When Camellias Bloom

In an instant, everything fell into place: the way he behaved with her, the way he came running at the first call, the fact that there was still no doctor or advisor in her room. And that feeling she had towards him, that contradictory dislike... It wasn't that at all. It was... "You felt it, didn't you?" The Captain gave a sad smirk, staring at the opposite wall, his hands shoved into his trousers pockets. He stood frozen, not taking a single step closer. "Took you long enough." Mikasa didn't know what to say. All lessons in eloquence were for naught. Her mind was a complete blank. Questions swarmed like angry wasps, stinging more painfully than thoughts of imprisonment in a convent or some duke's house. And what was she supposed to do now? What did all of this mean for her? Why had he remained silent? And how long ago had he understood? "Why didn't you tell anyone?" she looked at him, trying to sort through the jumble of feelings. "So I'd get thrown out immediately?" Mikasa fell silent. For words like that, he really could lose everything. And now she knew why she hadn't understood before. Before her coming of age day, this feeling could have been barely perceptible. The irritation she felt around the Captain, Mikasa had mistaken for simple dislike. Soul bond was an incredibly rare thing. Impossible between beings of the same gender. That's where the Captain's incredible control came from. The only one he truly wanted was right here with him, in this same room, as unattainable as the glittering stars in the sky. If Levi had so much as hinted at it... No one would have believed him. Alphas don't feel attraction towards each other. It's a law that requires no enforcement. It's the natural order of things, and no one dares to doubt it. If Levi had said he was drawn to her, he would have been considered insane. Or stripped of his rank for slander. To call the Princess an omega, even indirectly, meant delivering a grave insult to the Imperial family. "Why is this happening to me," Mikasa whispered, hiding her face in her hot palms. Her eyes stung, and she blinked rapidly, not allowing the tears to fall. Not now. Not in front of the Captain. Why, out of all the alphas in the empire, did her soulmate have to be him? And how had she not realised it before, until his scent had become so completely ingrained in the air around her? If she had stayed as far away from him as possible, she would never have experienced this humiliation. Maybe that's why he had been so cold with her? Had he known the truth about her and himself for a long time? He gave a bitter chuckle. As if her words had shaken something within him. "You don't care what happens to others, do you? Is that what's ingrained in your royal nature?" irritation laced his voice. Even the Captain couldn't withstand what was happening between them. "No, I..." "Even now, you only care about what will happen to you. You chose to ignore that you were becoming an omega, and you don't care what that means for someone like me." Mikasa wanted to beg him to be quiet, to cover her ears with her hands so she wouldn't hear his accusations, but instead she sat up slightly in bed, looking at him defiantly. Now it was all clear to her. Now she knew the exact place to strike to break him. "You're just taking advantage of the situation. You know that otherwise you could never be with me, don't you? Is that why you rushed over at Jean's first call? So that I would end up with you, and not someone else?" For the first time in all this while, she was glad Levi was right. She didn't care what would become of him. She must not care. She stood far above him. She was the heiress to the empire, and she would repeat that in her head over and over until it began to sound like the truth. At least she was still in her castle, and tonight, she still held power. She should be thinking about what would become of her country, what her parents would say, and how this would affect her future destiny. But instead, all her thoughts were filled with Captain Levi. Knowing everything in advance, he had the nerve to come to her chambers, to test her, even knowing how strongly her nature would be drawn to him. Furthermore, he had done it intentionally, even if he tried to deny it. "I don't need anything from you," he said quietly. His soft, insinuating voice was disarming. Why did his words make her feel so terrible? Why hadn't she just let him leave? He should have summoned an advisor, a doctor; someone should have been writing a letter to the Empress and Emperor, begging for their swift return. She should have acted appropriately, like a true ruler. In the way that would be best for her country. But instead, she was putting up with this insolent Captain, and it seemed she truly wanted him to stay