No Feelings

Days went by, but everything stayed the same. Gabriel didn’t call or visit, and from the constant movement of the busy guards around Butler, he could tell they really did have a lot of work. But then, one day, everything changed. No one was in a hurry, and the guard next to Butler stood calmly in his place. This young man was the most pleasant of those who usually guarded him—easy to talk to—so Butler sometimes exchanged a few words with him. “Listen, are you working late again today?” he asked casually, glancing at the guy with a bored expression. “I can’t imagine how you do it.” “You can say that again,” the other man sighed. “Our work is almost 24/7 sometimes. But today’ll be easier. My shift ends once I take you to your room and report to the major; the others will finish up a bit later.” “So that’s it,” Butler drawled. “So you’re finishing early today? Everyone except the major, I guess?” “Hmm, no, as far as I know, he’ll be off with the rest. I think he even wanted to leave a little earlier.” “Leave?” Butler was surprised. Gabriel didn’t need to go anywhere to come to him. “Yeah, he said he had some personal business,” the guard added with a smile. Butler, on the other hand, grew visibly gloomy. He was willing to put up with Gabriel’s endless work—but personal business that didn’t involve him? That didn’t sit well at all. He doubted Gabriel was meeting someone else, but what could he possibly need in the city? Within the garrison and the nearby hotel for American officers, he was already provided with everything. Sure, anything was possible, but Butler absolutely didn’t like the idea that, apparently, Gabriel wasn’t planning to spend his long-awaited free time with him. That evening, alone in his room, he still vaguely hoped Gabriel might drop by, if only for a little while—but he waited in vain. He knew it was silly, but the misunderstanding and disappointment made him so melancholy that tears welled in his eyes. Maybe it was the prolonged loneliness affecting him—or so he told himself. After all, he used to be fine on his own when Gabriel didn’t visit. But now... he missed this particular man so much, and he felt no one else could replace him. “I wonder what you’re doing right now,” he mumbled. “You said it was hard for you to spend a day without me… but you don’t come when you’re free. Is your ‘personal business’ that important? Or am I not that important to you?” The more he thought about it, the less he liked where his thoughts led, and the worse he felt. He spent the next few days and nights in a similar mood, noticing more and more often that Gabriel’s subordinates seemed less and less busy—yet Gabriel still didn’t come. He didn’t hear from him at all until the evening of July 14th, when the phone in Butler’s office rang again. His guard tactfully stepped out just before that. Waiting a moment on purpose, Butler picked up the receiver and said dully, “Hello?” “Hi, Phil. How are you?” “I’m fine,” he tried to sound cheerful, but the effort didn’t come across convincingly. “And you? Still not free from your business?” Gabriel sighed. “Not yet, sorry. I know you’re waiting for all this to end—and believe me, I am too.” “Uh-huh.” Butler swallowed hard, holding back all the questions he wanted to ask. “I understand. It’s your job, there’s nothing you can do.” They were silent for a moment. “I wanted to say,” Gabriel began hesitantly, “that no matter what, I’ll come to see you tomorrow. Maybe a little later than usual, but I’ll definitely come. Wait for me, okay?” “Okay,” Butler replied, without a hint of enthusiasm despite his best efforts. “I’ll be waiting.” “Phil? Are you really alright?” Gabriel’s voice was full of concern. Butler forced out a chuckle. “Yeah, sure. Why do you ask?” “You sound kind of down. I’m sure something’s wrong.” Damn you and your perceptiveness, Butler thought, unable to come up with anything to say. “Maybe you’re not feeling well? Or... are they treating you badly?” “No, nothing like that.” Butler hastened to reassure him, before Gabriel could dream up more nonexistent worries. “Really, Gab, I’m fine. It’s just...” “What?” But Butler couldn’t say anything. After a moment, Gabriel gently offered, “Maybe you’re just bored, aren’t you?” “Ah, haha... well, yeah, actually,” Butler decided to go along with that explanation. At least he wouldn’t have to explain the real reason. And besides, it wasn’t entirely untrue. “You’re not reading the books I gave you?” “I am, but... how can I explain...” Gabriel suddenly laughed, sensing his discomfort. “You don’t like those kinds of books, do you?” “Well, sorry,” Butler smiled weakly. “I have slightly different tastes.” “Right, I should’ve thought of that. Later you can tell me what you like, and in the future I’ll find something suitable for you.” “No need for that,” Butler laughed. “Just come yourself.” “I’ll definitely come, Phil. You understand—I wouldn’t miss seeing you if it weren’t for all this work.” “Yeah, probably,” he said, voicing his doubt involuntarily. Before Gabriel could ask, he quickly added, “I understand, Gab. Don’t forget I’m always waiting for you, and... I miss you. A lot.” “I know,” Gabriel replied softly. “And I miss you terribly too. When I come to you, you’ll see.” Butler smiled. Gabriel’s words almost completely calmed him—he felt wanted and needed again. Yet the residue of his previous anxiety remained. Finally, the day arrived: July 15th. Early in the morning, Butler woke in the fourth-floor room of the garrison building that had become so familiar—his home under 24-hour surveillance. Lazily, he reached for the alarm clock and turned off the irritating ringing, then sat up and rubbed his sleepy eyes. Looking out at the brightly lit sky, he mumbled, “Well, happy birthday to me.” For the first time, he was celebrating his birthday in such a setting. Today, there would be no greetings from friends or acquaintances, no noisy feast, no abundance of alcohol—none of the things he was used to on this day. If he was lucky, perhaps his relatives would call to congratulate him. He hadn’t celebrated his birthday with family in a long time—not since he’d left his homeland and settled in Japan. He still remembered those celebrations with a special warmth. Yet even in this country, he’d managed to mark the occasion joyfully and on a grand scale for many years, creating a true sense of festivity. But now? What awaited him today? He sighed and reluctantly got out of bed. He should hurry and get ready before the guard knocked on the door to escort him to his office—where, as usual, he would spend the entire day doing nothing. Having finished his morning routine and changed into his uniform, he left the room—only to be met with the disappointing sight of the guard waiting for him. Most of Gabriel’s subordinates who guarded Butler evoked emotions ranging from indifference to mild irritation, but this one stood out. He was a strange, deeply unpleasant man whose presence always made Butler feel a sense of physical discomfort. This guard spoke Japanese and, apparently, enjoyed the major’s special trust, as he was most often assigned to accompany Butler around the garrison and stand guard in his office. Lately, he had been posted less frequently and no longer stayed in the office with Butler, yet Butler still saw him more often than he would have liked. In truth, he would have preferred not to see him at all. “Good morning, Captain.” Another nasty grin and a supposedly friendly greeting—but in his eyes, there was malice, and God knows what else. Butler didn’t understand why, but it seemed as if the man took pleasure in his helpless situation and was doing a very poor job of hiding it. Suppressing the irritation that surged within him, Butler simply nodded and turned away. He walked down the corridor slightly ahead of the guard, feeling his gaze on him the entire time. Of course, that might not have been unusual—they were all assigned to watch him closely—but Butler felt, with every fiber of his being, that something was wrong with this man. As they reached his office, Butler barely managed to suppress a sigh of relief. Another guard stood by the door and greeted him, and he was almost through when he heard an unexpected farewell from behind. “See you later, Captain.” Butler turned around in surprise. The guard who had escorted him was smirking again, and there was something in his expression that Butler couldn’t quite place—but it unsettled him and sent a shiver down his spine. He said nothing and closed the office door behind him. Still thinking about the guard’s strange behavior, Butler jumped at the sound of a voice to his right: “Happy birthday, Captain!” He turned to see a friendly guard smiling at him. Relief washed over him, and he couldn’t help but smile back. At least he’d have this guy’s company for the day—Butler was genuinely fond of him, especially compared to the others. Still, he was a little surprised. This was the same guard who had been with him just a few days ago, and as far as Butler knew, it wasn’t supposed to be his shift yet. “Thank you,” he said, walking to his desk and sitting down, eyeing the guard with curiosity. “Honestly, I didn’t think you knew.” “Everyone here knows,” the guard replied simply, still smiling. Butler just hummed in response. Yet you’re the only one who congratulated me. “By the way, are you supposed to be guarding me today?” he asked. “Well, the major assigned me to you this morning, so I guess I am,” the guard replied. Hearing this, Butler smiled. He realized that Gabriel had noticed who he was more comfortable with and had sent this particular man to him for the day. Butler leaned back in his chair and placed his hands behind his head. “You know what—come to my room tonight if the major doesn’t show up,” he said. “I wouldn’t want to be alone today, and you’re the only one who’s congratulated me. I’d like to celebrate with you.” “I’m sorry,” the guy averted his eyes, “but I can’t come to your room.” “Why not?” Butler’s mood dipped. “Are you busy? Or don’t you want to?” “It’s not that. It’s just... the major wouldn’t be happy about it, to put it mildly.” For a moment, Butler was taken aback, but then, winking at the guard, he declared, “Well, we won’t tell him.” “He’ll find out anyway, one way or another. And then I’ll be in trouble.” Butler snorted in annoyance. “Great. Just great,” he grumbled. “Not only does he not show up himself, but he also won’t let me talk to others.” The guard smiled at him reassuringly. “Don’t worry—he’ll definitely come see you today.” “Oh yeah? Why are you so sure?” Butler looked at him skeptically. “I see you’re all very busy. He might not find the time.” “That’s true,” the guard agreed. “We have a lot of work again today, but... I know the major’s planning to leave early. He’s already arranged for someone to cover for him this evening.” “Hmm,” Butler tried to hide his smile. “It’s not certain he’s coming to see me. And anyway, if he’s so busy, he could just not come. I wouldn’t be upset at all.” “Oh, come on,” the guard said with a wide grin, clearly not believing Butler’s feigned indifference. “You’ll be glad to see him, won’t you?” “I don’t know,” Butler replied, now smiling openly. He was genuinely happy just knowing that Gabriel would be coming to see him that evening. He couldn’t wait. Around noon, a surprise awaited him. Just as he stepped out of his office for a moment to use the restroom, he returned to find a large, rectangular white box on his desk, tied with a festive red ribbon and bow. Butler’s eyes widened in surprise, and he smiled, glancing at the guard who was still there. “Is this for me?” he asked, just to be sure, and the guy nodded with a wide grin. “For you. A gift from the major.” Butler tried to stay calm on the outside, but his heart raced. Gabriel hadn’t forgotten his birthday after all—and what’s more, he’d prepared a gift. Something Butler hadn’t even dared to hope for. Intrigued, he leaned toward the box and reached for the ribbon, then paused, glancing sideways at the guard. The guard smiled knowingly. “Would you rather open it alone? I can leave.” “No, I don’t think there’s anything to hide from you.” Butler hesitated at first, but then decided that Gabriel wouldn’t have sent the gift here if there was something really special inside. Untying the ribbon, he lifted the lid of the box—and gasped. Inside were colorful round rice cakes arranged in neat rows. There were