Boulevard of Broken Dreams

For a while, they just sat there, Hubert running his hand through her hair, kissing her head, and rubbing her arm. She wasn't feeling much better despite his attentions. Eventually, he spoke up. "Would you like to go on a horseback ride?"   She frowned and pulled back to look up at him. "Are you sure? You said you needed a few more days to recover..."   "I'd rather you start feeling better in this case. And don't try to say me from it this time. It's...hard for me to see you so upset." She saw his eyes practically begging her to accept. She sighed internally. He really didn't value himself when it came to all of this. But...she would be lying if she said she didn't want to go outside and potentially ride. She didn't particularly feel like being trapped inside and sulking for the next several weeks.   "All right..." She tucked some hair behind her ear. He pressed a soft kiss to her lips, then one to her forehead as he rested a hand on her cheek. He really was so kind, soft, and gentle with her. She really did appreciate everything he did for her. He could sometimes be particularly overbearing, but she usually didn't mind. It was just when he stuck his nose too deeply into her business that she got snippy with him. It was always for her best interests though. And it was hard to be too mad at somebody that was simply trying to make her happy and help her live the best life she could possibly lead.   She changed out of her dress and into a set of pants and a shirt. She frowned though. "If we end up being outside a good chunk of the day, we might want to pack some food... Would you mind going down to the kitchens and alerting the cooks to what we'll need? I need to go talk to the tailers for a bit first." Marjam had suggested she switch to looser-fitting clothes. Looser shirts, looser skirts. Her clothes tended to be a bit more body hugging than would be best for pregnancy. So clothes she could stay in while her abdomen expanded would be best. Hubert looked ready to protest but he opted to nod instead.   "Very well. I'll meet you down at the stables then?"   "All right." She pulled him down to her height by the front of his shirt and kissed him, then they both went their separate ways. She did have a bit of trouble finding where the tailors were, but she got there with some help from servants. She had to spend a little while there telling them what she needed and getting remeasured. They said they would get started on the clothes soon and be done with them within the next few weeks. She would probably still need clothes made her for later pregnancy, but for early pregnancy, this set of clothes would help get her through. Adjustable waistbands were going to be a new staple of her wardrobe.   She made her way down to the stables after the meeting and Hubert was there with the horses already tacked up. Anni grazed on some grass placidly and his mount stood at attention. She smiled a bit and walked over to him, resting her head against his chest. "Did you have any idea how long you wanted to stay out?" she asked. She really didn't want him to feel like they needed to stay out all day. But...part of her wouldn't argue with that. It was still only mid morning, so they had plenty of time in the day to kill.   "However long you want to stay out. Though...we should be back before nightfall." She nodded in agreement. They weren't really equipped to handle a night out. She could camp out just fine, but they didn't have a tent or anything on them to stay out for the night.   "Of course. In that case, then, let's go out for most of the day." She knew he didn't necessarily share her enthusiasm for being outside. He was much more of a homebody than she was, preferring to stay inside. But he never really voiced his complaints. He was too good to her... This would help improve her mood immensely. No, horseback riding wasn't the most intensive thing, but it could still be pretty physically taxing. Especially since they were on rockier terrain. Though, before the mountains that started the ravine, there were plenty of plains. "We might want to avoid the mountains for now, though. We can just stick to the plains."   "Very well." He kissed her head and rubbed her back before stepping back. They mounted up and clucked their horses into a loping trot. Almost immediately, she felt the weight lift off her shoulders and she relaxed into proper riding posture. Remaining tense on a horse was a good way to get hurt. Tenseness just led to sore muscles. She was glad that she was getting out. She felt bad because she had promised Hubert that they'd continue resting, but he had been the one to suggest this for her sake. She didn't want him feeling like he had to sacrifice everything for her but...that was how things had been their entire lives. He lived only to serve her. Changing that thinking was going to be so very difficult... She hoped they could stand side by side as equals one day, not as vassal and lady. Their relationship was slowly changing, but he still couldn't even call her by name yet. She appreciated the fact that he was trying his best, but it would take a lot of time for him to adapt to it.     For the most part, their ride was quiet. She could see sagebrush in the distance and pulled Anni around. "We might want to go investigate that for the falconry season," she pointed out.   "If that's what you want to do." He offered her one of his usual Hubert smiles. She wanted to see how the jackrabbits were running. There would probably be foxes up in the mountains but for sagebrush land, she would hunt the eagles there. They headed into the sagebrush, the dried, cracked plants tugging at their clothes. But as she tracked through the dense growth, she could see plenty of rabbit and hare sets. Oh, this was going to be great hunting for Evelin. She would probably need to do a red tail this season though... Evelin was heavy under the best of circumstances and, if everything panned out correctly, she would be heavily pregnant by time the falconry season was under way. There was the injured redtail that they'd found... Maybe she could fly that one for the season, though the risk of imprinting or soft imprinting might be bad. Maybe she ought to just wait to capture a migrating passage bird.   