close, even if she told herself she wanted the opposite. Mikasa shook her head, sinking back onto the pillows. Of course she wanted him to stay. Her body was made for him. She was his. And not even the will of the Imperial family could change that. One thing she didn't understand: why was he still enduring and holding back? Now it was as clear as the summer sky. Why suffer when her entire body was literally begging for him to take her? If he had shouted at her, if he had made excuses, it would have been much easier. If she had seen, had felt that he wanted her, she would have won. For the first time in all these years, she possessed something that should have brought Levi to his knees. Something many times stronger than royal power. But not even the very essence of their nature could make an Ackerman bow. The silence stretched on endlessly. The Captain slowly sank onto the settee. Tired? He had said he was getting sleepy... Only now did Mikasa begin to understand what he must be feeling, being near her. Levi hadn't wanted to sleep at all. He was so overstimulated that he should have lunged at her long ago. She was seeing with her own eyes the famous self-control of the Captain of the Guard, and all her earlier words seemed like utter stupidity. Nothing would have stopped him from taking advantage of the situation, but he endured. Why? For what? He was only making her, the future ruler, look like a complete fool. For a moment, she felt sorry for him. Even her own confusion subsided. He was in a difficult position and had been enduring this powerful pull towards her for a long time, and she... She hadn't cared about him at all. And if it hadn't now affected her personally, she wouldn't have even thought to sympathise. But feeling such intense arousal herself, she understood firsthand just how hard it was for him. Everything she knew, all her perceptions of the world, were cracking. Was this how she would end? She had no choice. She was forced to desire him, and resisting was useless. Now she understood that with complete clarity. But she simply couldn't be with someone like the Captain of the Guard. There was a vast chasm between them. "...calms you down," his quiet voice reached her. Mikasa had been so lost in thought she hadn't heard anything. "What?" "My scent. It calms you down. That's why I'm here." She didn't reply, but she listened to her own sensations. She truly did feel a little calmer than a woman in her position should. She should be hysterical. Before her eyes, everything she knew, everything she believed in, had turned to nothing. And she constantly had to pull herself back to these thoughts. She was fighting herself. Fighting the arousal. Should she thank the Captain now? No. He wouldn't get that from her. He had caused her too much pain. But making their relationship worse was pointless. Could it even get any worse? He couldn't stand her as it was. "Forget what I said. I feel unwell, and your presence isn't helping at all. You know it yourself, you can feel how strong the pull is." "I can feel it. But you can trust me. I'm not here to harm you. Even if that's how it seems to you." Levi still spoke to her calmly, as if she hadn't been trying to hurt him as much as possible just moments ago. She would be lying if she said she didn't find that attractive. Everything about this man made her desire him. And even if her mind denied it, even if it screamed that she simply couldn't stand the Captain, her body said the complete opposite. She was irritated that she couldn't help it, irritated that she was drawn to him. "How do you endure it?" Mikasa asked quietly, just to say something. She knew the Captain wouldn't give a sensible answer, because one simply didn't exist. "I just endure it." "Just." That cursed word had haunted her from the very moment everything had become unbearably complicated. There was nothing "just" about her situation. She was confused and had absolutely no idea what to do. She had never been this shattered before. Everything fell silent again. Mikasa didn't know how to respond. The Captain said nothing more. She waited for some kind of help from him, yet at the same time understood she had no right to ask for more. He had no right to touch her, even though nature had already predetermined their roles. The heat was rising again. Mikasa moaned, curling up in bed, tossing and turning on the pillows. The Captain was silent. He was torturing her. He knew he could distract her with conversation. But Mikasa no longer dared to be angry at him. They were bound together by the same agonising connection. There was no cure for desire, no escape. Like a terrible disease, it spread through people's insides, poisoning their existence. It grew hotter again. Her body was covered in a fine sheen of sweat. It seemed she now