Berlin blood

Tielike was slowly, but recovering. He learned again to hold things, write with one hand, button his jacket, brush his teeth, hold a fork, eat without a knife, break food into pieces, and sign papers. It’s hard for him, but he holds in his heart the hope of seeing Hilda. He did not know where she had gone, but he hoped for a letter that she would write upon her arrival. Today is the day of his discharge, the Oberführer will come in person and talk about his future fate. Tilika doesn’t care whether he resigns or whether they completely forget about him. People like him are equal to Jews in the Third Reich, and the German government does not intend to waste money and time on him. This group included many people: disabled people, mentally ill people whose illnesses could harm healthy citizens, and who were unable to take care of themselves. They were destroyed in hundreds. “Tilike Schlosser, they’ve come to see you,” the nurse opened the door, and the Oberführer stood on the threshold, tired and exhausted. — How are you? — the man sat down on the bed. — Okay, but it could be better. “I’m glad you survived that battle.” Anyway, I heard about your injuries…” he paused. —Are you already getting used to living with them? — Yes, I’m getting used to it, Oberfuhrer. Tell me, you didn’t just come, where am I going now? — If you think that you will leave the service, I may disappoint you. You are still my adjutant, but now you are not the only one. — So this means I’m coming back? — Yes, you come back and receive a reward, congratulations. Put on your uniform, let’s go to work. We have a lot to do. — Fine! “Tielicke smiled and, seeing his uniform, remembered the bright moments, of which there were many in Gotter’s service. They helped him dress for the first time, and he rode with Gotter and Arnie, his second adjutant. The guy had red hair in a crew cut and black eyes. Simple life of the city and country. Thielicke rode and felt that he was back in society. Life is different in the hospital. The man even got the impression that this is a separate universe, where everything happens differently, from time to conversations and the style of speech that is used there. He drove past busy streets and felt alive, he felt needed. *** The evening was quietly creeping up and coming into its own; it was the end of August, and the evening coolness penetrated into Tielike’s office through the open window. He sat at the table, together with the junior adjutant, read letters and sorted out documents. They had been doing this for the third hour, their eyes were starting to get tired of the yellowish light. It was late, about half past twelve. The ashtray is overflowing with cigarette butts, on the tables there are a bunch of cups of coffee, which no longer affects the body. — Arnie, let’s take a break, I can’t understand anything anymore. How much longer do we have left? “About twenty letters from personal mail and about twenty-five documents,” Arnie looks at the pile and counts it to himself. “I see… I need some fresh air,” Tielike gets up and leaves the office. The jacket presses and restricts movement. Maybe he’s gotten out of the habit of wearing it? But he had never been so uncomfortable. The man is irritated, the absence of an arm and an eye complicates even paperwork, a bandage to which he is not yet accustomed. He goes out, but realizes that in the corridor it is not better, but even worse. The silence in it weighs heavily on Tilika, it seems that everything has died out. He knows that they are not the only ones sitting at such a late hour with documents, this is a common thing, and therefore, sighing, he returns to the office. Taking out a cigarette, he begins to smoke, Arnie joins him. They stand in silence for about two minutes, and then Arnie breaks it with the question that Thielicke did not want to hear more than anything in his life. — How did you get these injuries? — the man hesitates, hopes to remain silent and not tell this story, but understands that if he does not answer, the guy will not calm down. “I went to the front when I was barely twenty. I was full of confidence and hope, I dreamed of returning as a winner, with a title and a bunch of awards, but everything didn’t work out that way. Our team was excellent, we worked together in battle, and afterward we all relaxed together around the fire. Our commander, Jens Filler, reconciled us. But we lost our last battle, everyone died except me and the commander. In that battle, I lost two fingers and had scars on my face,” he pointed to his face, Arnie looked with regret. Oh, how Thilike hated that look. “Then, when I came to the service of Oberführer Gotter Meyer, he sent me to another battle, where I was already a commander. But we were surrounded, and I failed the task, losing an eye, an arm and part