My smart girl 3. Rewriting our stars

We lay in silence for some time. I was tracing patterns on his firm, hot chest with my fingertips, feeling the warmth of his body envelop me and gradually lull me to sleep. But eventually, I couldn’t hold back any longer and quietly called out: “Jay?” “Hmm?” he responded with a smile. I took a deep breath and exhaled: “Since I’m now… your fiancée… could you grant me one request?” “You didn’t even have to ask, sweetheart. You know I’d do anything for you. Just say the word. What do you want?” he murmured sleepily. I bit my lip, still hesitating, but it was too late to back out now. I buried my face in his chest and whispered softly: “Will you… be my first?” Jay seemed to snap awake instantly. “What?” slipped from his lips as his eyes flew open, as if that was the last thing he expected to hear from me that late at night. “You heard me the first time,” I gave him a reproachful look and bit my lip again, waiting for an answer he was clearly in no hurry to give — even though it was extremely simple. Yes or yes. There was no third option. Thinking about the no-choice choice the cocky brunet had once given me when he asked me to be his girlfriend, I smiled fleetingly at the irony — now he was caught in his own trap. But Jay apparently knew all the secret exits, because instead of the longed-for “Yes, I will,” I heard: “Yes, but… I’m not sure I understood you correctly. Did you really say what I think you said? You want me to…?” he clarified, hiding a smile in the corners of his lips. I rolled my eyes and huffed, offended: “Don’t make me repeat it just to stroke your oversized ego!” But the cocky brunet was already unstoppable, like a high-speed train that had derailed. “What’s wrong, doll? Did your courage only last for one time?” he purred, possessively pulling me closer. I planted my palms on his chest and sighed heavily. “Jae, please, don’t start,” I gave him a stern look, which, of course, had absolutely no effect on him. A second later, he burst out laughing — to my indignation — and declared: “Well, now I see that you have none left at all.” “Don’t laugh at me!” I protested, hitting him on the shoulder. But the incredibly satisfied cat-like smirk refused to leave his shameless lips, practically screaming how much he enjoyed playing with me like a defenseless little mouse. Still chuckling softly, the troublemaker squeezed my thigh tighter, pulling me almost flush against him. Looking at me from under his lashes with a warm, tender gaze, he purred hoarsely: “Sorry, baby. I’m not laughing at you. It’s just… I never thought I’d live to see the day when you openly admit that you want to have sex with me.” Hearing that, I rolled my eyes and snorted. “We’ve been dating for three months already. What do you think — do I want it or not? Three months, Jae! I was sure you’d drag me to bed the very next day after I agreed to be your girlfriend, but for some reason you suddenly turned into a saint and won’t give me anything, just keep repeating that I’m not ready.” The cocky saintly brunet ignored my accusations completely. He raised an eyebrow and smirked lazily: “Oh really? Nothing at all, Bambi? Does my cock in your mouth not count? Or my lips between your—” I didn’t let him finish. I pressed my palm over his shameless mouth and, flashing my eyes indignantly, shushed the utterly shameless and brazen troublemaker. “That’s different!” The devils in his laughing eyes clearly had a different opinion and were openly mocking me. He kissed my palm, gently moved it away from his face, raised an eyebrow, and whispered: “Really? That’s also sex, Bambi. Just oral.” “But I… want the real thing…” I couldn’t believe I was admitting this to him so openly, but I simply couldn’t stay silent any longer. “Not that I’m not absolutely thrilled, but… when did you become so brave, baby girl?” he smiled teasingly and gently ran his thumb across my lips, making them part with a soft sigh. Then, following some crazy impulse, I caught his finger with my lips, swirling my tongue around the pad before lightly biting it, and shot him a challenging look from under my lashes. Jay’s eyes flashed and darkened. He pushed his finger a little deeper and growled hoarsely: “Little minx…” In his midnight gaze, I could easily read that he wanted to see something else in my mouth instead of his finger. I slid my tongue over it one more time, released it from my mouth, and smiled innocently, whispering: “It’s