Boulevard of Broken Dreams

Edelgard's eyes fluttered open and she found the room in darkness. She wasn't quite sure what time it was, but Hubert's soft, slow, easy breaths betrayed that he was still asleep. She closed her eyes and stayed rested against him, not really sure what to do. She didn't want to wake him up because it just felt wrong for some reason. He sacrificed so much for her and he hadn't gotten to sleep the entire night a few before. He had given her literally everything in agreeing to marry her. She was glad for his loyalty, but she still couldn't fathom it at times. He would give her literally everything. She wasn't sure at what point his loyalty to her had gone from obligation to personal. She couldn't remember a time before him, nor a time without him despite her time in the Kingdom and the Crest experiments. She was glad that he had agreed even if she couldn't fathom his loyalty. She couldn't imagine who else she would rather marry at this point... Well... There had been Dimitri but he'd rebuffed her. Part of her still wished that could have been, but she wasn't going to fault him. She hoped that he'd find a good partner that would befit his personality. He was so sweet, kind and gentle... It was why she'd fallen for him in the first place, but it just hadn't been meant to be. She honestly did feel like she and Hubert stood a chance of falling in love... He was opening up to her to some degree. Plus, he was kind and gentle, though in a different way than Dimitri. She really did hope he would feel comfortable opening to her fully. But it was one step at a time right now. Day by day. Which she was fine with. Eventually, she felt Hubert stir and he ran a hand through her hair. "Good morning." His words were quiet and warm, obviously meant only for her. "Morning." Her eyes were slightly closed from the comfort. Honestly, these small moments like this were nice. She wouldn't remember them in the long run, but she hoped he would learn to treasure them. Though...she did understand if her memory issues would keep him from falling in love with her. Nobody wanted somebody that couldn't remember the times, good or bad. When she had a child, those memories would eventually fade into the ether most likely. She could barely remember anything about Garreg Mach at this point even though it'd only been a couple of years. She hated that she was losing the memories of her brother that she would so treasure… She felt him rest press a kiss into her hair and she shifted to tuck against him more and her eyes closed fully. "This is nice." The statement was small and simple but she nodded her agreement. She wasn't sure how long they'd have here at the vacation home. She had longed and thirsted for freedom like this for years, so she was glad to have this opportunity. But being held like this in a warm, caring embrace... It was more than she had hoped for with a political marriage. He legitimately did care about her which she was glad for. She wasn't sure if anything like this would've been possible had she been forced to marry somebody like Ferdinand or Caspar. Especially Caspar... He seemed to lack any and all tact and subtlety. She hadn't been especially close to him at Garreg Mach... He was too abrasive for her gentle personality. "It really is." She shifted so she could rest her forehead against his and one of his hands came up to rest on her cheek before pulling her into a legitimately sweet, warm kiss. She returned it for once and leaned into it, drinking in the affection. She was glad he was so willing to be like this with her... It really did feel like they had a legitimate shot at falling in love. If only he would open up more. They continued to lay there for a while until she became aware of the sun peeking around the curtains, offering them a little bit of light in the room. She reluctantly rolled over and opened them, seeing the sun rising over the horizon. Honestly, it was a beautiful sunrise. She looked up when she felt his arms wrap around her from behind and she rested her head against his chest. "Yeah... I think I could get used to this." She knew that court would be hellish once they returned, but for now...she would drink in the warmth that he offered her. If they got up early each morning, they could just lay there for a while in the comfortable silence. They had known each other for so long now they really didn't need words a lot of the time. He simply kissed her head again and she looked up at him. "So what would you like to do today, my-- Edelgard?" He gave her a gentle squeeze. "Well, first do you feel any better? Have the side effects of the sleep elixir worn off?" She nodded. "Yeah. I wasn't dizzy when I stood up. You would've been able to tell." He really would've and he would've fussed over her immensely had she shown signs of dizziness. Thankfully, the side effects always wore off after a good normal night's sleep. She didn't take them unless she really had to and she had probably needed it that night. "Honestly, some strolls around the property sound like it might be a nice idea... Though an hour of sparring also sounds good to me. Does that sound okay?" She had promised him they'd alternate between lower key activities and physical activity for the next few days. After the sleep elixir, it was probably best to keep the physical activity easygoing. Walks were