of my memory. “I’m sorry that I made you remember a lot of unpleasant things, I’m sorry,” Arnie felt that he had touched something important for Thielike. — No, don’t apologize, I don’t remember a lot of things, maybe that’s for the best. How did you end up here? — Well, I… I came here to take revenge. Thilike raised an eyebrow. — To take revenge? For whom, and what prompted you to take such a step? “My parents were sent to a camp, where they died for their views on politics and possession of prohibited literature. — Remarque and Freud? — Yes. At the time of their arrest, I was not at home, so I avoided this fate, otherwise I would have definitely died. — How did you end up here? — Tilika became interested. “I slightly falsified the documents and didn’t give my last name.” — You do understand that, God forbid, some kind of check will be the end for you? “Tilika was surprised with how easily Arnie told him the truth, which was worth keeping silent about. Previously, he believed that he was the one who took life lightly. “I know, I’m ready to die,” Arnie smiled. “My life is not that valuable, no one will notice if I die.” “Here’s what I have to tell you: maybe no one will notice your death, but understand, you can’t pay with revenge.” The one who gave the order to massacre your parents will not pay for their death with his own. It doesn’t work like that, believe me. You’re just taking over someone’s life, that’s all. You will become a killer. — But we are all killers, we all kill someone, if not strangers whom we hurt with our actions and words, then ourselves, living our whole lives for the benefits that were offered to us, not realizing that they are not suitable for us. “There is an essence to this, however, my advice to you: do not take revenge, you will not find what you are making such sacrifices for,” Tielike finished smoking, put out the cigarette butt and went to work. Arnie stood still for a long time without moving. He took one last drag and closed the window. *** The morning turned out to be quite difficult. Gotter is out of sorts again, there’s a planning meeting again and Arnie flies in for every little thing. At such moments, Thielike is glad that he sits in his office all day and does nothing but sort out papers. “Yes, come in,” says Tielike, hearing a knock on the office. A man enters and gives him a letter, saying that it is addressed to him and not to the Oberfuhrer. Tielike is surprised: who could write to him? Is it Hilda? He takes a utility knife and, pressing down one edge of the envelope so that it does not move, opens it. He quickly runs through the lines, not believing his eyes. So it’s her. Hilda Schwartz is his girlfriend, his lover, how could he forget her? He leans back in his chair and takes out a cigarette, holds up the lighter and lights it. The nicotine enters the lungs and he relaxes. He thinks a lot. And he comes to the conclusion that he needs to run. Run anywhere from this country. Thielike was clearly aware that they were screwed. The Fuhrer is leading them to death, he will break and destroy this country and everything that was created under him. It is their German people who will be destroyed, not them. Their descendants will forever be oppressed because of him. Where can you escape? Italy! Yes, that’s right, it’s close, and the Germans are in good standing there. You just need to pick up your documents and disappear when the opportunity arises. You need to write to Hilda about your plans. He immediately took a pen, a blank sheet of paper and, exhaling, began to write. “Dear Hilda, yes, I remembered everything. Forgive me, I’m a complete idiot for forgetting you. I myself am in a terrible state, but I’m glad that you accept me as I am, because I still can’t even look at myself in the mirror. I know we need to run. Soon everything will collapse and we will be trapped. Please, let’s escape to Italy. I know you can object to me, but believe me, this is the only way to survive. We will meet at the border with Austria on the western side. Can not wait to see you”. Thielicke put the letter in an envelope and sent it to the address where it came from. He hoped that he would have the opportunity to escape soon. He needs a car to get out of the city, things to take on the road, and to change from his uniform to civilian clothes. But something needs to distract Gotter’s attention. Arnie said yesterday that he was going to kill. If he wasn’t joking, then Gotter clearly won’t care about Thielicke’s disappearance; he will be busy with his authority and much more. The man takes the meeting schedule and sees on the twenty-fifth a departure with the Reichsfuehrer on a business trip. Tielike grinned, these trips always end in the same way. Gotter’s gloomy mood and the indignation that one has to listen to the next day. This is the