The Wrong Sister

The sex was great. Really, it had been everything I’d ever wanted and fantasized about but never quite experienced until that night, when she took me for what seemed like hours. Stacey had been surprisingly good, but Lisa was better. I wondered why I continued to compare the two in my mind. I guess it was just human nature. I truly believed at the time that Stacey had been the wrong sister, for lack of better words, as wonderful as she was during the brief time I had the blessing of knowing her. I just tried not to voice these comparisons aloud to Lisa. It wouldn’t be fair to her. Besides, they were beginning to irritate her, even when it was in a positive way, or so I’d noticed. She had done so much for me and had come to mean so much to me that I hated the thought of offending her in any way. Lisa took me to her doctor. She seemed very friendly and knowledgeable and kept referring to me as Lisa’s “friend” until Lisa reminded the doctor that her “friend” was actually her wife. The doctor apologized sincerely, and I told her not to worry about it. No harm had been done, despite the fact that Lisa seemed rather annoyed with the friend title. So I had all my medical needs met, regained full use of my arm, and fell into a comfortable routine with my predictable yet unpredictable new husband. It was wonderful at first. If anything, it was probably the best relationship I’d ever had, as we were that compatible. An inner voice warned me that things were too good to be true, but she was everything I could ever dream of, and so I would quickly try to shake and dismiss any warnings knocking at the back of my brain. I didn’t care that she didn’t make the money Henry and Stacey had made. We had enough to live on, and we had each other. That was all that mattered. She was a great listener, she took care of my needs, she never tried to change me, she was a hottie, and she was great in bed. What more could I possibly ask for? And then I began to see Dr. Kari Lacayo, a psychiatrist from Guatemala. The tall, slender woman was between Stacey and Lisa on the looks scale—better looking than Stacey, but not as attractive as Lisa. She didn’t dress like either of them had, either. Stacey was a conservative dresser who preferred dark colors. Lisa liked dark colors as well, but she dressed more casually. Dr. Lacayo dressed as professionally as Stacey had, only with a little more flair and color. The first time I met with her, Lisa was with me. We sat across from the doctor. I noted her high cheekbones and full lips. Her brown eyes were a little small and dull, but otherwise, I guessed she still had guys chasing her even though she was well into her fifties. Dr. Lacayo was actually the Police Department’s shrink, and she saw me as a favor to Lisa. “How have you been, Detective Winters?” “I’m well, thank you,” Lisa said with a polite smile. “We both miss my sister terribly, but I think it’s safe to say that we’re making progress.” Lisa glanced at me with a smile. The doctor then fixed her gaze upon me and said, “I’m glad to hear that. How about we talk about your feelings, Shaylin—such a beautiful name—and then maybe you can give me some background?” “Ok, though I honestly don’t see the point in this right now.” “Well, it’s just to make sure you’re ok,” Lisa said, patting my arm and smiling at the doctor at the same time. “But I can tell you that I’m ok.” “Yes, but I can also tell that you’re still having nightmares, sweetie. Just by the way you wake up screaming your little tail off.” “I’ve always been prone to nightmares. Otherwise, I may miss my lost loved ones, but I’m not anxious, I’m not depressed, and I don’t want to kill myself either.” Both Lisa and the doctor laughed. “Well, that’s good to hear,” said Dr. Lacayo. “I don’t mean to sound stubborn or rude. I’m telling you how it is.” “Oh, no, not at all,” the doctor said dismissively. “It’s just that after a while, you get a little good at these kinds of things, if that makes any sense. I’ve suffered so much loss in life that it’s nothing new. I’m just very grateful,” I said, turning to Lisa, “to have someone that cares about me so much.” Lisa smiled softly. “If it weren’t for her, then yes, with no place to live, no means of support, or anyone that gave a damn, I’d probably be dead.” “Do you feel any other negative emotions at the moment?” the doctor asked. “You may not feel deeply depressed or anxious right now, but do you feel anything else that may be considered negative and unwanted?” “Well, as I said, I miss those I’ve lost. I guess the only other thing I sometimes feel is a little guilty.” “Do you think it could be survivor’s guilt?” I shrugged. “I don’t know. Maybe. Or maybe I just feel a little guilty every time I check out her ass and like what I see.” Both women seemed mildly surprised by my comment, though I couldn’t tell if they were amused or embarrassed. “I lost my husband of many years just over a year ago, and then I lost the psychologist who helped me deal with that loss, and I sometimes wonder if I have any right to feel what I feel for Lisa, even though I understand that they would want me to be happy. It’s also not like we can control these things. These aren’t things we exactly plan.” “Oh, of course they’re not,” said the doctor. “But you’re just as entitled to good things and good feelings as anyone else is. You’re probably right in that your loved ones would want you to move on and be happy. Sitting around alone and miserable wouldn’t bring them back or be what they’d want, would it be?” I shook my head. The doctor’s narrow brown eyes slid over toward Lisa. “And how do you feel?” Lisa looked a bit put on the spot, as if she didn’t expect her own feelings to be examined or questioned. “Well,” she began, “my emotions are very mixed, of course.” “How so?” “I miss my sister dearly, and while I would bring her back in a heartbeat if I could, I also know I could never bring myself to actually do so, because that would mean losing Shay.” “You wouldn’t lose me,” I found myself saying before I could stop the words from tumbling out. This conversation was getting weird, but since we were on a roll with the subject, I wasn’t about to lie about it. “Your sister was a wonderful person, and so was Henry, but I’m with you now.” Lisa now looked genuinely surprised—and flattered. Affection was evident in her eyes. “What is it about her that you feel stands above the others?” Dr. Lacayo asked me. “Well, just her overall personality. She’s better looking, she’s better in bed…” Lisa laughed, and the doctor smiled with definite amusement. “Hey, you asked.” “Oh, I know I definitely did,” the doctor said with a laugh. “So many people hate me for that.” “For what?” Dr. Lacayo asked, while Lisa bore a curious expression on her face. “For being real. I always try to give an honest answer when I’m asked a question, and a lot of people don’t always appreciate my honesty. It’s cost me several friends over the years.” “Then they probably weren’t real friends. Any other negative feelings?” “Well, sometimes I feel bad for the amount of time and money I cost.” “She’s worth every penny of it and every minute of it,” said Lisa. “I remind her. She helps keep me sane. As you know, I deal with criminals all the time.” The doctor nodded understandingly. “She helps remind me that the whole world isn’t fucked up. There really are still good people out there.” Funny she should say that, for Lisa had me fooled like no other had ever fooled me before in my life. I just didn’t know it yet.