had a real fever. She was burning from within. And this wave was stronger than the previous ones. Mikasa whimpered softly, unable to endure this in silence any longer. If only her parents were in the castle... She wouldn't have to suffer this uncertainty. And if her family were nearby, she would endure her heat much more easily. Familial pheromones would calm her far better than the scent of her soulmate. It would seem she had been blessed with the greatest fortune. Many people lived their entire lives without ever meeting their true mate. But she couldn't bring herself to call this luck. What good was a soulmate bond that was never meant to bloom? Mikasa twisted in bed, wrapped her arms around herself, squeezing her legs together. It was becoming utterly unbearable. It felt like a little more and she would scream at the top of her lungs, or the desire would simply tear her apart. Damp strands of hair clung to her face, and she ran her hands over it, pushing them away. She needed to release it. Immediately. She glanced at the settee. The Captain hadn't taken his eyes off her, it seemed, the entire time. His expression had changed. Softened. Despite everything he had said to her, he was watching her with sympathy, still reclining casually in his spot. "Suck it up," he said. "I know what you're thinking. It's hard to, but it's better than going to bed with someone you hate." "I don't hate you..." Mikasa said before she could think about how ambiguous it sounded. She wished she could hate him, but besides dislike, there was nothing inside her. And could she even call that superstitious fear she felt at the sight of the cold Captain of the Guard "dislike"? If she had understood earlier that she would mature as an omega, everything would have fallen into place. Now she knew that the dislike had merely been an attempt to shield herself from a terrible truth. She could tolerate Levi. She could not tolerate the fact that he reflected her own most fundamental, shameful weakness. "You're so vulgar, rude…" Mikasa began. The words came with difficulty. She was tired. Everything she understood about this world was crumbling to dust. She was no longer sure of anything, but the bond that now held them together was the only feeling Mikasa could trust. And if the Captain could keep himself under control despite all this, then she should no longer doubt his loyalty, either to the crown or to her. It was hard to admit her weakness in front of someone she had considered so far beneath her all these years, but she was not in a position to choose whom to trust with herself. "Your lineage leaves much to be desired as well. But you didn't take advantage of me the moment you walked in here. Even though I am yours by right. You're here with me, guarding me, and you didn't tell anyone about my heat, even though if someone finds out, you'll have much more serious problems than I will. And you know it." Levi continued to look at her in silence. Reading him had become much harder. Through the haze of her own feelings, she could scarcely perceive those of others. "It would cost you nothing to take me by force. And given the circumstances, no one in their right mind would condemn you. Not even my family. It's just hormones, nature, against which there is no remedy. Everything is working out so well for you, so why do you endure this?" Her voice trembled, on the verge of dissolving into tears. She held back, no longer knowing why. She couldn't sink any lower than she already had. "Not at that cost," the Captain replied. Mikasa didn't get a chance to ponder the meaning of his answer. Another wave of heat made her arch her back. She had no strength left to endure. She no longer cared how it looked or that the Captain was watching her. She was tired of suffering from this tearing feeling. Humiliation was eating her alive. Her hands began to slide over her hot body. Mikasa squirmed on the bed, tugging at her nightgown, trying either to take it off or to cover what was happening below. The thin fabric tightened across her chest, scraping against her swollen nipples, and Mikasa moaned, digging her fingers into the damp skin of her thighs. Unbearable, achingly unbearable. "Please. I can't take it anymore. This is so humiliating... If you came to help, then help..." she whispered, no longer forming coherent words, appealing either to the Three Goddesses or to the Captain, who was ignoring her pleas. "Suck it up, I tell you." "I can't..." "Suck. It. Up," he repeated more firmly. "Please..." Mikasa whispered. "Please, don't tell me you don't need me, that you don't want me. I won't bear it, I won't believe it, I can't anymore, I can't..." She had never begged anyone. Never asked. Mikasa gave orders, and her orders were obeyed without question. She couldn't believe that