nearly two dozen of them—Butler counted and confirmed it was exactly twenty. Of course, he recognized them immediately; they were his favorite Japanese dessert, mochi, which he rarely indulged in these days. It was difficult to find good mochi in Tokyo, and it was quite expensive. So, such a gift was undoubtedly impressive—and it made him very happy—but his smiling lips trembled slightly. And that was because… How did he know about this? I don’t remember ever telling him. But then again, he has his informants. Could they have studied me that thoroughly? The thought gave him a slight unease, but he shook his head, dismissing it. At least he got this one right. Smiling, he turned to the guard and asked, “Want some?” “Thanks,” the guard said, shaking his head with a smile, “but I don’t want it. It’s your gift.” “Oh come on, I don’t mind sharing,” Butler replied. “If you want some later, just say so. There’s too much for just me anyway.” The guard continued to politely decline, no matter how much Butler offered, and eventually he gave up. He thought he would offer Gabriel to share the treats with him in the evening. In the afternoon, his mother called, and once again, he was tactfully left alone in his office for the duration of the call. She wished him a happy birthday, then briefly handed the phone to his father, whom Butler hadn’t heard from in a long time. Usually, he would talk to his mother for only a short while, exchanging basic news, as calling from another country was expensive and inconvenient. Talking to his parents, Butler felt another pang of homesickness and thought that perhaps he should visit them when he got the chance. He could take a vacation and go to America—especially since he hadn’t taken a break from work in several years. A vacation would do him good, and maybe after seeing his family, this longing would finally stop bothering him. It seemed like a great idea, but then… When will I ever be able to get out of here? “How are you doing, Philip?” “Oh, everything’s fine,” Butler replied nonchalantly after a brief pause. “Everything’s quiet at work, and overall... everything’s good.” “Oh? Is that so?” his mother replied with a hint of doubt, clearly remembering their previous conversation. “Well, I’m glad to hear it. So, what are you planning to do today?” “Oh, the usual,” Butler said without thinking. “Nothing special.” “What? But today’s your birthday. You always used to have parties on your birthday. Aren’t you going to this time?” Butler realized he’d slipped up. He should have lied and said he had a celebration planned, just to keep his mother from worrying. But it was too late now, so he began mumbling uncertainly. “Well, you see... it won’t work out this time. Or rather, I’m not in the mood. I don’t want to celebrate at all.” He regretfully admitted to himself that it sounded so awkward he wouldn’t have believed it himself—and his mother seemed to suspect something was up. “Something’s definitely wrong with you,” she said. “First, you don’t call us and disappear without a trace, and now you’re acting strange. Are you sure you don’t want to tell me anything?” “Haha, don’t make things up. Everything’s fine with me,” Butler lied, though it was difficult. He managed to laugh and sound almost carefree. “What’s wrong with not wanting a big party? Maybe I’m just not at that age anymore. Maybe I’d rather spend time with my loved ones—but you’re far away.” “Of course we miss you too,” his mother replied softly. “And yet, I’m a little sad to hear that. When you used to gather those noisy groups of people—even if they were mostly strangers—I at least knew you wouldn’t be lonely, and you’d have fun.” “Well, if you want to know,” Butler chuckled, “I’m going to meet someone tonight—and that’ll be my celebration.” “Meet someone... tonight,” his mother repeated thoughtfully, then suddenly perked up. “Oh my goodness, Philip, am I understanding this correctly? Do you finally have someone special? Who is she? Tell your mother more!” “Ah, hahaha,” Butler laughed, trying to hide his awkwardness. “There’s nothing much to tell yet.” “I see, so it’s not that serious yet. Look, Philip, your father and I were hoping to see you settled down while we’re still alive. Ange is getting married soon, and we still need to find someone for you.” “Oh, please stop, Mom.” Butler had always found such conversations embarrassing, and now he felt especially uncomfortable. “It’s not like I can find someone serious here.” “Well, you know,” his mother sighed sadly, “you weren’t very successful with that in the States either.” “Let’s drop this topic, okay?” The conversation was becoming increasingly awkward—and not only was he uncomfortable talking about it, he didn’t want Gabriel to hear it. “How’s Ange doing?” he asked, quickly changing the subject. “She’s doing well. Actually,” his mother hesitated, “she asked me to give you her birthday wishes.” “Really?” Butler felt a mix of emotions. On the one hand, he was glad his sister had remembered his birthday; on the other, he was disappointed that she hadn’t called him herself. “Well, tell her thank you from me. It’s a shame she couldn’t call.” “Don’t be mad at her. It’s just... it’s pretty hard to reach you right now. She can’t call you at a time when you’re available. In the evenings, you’re completely unreachable.” Butler bit his lip. Maybe his sister wasn’t eager to talk to him—but what his mother had just said could also be true. The thing was, he could only talk to his family during the day, while he was in his office. Mornings were usually off-limits—he assumed that was because Gabriel’s team, and the major himself, were busiest then and couldn’t spare a minute to monitor the call. So his window to speak with family was limited to the afternoon, until he left his office—which, for them, was late at night or even the early morning. It was inconvenient, but Butler wasn’t in a position to complain. He was already grateful he could talk to them at all—unlike before. “I... understand,” he managed to say, and his mother caught the tension in his voice. She sighed. “I’m worried about all these secrets you’re keeping from us. But I can see you don’t want to talk about it, so I won’t ask anymore.” “...Thank you.” Try as he might, he couldn’t hide from his perceptive mother that things were far from normal. But she showed understanding and didn’t press further, sensing his discomfort. Someday, he would probably have to explain everything to her—but that would be later... and by then, he’d figure something out. That evening, in his room, he waited for Gabriel, feeling oddly nervous, as if their meeting were going to be something special. The box of mochi sat on the small table where they always sat, and two glasses were already set out. Butler stood in front of the mirror, examining his reflection. He’d tried a new hairstyle earlier, but didn’t like it, so he’d reverted to his usual one. He had changed out of his uniform into a dark grey shirt with the top button undone and slim beige pants. He’d gotten the clothes a few days ago after asking Gabriel to bring some of his things over. Smiling at the memory, he recalled that evening. “Gab, can you do me a little favor?” It was one of those nights when Gabriel had come to see him very late, exhausted after a long day at work. They were sitting on the bed together, cuddling, when Butler asked the question. Gabriel had responded by lightly kissing his temple. “Yes. What do you need?” “Bring me some clothes.” Surprised, Gabriel pulled back slightly and asked, “You want me to buy you new clothes?” “No, no,” Butler replied with a smile. “I’d like you to bring me my clothes—from the apartment I rent. Or rather, that you rent now,” he smirked. “By the way, how much do I owe you for rent?” Since being confined to the garrison, Butler hadn’t been to the apartment he used to rent in the city, and consequently, he couldn’t pay the rent himself. Gabriel had taken over the expense from the start. While Butler had thought it fair at the time, he now felt guilty that Gabriel was spending so much money. He’d suggested they simply stop paying the rent and move his things out—offering to let Gabriel do it himself if he was worried about letting Butler out. But Gabriel had refused, saying he didn’t want Butler to have trouble finding a new place later. Butler hadn’t really considered that. He had no idea when—or how—his current situation would end. And to be honest, he didn’t really want to think about it. It seemed he’d be staying there forever, or at least for a long time. So, the most logical solution, in his view, was to give up the apartment. But for some reason, Gabriel didn’t share that opinion. “You owe me nothing,” Gabriel sighed. “It’s because of me you’re here, so I’ll handle the rent.” “All right,” Butler decided not to argue anymore. “So, will you go there? I’ll give you the keys.” “It’s no trouble, but… are you sure? I’d feel awkward going through your things,” Gabriel said, looking away shyly. “It’s fine—you can,” Butler replied with a smile. “But only you. I wouldn’t want your subordinates doing it.” “Of course I wouldn’t send them,” Gabriel said, pausing as if thinking it over. “I think I’ll have time tomorrow afternoon, so I’ll go then. Is there anything else you need from there? It’s best to tell me now.” “No, nothing else,” Butler shook his head. “Just take all the clothes you find. I don’t have much. But at least I’ll have something to change into. I’m tired of wearing the same thing.” He said it without malice, certainly not intending to reproach Gabriel, but the other man still looked a little down. “I understand. I’m sorry I didn’t think of that myself. Tomorrow evening… I’ll bring everything here.” Butler looked at him tenderly. He loved it when Gabriel was so caring—it made him feel needed, important. It made their relationship feel real, despite all the challenges and contradictions. And so, he was falling deeper and deeper in love with this man. Leaning forward, he pulled Gabriel in by the neck and kissed his cheek. “Thank you,” he said. “You don’t have to thank me for that,” Gabriel replied, lowering his gaze, still seeming a bit down. Holding him close, Butler said softly, “Why not? You’re so busy, but you’re taking the time to do this for me. I... I’m glad you care about me so much.” Butler nuzzled into Gabriel’s shoulder, and Gabriel gently wrapped his arms around his waist. “It’s so little, isn’t it? You’re really good to me, you know.” Butler chuckled. “Good? Are you serious?” “Yeah,” Gabriel murmured, kissing the top of his head. “You could use your position to ask for so much more, but you don’t. And you thank me for such a small thing.” He sighed. “You’re very kind to me. I feel like I don’t deserve it.” Butler gave a bitter smile at that. He thought Gabriel didn’t understand his feelings at all. It wasn’t something that needed to be earned; it had grown despite all logic. And he thought about something he wanted to ask Gabriel... but no, he wouldn’t say it. He knew it was pointless. There was no way Gabriel would agree to it. “I wish you could explain this to my sister,” he mumbled. “You know, she doesn’t share your opinion of me.” “She just doesn’t understand yet.” Gabriel pulled him away slightly, tugging gently at the hair at the back of his neck, and looked into his eyes. “She’ll see in time. She’ll see what a good big brother she has.” All possible responses got stuck in Butler’s throat. He couldn’t look away from those eyes, filled with such warmth, or from the soft smile gracing the other man’s lips. Gabriel’s hand moved from the back of his head to his cheek, stroking it gently. “Gab…” “Hm?” Gabriel tilted his head slightly, waiting for him to continue, but Butler had nothing to say. He leaned in and kissed Gabriel on the lips, running his fingers through his hair. He couldn’t miss the satisfied smile that had appeared on Gabriel’s face a second before he returned the kiss, pulling Butler close. The door to the room creaked softly, and Butler instantly turned toward the sound, tearing his gaze away from the mirror. Gabriel smiled at him. “Hi.” He’d come straight from work, as usual, and looked exactly the same as always—but to Butler, he seemed especially handsome today. Maybe it was because he hadn’t seen him for so long. “Hi,” he said, glancing at the clock on the wall. He noted that it was only slightly later than Gabriel usually arrived, before his days