pretty easy but she did want at least a little bit of sparring in there. "I think I can manage an hour of sparring." His tone was light and she could practically hear the smile in his voice. "I know you're itching to get your skills back up to par, but be easy on yourself; it isn't going to happen overnight." She sighed. "I really wish I could. I shouldn't have slacked on it in the first place." She had let years of combat practice go down the drain. Court had taken over and she felt like she couldn't practice at all. Though she kept up with her violin and harp when she got extremely stressed. "Do you think you'd like to hear me practice violin for a little while at some point today? Maybe we could find somewhere nice outside and I can practice out there." "I think that sounds just fine. It has been a while since you've practiced, no?" She nodded. "Probably about a month..." She knew she shouldn't let her violin skills go so badly, but she had gotten stressed and overwhelmed with the court system. Even with her cleaning up the Adrestian court, she still had to deal with vicious, corrupt nobles. They all wanted to stab her in the back and use her. She had at least become a lot more shrewd and used to these younger nobles who were far less subtle than their parents had been. She could easily spot them and their attempts to manipulate her from a mile away. "Sounds like a plan then. Would you like to have breakfast early then we could take a walk for a little while and we can go find a nice practice spot? There's a lake not too far away. We don't have to go too close, though." She was honestly fine with water as long as it wasn't too close to her. She could enjoy the breeze that came off of lakes. She simply hadn't been back to the ocean since she'd been a child. "That's fine." She smiled at him. They got dressed and she grabbed her violin case, then wrapped her arms around Hubert's. They headed down to the kitchen and to the little table. He ordered them breakfast and it didn't take too long to be served. As usual, it was a simple meal but she honestly preferred the simple meals over the extravagant ones. She enjoyed the spices, but after having eaten simple meals at Garreg Mach for so long, she had become accustomed to it. Plus, taking meals in one's room didn't leave any room for extravagance either. So she had long grown accustomed to the simple meals. After they finished up, he offered his arm to her again and they headed outside. After spending the entire day inside yesterday, the breeze on her face felt good. The sky had clouds on the horizon and they were dark. She furrowed her brows. "I think we might be in for some rain later..." Thankfully, the home did have inside sparring grounds. She didn't fancy getting wet, especially with her long hair. But the storms still seemed far enough away that they wouldn't be a threat for a while. "Unfortunate. It seems like we won't get to spend as much time outside as you wanted to today. But it does seem like we'll at least get some clear skies this morning. More than enough for a walk and you to get some practice in." He smiled down at her and she returned it. Though he offered his free hand to her. "I can carry that if you'd like." She hesitated before turning the case over to Hubert. She trusted him to not drop it, but still... She was used to carrying it. But she would be able to stay closer to him if he took it. "We probably shouldn't stay out too terribly long though, even if it's tempting. We don't want to potentially get caught in the rain. I don't want to ruin my violin." It wasn't a cheap instrument considering it'd been made by the finest craftsman in the Imperial territory with wood imported from the Kingdom. Kingdom wood was prized for its sound from her basic understanding, so she really didn't want to risk ruining it. Not to mention the strings were expensive all on their own... It would take months to get another violin made from scratch even if they put a rush on the order. She just couldn't risk the precious instrument being damaged or ruined by the rain. "If you'd like to practice more in the afternoon, we can stay in our room. I wouldn't mind a private concert. You are quite the skilled musician, my-- Edelgard." She flushed a little bit at his praise. She was nothing compared to Dorothea or even other musicians in the Empire. She simply played for pleasure. She had learned music theory from Dorothea and picked up violin so she could put it into use. She hadn't relished the task of learning to tune by ear, but she had come to accept it for what it was. "Oh yeah, I'll have to tune first." She hadn't touched the instrument in like a month. It would definitely be out of tune. It always sounded horrible when she hadn't touched it in so long. She wished she could maintain it better but sometimes she simply got too caught up in court and often let it fall to the wayside. It wasn't good for keeping her skills up, but trying to balance court and other things in life would be hard. And with her no doubt having to get pregnant soon...it would only make things far harder. She would have to balance being a mother with being an Empress and then other things... She really was not looking forward to having to become a month as well as returning to court. "That's perfectly fine. If I were more of a musician, I could probably do that for