me! β the villain smiled stupidly. Domi lifts Mech's right leg and crushes the punished villain with it, flattening him properly. When she removed the robot's leg, LW was lying on the floor like a pancake. β It hurts! β he told her.***
β The fifth tray is waiting to be opened. Let's not drag it out! β Skully answers and opens the tray. Inside was another cake, but different. This one was pink with hearts and no candles. There was also a cherry on top. β Cake again? We have some kind of sweet episode today. As ambiguous as it may sound. Let's look up! - Lord Wander decided not to cheat this time and wanted to eat the whole cake himself. So he set himself to "Take a bite!", Skully gave "Lick!", and gave Lord Sylvia "Nothing!". β Well, I'm already full of the last cake. So I'll just lick this one a little. I'll start with the cherry, I think. β The skeleton stuck out his tongue, grabbed the cherry and stuffed it into his mouth without chewing. Suddenly, he accidentally farted. β Oops! Sorry! β his cheeks turned pink with shame. β Ugh! Control yourself, brat! And I'll gobble up this whole cake for now. β Lord Wander was rude to the skeleton and actually ate the whole cake without even choking or hiccupping. Only crumbs remained on the table. β Mmm... Delicious! β he stroked his furry orange belly and suddenly he felt his belly rumble. β Ouch! I think I need to go to the toilet right now! I'll be right back! He ran away, and Skully and Lord Sylvia started laughing at him again. Lord Wander ran to the toilet door and tried to open it, but it was locked. He pulls it and tries to open it, but it doesn't budge. β Closed?... Hey!... Open up please!... I have something very important to do!... I'm going to poop myself!... β he begged the one behind the door and knocking. At that time, Emmy was hiding behind the door inside the toilet, a girl who looked like a Dominator, but with white eyes, and in behavior similar to a regular Wander and wore exactly the same hat. She held the door tightly closed and laughed. β Ha!... Ha!... Ha!... Ha!... Ha!... As you know, dear viewers, I swore revenge on Lord Wander after he destroyed my home galaxy and my parents there. So I deliberately slipped him a cake with a laxative that would make any humanoid want to go potty. Now I will not intentionally let him in here so that he... Well, you get my point. β Emmy explained to the viewers, breaking the fourth wall and continuing to hold the door closed. LW at this time was still trying to open the door and knocking, but no one opened it for him. β Please, open up!... I really need it!... β LW almost cried, trying to endure and hold his excrement inside himself. But Emmy did not take pity on him, continuing to hold the door closed and laughing at him: β Ha!... Ha!... Ha!... Ha!... Ha!...***
β We're up to tray six! β Skully says, opening it. Inside was a dirty, smelly sock. Skully's cheeks turned dark green, and he pinched his nose. β Ugh! This must be the dirtiest sock in the universe. β Where do you get all this crap? β Lord Wander frowned. Skully looked up at the ceiling, remembering that he himself had taken the sock and plucked it from Mossy's second foot in the swamp while he was sleeping on his planet. Then he replied: β It's better for you not to know! Let's all just look up! β I'm definitely not licking that crap! Let those idiots take the rap for themselves. β He accidentally blurted out loud and used his remote again to cheat. But suddenly his eyes widened and his mouth dropped open as he heard Skully's angry voice: β Are you completely idiot? β Huh? β LW said, seeing Skully and LS glaring at him. β You think we can't see or hear you? β the skeleton asked. Lord Sylvia grabbed both of Lord Wander's hands and took the remote away from him. β Ah!... So you were cheating this whole time? β she got angry, breaking his remote and squeezing it in her fist. β You wanted us to lick this dirty sock? In that case, you'll lick it yourself! And so, without waiting for the results of their actions on the signs, Skully and LS grabbed LW by the shoulders. With her tail, the zbornak grabbed the orangeman by the neck, starting to strangle him so that he would stick out his tongue. Then they started rubbing it with their tongues on the sock.***