became endlessly busy. “Well, well, you’re almost on time today.” “Yeah, I decided to finish work early.” Gabriel walked over to the table between the armchairs, placing a bottle of wine next to the prepared glasses. Smiling, Butler slowly approached him. “Oh really? And why is that? Do you have something special planned for tonight?” “Of course,” Gabriel replied with a smile. “I absolutely have to spend time with you tonight.” Butler smiled wider and, drawing closer, put his arms around Gabriel’s neck. “I’m so glad.” Gabriel’s arms wrapped around his waist, and Butler leaned toward him. They were looking into each other’s eyes as Gabriel whispered: “Happy birthday, Phil.” “Thank you,” Butler replied. In that moment, their lips met in a long, tender kiss. Again, Butler felt dizzy and weak in the knees. He was sure he would have fallen to the floor if it hadn’t been for the strong arms holding him. He loved getting lost in these sensations. When Gabriel’s hands slid down his back, he let out a soft moan and pressed closer. Gabriel continued to kiss him passionately, nibbling gently on his lips, and for a moment, Butler thought they might be starting the evening with the climax. He didn’t mind at all. “You look so good today,” Gabriel said softly, breaking the kiss and pressing his lips against Butler’s cheek. “That outfit really suits you.” “Mmm, thank you.” Butler smiled contentedly, closing his eyes. It was nice to hear—and what’s more, he’d been waiting to hear it, because he’d dressed up specifically for Gabriel. “Phil, my dear, I’ve missed you so much, you can’t imagine...” A shiver ran down Butler’s spine. He trembled in Gabriel’s arms, feeling hot kisses on his neck, and ran his fingers through Gabriel’s hair, stroking the back of his head. Gabriel let out a soft, satisfied sound, not pulling away. You think I can’t imagine? Butler thought. How wrong you are. But all he said aloud was: “So, shall we go straight to bed?” He thought he heard Gabriel mumble something that sounded like agreement, but then Gabriel suddenly stopped caressing him and placed a light kiss on his temple instead. “No, no. Sorry, I got a little carried away.” “I’m okay with that.” Butler smiled, looking at the slightly embarrassed Gabriel, who glanced at the table beside them. “We still have to celebrate your birthday, after all.” “Yeah, that would be nice,” Butler agreed, his gaze falling on the still-closed gift box. “By the way, thanks for the gift. I was so surprised when I got it this afternoon.” “Did you like it?” Gabriel asked eagerly. Butler chuckled. “Of course I did—I love stuff like that. But, um,” he hesitated, wondering if he should ask this, but curiosity got the better of him, “I’ve been wondering—how did you know about it? I don’t think I ever told you. Hehe, can your informants find out even that?” Gabriel’s face, which had been lit up with a smile a moment ago, suddenly clouded over. “My informants have nothing to do with it.” He sighed heavily. “Your memory is worse than I thought.” “Huh?” Butler frowned. “Are you saying I told you about this but forgot?” “Yes,” Gabriel sighed again, looking deeply disappointed. “It was a long time ago, but try to remember. At the beginning of our acquaintance, we were sitting in a restaurant, and when we were talking about desserts, you mentioned that you liked those Japanese sweets. You also said they were hard to find in Japan now, and that it was a pleasant memory from your childhood.” Butler stared at him in amazement. From what Gabriel had said, he realized it must have been one of their earliest conversations, likely during breakfast or dinner at the restaurant near the garrison. Back then, he still didn’t know much about Gabriel and had been hoping to get along with him—so he probably talked about himself, trying to find common ground. However, he couldn’t recall this particular moment, even now that it had been brought up. Confused, he lowered his eyes. “I don’t remember that at all,” he mumbled. “I figured,” Gabriel said sadly. “Well, I’m sorry.” Butler sensed that it had upset him, which made him regret his own forgetfulness. “But don’t be too hard on me—after all, it was so long ago and only once, right? It’s more surprising that you remember.” “I have a good memory, unlike you,” Gabriel smirked, clearly teasing now, and Butler snorted. “Besides... I remember things that interest me easily.” He looked away, still smiling slightly, and Butler thought his embarrassed reaction was absolutely adorable. The next second, though, he himself felt a little embarrassed by what Gabriel had said. “So, even back then, you were already interested in learning more about me?” he asked—more of a statement than a question. Gabriel didn’t reply, simply continued to avoid his gaze. On impulse, Butler approached and kissed him on the cheek. “Thank you. I appreciate your attention.” He smiled softly, looking into Gabriel’s eyes, then turned and walked toward the table. Without even turning around, he could feel Gabriel’s gaze following him, and a pleasant shiver ran down his spine. He always loved it when Gabriel looked at him like that—and loved knowing he could provoke such a reaction. Hiding his smile, he casually settled into the armchair. “Well, let’s get started then,” he said brightly. “Sit down. By the way, we still need to eat these today,” he added, pointing to the box of mochi. “I hope you’ll help me?” Gabriel seemed to snap out of a trance and asked, “Maybe you want to eat something else? We could order food right here.” “Oh yeah?” Butler was slightly surprised by the suggestion. “What kind of food?” “Anything you want,” Gabriel replied with a kind smile. “Hmm, that’s very generous of you.” Butler pondered for a moment, then added, “But I don’t want to eat too much right now, so... maybe just some light snacks. I don’t know... whatever you think.” “Alright,” Gabriel nodded and left to give instructions to his subordinates. When he returned to the room, Butler reached for the bottle that had been left on the table earlier. “They’ll bring everything soon,” Gabriel announced. “Great,” Butler replied. “Let’s have a drink while we wait.” He was about to open the bottle and pour the wine when Gabriel said, “Wait.” Butler stopped obediently and looked at him expectantly. Oddly enough, Gabriel seemed visibly nervous—he avoided eye contact, and his hands were unconsciously clenched into fists. After a moment’s hesitation, he continued, uncertainly: “Actually, Phil… I have something else for you.” “Really? Another present?” Butler’s eyes lit up with curiosity. He stood up from his chair and took a step toward Gabriel. “I’m intrigued. What is it?” Gabriel seemed even more embarrassed. Reaching into his jacket pocket, he pulled out a small black velvet box and handed it to Butler. “Um, here. Please.” “W-what is it?” Butler’s voice trembled. The object in his hands was small but striking. It was oblong, with a delicate gold pattern around the edges—perfect for holding a piece of expensive jewelry. Swallowing, he lifted the lid and confirmed his suspicions. They were indeed pure gold jewelry. Even without being an expert, he could tell. A square pendant with an intricate design, small clear stones—probably precious—sparkling at the corners. A delicate chain bracelet and small earrings with a beautiful blue gem. Everything was neatly arranged on the black velvet and shimmered magnificently. For quite a while, Butler couldn’t take his eyes off them. Then, abruptly, he closed the lid and placed the box on the table. “I’m sorry, I... I can’t accept this.” The worry on Gabriel’s face turned to sadness. “You don’t like it?” Butler shook his head. “They’re very beautiful,” he said, glancing again at the closed jewelry box. “I’m just not used to wearing things like that, but... that’s not the reason.” “Then what is it?” There was genuine confusion in Gabriel’s voice, and Butler couldn’t help but exclaim, “It’s just that it’s insanely expensive! Do you think I don’t know how much it costs? You probably spent half your salary on this… or maybe even more!” For a moment, Gabriel’s eyes widened in surprise—then he smiled, visibly relieved. “Don’t worry about it. I can afford it.” Butler was speechless. Emotions swirled inside him, and he didn’t know how to express them. Of course, he could imagine that Gabriel had accumulated plenty of money over the years—money he didn’t really need to spend—but that wasn’t the point. “I-It doesn’t matter what you can afford!” he blurted out, looking away. Then, more softly, he added, “You don’t understand... You spent so much money on a gift for me—that’s what’s so overwhelming.” “Why not spend it on you?” Gabriel replied calmly, still smiling. “What’s wrong with wanting to give you a nice birthday present?” “This would’ve been enough,” Butler said, nodding at the large box of mochi. “But something like that... you don’t just give away for no reason, even if you’ve got money to burn.” “For no reason?” Gabriel looked surprised. "Do you think a birthday is a trivial reason?" “That’s not what I mean,” Butler replied with a weak smile. “I mean… you don’t give expensive things like that to just anyone. Only to someone who’s really special to you.” A short silence fell between them. “And why do you think you’re just anyone?” Gabriel asked. Butler snorted. “As if it could be any other way,” he muttered. Then he looked at Gabriel directly, his gaze sharp. “Tell me—who am I to you?” “I think I can say now,” Gabriel replied with a small smile, “that you’re my... lover?” Butler gave a sad smile. “Exactly. Just a temporary lover you spend your evenings with to escape the boredom of everyday life. It just happened that way. It could’ve been someone else.” He lowered his eyes, lips trembling. “So... I’m definitely not the one who should be receiving gifts like that from you.” Again, silence. Out of the corner of his eye, Butler saw a faint shadow pass over Gabriel’s face. “Maybe that’s how it feels for you,” Gabriel finally said, looking away. “But I see our relationship differently.” Butler looked up at him, curiosity and a touch of disbelief flickering in his eyes. He wanted to believe he was special to Gabriel—but unfortunately, he just couldn’t. “You’re right, you do help me escape boredom,” Gabriel admitted, “but that’s not all. I... I feel really good around you.” When Butler snorted skeptically, he quickly added, “And I don’t just mean sexually. I enjoy spending time with you—no matter what we’re doing. It’s easy to talk to you. It’s even nice to just sit next to you in silence. I don’t know why, but I’ve never felt this way before. So... I doubt anyone could replace you.” Butler stared at him, wide-eyed, unable to say a word. “But I understand if it’s different for you,” Gabriel continued, still not meeting his gaze. “I know you have to put up with a lot here because of me. And I... I want to make it up to you somehow. I want to make you happy.” Butler was just about to object when Gabriel added something that stopped him in his tracks. “Besides… I’m very grateful to you.” “For what?” Butler asked quietly. “For everything you do. For your kindness to me.” Gabriel glanced at the box on the table, then back at Butler, his smile soft and sincere. “So please, accept this gift as a token of my gratitude.” Butler gave a short laugh. “What are you talking about? I don’t even understand what you’re thanking me for. What special thing am I doing?” He lowered his head, the smile fading. “I just meet you here in the evenings. That’s all.” “You see, you don’t even realize how much you’re helping me,” Gabriel murmured. He stepped closer and wrapped his arms around Butler, pressing his nose against his temple and breathing in the scent of his hair. “You do it without thinking, just because you want to... but you have no idea how much it means to me—just that you accept me.” Butler hugged him back silently. Inexplicably, Gabriel always seemed to know just what to say or do to touch his deepest feelings, slipping deeper and deeper into his heart. “If you think that deserves thanks,” Butler mumbled, sniffling softly, “then... I suppose I should thank you too.” Gabriel chuckled and gently ruffled his hair. “You don’t have to.” He stroked Butler’s back while Butler tightened his arms around him, closing his eyes, savoring the touch and the warmth of Gabriel’s embrace. “So, will you take the jewelry?” Gabriel asked. “I picked it out especially