you, but, alas, I am not." "It's fine, Hubert. You do enough for me as is." He really did. She didn't need him to keep her violin in tune for her. She could just fix it whenever she picked it back up even if it took a while. She wished that they'd be able to spend more time outside, but with rains coming, she had no real choice but to stay inside most of the day. It was hard to balance being inside and outside for her... If she had her way, she'd be outside all the time. She hated being cooped up inside, but with court...she barely got to spend any time outside unless she was out eagle hunting. "Hopefully the weather will be better tomorrow and we can spend a bit more time outside. We could play games in the courtyard again if the weather is favorable." She perked up at that and nodded. "Well, if we want to start a chess match, we'll have to have it in the bedroom but..." “We'll see what the weather holds. If it rains all day, we can start one. If not...I think playing games in the courtyard sounds fine." She smiled up at him. She really got so stir crazy when left inside too long. Going to Helen and Ueli's house had been a breath of fresh air for her since it'd been so long since she'd left the castle really. Sure, she was still on castle grounds, but even seeing the outside like that had been such a nice breather after being locked up in court for so long. She hoped she'd be able to get out eagle hunting and not miss the season this year… He chuckled a bit. "All right then. We can see about playing some new games if you're alright with it. I don't mind mancala and senet but some variety is the spice of life. Would you be okay with that?" "As long as it's not as complex as chess." A lot of her attention was already going into learning about chess, so she didn't want to pile on another game that was as complex as that was. She wasn't enjoying playing, but the mental challenge was invigorating. She hadn't been challenged like that in a very long time. Cour was its own kind of challenge, but it was droll and mostly listening to people talk and watching out for backstabbers. She tired of its monotony day in and day out. She had no idea how she was going to deal with it being that way for the rest of her life. She hated it. She hated it so much. "There are plenty of games that aren't as complex as chess that are like mancala. You'll probably enjoy those a lot more now that I've seen what you enjoy." She was glad. She was actually having fun with the games which she hadn't expected. She hadn't done anything like just play something to have fun since she'd been a child. Her fun mostly came in the form of falconry and training birds or just going on walks. She hadn't played like this for years... She did miss her siblings so dearly though… They made it to the lake a little while later and they found a grove of trees not too close to it. She could hear the waves but they weren't anywhere near the beach which was fine with her. She took her violin out of the case and tuned it, taking a bit of time to do that. Once she had, she stood up and started to play. She had learned to transcribe music so she played a lot of the folk tunes she'd learned while she'd been out on her first falconry season. She had really enjoyed learning the music of the people. She had no desire to learn the music of the Church due to her hatred of the institution. There were some lovely melodies but...the Church had simply caused too much death and destruction for her to ever want to have much to do with it. Though her fingers did fumble a bit on the strings due to her rustiness. She mentally swore at that though it was nobody's fault but her own. It hadn't been so long she'd forgotten everything (thankfully) but she was definitely quite rusty. She could hear off-key notes and she often didn't hit the strings in the correct place to make them fully in tune. Still, the look on Hubert's face was...surprisingly placid. He had his eyes closed as he leaned against a tree for shade and he tapped his hand along with the rhythm of the music to the best of his ability. He was pretty off rhythm though... He wasn't a musician in any shape, way, or form like he'd said. After a while, she put the violin away and shook her hands out as they were a bit cramped from her not having played in a while. She settled in Hubert's lap and he wrapped his arms around her. "That wasn't too bad." She shook her head. "It was pretty bad... I kept hitting the wrong spots on the violin and was off key and rhythm in more than one place." She really needed to start practicing daily again. She was normally up early enough to get at least a half hour in each day, but things had just fallen off for the past month. The week and a half of travel to the vacation home hadn't helped matters at all. She was glad to be out here, but her entire life had been turned upside down by getting married and coming out here. She frowned a bit as something hit her though. "I left Annika hanging." Annika had told her that she'd introduce her to her husband, but she'd left before that could happen. "Ah, right... Well, it wasn't like we had planned to come out here when she made that offer. And it's not like you can't meet him in the future." Hubert rubbed her arm but she still looked down. She hoped Annika wouldn't be too upset with her. Maybe she ought to write the older woman