Eventually, they found a clearing in the sagebrush and Hubert pulled his mount around. "Perhaps we should stop to eat." It was probably getting into the afternoon as the sun's position said and she nodded. He hadn't eaten that morning because she'd refused to do so. She now felt bad over that. She had pushed him out of a meal... It wasn't like she was forcing him to not eat on a regular basis though. It was just one skipped meal because she had been so stressed out.   They sat on the ground and he handed her a portion. "Are you going to revert to the six-meal idea or continue the three larger meals?"   "I'll probably go back to six smaller ones. Honestly, I've always struggled to go back to three larger meals since I was on six smaller ones for so long." Following the Crest experiments, she'd been on six smaller meals up until about a year before she'd gone to Garreg Mach. She'd just struggled to not feel hungry when on the typical three-meal plan. And it wasn't like she could exactly snack in class at Garreg Mach when she felt hungry. Eating in class was strictly forbidden and could result in detention which she didn't want. She didn't want her classmates to think her... Well. She wasn't sure what they would've thought if she'd been given detention as future Empress. But it wasn't something that would likely inspire loyalty or confidence in her ruling.   "That does make perfect sense. It was something your body was used to for years at that point. Sometimes going back to one thing can be incredibly difficult. It might be best to start doing that tomorrow just so you're already in the habit. For today, though... Two meals."   "Yeah, probably for the best." She often just found herself so hungry when having to go so long between meals. She kept snacks on her when she was in court and didn't give a damn if it made her appear unprofessional. She really needed to eat when she needed to eat. Juliane and Hubert had scared the court into not saying anything after a short while. She was glad she wasn't in Garreg Mach andymore and could have full control over her eating schedule now. Though it would be difficult to deal with having to be pregnant... Apparently nausea was incredibly common as was heartburn. She wasn't particularly looking forward to either. She thankfully wasn't one to get nauseated too easily but who knew what her pregnancy would look like...   "Although I will admit it'll probably be hard for me going from having you around all the time to basically not at all..." She frowned at the thought. She trusted Hubert implicitly to take over the Empire and guide it in her stead. But she was used to having him around all the time. She relied on him to feel safe and at peace. As long as the threat was human, she knew that he would be able to keep her from harm. The Agarthans were...not quite human anymore from what little she could remember. They were the descendants of the humans that had originally lived in Fodlan before Sothis and the other Children of the Goddess came to the land.   That did make Hubert frown. "I didn't think about that when I promised to take over court. That...will be difficult. We've barely been parted since you were freed from the Crest experiments." Of course she sent him on errands and such like she had earlier. But she would hardly spend maybe a few hours apart as significant. He'd had to stay with her at night so she could sleep while at Garreg Mach. She was so used to being under his guard at all hours of the day more or less... "I don't want you feeling like I've abandoned you when you're in such a vulnerable time."   "You'll hardly be abandoning me, Hubert. Though with the mood swings that are reported to be coming, I'm not sure how I'll feel then..." She wanted him to fulfill his role as Emperor. She really did. She trusted him to keep the advisers in check and the Empire on track with her personal reforms. She was trying to institute wide-ranging basic education for even commoners... That was something that needed to be kept an eye on. If the advisers got too pushy, they might think they could roll back the program and undercut her authority over it. She just...wasn't sure how her upcoming pregnancy mood swings would make her feel about her partner not being around when he'd never left her side in close to a decade.   "I really don't want to leave you like that..." He rested a hand on her shoulder and she placed her hand over his, squeezing gently.   "How about this, then: if I feel like I need you, I'll have somebody call on you to leave court. I trust the Imperial women to be able to handle court for the better part of a day if that's what's necessary. Or a few days. Or a week. Mother Juliane has handled court since the end of the Insurrection more or less on her own. I think she knows what she's doing by this point." She could trust the woman with anything. But she also couldn't have her and Hubert appearing as a weak Imperial couple. The setup they had going on was honestly fairly unusual. Once the eldest took over the throne, it was most common for the former Emperor or Empress to take their consorts and leave the younger ones to run things. There was a reason there were so many Imperial vacation homes... There were probably fifty or more spread out through the Empire so that the previous generation could live in luxury and enjoy their golden years together. Abdication wasn't an unusual occurrence in the Empire because of this practice. So for Juliane, Augusta, and the other Imperial women to be involved with Edelgard's reign... It was a strange digression from tradition. But considering the end of her father's reign had been anything but normal...it did make sense. Especially with her general inexperience when it came to the education needed for ruling. And she was incredibly young too... Only eighteen and ascending the throne was beyond unusual. Tobias had already been in his twenties and her father hadn't once considered abdicating to him any time soon. Honestly, it was a good thing in this case... Considering everything that had happened, it was good that Ionius hadn't abdicated. Though, had all of that not happened...he'd probably be ruling right now.   "I think that's the best compromise we can come up with. I really do wish I could support you through the entirety of your pregnancy at all hours..." He sat his food aside and wrapped his arms around her and she wrapped her arms around his neck. He bumped their foreheads together and she closed her eyes. It was going to feel practically unnatural to not have Hubert at her all hours of the day. She was so used to him being there. And the time they were spending together now would help strengthen their relationship. She really did care about him so deeply... He would do whatever he needed to in order to make sure Adrestia was safe especially after having witnessed the Insurrection, then having to see her leave him for the Crest experiments...   "I want you there too... But we can't appear weak as Emperor and Empress to the people or the nobles. We have to deal with whatever comes our way to the best of our ability." She leaned into him and kissed him softly, lingering, He returned it with warmth and delicacy, though she did also detect a small spark behind it. She only pulled back once they needed to breathe and opened her eyes, brushing his bangs out of his face to look into both of his eyes. She could definitely sense tension in the air. He held her a bit tighter and closer and she could see the look in his eyes.   She smiled at him a bit abashedly. "...Want to plan for tomorrow night? I'd just like a bit of time to scan any books on a man's pleasure so I can give you the same sort of treatment you gave me." She really did want to give back to him the way he had given to her. She just...didn't know enough about it to give back.   "I... Sorry. I didn't mean to pressure you into--" She cut him off with a kiss.      "Hubert, it's fine. I said I want to give to you as you gave to me. And I still stand by that. You're not pressuring me into anything. I'm making this choice myself." There was still some level of coercion through the advisers but...as far as she could give her full consent in this situation, she was. The first experience had been nice even if he'd been a bit mean in some regards. But he just did have that kind of personality especially when he'd had so many pent-up emotions. She just wanted to skim some books beforehand was all. And if she had the whole day to do that, she would feel better educated even if it wasn't quite to the depth she would've necessarily liked.   "If you're sure..." One hand gently rubbed her back and she leaned forward, pressing her weight against him a bit in a heated kiss. She felt his hands starting to sneak under her shirt a little bit and she pulled back. "All right, all right... We can stay in tomorrow and you can have your books... I'll have to see what's in the library." He did move his hands from where they were to rest on her hips.   "Honestly, we could probably head back to the manor so I can get a headstart on reading those books." She felt her cheeks heat up and he looked at her.     "Are you feeling good enough to do that? I did this so you'd feel better, not to try to get us back to the manor so you could be locked in our room to read sexual books."   She nodded. "I feel a lot better, Hubert. Thank you for caring so much." She kissed him again then smiled at him. She got off his lap and they cleaned up their spot. They mounted back up and headed back to the manor.   Once back at the manor, they headed to the library and Hubert helped her pick out a few books. Honestly, she was kind of shocked just how many books there were on the topic... There was an entire large section on sex. She knew there was no real taboo about it in Adrestia and not even taught by the Church, but this was still...impressive to see. She really could not believe how much there was on the topic. They kept the number of books pretty low, not wanting to overwhelm her with information over the next day and a half or so. She could read as desired when they weren't busy with anything. Granted, this was a vacation/honeymoon, so it wasn't like she really had anything to do. She was still so frustrated over the lack of sparring though... But she didn't want to endanger the life or lives she'd be carrying.   The rest of the day was relatively quiet as she rested against Hubert's side in the bedroom, though her face remained aflame the whole time she read. Honestly, for the most part, a lot of the advice she was seeing was similar to what she'd read in her other books... Bodies really weren't that different apparently. As she finished up one book, she sighed and rested against him. "I wish I could do the same things to you that you did to me." She was refreshing her magic knowledge but there was no way she'd be able to pull off the sort of things he had with her. She wanted to please him as he'd pleased her.   He tilted her head back and placed a kiss on her lips before making eye contact with her. "You'll get there in due time, but for now...it's best not to tempt fate. The memory wipe you did on Felix was impressive and clean when you'd only had theory. But since you've only been studying the basics again...it's best not to chance it. You don't have the same sensitivity to magic and energy flows that I do. But you won't really need to increase my sensitivity to get me going... I can promise you that." His pale cheeks took a slight flush and she felt her own blush deepen. "You on your own is more than enough for me." He kissed her again, a fair bit of passion behind it. She leaned into it and returned it, pulling back only when they needed air.   "All right... But hopefully I'll be able to turn the tables one day." She smiled at him. She really did want to do what he had done for her. But she knew he wouldn't argue too much. She was pretty quick with things, so she hoped that she'd be able to get there within a few weeks, weeks, maybe a month at most. She always did pick up on things quickly.   Unless it was chess.   "I don't doubt you will in due time." He chuckled softly, then kissed her forehead. She smiled, feeling the warmth and safety he offered her in her chest. She knew he'd never hurt or take advantage of her in any shape, way, or form. He fretted a bit too much for his own good honestly. But she would rather have somebody fret too much than not care at all. She was glad she wasn't in any sort of political marriage to him... Well, technically she was, but...there was a lot of love and care behind both of them. It wasn't just cold, unfeeling business between them. She still wasn't entirely sure about the consorts... She wanted to at least make sure she could click with them before committing to having them in her family.   "Anyway, think we should head to the bath?" He nodded and they headed into the bathroom. She washed his hair and he did the same for her, then they settled down for the night. After they dried their hair, they curled up for the night and fell asleep, the warmth and love wrapping around them like a comforting blanket.