all your corrupting influence’s fault…” “I know…” Jay smiled — slowly, seductively. He leaned down and captured my lips in a deep, greedy kiss, exactly the way I loved, apparently to soften the blow of his quiet half-whisper that followed the long, sensual kiss: “But you’ll still have to wait a little longer, darling…” I sighed in defeat and closed my eyes, pressing myself against his warm, broad chest. “How long?” “Until the wedding,” came the answer, and a shocked gasp escaped my still-tingling lips. “Are you kidding me?!” I whined, kicking the troublemaker indignantly in his hard stomach. But he only laughed hoarsely and kissed the top of my head, assuring me: “Come on, Bambi… I’m just protecting you… I would never tease you.” “You’ve been doing nothing but that lately!” I poked an accusing finger into his solar plexus again. Jay laughed once more, scooping me up in his arms — apparently to stop me from fighting — and quietly breathed into my hair: “Sorry, sunshine. But these are necessary measures.” I wasn’t in the mood for laughter, especially when I remembered that… “I might… not even live to see it…” I whispered bitterly, squeezing my eyes shut and biting my lip. Hearing this, he pulled me even tighter against him, soothingly stroking my back, and whispered hoarsely: “Don’t say that, my love.” “But it’s true, and we both know it. We don’t have much time, Jae…” “That’s not true, Bambi…” None of his reassurances worked on me. “I’m ready for this, darling, really. You’ve already waited so long, and we’ve already lost so much time… Or… do you not want me anymore?” I whispered with trembling lips. Jay suddenly became serious. Looking straight into my eyes, he exhaled softly: “Silly girl… I just confessed that I can barely hold myself back from taking you right here and now, and you’re asking if I want you? I get hard from just looking at your lips…” “But then… why…” I trailed off uncertainly, but he shook his head and sighed so heavily that I had no doubt he was telling the truth. “Bambi… I want you so badly that my vision blurs with desire whenever we’re in the same bed. But we can’t do this right now. Your life is more important than my desires, and you’re currently too weak — like a newborn kitten. And your heart… it might simply not handle it.” He closed his eyes, breathing shakily, as if even talking about it was unbearably painful. I moved closer, gently stroking his cheek, and whispered: “That’s exactly why I’m asking you, Jae… We… might not make it, and you know that better than I do, but you still won’t listen to me.” He suddenly opened his eyes, piercing me with a dark, moonless-night gaze that was impossible to read, and breathed out roughly: “And that’s why you want me to make you mine?” I bit my lip, not looking away, and simply nodded, even though I desperately wanted to tell him that I had already been his for a long time. But Jay sighed and shook his head, destroying all my hopes with just one sentence: “That is fundamentally the wrong motivation for such an important step, baby.” I closed my eyes in exhaustion, finally giving up and realizing it was pointless to argue with him. I turned away, biting my lip so I wouldn’t cry from the completely irrational hurt. Intellectually, I understood that he was right, but I still felt cheated. He had pursued me for so long, constantly making embarrassingly explicit confessions about how much he wanted me, and now that he finally had me, he suddenly changed tactics and was only teasing me. Though I really shouldn’t have been surprised by his behavior. In our relationship, it had always been Jay who decided how far we would go and when. He was doing the same thing now — continuing to decide everything for me. So from the very beginning, I never stood a chance of convincing him until he himself decided that I was ready, that I could handle it, and so on. I curled up into a ball, pulling my knees to my chest, and sighed bitterly, cursing everything in the world: my damned illness, his damned principles, and the universal injustice of life in general. Somewhere above my head came a heavy sigh. Jay’s strong arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me against his hot, firm chest. His soft lips pressed against the back of my neck from behind, and he quietly breathed into my hair: “Don’t be mad, sweetheart… You know everything I do is only for your well-being and happiness…” “Then why… do I feel so unhappy?” I whispered almost