and apologise since things had taken an unexpected turn between her and Hubert... It would take a bit of time to get back, but she hoped that Annika didn't think that Edelgard hated her all of a sudden. They had gotten along pretty well and Annika was almost like family in a way... Almost like a sister. "I'll write to her before bed... If we're still out here when falconry season starts, I think I'll have her come out here so we can fly Evelin. This is great eagle-hunting territory." Most of the territory was wide open which would mean great space for hunting eagles. They were no longer on Hresvelg territory, but the area around the vacation homes were still royal lands. They had just miles and miles of free, open territory to be able to hunt on. She had never hunted out here before, but she was looking forward to it if they were still out here when falconry season came around. There was no telling if they would be or not. "If that's what you want to do, then go ahead." Hubert gave her a small squeeze around the waist and she rested against him. She wanted to. She felt so bad for leaving Annika hanging after she'd more or less promised her that she'd meet her husband. She would also let her know that she was welcome to come out here with Evelin if they were still out here once falconry season hit. Honestly, she kind of hoped they were. She could get a lovely month or so maybe of hunting... It would be really nice to have a full month or more of hawking. She did look up at the sky and frowned as she saw the clouds moving in further. "We might wanna head back. It's getting a bit worrisome." She hated being cooped up inside. But once they got back, they could play some games. They had walked a decent amount away from the home and she hoped they'd get back before the rains hit. She didn't want her violin to suffer water damage. That would be devastating for her. The instrument had been made to her specifications and desires, so having it be ruined would upset her. She had really worked hard with master craftsmen to make sure it looked good while still sounding fine. "Very well." She got off of Hubert's lap and helped him up, though he took her violin case in one hand while offering her his other arm. She wrapped her arms around it and they headed back. Though, as they walked, she spotted an injured redtail buzzard on the ground. She frowned and walked over, then picked it up, though it didn't really respond. That was bad. A wild bird not responding to human contact… "We should take it back with us." There were at least some mews in the vacation home along with a falconer, so the falconer would be able to keep the bird up. She hadn't flown a redtail since Garreg Mach. But she wasn't sure if this one would make it or not. "Take your time, Hubert; I'll meet up with you at our room!" With that, she started jogging back, leaving Hubert behind. She could feel the stitches in her side not long after that, but she ignored it and continued running all the way back to the house. She found the mews and the falconer, then handed the bird off to the woman. She went back up to her and Hubert's room then flopped on the bed, her lungs heaving for air. She closed her eyes, trying to regain her energy. Eventually, she heard Hubert come back and place her case down, then she felt him sit next to her. "Are you all right?" She opened her eyes and looked up at him, only to feel him shift her head over to her lap. "Just...really worn out form that run." She knew some people ran to keep up fitness but she'd never been one to do that. Maybe she ought to start a physical fitness regime with running in it... It might come in handy at some point. She rarely ever had to run long distances like that, but it might be a useful skill to have in case something drastic like that happened again. What a mess. She'd at least regained her breath in the time that Hubert had come in, but her body still quivered from the exhaustion. He petted her head and she closed her eyes again. "I'm in better shape than you are. I probably should've been the one to do that." He had a point, but she'd been so worried about the bird that she hadn't stop to think about it. She was entirely out of shape. The first few years of her rule had been marked by long hours due to all of the cleaning up of court she'd needed to do. Sunup to sundown was more or less how long she'd spent in court once she'd been coronated. No time for anything extra. And that mindset had just sorta stuck around... She hadn't done much outside of practicing her violin somewhat inconsistently for personal time. "Probably...but what's done is done." She rolled over onto her side, eyes still closed. There was no going back on it now. She didn't feel bad in the slightest, though. She hoped the bird would make a full recovery from whatever had happened to it. She'd check in with the falconer tomorrow. She was a royal falconer, but not the royal falconer that took care of the majority of the birds, oversaw breeding projects, and so on. That was Helen and Ueli. She was so glad she'd met them. Before she realised it, she'd dozed off and snapped awake again. She rolled over to look up at Hubert, her cheeks slightly flushed. "Sorry. I didn't mean to fall asleep." She wondered how much time had passed. She wasn't normally one to take naps, considering her intense schedule. She could