β Let's move on to the seventh tray!" says the skeleton, and taking the tray off, sees a golden glove underneath. β Phantom Blot's Glove? That's really strong! Now everyone look at the scoreboard! β the trio looks up. "Lick!" appears above LW's head, "Nothing!" appears above Skully's head, and "Bite!" appears above LS's head. β Now it's all fair and square. β I hope I survive this. β the orangeman villain said to himself and ran his tongue over his glove. Suddenly his eyes glowed red. LW sharply turned his gaze to LS and he shot red lasers from his eyes. The shot was so strong that it slightly burned the zbornak's chest, leaving a couple of smoking holes. β Ah! What are you doing, orange gorilla? β she was indignant. β This is for your sock. β the villain replied. β Oh, really? β LS got angry, lightly grabbed the thumb of the glove with her teeth, licked it too and also began to look at LW with red eyes. She shoots, but the one she was aiming at ducked. β Missed! β Lord Wander grinned and ran away. Lord Sylvia quickly put the glove itself on her right hand, stretched it out palm forward, charged it with green energy and shot a green beam. Lord Wander did not have time to run to the exit and dodge the shot. After contact with the green beam from the glove, Lord Wander seemed to have changed gender. Now he became a woman in a dress with large naked breasts, which Censorship watchdog Andy, thanks to the magic of editing, covered covered under a black square. The villain saw himself in this form and was so scared that his eyes bulged, screamed shrilly and ran away. Skully and Lord Sylvia pointed their fingers at him and began to laugh at him.***
Lord Here and There, all angry and looking angrily at Skully and Lord Sylvia, folded his arms on his chest, again became his former male gender. β Tray number eight is waiting to be opened. What's inside? β Skully opens the tray, and inside was a large pill. β A pill of weakness? β Don't worry, it won't affect you! β Lord Sylvia said with a grin. Of course, she laughed as a joke. β Very funny! β Skully replied sarcastically. β What are you talking about, Skully? I didn't tell you that. β LS calmly explained. β Go to flell! β LW answered her rudely, showing her the middle finger, which, thanks to the magic of editing and censorship of Andy's watchdog, was blurred. Lord Here and There was shocked to see some kind of cloudy spot instead of his middle finger. β I don't get it! Why did you blur it? It's my finger, not Skully's! β Respect the censorship, swearer! β the skeleton answered him sternly. Then he calmed down. β Let's see what we get!? β "Bite off!" appeared above LT's head, "Lick!" appeared above Skully's head, and "Nothing!" appeared above LS's head. β Isn't it nice to get something you don't want? You shouldn't have cheated! Are you going to eat it or are you going to go to Aunt Dominator to get crushed? β You lick it first, and then I'll eat it. β Lord Wander answered rudely. β Oh, come on. Since you're such a coward. Now I'll lick it and probably become weak, like your adopted daughter Lilith. β The skeleton ran his tongue over the pill and suddenly began to sway. - Ouch! I don't feel so good. The hood has become somehow heavy. β Trying to hold on, he fell. β Wow! Skully, you've become so weak that you can barely even hold your clothes on. β Lord Sylvia said. β And when should this effect wear off? β he asked, lifting his skull as he felt better. β Ah! It's already worn off. β He stood up again. β Now it's your turn, rogue. Or are you afraid? β he looked slyly at LW. β No. I won't buy that cliche of a dare. β he said and turned away. β Oh, come on. I think you're so strong that it won't affect you at all. β Lord Sylvia replied and laughed. Her words made Lord Wander become more confident. Rolling his eyes, he took the whole pill and shoved it into his mouth without chewing. β Are you happy? β he asked them. β Can I check? β the skeleton asked, raising his right fist. β Just don't break your fist, bug! β LW grinned and Skully punched him in the face. The blow hurt the villain and he took a step back. β OH, WHAT ARE YOU DOING, ONE-EYED CRAP??? I'LL HIT YOU TOO NOW!!! β he tried to hit Skully in the skull with a scream. The skeleton not only didn't flinch, but didn't even close his eyes, knowing in advance that LT had become weak, and accordingly his blow would not affect him in any way. Orangeman didn't believe what he saw and tried to hit him again, but again the result was the same. β What flirtation? Do I have no strength at all? β Ha-ha! And I have a little, so take it. β Skully confidently answered, getting into a fighting stance, knocked LW to the floor and began to beat him in the face. Lord Wander was receiving blows from Skully and screaming hysterically from each blow, because it felt like he was hitting an iron wall. About two minutes later, the effect of the pill wore off and now any blow from Skully became painless and was accompanied by the sounds of a bell. Despite the blows of the skeleton, the orangeman villain got up. Skully, realizing that the effect of weakness had passed, swallowed in fear. β It seems the pill has worn off. β Now it's my turn! β LW ββsmiled evilly, but suddenly he received a blow of green lightning from LS, who again knocked LW to the floor and stood on top instead of Skully. β You will hit the child only over my dead body! β she told him.***