for you.” Butler smiled, burying his face in Gabriel’s shoulder. “Yes. Thank you, Gab.” “There you go,” Gabriel said contentedly, kissing the top of his head. A knock sounded at the door, and Butler jumped, casting a nervous glance in that direction. “Don’t worry—no one will come in unless I say so,” Gabriel reassured him. “Besides, I always lock the door behind me.” He turned toward the door, a faint smile playing on his lips. “I think they’ve brought our food.” When Gabriel went to get the food, Butler picked up the box from the table and, opening it slightly, admired the jewelry once more before carrying it to the dressing table and leaving it there by the mirror. He returned to Gabriel and settled into the chair opposite him, watching as Gabriel laid out the snacks. Then the wine was poured, and as soon as Gabriel sat down, Butler asked playfully: “So, Gab, you like how I look today, don’t you?” Gabriel raised his eyebrows in surprise, then smiled. “Yes, as I said. Although, you always look good.” “But today is special, isn’t it?” Butler continued to flirt unabashedly, enjoying how Gabriel was clearly thrown off by his unusual behavior. “Yes,” he replied, a little lost, but soon understanding dawned in his eyes, and he shook his head. “Oh, Phil, are you trying to say you dressed up for me?” Butler smiled, looking away. “Well, more like I was in the mood for it today,” he replied evasively. He could feel Gabriel’s gaze on him and saw the corners of Gabriel’s mouth lift in a smile. He loved it. They clinked their wine glasses together, and their eyes met. Butler couldn’t explain it, but he adored the expression in those dark eyes when they focused on him. Only they looked at him with such open admiration that a single glance was enough to make his heart race. “Tell me, Gab, what are your days like now?” Butler leaned back in his chair, holding a glass of half-finished wine. Gabriel grimaced slightly. “It’s not like there’s much to tell. I work practically all day. I only come home late at night and go straight to bed. I don’t do anything else.” “How do you even manage?” Butler frowned. “Maybe you should delegate some of your work to your subordinates? You did it today.” “Today was an exception. Usually, I try to do everything myself.” “You don’t trust anyone, do you?” Gabriel said nothing, but his silence was answer enough. Butler sighed heavily. “And how long is this going to continue? At this rate, you’ll be completely exhausted.” “I’ll be alright, Phil. Don’t worry about me,” Gabriel said with a weak smile. “And this won’t last long. I think in a few days I’ll be back to coming to see you in the evenings as usual.” “You always came late, even before,” Butler grumbled. After a moment’s silence, Gabriel sighed. “There’s nothing I can do about it. That’s just the way my job is.” “You know what you could do. But for that, you need to learn to rely on the people around you a little.” “I... I delegate a lot to them already,” Gabriel said, sounding unsure. “But you could probably do more. I don’t follow you around, but I’m pretty sure you finish work later than all your subordinates.” Gabriel seemed about to argue, but then changed his mind and simply closed his eyes wearily. “It’s natural. I’m responsible for everything.” Butler sighed again. He didn’t think Gabriel was actually that responsible; it was more likely a result of his distrust of others—and the fact that, essentially, he wasn’t interested in anything except achieving his goal. As a result, he simply had nothing to occupy himself or his thoughts with in his free time. Probably, his only entertainment was coming here. But even then, he didn’t stay long—usually no more than a couple of hours. Perhaps that was enough for him. Or maybe he didn’t want to bother Butler, thinking that Butler didn’t really crave his company. “It’s useless telling you to take care of yourself, isn’t it? Your own health obviously doesn’t concern you.” When Gabriel didn’t respond, Butler added, “So maybe you’ll think about me?” “What do you mean?” the other man asked, looking puzzled. “Well… I’m lonely here without you,” Butler admitted, looking away, embarrassed by his confession. “Oh, you mean you’re bored. I understand.” After a moment’s thought, Gabriel added, “I sent that guy over today—the one you seemed to like. I can leave him with you more often.” “That would be nice,” Butler smiled. “But actually, I meant something else.” Gabriel gave him a thoughtful look. “You mean being alone in this room? I’m sorry, but I won’t allow him—or anyone else from security—to be here with you.” “Why not?” Butler asked out of pure curiosity. He suddenly remembered his guard’s reaction when he’d invited him to his room earlier. “I would’ve thought you were jealous, but you have no problem leaving them with me in my office.” Gabriel looked away silently, and Butler, catching on, chuckled. “Ah, I see. You think this place should be just for the two of us, right? Haha, who would’ve thought you were such a romantic.” “More like a possessive one,” Gabriel replied with a smile. “If you want to know the truth, I find it hard even leaving them alone with you in the office. If I didn’t know you weren’t interested in men, I’d be going crazy.” “Seriously?” Butler laughed out loud. “Hahaha, you’re kidding.” After calming down, he added, “Actually, I wouldn’t want anyone else to come here either. Because, you see, it’s not about needing to talk to anyone. I want to spend more time with you. Do you understand?” Tilting his head slightly, he looked into Gabriel’s eyes. Gabriel, in turn, stared at him for a moment, then quickly looked away. “In that case... I’ll think about what we can do about it,” he said, a slight smile playing at the corners of his lips. “Please do,” Butler replied with a contented smile. They had another drink and a few snacks before Butler decided to bring up something that had been on his mind. “Tell me, what do you like to do in your free time? I know you don’t have much, but even you must relax sometimes.” Gabriel looked genuinely taken aback by the question. He seemed to give it serious thought. “I don’t really do anything special,” he said at last. “I meet you here, then I go back to my place, and that’s the end of my day.” “Okay, but before we met—how did you spend your evenings?” “I don’t know... I can’t remember.” Butler sighed. Getting Gabriel to talk about his past hobbies was proving harder than expected. “Come on, you must have done something for fun. Maybe you went out? Or maybe you went on dates?” Butler winked playfully. “You can tell me about it.” “No, I haven’t been on any dates in a long time,” Gabriel replied with a faint smile. Lowering his eyes, he added more quietly, “And I haven’t had a relationship in a long time either.” Butler already knew this. Gabriel’s behavior made it clear that he wasn’t used to close relationships—and had probably been alone for most of his life. Given his psychological issues, that wasn’t surprising. Even his good looks and excellent education couldn’t change that. But people could be lonely for many reasons. Butler smiled gently. “Me too.” “You too?” Gabriel looked at him skeptically. “Yeah. What did you think?” “I thought it was exactly the opposite.” “Oh, I see what you mean,” Butler replied. “It’s just that, you know—one-night stands, or even a few nights, aren’t the same as a relationship.” Gabriel studied him for a moment. “And these were with so-called ladies of the night, right?” he asked, a hint of displeasure in his tone. “Mostly,” Butler admitted, looking away. He used to be casual about it, but now—sitting across from Gabriel and saying it out loud—he felt awkward. Scratching his chin, he added with a smirk, “I know you don’t approve.” “That’s your business,” Gabriel replied evenly. For a moment, it seemed like he didn’t care at all—until he added, “That was then.” “And now?” Butler grinned. “And now, I wouldn’t let you near such places,” Gabriel said sharply, meeting his eyes. Butler laughed. “Well, you know, I wouldn’t go there myself anymore.” Gabriel’s gaze softened as he looked him up and down. “I’m actually sorry you ever had to buy affection,” he said with a sigh. “I think you could’ve easily gotten it without paying.” “Sure, you can turn on the charm and go with that—I’ve done it a few times. But honestly, it was often just easier to pay and get everything I needed without anyone expecting more than I could give.” Gabriel shook his head. “You underestimate yourself. Some people would gladly pay just to spend the night with you.” “Haha, only you think so.” “I’m sure it’s not just me.” Butler just smiled in response. He still didn’t consider himself particularly attractive—but hearing compliments from Gabriel was always nice. “So, you haven’t been in a relationship lately,” Gabriel summarized. “But have you ever been truly in love?” “Once—although it ended quickly. It was a long time ago, back when I still lived in the States with my parents.” Before Gabriel asked, Butler hadn’t given it much thought. But now he realized it had been ages since he’d had anything resembling a serious relationship. It was before the damn war—before everything had been split in two: before and after. That war had torn not just countries apart, but people too—leaving behind a lingering bitterness between the two nations he considered home. Since coming to Japan, he’d had more relationships than ever before, but none of them had meant much. Short flings, or visits to the ladies of the night at the Primavera clubs. He’d told each of those women he loved them, but the words had never meant anything. Well—except maybe for one girl, the only one who had stayed on his mind for any length of time. Maybe it had been infatuation, but they’d never gotten past friendly conversation and a bit of flirting on his part. But now… Now he was head over heels in love with the man sitting across from him—a man who didn’t match any of the ideals he’d always thought he was looking for. And yet, it was this man who stirred in him a depth of feeling he had never known before. Noticing Butler’s lingering gaze, Gabriel tilted his head and looked at him questioningly. Butler immediately looked away. “Let’s... go back to what I asked you,” he said, changing the subject as he remembered—just in time—that his question still hadn’t been answered. “What did you like to do before? You have such a good memory—how can you not remember?” “Maybe I do remember,” Gabriel replied, his expression turning distant, “but I doubt you’d be interested.” “I’m interested in everything,” Butler said with a smile. “Tell me.” “I’m surprised you are…” “And what’s so surprising about that? You know a lot about me, but I know almost nothing about you. Isn’t that unfair?” “Of course it’s unfair,” Gabriel said, the corners of his mouth lifting into a faint smile. “Well, okay. I guess I usually read.” “Oh, those must be the books you gave me?” Butler recalled the classical literature Gabriel had shared—works he’d browsed recently, wondering at Gabriel’s somewhat old-fashioned taste. “Yes, those too. And I also liked poetry.” “Poetry? The poems of a specific poet?” “No, different ones. It wasn’t about the style of a particular author or era. I liked the poetic form itself—the way you can express your thoughts in an original and beautiful way.” “Hmm, I see. But whose poems did you read most often? Or whose do you remember best?” “Usually English poets. Sometimes French and German, too.” “In English translation, right?” “No, in the original. That’s the only way to appreciate the poet’s style.” Butler let out a low whistle. “Wow. So you know French and German?” “I know French. I understand a little German.” “Cool.” Butler was genuinely impressed—this was something he hadn’t known before. “Nothing special,” Gabriel shrugged, sounding indifferent, though Butler’s comment brought a faint smile to his lips. “I think learning Japanese is much harder.” “If you’re talking about me, don’t even compare,” Butler snorted. “For me, Japanese is like a second native language—I didn’t study it formally.” Then a sudden thought struck him, and he suggested, “Listen, if you’ve read so much, you must remember something. Recite a poem from memory.” “Don’t ask me that—I don’t remember much anymore,” Gabriel began, prompting a disappointed sigh from Butler. Then he added, “Although I used to read poetry aloud quite well.” “Really?” Butler perked up. “I wonder what