perfect plan, Arnie will come in the evening and he will ask him about the plan. *** From that day on, Hilda walked blacker than a cloud. No, not from Louise’s death, she tore it out of her soul long ago. She is consumed by the state of affairs, the number of wounded, which are becoming more and more every day. There is no time to care for them and operate on them; many die from their wounds while still on the road, and there is no more place for burial. There are simply no medicines. People have no choice but to die in agony. In recent days, she feels more like a nun than a nurse. They look to her for consolation and help. People began to remember God and pray again; it all began to look like a place for the mentally ill, although this is partly what it is. At first, no one believed in God, he was despised and destroyed, and now everyone only thinks about him, praying for him to save their lives. In the evening, in a small room where the only source of light was a lamp standing on the table, Hilda wakes up from a knock on the door. The girl, having opened it, is surprised when she sees Jacob, who hands her a letter. She takes it and he immediately disappears from her sight. Hilda closes the door and sits down on the bed. He opens the letter and reads it carefully. With each line, more and more surprise, mixed with joy, appears on her face. After reading the letter, she gets up, clutches it to her chest and begins to circle around the small room, unable to believe what she read. She quickly gathers her thoughts and burns the letter from the flame of a candle that stands near the bed. Pulling a suitcase from the depths of the closet, he begins to pack his things. There is not a moment to lose, if not now, then it will never go away. As soon as midnight comes, she will run away. She has the card with her; she took it from the Berlin hospital. Having gathered herself and prepared the map, she sat down and looked at her watch, there was an hour left until midnight. One hour to think and remember everything, one hour to start hating or loving someone. How much can be done in one hour: kill a person or perform a complex operation and save his life. Hilda learned well to know the measure and value of time. No money in the world can compare with time, everyone kneels before it, for only it determines the outcome of the battle, the strength of friendship and love. Only it determines the meaning of human life and its outcome. Only thanks to the allotted time do we understand that everything ends sooner or later. *** At the picnic there is a dull, even aggressive atmosphere, hidden behind well-exposed smiles and greetings. Standing next to the Oberführer, Thielick especially feels it. Arnie stands on the right side and helps Gotter while Thielicke calls out the names of the guests who come up to say hello. They encountered other adjutants many times, but limited themselves to greetings. They are on duty and must be close to their superiors. About two hours later, when the guests were already tipsy, Thielick knew that there could not be a better moment to escape, so, having asked for time off at the right moment, he and Arnie walked away. Arnie needs to take explosives, he agreed to give Tielike a ride and drop him off near the border. Both felt tense. Tilika felt sorry for Arnie, he could have become a wonderful person and a good husband, but he chose the path of blood. He knew that his heart was black, and the anger that lay within him could not compare with the words that he spoke to him. He has chosen a path for himself and until he completes it, he will not rest. They arrived at the right place. The man took the things and looked at Arnie, who looked at him. “Thank you for everything, you are a great person,” having said this, Arnie hugged him. “You’re a great guy too,” after these words, Arnie took the explosives and, getting into the car, drove back. Tilike, mentally saying goodbye to him, went towards the border, where they were to meet with Hilda. Excitement goes off scale, his legs give way, he listens to any changes and sounds, but hears nothing. He goes further and comes out to a small forest near the border. He puts down his backpack and waits for her. The waiting torments him greatly. Maybe she’s changed her mind or won’t come at all? Or maybe he wrote it wrong? A thousand questions flutter in his head like butterflies, but instantly fall back when he sees her from behind a tree. She is wearing a gray knee-length dress, a sweater and pigtails that barely touch her shoulders. “Hilda,” whispers Tilika. They stand and look at each other for about two minutes, and then run towards each other and hug each other. Long long time. Tight tight. They look at each other and kiss, just like they did at the station. With the same tenderness and with the same naive love.