some captain was making her beg. And not for something ordinary, but for a night with her. Impossible. "Hey, easy now..." His voice, like a lifeline, cut through the fog of her thoughts. The bed dipped, and the Captain was beside her. His scent hit her like a wave. "Fight it. We share the same blood. You can overcome this too." Mikasa understood: the Captain wasn't ready to sacrifice himself for her. And he was right. He had come a long way towards his goal, climbing up from the filth, and Mikasa should not be the one to throw him back into the gutter. In the haze of desire, she felt him softly stroking her hair. Her heart clenched painfully. In the fleeting moments of clarity, there wasn't a single pleasant thought. But being this close to him was also unbearable. If he didn't want to help her, he'd better leave. She couldn't bring herself to send him away. But if he didn't want to leave, then... Mikasa suddenly sat up in bed, pulled the Captain towards her, and pressed herself against him. Let everything go to hell, along with the Three Goddesses and those who had cursed her, made her humiliate herself. She no longer belonged to herself. No matter how many times she repeated that she was stronger than nature, it was nonsense. All she wanted now was already in her arms. And the only thought that comforted her was that Captain Levi no longer belonged to himself either. Even if he continued to hate her, he was hers. And nothing on this earth could change that. Beneath her hands, the Captain's body seemed to freeze. He sat motionless, as if holding his breath, not touching her, but not pushing her away either, allowing her to embrace him. Mikasa felt ready to shatter from the sheer overload of feelings. What she needed so badly—the Captain—was so close, yet still not yielding, and it gnawed at her. Could he really hold out for so long? Mikasa didn't believe it. He might be able to ignore other omegas. But not her. There was no force greater than the one that had bound them together forever. As if in answer to her thoughts, his arms slowly wrapped around her, hot, exhausted with desire, and something inside her snapped. The Captain, the vaunted Levi Ackerman with his inhuman control, had surrendered. He had lost this battle the moment he crossed the threshold of her chambers. Tears streamed down her cheeks. Shame and relief lashed her like a whip, and she had no strength left to hold on. Her entire being reached for his scent; her lower abdomen clenched in a painful spasm. Was this how she was supposed to end? All these years of preparation, study, hopes—would it all crumble to dust in her bed if she let the Captain take her? But did her fate have any other outcome? She desired him more than anything in the world. And even if her mind rejected him, her body had long since made its decision. Was the Captain fighting himself? Was it truly easier for him? The questions flashed through her mind for only a moment before the Captain pulled her tighter. His rough palm carefully stroked her hair, chastely returning to her forehead. The Captain seemed consciously to avoid touching her more than was permissible. Her hands only tightened on his shirt. Mikasa clung to him with her fingers, as if to a lifeline meant to pull her from the abyss into which she was falling at incredible speed. She fell and fell, only hoping that Levi would catch her in time. He was silent, and it seemed to her that if he pushed her away now, she would perish completely. "I want you," he said, and Mikasa froze. Her entire being responded to the words she had already prepared herself to never hear. "Your scent is driving me crazy. You know that yourself. What you're feeling now, I'm feeling too. I can control myself, that's true, but it doesn't make it any easier for me. I can't help you. And you know that too." He squeezed her in his embrace, burying his lips in the top of her head. He inhaled her scent greedily, as if deliberately teasing himself. Mikasa knew, and now felt, how unbearable it was to be near one's soulmate and not be able to be with them. "That's not true. You can." "If I do it, I'll just be using you. I'll leave, and you'll remain mine. These bonds will be very hard to break. You won't be able to feel the same way with anyone else. You'll never be completely satisfied. And it's better not to know this feeling than to forever yearn for something more." "You won't forget either..." she whispered. He too had never known her, had never been with his soulmate omega before. "I would fear for your position." "Starting to think about me? That's nice," he quipped. "And I doubt I'm in any danger. You understand yourself, your new status gives me a free hand." He stroked her face, and Mikasa, like an affectionate cat, pressed into his calloused, work-worn palm. She