inaudibly, feeling his possessive grip on my waist tighten even more. “Darling… If you only knew how much I love you and how terrified I am of losing you, you wouldn’t ask such questions,” he exhaled shakily, pressing his lips to my hair. My heart ached from the deep sincerity of his quiet words, and a belated wave of guilt washed over me. I slowly turned to him, meeting his tired, beloved eyes. I realized I was acting like a childish, capricious teenager, while things were much harder for Jay right now than for me. I couldn’t even imagine how I would behave in his place. Stupid, selfish, reckless Bambi. My hands reached for his face on their own. Cupping it, I whispered barely audibly: “I’m sorry… I’m so sorry…” Jay pressed his warm lips to my forehead, hugging me even tighter, and whispered softly: “You have nothing to apologize for, Bambi. But… you do understand why I’m saying no for now, right?” I sighed and nodded, but couldn’t resist adding with a teasing smile: “You asked me when I became so brave, and I’m very curious — since when did you become so proper?” Jay smiled and pressed his forehead to mine, stroking my cheek with unbearable tenderness. “Since the moment I met one incredibly stubborn and willful fawn with huge eyes and a heavy hand… and fell hopelessly in love with her.” “Looks like we influence each other way too much,” I grumbled, smiling involuntarily, then sighed again. “And I don’t like it at all.” “What exactly?” he smiled, carefully brushing the hair away from my face and tucking it behind my ear. “You’ve become too good. So much so that I barely recognize you, and I want you to know — this version of you doesn’t suit me at all. Give me back my Jay — the troublemaker and bad boy, right now!” I demanded, poking my index finger into his chest for emphasis. But my beloved (and temporarily extremely proper) bad boy just laughed hoarsely and assured me: “Believe me, Bambi, nothing has actually changed. I’m still the same rebel and troublemaker you used to hit whenever I tried to kiss you. But for you… I just want to be the best version of myself.” “You’re already good enough, darling… You don’t need to change anything…” I assured him sincerely, gently stroking his warm cheek. Jay smiled softly, kissed my fingers, and burned me with an unbearably tender gaze from under his lashes. Then he pressed his cheek into my palm, closed his eyes, and whispered: “Listen to me, my girl… I know you’re upset and still angry with me, but right now, your health is the most important thing to me. And after that, we’ll have so much time ahead of us… an entire lifetime, if you want.” Tears welled up in my eyes again, but he didn’t let them fall. He gently laid me on my back, leaned over me, and whispered hoarsely, cradling my face in his careful hands: “And for now, so the wait doesn’t feel so long, I can give you something else…” Without giving me a chance to react, he captured my lips in a kiss — so greedy and hot, exactly the way I wanted. He stopped holding back completely and gave in to me at least in this. Wet, deep, dominant — he immediately pushed his tongue inside, completely robbing me of will and breath. That’s how he kissed me, and it drove me absolutely crazy. I closed my eyes with a sigh of pleasure, threading my fingers through his soft hair, and completely surrendered to the moment. I lost myself in his slow, sensual kisses, dissolving completely in his tenderness and feeling with all my heart the love he spoke of. I really hoped he could feel it too in my responding kisses and in the tips of my fingers gently stroking the back of his head. “Should I take my clothes off too today, sweetheart?” Jay asked in a deep, hoarse voice thick with desire, pulling back slightly to let me breathe again, a teasing smile hidden in the corners of his lips. I nodded, gazing at him enchanted. He didn’t torment me for long — with one swift movement, he pulled his t-shirt over his head. My admiring gaze froze on the hard contours of his incredible sculpted torso and the perfectly defined cubes of his rock-hard abs. My hands seemed to come to life on their own and reached for him, but Jay caught them and pressed them himself against his feverishly hot, velvety skin, openly enjoying my touch. “Oh my God…” slipped from my parted lips, as always happened when I saw him without clothes, while my fingers greedily explored the territory available to them. “Jae… You’re so… You’re just incredible…” “Like