kind of situation you’d need that for. Hmm… maybe you confessed your love that way? Like a serenade, but without the music?” Gabriel laughed. “Hahaha, you’re way off. I’m not as romantic as you seem to think. No, I read poetry in public... you know, at school events, where students performed.” “Oh, I see. Too bad my guess was wrong. Can you imagine how many girls you could’ve conquered that way? You’d have crowds of admirers.” “Ha, hahaha. You’re very funny to talk to.” They smiled at each other and took another sip of wine. “So, your interests were pretty... unusual,” Butler summarized. “Really?” Gabriel looked surprised. “I think a lot of people read in their free time.” “Yes, but most people read prose, not poetry. And even the prose you read wasn’t exactly popular literature.” Gabriel smiled, though his expression quickly turned thoughtful. “And what did you usually read?” he asked, glancing at Butler. “If you ever did read, that is.” “Hey, that sounded kind of insulting, I think.” Butler frowned for a moment, then sighed and admitted, “Well, I didn’t read very often.” After a moment’s thought, he added, “If I did read anything, it was detective stories or something equally exciting. Anything adventurous was more my style.” “Hmm. I’ll try to bring you something like that next time.” “Whatever you want,” Butler smiled. “But as I said, it’s not necessary. Tell me about some of your other hobbies.” “I don’t know what to tell you. Maybe I seem boring to you, but that’s really all I’ve done in recent years.” “Then think further back. Maybe something you liked doing as a child.” “As a child…” Gabriel looked away, that distant expression returning to his face. Then he suddenly smiled, as if recalling something pleasant. “When I was a kid, I loved riding horses.” “Horses?” Butler was completely amazed. Gabriel had managed to surprise him even more. “Yes. My sister and I used to ride horses. At first, it was our parents’ idea, but then we got into it ourselves. It was fun.” His smile faded, and his eyebrows furrowed. Butler almost regretted pushing him to delve into those memories. He didn’t know what to say in response. “You know, we had a country house, and we’d go there from time to time. We had our own horse, and there was a man who took care of it and the property. We all loved spending time there—especially my sister and me. There were so many things we could do that we couldn’t in the city.” “I see,” Butler said quietly, struggling to keep the conversation going. Noticing Butler’s discomfort, Gabriel added, “Sorry, I shouldn’t have brought it up.” “N-no, it’s okay.” Butler shook his head. “I asked you to. And you can always talk to me about anything.” He lowered his eyes, having noticed the faint smile that crossed Gabriel’s face in response to his words. “I know something that might interest you,” Gabriel said after a short pause, and Butler immediately looked up. “I used to love dancing.” “Oh, was that another childhood hobby?” Enthusiasm returned to Butler’s voice instantly. “No, it came a bit later. In my late teens, I started ballroom dancing. I thought it might be a useful skill for future social events. I never expected to enjoy it so much.” Gabriel gave a little smile. “In the end, I was passionate about it for several years.” “Could you still dance something like that now?” “I don’t know,” Gabriel replied, still smiling. “I haven’t done it in a long time.” “Wow, you surprise me more with every hobby,” Butler couldn’t help but comment. Gabriel merely shrugged, as if he saw nothing unusual about his interests. “The last time I danced ballroom was probably at my high school prom,” Butler said. “Now, the most I can manage is stumbling around drunk in some club.” He noticed Gabriel’s eye twitch slightly at the mention of a club and barely managed to stifle a laugh. Gabriel quickly regained his composure. “So, it turns out we have no common interests, right?” he asked for confirmation. Butler nodded. “Yeah. Except for one, I guess.” When Gabriel looked at him curiously, he smiled broadly and said, “Our interest in each other.” Gabriel returned the smile, then poured them both another glass of wine and held his out to Butler. As their glasses clinked together, they leaned in and kissed—Gabriel’s free hand gently resting on the back of Butler’s head. For a few seconds, their lips met, slow and soft. Before pulling away, Butler ran his tongue lightly along Gabriel’s lower lip. Gabriel responded with a quick kiss at the corner of his mouth. Then they drank their wine, their eyes never leaving each other. They lingered a while longer in casual conversation, drinking and nibbling on snacks. Butler offered Gabriel a mochi again, and after reluctantly trying one, Gabriel decided he didn’t like the dessert. With a smirk, Butler said he was glad—more for him—and noted with amusement that even their tastes in food and drink were different. Gabriel replied that it was only natural, since the mochi were a gift for Butler. And with a smile, he watched as Butler devoured the rice balls one by one. Later, they relaxed in their chairs. It seemed they’d exhausted all topics of conversation, and now they simply looked at each other and smiled. Gabriel was watching him a little too intently, and Butler guessed the other man was eager to be in bed with him—but he was patiently waiting for Butler to make the first move. Pondering whether to do it now or wait a little longer, Butler glanced toward the corner of the room. His gaze fell on the jewelry box he’d left on the dressing table. Rising from his chair, he walked over, drawn to it as if by a magnet. Moments later, he heard Gabriel’s quiet footsteps behind him. “You really liked them, didn’t you?” “Yes,” Butler said, staring, mesmerized, at the gold glittering in the lamplight. “But honestly, Gab, you didn’t have to... It’s so expensive.” “It’s okay,” Gabriel murmured, pressing up behind him and wrapping his arms around Butler’s waist. He kissed his shoulder through his clothes. “You’re worth it.” Shivers ran down Butler’s spine. He relaxed in Gabriel’s embrace and laid his hands over Gabriel’s. “And how long did it take you to find this?” he mumbled, still feeling a bit overwhelmed. “Just think.” “Well, it took a few evenings,” Gabriel said with a smile. “Exactly,” Butler emphasized, then added with a chuckle, “All that time I was wondering what you’d been up to in the evenings when you weren’t working. And it turns out you were looking for this.” “You didn’t even think I might be looking for a gift for you?” “Honestly, no. Considering how busy you were, I was just hoping you’d at least remember.” “Hmm, you didn’t think very highly of me, did you?” Gabriel nuzzled Butler’s hair. “How could I not prepare a birthday gift for you?” “Easily,” Butler shrugged. “I wouldn’t have minded. Seriously, I’d have rather you just come over.” “I’m sorry we couldn’t see each other either,” Gabriel murmured, hugging him tighter. “But we’ll have plenty of time for that.” Noticing that Butler couldn’t take his eyes off the jewelry, he chuckled softly. “Don’t tell me you’re not glad to receive this gift.” “Hmm, of course I’m glad,” Butler said, smiling. He lifted the pendant, gauging its weight in his hand. Now he examined it closely, noticing that it was shaped like a small closed book, with a carved design on the cover and tiny sparkling stones in two diagonal corners. “Try them on for me,” Gabriel whispered by his ear, lowering his voice. “I want to see how they look on you.” “O-okay.” A shiver ran through Butler, caused by Gabriel’s closeness, and it was evident in his reply. He bit his lip, regretting that he couldn’t hide it. However, Gabriel immediately stepped back, giving him space to put on the jewelry. First, he fastened around his neck the pendant that had so captivated his attention. Then he put the bracelet on his right wrist. Looking at himself in the mirror opposite, he paused for a moment, then broke into a satisfied smile. The jewelry looked magnificent—perhaps even a little too much for him, he thought, as he usually didn’t wear any. “It’s very beautiful,” he murmured admiringly, without taking his eyes off his reflection. “Mhm.” Gabriel pressed against him from behind again, placing his hands on Butler’s shoulders. “I was sure the gold would suit you.” “But how am I supposed to wear these?” Butler pointed to the earrings lying in the open box. “I don’t have pierced ears.” “I know,” Gabriel said softly, taking them in his hands. “That’s why they’re not regular earrings; they’re clips. See?” He unfolded one earring, showing the distinctive clasp. “It’s very easy to put on.” With those words, he fastened the clips onto Butler’s ears. Butler glanced at his reflection again, extremely pleased with the result. “Cool. I’ve never worn anything like this before.” He couldn’t stop looking at himself in the mirror, turning from side to side—and in the reflection, he saw Gabriel behind him, smiling as he watched. “Hey, you can wear just one earring, right? Like you do?” Turning to Gabriel, Butler gently squeezed his earlobe between two fingers, where a small earring rested. Gabriel looked at him, surprised, then closed his eyes and sighed. “You can, but you don’t have to copy me. Wear them however you like.” “Okay, I’ll think about it.” Butler turned back to the mirror with a wide smile. The stunning jewelry on him was so eye-catching. “They’re really beautiful. You have great taste, Gab.” Strong arms wrapped around his waist, making Butler jump as he felt a soft kiss on his ear. “I’m glad you like them,” Gabriel murmured, not pulling away, his breath warming Butler’s skin. “Wear them, okay? At least in the evenings when you see me. It would please me.” “Yes, of course.” Butler tried to smile casually, ignoring the growing tremor in his body. “And I can wear this one during the day.” He waved his right hand, and the thin, delicate bracelet swayed on his wrist. “It’s not too flashy.” “If you wear it during the day, I’ll be even happier.” Gabriel looked at him in the mirror and, tightening his embrace, pressed his lips against Butler’s hair. “God, you’re so beautiful, Phil.” “Ihihi, yeah, right—with these on,” Butler replied jokingly, but he couldn’t ignore his rapidly beating heart. He could feel Gabriel’s smile against his skin. “They look so good because you’re wearing them.” Butler leaned into the embrace, pressing himself against Gabriel as the other man continued to kiss his hair. There was a subtle sexual tension in Gabriel’s actions that made Butler want to give in and throw his arms around him, but he held back. He understood that Gabriel didn’t want to be pushy—but that was exactly the problem. Because he wanted Gabriel to be pushy. “You’re always flattering me, Gab.” Butler smiled, looking at their reflection in the mirror. “But I like it when you talk like that.” Turning his head to the side, he parted his lips slightly, and Gabriel immediately covered them with his own. They kissed passionately for a while, and gradually, the hands that had been wrapped around Butler’s waist slid down to his hips and began to caress them—still rather restrainedly. Soon, Butler broke the kiss and turned back to the mirror, and Gabriel began kissing his neck. “Phil...” Butler knew that when the other man whispered his name like that, it meant he was extremely aroused. With a smug expression, Butler reached for the pendant around his neck—he wanted to take it off, expecting he’d be removing all his clothes in the next few minutes. And just then, as he accidentally brushed the closed golden book hanging on his chest with his fingers, he discovered that it could open, revealing recesses inside its halves. A delighted exclamation escaped his lips. “Oh, Gab, look! It’s a locket. You can put a photo in here, can’t you?” The other man stepped back and looked in the mirror at the open locket Butler held in his hand. His expression darkened slightly. “Yes. Usually, people put a photo of a loved one in there.” He looked away and fell silent for a moment. “Well, you can do that too later—if you want. For now, you can just wear it as a pendant.” “Hmm, I see.” Butler glanced at him briefly, then smiled at his reflection. Tapping the locket in his hand, he thought for a moment, then asked, “Could you find a photo of yourself for me?” “What?” Gabriel stared at him, confused. “You know, one where you’re alone,” Butler explained. “And preferably a recent