didn't care what he said or how he said it. His touch felt softer than the featherbeds and silk sheets. He was teasing her, making her beg, but the anger was gone. His scent, so sharp, so alluring, clouded her mind. "So why are you still enduring?" "I'm not interested in you." Her heart plummeted. Mikasa didn't understand why he was saying this. Didn't understand why it hurt so much. She wasn't interested in him either. She didn't want to see him near her at all. The only man she loved was far away from here, but her body ached at every cruel word. "That's a lie," her voice was undisguised pleading. She didn't recognise herself. "I'm drawn to you only because nature made it so." That wasn't true. Mikasa wished it weren't true. She knew he was right, but she couldn't bring herself to think so. "And you want me for the same reason. You're only drawn to my scent." Mikasa knew that too. There was no romantic connection between them. She wasn't infatuated with him, and never would be. If this heat hadn't happened, she would have continued to ignore the Captain, just as she had for years. His attraction would have remained his burden, but unfortunately for Mikasa, in this state, she was ready to jump on anyone, and she simply couldn't fight the soulmate bond. "What difference does it make to you?" "I'm not the kind of man who takes women by force." "Tell me the truth. I'm in your hands, I'm begging you. Why are you still tormenting me?" "Are you sure you want to hear it?" Mikasa was silent. Her mind didn't respond. Even if she tried to think of an answer, she wouldn't have been able to. The silence seemed to fill every space, tormenting her as the arousal grew again below. "I don't need you. This bond, the fact that you're meant for me—it's a mistake. And despite the fact that my body wants you,I don't want you." Mikasa remained silent. Hearing this was painful. She should be indifferent. But it was against nature to reject one's soulmate. It would take inhuman strength to break those bonds. "Besides, your little fiancé would be very unhappy if he found out what I did to you." The Captain certainly knew where to strike. Did he want to push her away? Appeal to her reason? It was all useless now. There was nothing left inside her that could hold her back. "Stop it. You know as well as I do that it's over for me." Mikasa leaned forward, pressing against his body. She wouldn't let him talk about Eren. She barely thought about Eren herself anymore. Now, everything within her was drawn only to Captain Levi, whether she wanted it or not. Her chest touched his, and goosebumps ran across her skin. Everything below ached with desire. She squirmed on the bed, trying to relieve the tension, even for a moment. But it only made things worse. "Maybe you'll get lucky, and he'll like you more than he likes the thought of the throne, and then he won't reject you." Images of childhood and youth flashed through her mind. Eren had always been a good friend to her. But would he become her lover, her husband? Before the faces of the Three Goddesses—yes. But he wouldn't be able to cope with Mikasa's nature. Hormones had sold her body to another, and not even Eren could change that. Moreover, he wouldn't want to share her with another, even if it was only in thoughts. Was she ready to believe that he was truly in love with her? That was nonsense. There was no love within a ruling pair. Only conventions and agreements. Eren would reject her as soon as he found out what she really was. "You understand that neither of us has a future anymore. I don't want to think about it." "I understood that many years ago. But, as you can see, I'm still your guard." Her guard. Those words seemed to have taken on a new meaning now. Could she believe him? Mikasa leaned in for a kiss, but the Captain held her shoulders, not letting her reach his lips. Mikasa opened her eyes, meeting his gaze, still cold. It didn't matter. "Help me. At least for this one night. You are stronger than me, I admit it. Is that what you want? Shall I beg, if that's what you need? What must I do to make you stop torturing me?" "Stop it. I'm trying to talk you out of making a mistake." "Enough already. If you didn't need this, you wouldn't be holding me in your arms." Levi frowned, peering intently at her face. His eyes roamed over her, stopping at her lips. Mikasa could see how much he wanted to kiss her. And this immeasurably tiny distance between them did nothing to quell the desire. "Fine," he said, "fine..." Was she imagining it, or was there indeed a trace of pity in his voice? It didn't matter anymore. He could pity her, despise her, hate her—she didn't care. She couldn't endure this any longer. "I'll help you, but will you be able to forget this?" "I don't know," Mikasa answered with irritation, faster