Love in Disguise

Wednesday, April 2 It seemed I had only been asleep for a few minutes when a voice announcing that it was a quarter to seven jarred me awake. I looked around but didn’t see who was speaking. “Ok,” said Jackson as I realized the voice was coming through an intercom in the wall, something I hadn’t noticed last night. Jackson sat up, her back toward me. Turning her head a bit, she said, “Hey, sweetie. Sleep ok?” “A little better than I thought I would.” “Good,” she said with a yawn as she stood up and put her belt on. “You can use the bathroom first if you need to.” “I just need to pee,” I said as I shimmied down toward the foot of my bed. As I came out of the bathroom, there was a knock on the door. Jackson unlocked and opened it. “Good morning,” said a very young blond-haired officer with a tray in her hand. She smiled pleasantly and I smiled back. Although she had a bit of acne, she was cute. Chambers was her name. She handed Jackson the tray. “Thank you, ma’am,” Jackson said before closing the door. “You eat breakfast before you leave?” “Nope. It’s all yours. The only thing that’s mine is the coffee, but I never drink it. The coffee here sucks, so you’re welcome to it if you want.” “Thanks.” “Yeah, just keep it as discreet as you can. We’re really not supposed to be giving our coffee away. Take it to the table and place the tray just inside the door when you’re done so someone can pick it up.” I took the tray to the table as she entered the bathroom. She was right. The coffee wasn’t the greatest, but it was coffee, so I drank most of it. Then I had a few bites of the cereal that was on the tray, ignored the toast, and placed the tray by the door before returning to bed. A few minutes later, I heard the bathroom door squeak open. Lying on my side, I saw her as she peered around the corner. “Have a good day,” she told me with a smile. “You too,” I said. There was a quick knock on the door, then I heard the key being inserted. Jackson and another woman, whom I assumed was the next officer on duty, exchanged hellos and made a bit of small talk. Then Jackson stepped into view along with the DO. “This is Sativa,” she told the officer as she winked at me. “Hi,” I said. Espinoza, read the front of her shirt. Although older, perhaps in her 50s, the woman had a nice figure and friendly bright blue eyes. Her brown hair was obviously dyed. “Espi’s a favorite old-timer,” Jackson said with another wink. “Yes, a very old old-timer indeed,” said Espi with a laugh. “See ya, sleepyhead,” said Jackson before she left, shutting the door tight behind her. I heard the lock click into place. “Don’t mind if I go back to sleep, do you?” I asked. “Oh no, not at all. I’m going to just sit and read.” With that, I drifted back to sleep for another two hours until a knock at the door woke me up. “Got a newcomer,” said Espi as she placed her book on the table and stood up. I got up and peered toward the door. A middle-aged woman with curly dark hair was just outside with Chambers. Espi unlocked the door. “I see you’re back,” she said to the woman. “Yeah, I messed up again,” said the woman as she stepped into the room. “Well, make yourself at home while I chat with Chambers for a few,” said Espi. “Hi,” I said as the woman turned toward me. “Hi. I’m Marilyn.” “Sativa,” I said as we shook hands. Espi and Chambers chatted for a few minutes as Marilyn put her stuff on the shelf below mine and made the bed between mine and the wall. I could tell she’d been here before. The more Marilyn and I talked, the more easygoing I found her to be. She had a good sense of humor and loved to laugh. She’d laugh at my jokes as if they were the funniest things she’d ever heard. Her laughter was quite contagious, though I would have preferred her not to be there at all. That way I could have Jackson all to myself once she came in for the evening shift. “So what are you in for?” Marilyn asked. “Egging a cop’s car.” “Oops!” said Marilyn before we both broke out in laughter. “What about you?” I asked. “Hooking.” “And you’ve been here before?” She nodded. “I was only out a month before an undercover officer nabbed me.” “Time to pick a new profession, huh?” “Yeah, when the oldest one in the book fails, it’s definitely time for a change.” The rest of the day passed uneventfully. I showered, we got a change of clothes, Marilyn used the phone, and we both sat outside for a while in a small courtyard with a round plastic table and chairs and a volleyball net. Off in the distance, through the razor-topped chain-link fence, we could see those within the general population out and about. Some were playing volleyball while others sat in pairs or groups. A few sat by themselves. Two or three officers kept a watchful eye. Later, Jones relieved Chambers, who took Marilyn to make her second call. I had no one to call. I couldn’t call Andy, I didn’t need to speak to Mary again just yet, and I had disowned my parents, sister, and brother. Too many years of their negative and controlling ways had taken their toll on me. It wasn’t just that they were tough people to get along with, they could be downright mean and abusive. They had betrayed me