β Only two trays left. Open it! β Skully said, opened the tray and inside was another pill. β This is a shrinking pill. Whoever tries it will shrink in size. β Great! Now you will become as small as a flea and I will crush you. β threatened LW. β Next time I will not invite you to my show and will invite someone kinder and more merciful instead. For example, Karl Saggan! β Skully sternly told him in response. β Look at the scoreboard! β "Bite off!" appeared above LW's head, "Nothing!" above Skully's head, and "Lick!" appeared above LS's head. β Well, that's not fair! Why should I bite again? β the villain was indignant, waving his fists. β You shouldn't have cheated! β Skully sternly answered LW, and then calmly turned to LS. β Come on! Try licking it! Lord Sylvia licked the pill and her height decreased by half, so she jumped on the table. β Holy shit! I'm like Emmy now... Or a regular Wander. β she said. β Now it's your turn! β Skully looked sternly at Lord Wander. The latter rolled his eyes and ate the whole pill. Suddenly, he jumped on the table and became the size of an ant. β HEY, WHY DID I BECOME SO SMALL??? β LW screamed in a squeaky voice. He looked at Skully and shouted, showing his fists. β QUICKLY ENLARGE ME BACK OR I'LL BE YOUR CRUTCH!!! β But no! Now it's my turn to mock you! β the skeleton grinned evilly and began to try to hit the table with his fists and try to crush LW, while he himself, being so small, ran back and forth. β NO!!! STOP!!! THE DOMINATOR ALREADY CRUSHED ME AND I DIDN'T LIKE IT!!! β he screamed in a squeaky voice and continued to run. β A-A-A-A... HELP-SAVE!!!***
Lord Wander and Lord Sylvia were their previous sizes again. β The last tray in our show. There will probably be something special there. β Skully lifts the tray, and inside was a digital test. β A pregnancy test. I don't know why it's here, but since they gave us e6o, we're going to try it. Look up! β "Lick!" appeared above LW's head, "Nothing!" appeared above Skully's head, and "Bite off!" appeared above LS's head. β DAMN IT!!! β Lord Wander shouted, waving his fists in anger. β I keep getting "Lick!" and then "Bite off!"! β You shouldn't have cheated! β Skully repeated, looking sternly at Lord Wander. β I'm first. Ladies should give in! β Lord Sylvia said and had just stuck the device in her mouth when she accidentally touched the sharp end of the test with her tongue and jumped back in pain, spitting out the test. β Ow! That hurts a little!... β she rubbed her tongue lightly. Suddenly, she noticed the inscription "Not pregnant" above the test and sighed with relief. β Phew! Thank Grod! It's just too early for me to have my own child! I'm just not ready for this. β I understand. My case with dads Hater and Peepers is just a clear example of how hard it was for them to raise and take care of me. β Sadly remembering this, Skully lowered the skull down. Then he looked sternly at LW. β Licked it quickly! Lord Wander rolled his eyes and stuck out his tongue, ran it over the test and accidentally cut the sharp tip of the test with his tongue and stepped back. β OUCH!!! Are you doing this on purpose to hurt me? - he was indignant and rubbed his tongue. Then he looked at the test itself and saw the inscription "Pregnant". LW's eyes bulged. β What? I... I... Pregnant? β then he screamed like a girl and ran away. He did not even notice that the inscription began to glitch and changed to "Not pregnant". Skully and Lord Sylvia laughed again at what they saw. They almost cried from laughter and wiped away their tears of joy. β Sometimes I start to think that he should have called himself Lady Wander! β said the skeleton. β Well, in that case, I'm Lady Sylvia. β said Zbornak and she started laughing along with the skeleton. After they finished laughing, Skully addressed the audience on camera: β That's how strange my episode turned out to be. Although I admit, I'm glad that I invited Lord Sylvia to me. At least it wasn't boring with her. But I will never invite Lord Wander to my show again. Even if he asks me himself. Even under blackmail, even in a nice way. β And rightly so! He clearly doesn't deserve it. What if he cheats again? β LS answered him, and then also addressed the camera. β And yes. Don't forget to worship me, Lord Sylvia. The number one villain, as well as your Lord Evil. I know how much you love and respect him, and you love me too, because I can be said to be his alternative version from another universe. Well, I mean not only him, but also Sylvia herself, but that's not important. Anyway, Skully and I are waiting for your ratings! β Bye everyone. β the skeleton finished and waved his hand together with the zbornak.***
Lord Wander kept running and screaming like a girl. He ran out of the skull ship and tripped over a stone, fell, somersaulted, rolled like a wheel and fell on his back. He started getting angry and saying to himself: β If only I would ever decide to appear in an episode of this bony freak's sho... β he didn't have time to finish speaking, when suddenly he was crushed again by the huge iron foot of the big Mech Dominator, which controlled him. She grinned angrily and said: β Classic! β Phelph! β Lord Wander's muffled scream could barely be heard from under the robot's foot.