vaguely remember Anselma putting her down for naps as a small child, but outside of that, she'd never really been one to do that. "How long has it been?" "Maybe an hour ro so. It's fine, my-- Edelgard. You clearly needed the rest." She sighed but nodded, then sat up. She felt a lot better now. She apparently really had needed the rest, but it still felt childish to nap like that in the middle of the morning. "Would you like to sleep more or...?" "I think we can get back to playing games for a bit." She glanced out the window and saw that it was indeed raining now. Pity. She really had hoped to spend more of the day outside. Nothing she could do about it, though. They would have to stay inside. She just really preferred being outside when at all possible. "Very well. How about a new one?" He dug through the wooden boards and found one, then placed it in front of him. She scooted around to the other side while he explained the rules. Another game with a layer of strategy to it, but still simpler than chess. It was called mill. It was, again, simple in concept but still took thinking. The point was to align three pieces along the conjunctions in the square board. Once that happened, the person could remove an opponent's pieces. Once someone got down to two pieces, they lost. Of course, she could tell Hubert was going easy on her as she grasped the basics of the game. She won a few times, but she could tell he was starting to punish any mistakes she made fairly quickly. Still, she did manage to win despite how tight he closed in on her with each passing match. Eventually, though, she did lose and she nodded. "Okay, yeah, it's not too bad." She smiled up at him. It was no chess, but the layer of strategy was definitely there. She was glad to have him at least go easy on her a little bit to build her confidence. If she lost every match, it'd be incredibly taxing and she wouldn't want to play anything anymore. "Strategy games are fun even if they're relatively simple. And you do enjoy a challenge, so I figured this would be a good one to add to our repertoire." He smiled at her and leaned across the board to kiss her. "You're doing well, my-- Edelgard. You are quite quick to pick up on things when they aren't as complicated as chess. After lunch, would you like to start a match?" "Well, how about we do my magic lessons first, spar for a bit, then start a match?" She didn't want to forget about her post-lunch magic lessons. She hadn't gotten it yesterday, so she wanted to pick that back up. She was glad to have at least gotten something basic like fire magic picked back up so she could dry her hair more effectively post-bath. She would have to do the same with Juliane if they ever stayed together again... She wasn't sure if they would or not. She honestly kind of already missed the woman. Staying with her had become such a big part of her routine. "That sounds fine to me." He got up and flagged a servant down to bring them lunch, then they settled back down to play a few more matches of mill. Honestly, this one was pretty fun. She really seemed to take a shine to these games that were simple in concept but still made her think at a decently high level. She could still tell Hubert was going easy on her though she was walking a bit of a razor's edge. He was punishing her mistakes but not as aggressively as he obviously could. These matches were much harder won than the earlier ones, but she didn't mind. The challenge helped keep her mentally sharp and she really did relish a challenge like this. Eventually, the knock for lunch came on their door and Hubert put the board away, then they cuddled up to eat. She rested against him. "Maybe in a few days we could go explore the mountains for a day or so. I won't keep us out overnight, but going on a long ride around sounds kinda fun. In a few days, though." She was still respecting his desire to take it easy for a few more days. She was just itching to get out and explore the surrounding area a bit. They'd have to bring a guide with them, though. They couldn't risk getting lost in the mountains for days or weeks on end with no supplies. She could forage and hunt, but with proper equipment, they wouldn't survive. "I know how much you want to get out, so we can do that." He smiled at her and she returned it. "Plus, sparring on uneven ground would help you immensely." "True." She was so out of practice that it wasn't funny. Mistakes that she normally wouldn't have made were there and wide open in their placement in her style. She really needed to get back up to par. She had let herself fall so far since graduating Garreg Mach. She was an embarrassment to the Emperors that had led their troops on the battlefield. She wouldn't have survived a single battle in her current state. She really was a disgrace for letting herself fall so far. She really couldn't believe it... But the court had taken over her life for years and she simply hadn't thought about getting back into fighting shape. At least there was no threat of a war in Fodlan for the time being... She was close with Dimitri and, even if she wasn't terribly close to Claude, they had enough respect between them to not have hostilities. He'd flown with her during her falconry season at Garreg Mach, so they had spent ample time together to grow a mutual respect. "I really hope I can get back to where