touching me, doll?” he purred teasingly, covering my trembling fingers with his hot palms and pressing them closer so I could feel every inch of his velvety skin. “You have no idea how much,” I breathed on the verge of a sigh, helplessly drowning in the dark abyss of his hypnotic eyes. “Then you won’t mind if I do the same to you, hmm, Bambi?” He leaned down, pressing his whole body against mine, and breathed these hot words right against my lips, which desperately needed his kisses. Then he greedily claimed them without waiting for my answer, like a traveler dying of thirst in the desert. He didn’t need one anyway — my body told him everything better than any words, arching into his caresses. My satisfied, sweet sigh merged with his hoarse half-growl as I buried my fingers in his soft hair, pulling him even closer. His hot palms slid over my shoulders and down my arms, possessively gripping my waist and arching me beneath him. Jay pushed my legs apart with his knee and almost lay fully on top of me, letting out a hoarse groan when I tightened my grip on the hair at the back of his head and tugged lightly, then gently raked my nails down the back of his neck — knowing how much he loved that. His hot, tender lips slowly moved from my chin to my neck and lower, to my collarbones. He gripped my leg under the knee, hooked it over his hip, and pressed his strong, hot body fully against mine. I exhaled raggedly against his lips as they once again captured mine in a deep, possessive kiss. My hands feverishly roamed his strong, broad shoulders and back, almost burning my fingertips on the heat of his velvety skin. I kept burying my fingers in the dark silky strands at the back of his head, getting drunk on his weight pressing me into the bed and on the feeling of that hot, hard length insistently pressing against me from below. But when he gently squeezed my breast through the thin fabric, kissing my neck hotly, then pulled the collar of my shirt down and began feverishly wandering his soft, parted lips over my chest, covering my burning skin with hurried, wet kisses — I gripped his shoulders and exhaled raggedly, almost gasping: “Baby… Stop… W-wait…” He froze, pressing his burning forehead to my shoulder, and let out a low, chuckling breath: “Shit, Bambi, sorry… I really… got a little carried away. Especially since Tae is on duty tonight, and if he decides to check on you, he probably won’t appreciate me molesting you so dirtily right here in the hospital.” I smiled, still trying to catch my breath and calm down, although in reality I wasn’t against him molesting me even more dirtily. I stroked his cheek and whispered reproachfully: “It’s just… We’re probably visible from the corridor…” The mischievous brunet only smirked arrogantly at that, finally returning to his bad-boy nature — much to my complete delight — and declared: “Let them watch. And be jealous. Though I’m sure, darling, everyone’s already long asleep. Their treatment plan doesn’t include making out with their attending physician.” I rolled my eyes and grumbled with a mocking smile: “If only your sweet old ladies knew what their charming and respectable doctor turns into at night.” Jay chuckled cheerfully and rubbed his nose against mine, whispering: “But you won’t tell them, right, Bambi? Let what I become at night remain our little secret, okay?” “Okay,” I agreed with a sigh. Because how could I refuse when he was looking at me with those huge, innocent eyes like the cat from Shrek? Slightly lustful, of course, and insanely cheeky, but still ridiculously charming. And that’s exactly what he was — a cat. A real March cat in heat. I fleetingly thought that if Jay were ever reincarnated as a cat in some life, he would steal treats right from under his owners’ noses with those same innocent eyes, fight other cats for territory, and in spring go around with all the neighborhood cats — but every evening he would still come home and purr on his owner’s lap. These ridiculous thoughts made me desperately want to laugh. But no matter how deeply I had fallen under his spell, I still threatened: “Just so you know, I now have compromising material on you.” Jay laughed — a deep, warm laugh — and stroked my hair, lying down beside me and pulling me close again. “Alright, Bambi, have it your way… But I really hope you use it wisely.” I smiled slyly. “Don’t even doubt it, Jae. I’m going to blackmail you with this until I finally get you into my bed.”