than necessary. From impatience, her core clenched painfully again, and she buried her face in the Captain's shoulder, inhaling the scent of his body that was destroying her from within. She felt that something was wrong here, but her thoughts wouldn't form a coherent picture. "I don't care. Enduring this is unbearable. Relieve me of this, I beg you..." Mikasa was ready to humiliate herself, to beg again and again until the Captain gave in, but finally, his hand drew her face towards his, and their lips met. She was pierced with agonising arousal. Her body clung and reached for him alone, demanded his touch, and his lips at that moment seemed sweeter than any honey. His fingers, roughened from swords, slid over the soft silk of her nightgown, gathering it, pushing it up from her thighs. He touched her skin, burning her, and Mikasa moaned softly, unable to bear this fire any longer. Every touch was a lightning strike, every glance a rumble of thunder. She trembled as if in a fever as Levi crushed her lips with his. Mikasa responded to the kiss greedily, pressing into his lips, despite never having been with a man, never having felt the touch of another's lips. It was an unnatural hunger speaking in her, a thirst for promised salvation. From that moment on, she thought of nothing else. Levi's fingers carefully slid over her breast, and Mikasa moaned into his lips, pressing forward harder, silently urging him to touch her more boldly. Was he uncomfortable? Was he still fighting his conscience even now, when Mikasa was in his arms? Questions flickered in the recesses of her mind, but she was incapable of pondering answers. Between her thighs, it burned, it pleaded, and Mikasa moved closer, climbing onto the Captain's lap, rubbing against him, feeling desire consume her from within. The Captain's hands slid over her body, his lips softly traced a line along her cheek, circled her cheekbones, descended to her neck and lower, and Mikasa arched towards him, throwing her head back, greedily gasping for air. Hot. Burning. Her mind was fading. Nothing remained inside but an all-consuming desire and the feeling of his hands caressing her body. He ran his palm over her thighs, reaching under the gathered hem, squeezing and stroking, getting closer to what was pleading and demanding, and Mikasa moved her hips forward, anticipating the soon end to this unbearable suffering. Finally, Levi touched her with his fingers, slowly stroking the wet folds, as if teasing, bypassing the one spot where all the agonising arousal was concentrated. "What are you doing?" she whispered, unable to bear it. "You've never been with a man..." "Don't. Hurry, I can't," Mikasa interrupted him. She wasn't interested in his manners or his caresses. Let him do what he had to do and leave her alone. That was all she wanted. For the first time in this endless night, the Captain obeyed, sliding his fingers a little deeper, to where everything clenched with impatience, and Mikasa was washed over by a pleasant wave of warmth. Finally, something that didn't cause her pain. The Captain shifted beneath her, loosened his trousers, positioned himself between her thighs, rubbed against her with what felt like searing flesh, and entered. Mikasa cried out. Tears sprang to her eyes, and she clenched inside again, digging her fingers into the Captain's shoulders. She just had to endure this too, so that this sweet, cloying heat would release her. The Captain didn't move, waiting for something, and then Mikasa thrust herself, taking him deeper. It smarted inside, but she ignored the pain, only pressing closer. That heat inside made her want to thrust again and again. The Captain's hands stroked her shoulders, her back, held her by the waist, and her back suddenly came against the soft pillows. Only then did he push forward, sinking in to the hilt. Mikasa arched. The mixture of pain and the sudden pleasure that pierced her was maddening. A loud moan escaped her lips, and the last vestiges of consciousness faintly screamed that the guards outside the door would hear her. "Let them," she thought then, and at that moment, the Captain finally began to move inside her. The pain was quickly replaced by a new sensation; a tight knot in her lower abdomen, making her moan shamefully and beg the Captain to take her, tightened even further, and Mikasa could barely contain the moans building in her chest. Levi didn't hurry, moving inside her with steady, measured strokes, and it irritated her. He was still controlling himself, as if showing that he was better than her, and Mikasa didn't know if she wanted to push him out or, on the contrary, merge with him so he would feel the same as she did, so he would understand how much she needed him now. She had already given herself to him. What more