Berlin blood

Hilda rode the train, surrounded by green hills and small towns along the way. There are few passengers, the morning sun is invigorating, illuminating their path. She holds in her hands the pendant that Tilike presented to her. Remembering every meeting with him, she wants to return and not part with him. He promised that when he got back on his feet, the first thing he would do was come to her, but was that so? Had he lied to her? And when will it be? She was so deeply immersed in thoughts that she did not notice how pictures from the past began to emerge in her mind — cloudy and poorly distinguishable, but she immersed herself in them more and more every minute, recognizing Thilike more clearly in her memories. The train station, their first meeting, the walk home from the cafe where she worked, their last meeting at the station and a kiss. Hilda remembered more and more clearly every minute. The more memories came back to her, the more she learned. Louise. Yes, she remembered — this is really her friend, her gaze is full of anger and envy. How had she not noticed this before? Understanding came later. Stairs… The doctor said that she fell down the stairs and hit her head. Hilda tries to remember exactly how she fell. The conversation with Louise about Jacob—that’s what she remembered. Yes, he was sympathetic to Louise, but he paid attention to Hilda. She squeezed her temples with her fingers and closed her eyes. A picture appeared before her eyes: she and Louise were walking up the stairs, which consisted of twenty, or even more, steps, a moment — and Hilda was flying down. So, whoever pushed her, she didn’t fall on her own! This was done by Louise, her friend. The girl opened her eyes. She breathes heavily, everything she saw seems like a dream that has nothing to do with reality. How could Jacob lie to her all the time? Or maybe he did it out of pity? Louise, that bitch, is doing so well in life! She will get to her and kill her! The thought comes instantly and just as instantly becomes fixed. Tielike. How could she forget about the man for whom she went into medicine and got involved in the war? How could she forget him? So, it turns out that he wanted to give this pendant to her? We urgently need to get to the place and send a letter. It doesn’t matter when he reads it, the important thing is that he should remember her too. She turned her gaze to Jacob, who was having a conversation with some middle-aged man. Hilda decided that she would not start a quarrel now, she would tell him that she knew everything and would look at his reaction. Conflict cannot be avoided. She so wanted to jump off the train and run to Tilika. To run away from everything that weighed on her, everything that she was burdened with. She wanted to throw away all her things, cut her hair and escape from her trapped self. They were invented by people who don’t even know about its existence. Trees and small towns flashed by. The sun was sinking to the horizon, clouds were gathering in the west, foreshadowing rain. *** Hilda walked along the bright corridors of the building in which they were located, but they were bright only because of the white paint: the cloudy weather made everything dull. Jacob trailed behind, he was irritated and angry. The reason for this was the inappropriate behavior of one of the passengers on the train on which they arrived. Work will begin from tomorrow. Hilda planned to walk around the city, and then sit down and write a letter, she really wanted to pour out all her feelings on paper. “You smile too often today, may I ask what’s the reason?” — they entered the room. — What difference does it make to you? The reason for this is not you,” Hilda switched to a cold tone, she did not want to stand on ceremony. Clearly. Briefly. And without further ado. She herself is not very pleased with the conversation that she is about to start, but she does not want to drag it out any longer. And so she was deceived for too long. “I’m still not a stranger,” Jacob comes up and looks into her eyes. She, looking into his face, sees in him only falsehood and emptiness, which he carefully hides because of his love for her. — Sure? Do you think that when my memory returns, your “truth” will be the same as the real state of affairs? — he freezes and Hilda understands that a beginning has been made. He moves away and sits on a chair standing a meter away from them. — Well, did you remember anything? — His voice trembled, which means he is afraid of this. She raises an eyebrow, carefully walking past the chest of drawers on the way to the table. “Maybe I remembered, but judging by your look, you have something to hide from me,” she sits down. The back is straight. Her hair, framing her calm face, falls