one. If you don’t have one, maybe you could take one?” “I don’t know…” Gabriel said hesitantly, then shook his head abruptly. “Wait. You... mean you want to put my photo in there?” Butler turned to Gabriel and, seeing the genuine surprise on his face, smiled softly. “Of course. Whose else would it be?” Glancing back at his reflection, he added, “After all, you gave me this wonderful gift. Naturally, it should have your photo.” “Just because I gave it to you doesn’t mean anything,” Gabriel muttered, turning away with a frown. “I said... it should be someone important to you.” “I still don’t see the inconsistency,” Butler replied with a smile, looking back over his shoulder. With satisfaction, he watched Gabriel’s eyes widen in the mirror. “So, will you get me a photo?” Butler asked, meeting Gabriel’s gaze in the reflection. “I’ll try,” the other man said with a slight smile, looking down. “If you think it’s necessary.” “Yeah, I’d like that.” Stroking the locket’s surface with his fingers, Butler closed it and continued admiring it in the mirror. He jumped when Gabriel wrapped his arms around his waist again, pressing close behind him. “So you’re saying... that I’m important to you?” Butler turned his head and looked into the face now so close to his. “Don’t you see,” he said quietly, gently brushing the other man’s cheek with his fingertips, “how I feel about you?” “I don’t fully understand.” Gabriel lowered his eyes. “I can tell you like me, but... it’s hard for me to imagine what’s going on in your head.” His downcast gaze said more than his words, and Butler could easily guess what he was thinking. Stroking Gabriel’s hands where they rested on his waist, he focused on their reflection in the mirror and spoke slowly. “I think I understand your doubts. But you know,”—at these words, Gabriel raised his head, and their eyes met in the mirror—“I’ve already accepted everything. I don’t support what you do, but I accept it as it is. After all, there’s nothing I can do about it, is there?” For a moment, Butler’s lips curved into a sad smile. “And I kind of understand what drives you, so... do what you think is right. I won’t say a word. Just... let’s be together while we have the time. That’s all I want right now.” “Thank you for understanding,” Gabriel murmured, resting his head on Butler’s shoulder. “Even though I know it’s hard for you to accept. And it’s hard... to forget how I used to treat you.” “Huh?” Butler blinked in surprise at the last part. “I don’t think about that anymore. And you don’t need to either,” he said, turning to smile at Gabriel. “You’ve been forgiven a long time ago.” “You’re very kind. I think I still have a lot to do to atone for what I’ve done to you—if that’s even possible.” Butler sighed. “You don’t need to do anything.” After a short pause, he gently squeezed the arms around him and said hesitantly, “You know, I... really like you. And with each meeting, I like you more and more.” At his words, Gabriel looked at him in the mirror again, and Butler quickly looked away. A moment later, he felt a kiss just behind his ear, and a shiver ran down his spine. “You have no idea how glad I am to hear that,” Gabriel whispered. “There was a time I never thought you could return my feelings.” “By the way, I’m curious about something.” Butler smiled, watching their reflection. “When did you start looking at me like that? I mean, when did you first realize you liked me?” “You’re not very observant. I’ve already told you that.” “Seriously? Geez, what’s wrong with my memory?” “However,” Gabriel’s voice took on a sad note, “you definitely shouldn’t blame yourself for that. I treated you so badly back then, it’s no wonder you wouldn’t have noticed anything I said.” Butler opened his mouth to reassure him—to tell him to forget the past—but the words caught in his throat and never came out. After a few moments of silence, Gabriel said quietly, “From the very beginning, Phil. I liked you from our first meeting.” “R-really? That can’t be...” By now, Butler remembered hearing something similar from Gabriel once, but he hadn’t taken those words seriously at the time. It just didn’t make sense. Could someone who liked you look at you with those eyes? He still vividly recalled the cold stare Gabriel had given him during that very first meeting—and for a long time afterward. The memory alone was enough to send a shudder through him. “I was surprised myself. I’d seen you in a photo before, but I didn’t imagine you’d be like this… When we met in person, I thought you were exactly my type.” Butler smirked slightly, the corner of his mouth lifting, and Gabriel’s arms tightened a little around his waist. “And that made me angry,” Gabriel continued softly, “very angry. Because I knew I didn’t have a chance with you. I was sure you wouldn’t be interested in me, no matter what I did. You’ve always been a big fan of women. And besides, the circumstances of our meeting didn’t exactly give you a reason to like me either.” Butler wanted to turn the last remark back on Gabriel, but he chose to stay quiet and let him continue. “I thought maybe it was for the best. But I still wanted to see you, so... I started calling you to my office often. Just to talk to you... and to look at you. You hated those meetings, probably couldn’t wait to leave. And I tried to keep you there as long as I could and just... admired you. That was enough for me. Truly, Phil, I didn’t intend to do anything more back then.” Gabriel lowered his head. After a moment of hesitation, Butler asked, “When did you want more?” “I think it was the day I almost choked you.” “Huh?” Butler hadn’t expected that answer at all. Before he could voice his surprise, Gabriel continued. “That was the first time I was so close to you. You were gasping for air in my hands, helpless, and... I know how awful this sounds, but that’s when I realized just how much I wanted this. Not to kill you, of course, but... to control you. To completely dominate you. To do anything I wanted with you—so thoroughly that you wouldn’t even think about resisting. Those thoughts haunted me after that. I tried to push them away, but in the end, I couldn’t resist. I came to you. And… you know what happened then.” Gabriel slowly released him and stepped back. Butler looked at their reflection in the mirror, striving to keep his emotions in check—and he almost managed it. Not a muscle on his face moved. But his eyes were clouded, and anyone paying close attention would have noticed. Fortunately, Gabriel wasn’t looking. Of course he remembered that evening. He couldn’t forget it even if he tried. That night—when Gabriel raped him for the first time. “Later, it happened again. And again. Each time, I told myself I would stop. And each time, I couldn’t. I… liked the feeling. I liked being with you, even if it had to be that way. Because I believed there was no other way. I could do whatever I wanted, and you couldn’t protest because you were too afraid. You suffered. And sometimes I felt sorry for you. But most of the time, I convinced myself you deserved it.” Gabriel’s face twisted into a grimace, raw with regret. “Forgive me. No matter what I do, it’ll never be enough. I don’t deserve the way you treat me now. Not at all.” Butler shook his head, pushing away the memories of that nightmarish time, and looked at Gabriel over his shoulder. “Gab, let’s not think about that anymore, okay? And I told you—I forgave you a long time ago. You don’t need to keep apologizing. I don’t know how else to reassure you,” he sighed. “I never bring it up, do I?” “Sorry for making you remember. I... wish you could forget I was ever like that.” “I don’t remember,” Butler replied lightly. “It’s almost completely forgotten. When I look at you now, I can’t believe it ever happened.” Gabriel smiled despite himself. Watching him in the mirror, Butler continued, now in a more serious tone, “You know, this feeling I have for you is so strange. I’ve never felt anything like it before.” “Maybe it’s because you’ve never been with a man before,” Gabriel suggested with a lingering smile. Butler chuckled. “It’s not just that—or rather, that’s not the point. It’s that... I’ve never liked anyone as much as I like you.” He looked away, slightly embarrassed by his own honesty. In the mirror, he noticed Gabriel’s smile had faded. “Even her?” Gabriel asked quietly, putting weight on the last word. Butler guessed who he meant, but asked anyway, “Who?” “Rose.” He didn’t answer immediately. When he finally did, it came with a chuckle. “I never understood where you got that idea.” He remembered that Gabriel had hinted in the past that he knew about his feelings for Rose—and even if it had been true, he still didn’t want to admit it. Gabriel only smiled sadly. “It was obvious. When you talked about her—or even just thought about her—your expression changed. I was so angry when I saw that, even though I told myself you didn’t mean anything to me back then. And I... I was very jealous of her. Because I wanted you to look at me like that. But with me, you showed nothing but hatred. Because I didn’t know how to behave in a way that could make you feel anything else.” Butler didn’t respond and avoided looking in the mirror, not wanting to meet Gabriel’s eyes. He hadn’t figured out how to answer that confession when an unexpected question caught him off guard. “And since you were in love with her back then... I’m wondering—have those feelings completely disappeared?” Butler sighed, raised his head, and smirked. “I wouldn’t advise you to jump to conclusions, Gab.” Gabriel still looked at him incredulously, so Butler went on. “Yes, I liked Rose—as a woman. There was a time I wanted to spend the night with her. I even tried to persuade her once.” A faint, awkward smile touched his lips at the memory, but it faded quickly. “But nothing came of it. I was also drawn to her as a person. I always respected how she could stay gentle yet stand her ground with such quiet strength. And still... I wasn’t seriously in love with her. I never wanted a relationship.” “I don’t understand,” Gabriel said slowly, his voice tinged with confusion. “If you liked her—as a woman and as a person—why wouldn’t you want a relationship with her?” Butler shrugged. “I don’t know what to tell you. I guess I’m just that kind of person. Like I told you before, I’ve hardly ever had a long-term relationship with anyone. I’ve always been more comfortable living like this.” After a brief pause, he added, looking away from the mirror, “And besides, when it comes to Rose... I knew I wasn’t a suitable match for her.” “Is it because she’s Japanese?” “No. If she were just an ordinary Japanese woman, that wouldn’t have mattered. It’s because of what she was doing. I mean... fighting for the future of her countrymen.” “What was the problem? Didn’t you share her goals and help her as much as you could?” “Yes, but... it was never enough. As you know, my authority here was limited by the wishes of my superiors. And their wishes rarely aligned with what Primavera needed. And she... Rose, I mean... needed someone who could truly support her on that difficult path—someone who fully understood her ideals.” Butler’s thoughtful expression shifted into a smile as he looked at the mirror. “Well, in the end, she found just such a guy.” Gabriel’s eyes widened in genuine surprise. “So Rose has a boyfriend?” “Oh? You didn’t figure that out?” Butler glanced over his shoulder with a smirk, and Gabriel frowned. “Yes, she does. Though he left two years ago to finish his war in another country. He couldn’t forget his comrades-in-arms from before. Rose is waiting for him. I... I hope they’ll be alright.” “I see,” Gabriel said, looking down. “So you didn’t try to start a relationship with her because you thought you weren’t right for her... and then she got someone else, and you had no chance at all.” Butler laughed. “Actually, we should start with the fact that she never reciprocated my feelings. I was just a friend to her—nothing more.” Sighing, he continued, glancing at Gabriel’s saddened reflection, “You know, no love can last long if it’s not fed from both sides.” Gabriel suddenly raised his head and looked at him, and it took considerable effort for Butler not to look away. “Nevertheless, your unrequited love lasted quite a long time,” Gabriel remarked. “Until recently.” “It’s... not what you think.” Butler finally turned away from the mirror. “What I was telling