did he want? With each thrust, it became harder to hold on. She was breathing heavily; her lips were dry, and her throat felt like it was about to be scraped raw. The Captain bent over her, gripping her hips more firmly, his fingers digging into her skin. She wanted to kiss him. Even this closeness wasn't enough. He should belong to her completely, but Levi kept holding back. His body felt like a part of her, but his mind wasn't with her. Mikasa cupped his face in her hands, pulled him towards her, and crushed her lips to his. She kissed him, thrusting again and again, but the cursed arousal wouldn't subside, and the long-awaited release didn't come. "Let it go, don't hold back," the Captain whispered, breaking the kiss, and Mikasa finally surrendered, as if his words had snapped the chain that had been holding back everything that had built up inside. She moaned loudly, moving her hips in time with his thrusts, and Levi pressed into her with a loud slap, pulling her closer, gripping her hips tightly. A moment later—he pulled away, and the wet skin between her legs was hit by a rush of cool air. Levi moved somewhere nearby, and Mikasa half-rose, wanting to get his attention back on her immediately. "What are you..." she started to ask, but the Captain interrupted: "Nothing, turn over." She watched as he pulled his shirt over his head, as the pale moonlight traced his sweat-sheened body against the darkness of the night, and she thought that he really was very handsome, and that she physically needed to be closer. "Well?" he said, and she obeyed, turning onto her stomach. He lifted her, positioning her on her knees, and entered her sharply, his fingers gripping her sides. Mikasa no longer held back, burying her face in the pillow to muffle her own cries. The knot of desire tightened, swelled, and pulsed. Her core clenched, gripping him tighter. The Captain pressed against her; she could feel the moist heat of his skin on her back, his breath on her neck. Now that he wasn't looking at her, he behaved differently, touching his lips to her shoulders almost tenderly, and finally slipped his hand beneath her, caressing the spot that still pulsed and demanded attention. A few movements, and her body was pierced with sweet languor. Every part of her seemed to feel the liberating release. Captain Levi's scent, like black tea, flooded the entire room, mingling with her own, sweet and suffocating. Her body gave her only a brief respite before demanding attention again. "More..." she said in a voice she barely recognised as her own. The Captain didn't utter a word, didn't taunt, only pulled her closer, capturing her lips in a new kiss. Mikasa relaxed. Levi was no longer holding back, no longer trying to prove something to himself or to her. She had gotten what she wanted—him. Her body no longer ached so much, didn't suffer so intensely. She rose slightly, making the Captain lean back, lifted the light fabric of her thoroughly crumpled gown, and climbed onto his lap. The Captain allowed it. Now she could look at him, even though her face was flushed, whether from the unbearable shame breaking through the haze of arousal, or from the unrelenting heat. His eyes, seeming almost black in the night, glittered with desire. He could say whatever he wanted, but his eyes gave him away completely. Mikasa could see—he wanted her. Wanted her and understood that he shouldn't, that he was lost along with her, that it was the end for him too. He could repeat everything she had already heard, but it wouldn't change anything. He had lost, together with her. Something in her chest clenched pitifully, and Mikasa allowed herself more—to touch the Captain's face, to feel the slight stubble under her fingers, which she would never have noticed if this hadn't happened to her. She covered his lips with hers, stroked his shoulders, his back, the muscles rolling under her palms, and reached for him as the Captain positioned himself between her thighs. His palm found her breast, and Levi squeezed it, his fingers rubbing the hard, sensitive nipple. A tickling sensation, bordering on pain, traveled down her spine, echoing below, and Mikasa rubbed against the Captain, begging him to quickly relieve her of the new wave of torment that was rapidly approaching. His scent, his touch, everything blended into a cacophony of sensations; she wanted him more and more, and Mikasa had never thought she could desire anyone so intensely. The Captain entered her, making her clench around him again. She moaned softly, now in full control of her own movements and pleasure. Levi only kept his hands on her hips, steadying and slightly guiding her, and Mikasa quickened her own pace, wanting to achieve that long-awaited release. She didn't last long. Her core contracted in a sweet spasm, and