in thick curls. Her gaze is focused and fixed on Jacob, who is literally pressed into the chair. — And what did you remember? — Jacob tries not to show that he is pounding from the knowledge that he will have to tell everything. Although he knew that sooner or later everything would be revealed. He exhales and puts his elbows on the table, looking into Hilda’s eyes. The look of a person who knows everything, but she decided to play with him. We need to take a little time. — A lot. For example, the fact that we are not together and I don’t feel anything for you. The fact that Louise pushed me down those stairs. And that Tilike is my love. You lied to me,” Hilda leans back in her chair. “Perhaps, but it was for your own good.” If I had told you the truth earlier, you wouldn’t have believed it and rushed to look for Tilike, who, just like you, is now lying unconscious. — It’s not for you to decide what I should do and what not. You misled me, and besides, you are making excuses for yourself instead of admitting that you were wrong and made a mistake. — Listen, Hilda, what was I supposed to do? The girl who rejected me loses her memory and I become the only one who can help her. Do you think I could afford to leave you?! — Jacob leans forward. “Even if that’s the case, why didn’t you tell me about Tilik, why didn’t you tell me about Louise?” — the girl did not back down. — Tilike. I didn’t know anything about him except that you love him. Besides, I thought that by being here next to you, I could replace him in your heart. It is very difficult to hold onto the image of a person and preserve it when he is not around. And it’s quite another thing to constantly be able to see the one you love next to you. Isn’t that so?! — He raised his voice. — How do you know that my heart is better? To be able to always keep love for something that is far away, or to love someone nearby? — Jacob tried to take her hand, but the attempt failed, the girl pulled her hand back with lightning speed. — Hilda… Louise was not a friend, she was the one who pushed you down the stairs. I didn’t see the point in telling you about her, she’ll come to town and you can meet her,” the man stood up and headed towards the exit, he had nothing more to say. He told her everything he had to. — Where can I meet her? — Hilda looked at him. — In a bar on the main street of the city. Officers usually drink there, maybe her boyfriend is among them. — Goodbye. He froze for a minute. “And all the best to you,” he left the room and lit a cigarette. The wind blows along the street, blowing cold. Jacob should find another place to live. Hilda, taking a piece of paper, did not know what to write. She twirled the pen in her hands for a long time, searched for words for a long time, and then she just realized that she needed to write it down. What the soul wants, and no matter what words the desire to be with him is expressed, love. “Tilike, I remembered a lot of things, and above all, you. I remembered how, standing at the station, you promised that you would come to me with a bunch of medals and a rank. And so it happened. You have had a wonderful career; you are the adjutant of one of the most talented colonels. You look great, despite all the injuries you received in the war. They don’t scare me, I love you as you were and as you are now. You know, to tell the truth, I was stupid when I went to the front after you, I shouldn’t have become a nurse, I thought that they would bring us to you. But it turned out that we were brought to the camp, where I lost my memory because of the envious Louise. But I’ll figure it out with her, I won’t just leave it like that. I want everything to be fair in this world. You know, life is a strange thing. Separates people in order to unite them later. I love you and am waiting for your answer. I want to get away from everything and wait for the meeting.” Hilda finished writing the letter and put it in the envelope. For a long time she looked at how the moon illuminated the room. Emptiness and confusion filled her. What if he doesn’t remember her? What if everything really has sunk into the past and now all memories of her are lost? She hoped that he would remember her as soon as he read the letter. *** A young girl walked into a bar on the corner of the main street that was known to everyone in the city. A black dress, heels, red lipstick, loose hair, which she didn’t style today, and a small clutch completes the look. Hilda, entering the bar, looked around and found Louise. She sat in the far corner with the officer and laughed at the top of her lungs. “What a bitch,” Hilda thought to herself. She was disgusted by the very idea that she had once considered her her friend. But experience is experience, it must be accepted