for many years in nearly all ways possible. Finally, I came to understand that my parents weren’t my “parents,” but simply the people responsible for my being born. I knew I wouldn’t put up with such selfish, evil people for friends, so I saw no reason why I should do so with those whose blood I shared, and so I walked away, feeling like I had gained much self-respect for doing so. Dinner, which was served at 5:00, wasn’t much better than lunch. Lunch had consisted of ham sandwiches; dinner was a large, overly spicy sausage link with a side of overly bland potatoes. I wished I’d eaten more of my breakfast than I had. At one hundred and five pounds, I knew I couldn’t afford to lose much weight. I awaited the 7:00 shift change with eager anticipation. When it finally came, I felt my heartbeat accelerate at the sound of Jackson’s voice as she approached the door. She was laughing at something Jones had said. When Espi heard her, she stood up and let her in. “Hello there,” said Jackson in a cheery voice as she stepped into the room. “Good evening,” responded Espi. Jackson glanced at me, smiled, then focused on Marilyn. “Marilyn, what are you doing back here so soon?” “Yeah, I knew you’d let me have it,” said Marilyn. “I guess I’ll really have to get a real job when I get out.” “I guess so,” said Jackson. Then she turned back to Espi. “So how were things today?” “Fine. No complaints on my part.” “Just mine,” I said. “And why is that?” Jackson asked, turning to look at me. “The food sucks.” Everybody chuckled. “Yeah, welcome to jail, girl,” said Jackson. After a few more words, Espi left and Jackson locked the door behind her. Marilyn and I remained seated at the table. “So, what else is new, ladies?” asked Jackson as she strode toward us. “Nothing much,” said Marilyn. “I’m so bored I think I might turn in early.” Jackson took a book out of a duffel bag and set it on the table. “Ok.” “Not without a nice hot shower first.” With that, Marilyn headed into the bathroom and Jackson and I were left alone. She turned and sat down right next to me. “So, babe, you hanging in there?” I nodded. “Trying to anyway,” I said with a smile. Her face was just inches from mine. I hoped I wasn’t blushing too badly. The attraction I felt sent waves of desire racing through my veins. Lips pressed together, she slowly smiled a seemingly knowing smile. With Marilyn in the room, there wasn’t much interaction between the two of us. We spoke little, keeping our voices down so as not to disturb Marilyn. I tried not to stare at her, but I’d steal a glance whenever I felt she wouldn’t notice. I wondered if she sensed my attraction toward her. As smart and receptive as she seemed to be, I wouldn’t have been surprised if she did, though I still tried not to be too obvious about it. The last thing I wanted to do was offend her or make her uncomfortable in any way. Though I’d have loved to know if the feeling could possibly be mutual, a part of me didn’t want to know for fear of my not liking the truth. If she were straight or perhaps a lesbian and uninterested, I knew I’d be incredibly bummed. I also knew it was inevitable that the day would come when I’d find out the truth for sure either way. Later in the evening, she caught me staring at her. I quickly turned away, but not before I caught a big smile break out across her face as she lowered her head back down to the book she was reading. A few minutes later she set the book down and went into the bathroom. I picked up her book, curious to see what she was reading. That’s when I learned her first name, which was written on the inside cover. Unless the book had once belonged to someone else, her name was not Kathy. It was Kya. Kya. What a lovely name, I thought to myself. Should I tell her I knew? Would I feel like a liar who was hiding something if I didn’t? She didn’t leave me much of a choice once she came out of the bathroom. I must’ve really had a guilty-as-hell expression on my face. “What’s wrong?” she asked. “I—I’m sorry,” I stammered. “For what?” “I got curious about what you were reading. I picked it up,” I said, motioning to the book. She frowned with confusion, then suddenly realized what I was talking about. “Oh,” she said and sat back down. “I see.” “I won’t say anything. I didn’t know it was there and I—” “Don’t worry about it,” she said with a reassuring smile. “Ok,” I said, feeling a bit relieved. “It’s very pretty.” “Thanks. Ready for bed yet?” “Yes, I guess I’m getting kind of tired.” I used the bathroom and then got into bed as she went to use the bathroom herself. Marilyn was on her side facing the wall, snoring lightly. I heard the toilet flush and then water running. A moment later, Kya placed her belt above her pillow as she had the night before, then climbed into bed. I lay on my side facing her. “Good night,” she whispered. “Night,” I whispered back. She shifted onto her side. We lay in the darkness, facing each other. I studied the outline of her body just a few feet from mine. Suddenly, there was movement. She slid her hand under the covers toward mine. She took hold of my hand and held it gently. That was how we fell asleep that night, hand in hand.