you about my feelings for her was a long time ago—long before we met.” “Oh, really?” Gabriel scoffed skeptically. “Then why did you have that look on your face when you were thinking about her, even a few months ago?” “I was just worried about her, that’s all.” Seeing that Gabriel didn’t believe him, Butler admitted with a sigh, “Okay, maybe in those moments you’re talking about, I... recalled my past feelings to make things easier.” “Easier?” The other man stared at him in confusion, but very soon, the expression in his eyes changed to one of understanding and regret. “Ah, I get it. It’s because of me. I’m sorry.” “And even if I was still in love with her back then—or thought I was—I don’t see the point in discussing it now. You don’t think I can like two people at the same time, do you?” With an open smile, Butler looked directly into the other man’s eyes in the reflection. Gabriel smiled back, though a little uncertainly. “And who is this person you like now?” he asked playfully. Butler turned to face him and reached out, wrapping his arms around Gabriel’s neck. “You,” he answered softly. “And let’s agree you won’t be jealous anymore—not over Rose, not over anyone.” “Alright.” Gabriel wrapped his arms around Butler’s waist, looking at him so tenderly that Butler felt ready to melt into those eyes. “Just prove it.” “Huh?” Butler blinked in confusion. “Prove what?” “That it’s me you like.” The smile on Gabriel’s lips widened. Butler chuckled. “As many times as you want,” he said in a low voice, pulling Gabriel toward him and pressing his lips to his. He started the kiss gently, almost effortlessly, but Gabriel quickly took control, claiming his lips so demandingly that Butler had no choice but to surrender to the intensity. Strong arms held him tightly, palms gliding down his back and slipping shamelessly below his waist—he could feel Gabriel growing impatient, and the thought thrilled him. A quiet, muffled moan escaped his lips, barely audible before it was swallowed by the kiss—but it was enough for Gabriel to lose the last remnants of his self-control. The next second, he pushed Butler against the dressing table and sat him down, and Butler instantly wrapped his legs around Gabriel’s waist. They both lost track of time as they pressed against each other, kissing so hungrily that they could barely catch their breath. Gabriel’s hands never stopped roaming over Butler’s body, all while slowly removing his jewelry, unbuttoning his shirt, and undoing the fly of his pants. When Gabriel’s hand gently squeezed his length through the fabric of his underwear, Butler moaned into his lips again and pressed into the teasing touch. “I can’t take it anymore,” Gabriel whispered, breaking the kiss but not pulling away, his lips trailing over Butler’s face and neck. He gently tugged at the hair at the nape of his neck, coaxing his head back. Butler surrendered to every touch, trembling with pleasure in his arms. He admitted to himself how much he loved yielding to this man. “Finally,” he exhaled, threading his fingers through Gabriel’s blond hair. “Don’t hold back, Gab, please…” “‘Finally’?” Gabriel bit Butler’s earlobe, hard enough to sting—but Butler didn’t mind. “So you were pushing me to this on purpose? You little menace. How could you torment me like that?” Butler smiled, eyes fluttering shut. “It’s just… mmm—” He struggled to speak as Gabriel’s lips wandered over his neck and bare shoulder, his hands gripping Butler’s thighs and pulling him closer until their groins ground together. “Lately, you’ve been so hesitant. I keep having to push you. But I want… mmm, I want you to take control, to stop asking for permission. Just do whatever you want with me… ahh, Gab, I’ve missed you so much…” He was truly overwhelmed by the need for intimacy—so much so that he allowed himself to say things he normally never would. Gabriel pulled back slightly, meeting his gaze. “Well, if that’s really what you want,” he said seriously, “then you’ll have it.” Before Butler could utter a word in response, Gabriel crashed their lips together and lifted him by the thighs, carrying him to the bed. He set him down on the edge and sat beside him; without breaking the kiss, they stripped each other of their clothes, only then sinking down onto the mattress. Their lips parted briefly, and Butler exhaled a soft whisper, “Don’t.” “Don’t what?” Gabriel froze, his gaze flickering with concern. Smiling, Butler reached up, stroking his cheek before threading his fingers through Gabriel’s hair. “You don’t have to carry me to bed like that. I’m heavy.” Gabriel visibly relaxed, letting out a quiet chuckle as he leaned in close. “Don’t worry,” he said softly, his lips grazing Butler’s ear. “I’m strong enough. Besides, I’m pretty sure you love it when I carry you in my arms.” “Mmm, exactly,” Butler murmured, not even trying to deny the obvious. He arched under the hands exploring his bare skin, wrapping both arms around the back of Gabriel’s neck as he pressed kisses to his throat. “I don’t know why, but it turns me on even more.” “I know, darling.” Gabriel reached for Butler’s face to brush a quick kiss against his lips. “I can imagine what you’d like.” A shiver ran through Butler as he arched again in Gabriel’s arms, surrendering to the soft kisses trailing down his torso. He melted under the unfamiliar tenderness in Gabriel’s words—he was rarely like this, even in their most intimate moments. It made him feel that something special was happening between them, and his heart was pounding so loudly he could hear his own pulse. Heavy breaths escaped his parted lips, and he whispered words he couldn’t control at all. Gabriel leaned toward Butler’s lips and lightly touched them with his own. “Speak louder,” he said. “I can’t hear you.” “Fuck me quickly, Gab, I can’t wait any longer…” Butler’s quiet plea was cut short by a passionate kiss, and he responded eagerly, embracing Gabriel’s neck. However, he soon loosened his grip when Gabriel pulled back and looked at him with a smirk. “As you wish, Phil.” Impatience was evident in all of Butler’s actions—in the way he moaned and rubbed against the other’s body—but Gabriel wasn’t in a hurry to get to the main event. He was very careful during the preparation, kissing him and whispering compliments into his ear again and again. Butler appreciated his care, but his endurance was rapidly reaching its limit. Still, he didn’t rush Gabriel anymore and simply responded to his caresses, allowing him to take things at his own pace. And when Gabriel finally entered him, Butler moaned uncontrollably—so loudly that he surprised even himself. In that moment, Gabriel gripped his thighs a little tighter, his lips brushing softly against Butler’s ear. “My God, don’t scream like that.” “What, are you afraid we’ll be heard?” Butler chuckled. At this hour, no one should have been nearby, but he figured one of the guards might very well be strolling through this part of the building on their own initiative. Still, even that possibility didn’t embarrass him in the slightest at this moment. “No,” Gabriel replied with a chuckle. “I’m afraid I’ll finish before I even get started.” “Ah, so that’s what it is,” Butler laughed. “No, we don’t want that. I’ll try to be quiet. And you…” He trailed off, softly running his palms over the back of Gabriel’s head. “...take your time. Move at whatever pace you think is right. I’ll adjust to you.” Gabriel hummed in agreement, pressing his lips to Butler’s neck for a moment. He waited a little, then thrust slowly—smoothly—and continued to move just as carefully. It was unbearably pleasurable. At first, Butler really did try to be quiet: with his lips pressed tightly together, he only slid his hands over Gabriel’s back, lightly pressing his nails into his skin. But he was overflowing with pleasure, growing with each thrust, and soon muffled moans began to escape him. Eventually, he stopped holding back and moaned aloud. Gabriel whispered in his ear again, “Quiet, please. Be quiet.” “I can’t, ah... I can’t, Gab...” Butler was losing control of himself. His whole world, in that moment, had narrowed to this man and the overwhelming sensations he stirred; everything else had faded into insignificance. His nails were already digging into Gabriel’s back—perhaps too hard—but he couldn’t stop himself. Gabriel smirked with satisfaction and buried his face in Butler’s hair. “My sweetheart,” he murmured. Then Gabriel quickened his pace, and they seemed to lose themselves in each other. Butler’s moans turned into cries, but Gabriel often silenced him with deep, demanding kisses. At other times, he pressed reverent kisses to Butler’s face and neck, whispering words of admiration—only for Butler to cry out again, arching in his firm embrace, his nails dragging across Gabriel’s back. The peak overtook him suddenly, a wave of overwhelming pleasure crashing through his body. Butler let out a long, shaky moan, his head falling back against the pillow, eyes fluttering shut. His body still trembled slightly as Gabriel pressed close, shuddering violently. A moment later, he pulled back, gazing at Butler with a smile. “It’s unusual for you to finish before me.” “I missed you,” Butler simply explained. He opened his eyes slightly and smiled at Gabriel, seeing the man’s gaze fill with incredible warmth. Then Gabriel leaned down and kissed him—gently, slowly—touching his lips with his own. Butler readily responded, wrapping his arms around Gabriel’s body and pulling him close. The kiss continued for a long time—so long that the tenderness was driving him crazy. Gabriel’s hands glided over Butler’s sides, along his shoulders, fingers threading through his hair and stroking the back of his head. Butler caressed him in return, feeling infinitely happy. Everything Gabriel was doing now conveyed his feelings better than any words ever could. When, after what felt like an eternity, their lips finally parted, Gabriel continued to kiss him—his cheeks, ears, and neck—whispering his name. Gradually, Butler began to catch other words in that whisper. “You have no idea how incredible you are. My sweet, beautiful, tender boy. You’re worth all the gold jewelry in the world. Truly, I’d spend every cent I have on you and never regret it.” “Don’t go crazy, Gab,” Butler tried to chuckle and sound casual, but his voice trembled slightly. Gabriel raised himself and looked into his eyes. “Sometimes I feel like I’m really losing my mind,” he said softly. “But if you’re the reason... I really like this madness.” Butler couldn’t find anything to say. So he did what he always did when words failed him—he pulled Gabriel close and kissed him. For a long time, they couldn’t pull away from each other, pressing close. At some point, Gabriel’s kisses became more insistent. Butler felt his growing desire—and realized he was aroused himself. He ran his hands down Gabriel’s back, threading the fingers of one hand through his hair. Gabriel soon broke the kiss, pressing his lips to Butler’s neck. “Want to go again?” Butler asked, closing his eyes in pleasure. He heard a sigh against his skin. “Mhm. But I won’t. Twice in a row might be too much for you right now. I don’t want to hurt you.” “Don’t worry,” Butler said with a smile, stroking Gabriel’s head. “I can handle more than you think. Let’s... do it now. I want to too. And to prove it to you…” With those words, he grabbed Gabriel’s shoulders and turned him over, laying him on his back. Looking into his intrigued eyes, he continued, “To prove it to you... let me take control this time.” “I’d be happy to.” Gabriel smiled softly at him, and Butler’s heart instantly skipped a beat at that smile. He leaned down and kissed those lips, feeling warm, caressing hands settle on his thighs. Then they shifted positions—Gabriel sat back on the bed, and Butler settled onto his lap. They kissed endlessly, Gabriel’s hands roaming hungrily over Butler’s body, while Butler slowly stroked his growing arousal. Still brushing his lips lightly against Gabriel’s, Butler murmured in admiration, “Already so hard, Gab…” “Phil…” Gabriel let out a strained moan into his mouth, claiming his lips in another deep kiss. Reaching for the bottle of lube they had left on the nightstand, he barely managed to grab it before Butler pulled back slightly. “Wait.” He pulled another condom from the nightstand. Gabriel reached for it, but Butler shook his head with a smile. “Let me.” With that, he tore