as it is. You do not choose the lesson that will be given to you today. Looking closely at her ex-friend, the girl moved to the bar and, ordering coffee, began to wait for Louise to approach her. She couldn’t help but do it. Hilda remembered her habits and habits well. And when she saw her, her face changed. The smile disappeared from his face, as if it was never there. She politely apologized and stood up from the table, walking heavily towards Hilda, glaring at her. “You…” Louise didn’t know what to say. She knew why Hilda came here and she knew that she had already talked to Jacob. — Yes I. Are you scared? — Hilda took a cigarette and lit it. “No,” she restrained herself so as not to run away from here, from Hilda. She felt ashamed; this is the feeling Louise dislikes most. It devours you, and you live with it until the end of your days. — Is it true? — Hilda pulled out a mirror and showed Louise’s face in it. — If you have nothing to fear, why do you have so much fear? “It seems to you,” Louise looked at herself and mentally repeated that all her fears were in vain, that she was absolutely not afraid to admit to Hilda, looking into her eyes, that it was she who pushed her down those stairs. — No, Louise, I don’t think so. You’re really afraid. Shall we go out somewhere? I hope your boy can live without you for about fifteen minutes? They left the bar and went to an abandoned church on the outskirts of the city, it stood away from crowded places. People used to come here, but no one has come here for twenty years. There are a lot of boxes, old books and dusty furniture. — Well, why did you bring me here? — Louise grinned. “I brought you here so that you could draw a parallel between your life and this church.” You are similar to her. — Nothing like that. — No, a lot. Look carefully, people once needed the church, they came here to fulfill their dreams and make wishes, they sincerely believed that it would save them from all troubles. But for some reason the church did not help, but only destroyed people. One day, the children were playing a lot here and a piece from the ceiling fell on one boy, thereby killing him. Since then the church has been abandoned. — What do you mean? If you came to carry all kinds of heresy, then I don’t have time for this,” Louise turned around and wanted to leave, but Hilda’s words stopped her. “I remembered everything, Louise,” the girl froze in place and turned to her friend. — So what? “Louise,” the girl approached her. — Out of decency, you should have at least said goodbye when you left. You didn’t want to see me that much? What is the reason that you so fiercely decided to get rid of me? Jacob? No, it’s too simple, and he’s too small for you, since you hang out with officers,” Hilda peered into her friend’s eyes, trying to cling to something. — If you decide to find out the whole truth, then here it is. I never wanted to be your friend. You’re cute. And men stick to you. I thought if we became friends, they would pay attention to me too. However, no, that’s not how it works. Jacob… Yes, I wanted to attract him, he could give me a ticket to the society of doctors, I wanted to be provided for by men, I wanted to be idolized, to be loved. But as soon as you appeared, you immediately attracted the attention of everyone nearby. So I decided to push you down those stairs, but I should have used more force. “And you thought if you killed me, he would immediately run to you?” — Hilda grinned. — Oh, Louise, you know, you are like this church — beautiful on the outside, but empty on the inside. That’s why no one enters it, there’s no point. You are empty and blind, you see nothing. — It’s not for you to judge my life, I’m finally happy! I don’t fuss with sick people and don’t clear leftovers from the table. “And after you pushed me down the stairs, Louise, how do you sleep at night?” Do you even realize that your whole life could be ruined by my words and Jacob’s evidence? — Nobody will believe you. “That’s what you think,” the girls raised their voices at each other. — No, I know that! — Louise, you have driven yourself into a trap. Why did you need to take on such responsibility? What conscience can bear this? She also got Jacob involved in this. “He wished it himself, let him be glad that I didn’t kill him too!” Enough, I’m not going to say any more! If you want, put me out of my misery,” Louise turned her back to Hilda and immediately fired a bullet into her head. The girl fell, a pool of blood spreading across the floor. Hilda put the gun down and left the church. She committed the murder, realizing that her only option now was to escape. Run as far as possible, to Tilika. She freed Louise from saying anything or having any feelings. Forever. She avenged herself.