with a heavy exhale, Mikasa stopped, as the peak washed over her body in waves. She rose on her trembling legs, pulling away. Their sweat-damp, heated bodies stuck together, and Mikasa allowed the Captain to withdraw from her. She had no strength left. She collapsed wearily onto the pillows. It was sticky and wet between her legs, the sheets were hot and equally damp. The aroma of sharp tea seemed to have permanently seeped into her skin. "Better?" The Captain carefully tucked a strand of hair stuck to her face. The arousal was finally subsiding, and Mikasa was gradually coming back to herself. The awareness of what had happened was creeping in relentlessly, and she remained silent, just to linger a little longer in uncertainty and quiet. She was no longer writhing. There was still a pulse below, but inside and in her heart, there was absolute, impenetrable blackness. She was disgusted with herself. Her nature reached for the Captain, but her mind could not and would not accept it. Why had he given in? Why hadn't he made her suffer and endure if he didn't care? Was this bond as unbearable for him as it was for her? Or maybe... Maybe he didn't want her thatway? Did he wish she loved him? Mikasa didn't love him. And she never would. They were different at their very core. Mikasa had long belonged to another. Her mind and her heart were given, sold to the influential Yeager family. And her body... Well, let him have it, let the Captain enjoy it while he could. He and she were simply errors in the system. Rusted cogs in a complex mechanism that would eventually crush them. Mikasa could already feel its millstones grinding against her soul. Or what was left of it. The remnants of unshed tears finally found their way. Wet trails chilled her flushed cheeks. Mikasa covered her face with her hands, burying it in the pillows. His hand gently touched her shoulder, stroked her back, sliding over her thighs hidden beneath the thin fabric. The Captain said nothing more. He sat beside her for a little while longer before the mattress shifted again, lifting Mikasa slightly. She heard the rustle of the Captain's clothes, the thud of his boot soles on the floor, him knocking on the door and saying something she couldn't make out, and then him leaving her chambers. The lock clicked again after him. He was let out, released. But she was not. She stayed here—a hostage, a prisoner. Mikasa wrapped her arms around herself, digging her nails into her shoulders. That fleeting pain brought her to her senses for a moment. Mikasa knew she still had time before the next wave, and she'd better forget everything and try to sleep. She hoped her body was exhausted enough to allow her to fall into unconsciousness. The hollow echo of the Captain's footsteps carried through the vaulted stone corridors, growing quieter and quieter until they faded away completely.

***

Morning arrived, and the usually cheerfully chattering maids entered her chambers in silence. Mikasa sat on the edge of the bed, tired and lost. She hadn't been able to close her eyes all night, despite the urges of desire having subsided. She was no longer afraid of what they would say, resigned to the thought that fear was a useless feeling, only stirring up her already wounded heart. But they only helped her freshen up and get dressed, without uttering a word. Mikasa now sat in her usual, richly adorned attire, with her hair neatly styled and a refreshed appearance. She was waiting for the advisor and his entire entourage to finally appear in her chambers; waiting for her fate to be finally decided. Sasha kept glancing at her, as if wanting to say something but hesitating, and Mikasa addressed her: "What is it?" The maid was silent for a moment, weighing unusually long whether it was worth telling, but under Mikasa's attentive gaze, she finally spoke: "The camellias have bloomed in the garden. I thought you might be interested. You used to go see them every day." Mikasa gave a bitter smile. Just yesterday, this news would have delighted her so much that she would have immediately jumped to her feet, eager to see the unusual flowers, familiar only to the Empress Mother. Now she wasn't even allowed to look out of her own chambers. But at least Sasha wasn't talking about the Captain, or her new status, or the advisor who still hadn't appeared in her rooms, torturing her with this ongoing uncertainty. "Is that all?" Mikasa asked, wanting to fill the silence that had descended again. She turned her head towards the tall lancet window, looking at the fluffy crowns of trees rustling in the wind. The soft morning light painted the room in warm colours. The already warming breeze ruffled the light canopies of her made bed. "They say they smell like tea." Her shoulders shook. Hot tears ran down her cheeks.