open the packet and carefully rolled the condom onto Gabriel’s length. Gabriel watched him for a moment before pouring lube onto his fingers and sliding them inside Butler. This time, the preparation didn’t take long. Obeying the guidance of the hands on his hips, Butler lowered himself onto Gabriel’s length and moaned softly, pressing close. “Does it hurt?” Gabriel whispered, covering Butler’s neck with light kisses and gently running his palms down his back, as if trying to soothe him. Butler closed his eyes, tilted his head back slightly, and wrapped his arms around Gabriel’s shoulders. “No,” he breathed. “I’m fine. I like it... mmm, I like feeling you inside me so much, Gab...” He was genuinely enjoying the sensation, but he also said it to arouse Gabriel further—to push him past any lingering hesitation. Butler’s lips curved into a satisfied smirk as Gabriel gripped his buttocks tightly and whispered in a low voice near his ear, “Then move.” “Yes…” Butler began to move—lifting his hips, then lowering them again in a smooth, rhythmic motion, gradually increasing the pace. His breath grew heavier, moans escaping him as he leaned close to Gabriel’s ear. He noted with satisfaction that Gabriel couldn’t suppress his own moans either, though he tried to muffle them with kisses pressed to Butler’s skin. As the pleasure built between them and their bodies moved in perfect rhythm, Butler started to ride him faster, chasing the peak. But then Gabriel grasped his hips more firmly and whispered in a rare, pleading tone, “Slower... please, darling, don’t rush...” And again, that tender address—darling—made Butler’s heart freeze for a moment. Smiling, he leaned toward Gabriel’s ear. “Alright,” he said softly. “Control me however you want, Gab. I like it a lot.” Gabriel cupped a hand around Butler’s neck and looked into his eyes—and Butler felt his breath catch at the mere sight of them. Those beautiful dark eyes, filled with irresistible desire and boundless admiration, left him breathless. He loved those eyes. And he loved this man, in whose hands he felt utterly irreplaceable. “I adore you, Phil.” As soon as Gabriel whispered the words, he pulled Butler into a deep, insistent kiss—one so overwhelming that resistance never even crossed Butler’s mind. He returned it just as fervently and soon resumed the slow, deliberate movements Gabriel had asked for. For several minutes, their bodies remained entwined, lips meeting again and again. Between kisses, Butler whispered Gabriel’s name, and Gabriel answered with compliments that made Butler blush uncontrollably. This time, he climaxed a little after Gabriel, pressing close as his body trembled with the aftershocks of pleasure. “You’re so good at this, Gab,” Butler breathed, brushing his lips lightly against the other’s cheek. He couldn’t resist the compliment—every time he was intimate with this man, he was overwhelmed by feelings he had never experienced before. It was hard to believe he’d once been attracted only to women. But he figured Gabriel had a kind of charm that seemed meant just for him, so he doubted he could ever feel this way with another man. Gabriel laughed, tightening his arms around him. “I should be the one saying that.” He kissed Butler again and gently pushed him back onto the bed. What followed was a stream of endless, lingering kisses. Butler caught himself wondering why he wasn’t tired of it yet. In fact, he thought he wouldn’t mind giving himself to Gabriel again—if the other man wanted it. But Gabriel didn’t show any such intent. Still, he remained tender, expressing everything through the quiet caresses he lavished on Butler. Then he pulled back, and Butler found it difficult to breathe under the weight of that gaze—so soft, so full of care, it made him feel something startling. As if Gabriel loved him too. Butler reached out and gently stroked Gabriel’s cheek. Then, before he could stop himself, a single word slipped from his lips: “愛してる (aishiteru).” “What?” Gabriel stared at him in confusion. Butler simply smiled in response. “What did you just say?” Gabriel asked softly, sensing that whatever it was, it hadn’t been anything bad. Butler turned away, chuckling a bit awkwardly. “I... said that I like you very much,” he replied, unable to bring himself to tell the whole truth. A soft laugh sounded near his ear. “If you say it in Japanese, it’s less embarrassing, huh?” “Haha, no, I wouldn’t say that.” Butler felt heat rush to his cheeks. Gabriel might not have understood the word—but he did. And that alone was enough to make him burn with shame. Gabriel hummed thoughtfully. “How did you say it? Ai-shi-te-ru, right?” he repeated, syllable by syllable. Butler glanced at him cautiously and nodded. Gabriel met his eyes and smiled. “Aishiteru,” he said clearly. “Can I say that back to you? Nothing else needs to be added?” “Nothing else,” Butler replied slowly. He looked at Gabriel, realizing how impossibly awkward the situation had become. Without fully understanding the meaning, Gabriel had just said I love you to him. It wasn’t real—and yet… for some reason, Butler felt so happy that tears welled in the corners of his eyes. Gabriel noticed, surprise flickering across his face. But he didn’t have time to ask anything—Butler suddenly pulled him close and pressed his lips to his. After a brief pause, Gabriel responded, wrapping his arms around Butler’s body. They spent a while longer in bed, embracing and kissing. Butler didn’t want to let Gabriel go, but he knew the moment of parting would come soon. Still, it seemed Gabriel was trying to delay it—he’d already stayed longer than usual. “Isn’t it time for you to go, Gab?” Butler asked eventually. “It is,” Gabriel murmured, nuzzling Butler’s neck. “But it’s so hard to leave you.” “You could stay the night,” Butler suggested, already knowing what the answer would be. Gabriel sighed. “I can’t, Phil. I’m sorry.” Butler said nothing. Sensing the awkwardness in the silence, Gabriel quickly added, “It’s just... my stuff is all at the hotel. It’d be kind of inconvenient…” “I understand,” Butler interrupted gently. “It’s okay.” “But I can stay a little longer, if you want.” “No need,” Butler said, tousling his hair. “It’s late, Gab. Go back to your place.” Gabriel hummed in agreement. He gave Butler a quick kiss on the lips, then pulled away and sat on the edge of the bed. As he reached for his clothes, Butler caught sight of his back—and gasped. “Oh my God, Gab—your back. I scratched you up.” He rose and placed a hand on Gabriel’s shoulder blade, covering one of the red marks, then pressed against him from behind and kissed his shoulder. “Did it hurt?” “No,” Gabriel said, turning to him with a relaxed smile. “I didn’t even notice.” “How is that even possible?” Butler didn’t believe him—the marks from his nails were far too noticeable. He murmured, regretfully, “Why didn’t you tell me?” “Don’t worry about it so much,” Gabriel said, pulling him in by the neck and kissing his cheek. “It’s nothing—it’ll heal soon. Besides, it’s proof that you enjoyed yourself. So much that you lost control.” “I got it,” Butler mumbled, hugging Gabriel and gently running his palms over the other man’s marked back. “I’ll be more restrained next time.” “Don’t even think about it,” Gabriel said firmly, pulling back slightly to look him in the eyes. “Show me all your emotions. I love that about you.” Butler gazed at him tenderly, and a moment later their lips met in another kiss. They didn’t notice how carried away they were getting—Gabriel’s hands began to roam over Butler’s body again, and Butler moaned softly into his mouth. “Ah, Phil, I can’t leave you like this,” Gabriel whispered, pulling away from his lips and moving to kiss his neck and shoulders. Butler arched into his arms, utterly pliant. “You can stay a little longer,” he said seductively, “and I’ll give myself to you however you want.” Gabriel sighed deeply. Then, clearly forcing himself, he pulled away. “You’re perfection itself,” he said, gently sliding his palm along Butler’s temple and tucking a stray strand of hair behind his ear. “But I can’t. And it really would be too much for you. Butler took the caressing hand in his own and, looking into Gabriel’s eyes, brushed his lips against the other’s slender fingers. Soon, Gabriel was already getting dressed while Butler lay in bed, watching him. He glanced at the jewelry glittering on the dressing table nearby, then shifted his gaze back to the man sitting beside him. In the soft silence of the room, he spoke unexpectedly: “Thank you.” Gabriel turned to him with wide, astonished eyes. “What are you thanking me for?” “For everything.” Butler smiled faintly and looked away. “For your wonderful gift. For being here today. And for... despite everything, giving me a real celebration. I didn’t expect it to be like this.” A lump rose in his throat. Gabriel’s hand carefully covered his, which rested atop the blanket. When Butler looked at him, he noticed the change in his expression—now tinged with uncertainty. “I know you’re used to celebrating your birthday differently,” Gabriel said. “I tried to do everything I could under the circumstances, and if you truly enjoyed it... I’m really glad.” Gabriel smiled shyly, and Butler immediately wanted to reassure him. He squeezed the other man’s hand. “I’m telling you, everything was great,” he said. “In fact... it’s the best birthday I’ve had in years.” “No way,” Gabriel said after a short pause, looking at him in disbelief. “Really, Gab,” Butler smiled. “I just realized it now. To have a good birthday, you don’t need a noisy crowd, a sea of alcohol, or flashy entertainment. A few people are enough... or even just one person, if they’re really close to you.” He lowered his eyes and added softly, “That’s the best kind. It feels... real.” He didn’t meet the other’s gaze, feeling quite embarrassed by his own words, but he still didn’t let go of Gabriel’s hand. Eventually, Gabriel gave his hand a gentle squeeze in return. “You really think so? Am I... that kind of person for you?” Then Butler dared to meet Gabriel’s eyes—so full of hope and inexpressible tenderness—and nodded with quiet confidence. Gabriel smiled and leaned toward him to kiss him once again. “When will I see you again, Gab?” Butler asked as Gabriel was nearly out the door. The other man turned back over his shoulder. “Very soon,” he replied with a slight smile. “You won’t even notice.” “I will,” Butler grumbled discontentedly, pulling the blanket up higher. “I miss you every day.” He was glad to see Gabriel’s gaze soften, as if his doubts had finally eased. After reassuring him once more that he’d be back soon, Gabriel left the room. Butler followed him to the door with a smile, but the moment it closed, the corners of his lips trembled and fell. And then tears rolled down his cheeks. He had never felt so happy before. And never had a relationship caused him such pain. “What can I do to stop you?” he whispered. “How can I save you? I want a future for us. I want to be with you always. I... love you.” He considered himself exceptionally unlucky. Just when he had finally found the kind of love people write stories and heartfelt songs about—a love he’d never truly believed in—it turned out to be with someone who wasn’t even planning to live. Someone pouring his life into avenging old grievances—against entirely the wrong people. But maybe—just maybe—he could still change things. Wiping away his tears, Butler got out of bed, throwing his nightshirt over his shoulders. He walked to the dressing table, where the gold jewelry was neatly arranged next to the velvet box. Gabriel had taken them off him earlier, in the heat of their passion. How does he do it? Butler thought with a smile. Then again, he always does this—with our clothes too. He quickly glanced at the back of the bed, where his shirt and pants hung in perfect condition, almost as if they had been ironed and prepared for the next day. He picked up the square locket and opened it, gently brushing his fingers over the empty space meant for a loved one’s photo. Surely he didn’t give me this gift for no reason. It’s like a hint at… He didn’t dare finish the thought, but his heart fluttered in his chest. Maybe he feels the same way about me as I do about him. Raising his gaze, Butler looked into the eyes of his reflection, feeling an unexpected surge of confidence. I have to try. Maybe I can still make him change his mind.