I was at Garreg Mach..." She sighed. She would be completely useless in a battle situation were that to happen. She was glad bandits hadn't jumped them when they'd been on the way. She had stayed within sight of the traveling company while she'd been riding, but she often ranged out to the side or front just to feel a little less stiled. She wouldn't be surprised if there were bandits out here... This area was pretty isolated but considering it was close to a royal home, they might see that as a chance to potentially kidnap an Imperial family member. She would be easy pickings if there were bandits out here… "I'll protect you no matter what, my-- Edelgard." He kissed her head and she snuggled a little closer. She was safe as long as she had Hubert. She knew he would never slack on his training no matter what. "Honestly, it might be worth staying up a bit later or getting up a bit earlier to do training in the dark." "That's...probably  not a terrible idea." But she really enjoyed the little bit of time when they woke up before dawn. It was comfortable and warm. But staying up later wasn't a horrible idea either unless she was terribly drained. Which, considering this was a vacation, wasn't likely to happen unless she really, really overdid it with physical activity at some point. That was a distinct possibility, but she doubted it would be too often. "With our current schedule, it's probably best to do it in the morning." She sighed internally and nodded. Yeah, it probably was for the best. It was disappointing that they wouldn't be able to spend time like that in the morning. "I'll wake you up then if I'm up first then, okay?" "All right. I think you're probably usually up before I am..." She had woken up before Hubert that morning, but with his schedule, he probably was normally up before she was. She had hoped that they'd be able to spend a little bit of every morning just laying there in comfortable, quiet, dark silence, but it didn't seem like it was going to pan out. Still, she really did need to get used to sparring when it was dark out just in case something should happen. She never knew what might happen… "That is true. Even if you're usually up a little while before dawn, I'm usually up well before you are. Though I think things were switched this morning..." He rubbed the back of his neck and she nodded. "Yeah, I was up before you were this morning. But...do you think we could lay there for just a little bit before we start moving? I....kind of enjoy that." Her request was timid and she saw his eyebrows rise, but he did nod. He wrapped his arms around her. "If you want something from me, just ask. The worst I can do is say no. I will never admonish you for wanting something. Okay?" He placed a balled hand under her chin and tilted her head up, though she didn't meet his gaze. "I...guess it's still hard for me to speak up." She was used to just being handed things and having to make do with them. Juliane gave her as much attention as she possibly could, but she could tell it was hard on the woman. Juliane had become her caretaker, basically 24/7 following the Crest experiments. Literally almost every moment awake or asleep had been dedicated to Edelgard's care. So she had learned to be quiet and not ask much of the woman. Then with court...speaking up outside of political matters was incredibly difficult in its own right. She didn't wish to make anybody's life harder. And Hubert had already sacrificed so much for her by agreeing to marry her... He would be the father to her children in the near-ish future. And when she had her children, she would have to be there for them like Juliane had been there for her. She didn't want to just leave her children to caretakers. Honestly, it was one reason she sort of did want a consort... At least one other woman would make things a lot easier, but she had to make sure their personalities were compatible. "You don't have to be afraid to ask for things from me. You rely on me for almost everything. I'm not afraid to do more for you. You've said it yourself: relationships are give and take. We do need to find a balance, yes, but we have all the time in the world for that. I will never leave you. I am yours until I draw my last breath." She glanced up at him and he rested his forehead against hers before placing a soft, sweet kiss on her lips. She leaned into it and returned it, taking his free hand and interlacing their fingers. She really was glad for his loyalty. She didn't know what she would do without him or if his loyalty was simply out of obligation. It had started as obligation, she knew that much, but she never knew when it had turned to personal. Still... She was so glad for him being in her life. She had no idea what she would do without him. She would be so lost and such a mess without his support, especially had she been forced to marry somebody she didn't know and if they didn't care about her… The kiss did last longer than any of the others before and she felt her cheeks heat up a bit when he pulled back. Even though it hadn't been that long...things were definitely starting to feel...a bit heated between them. Their relationship was definitely starting to move beyond that of vassal and lady. She wasn't sure what they were anymore if she was honest. Again, it hadn't been long, but there was a lot more emotion than just affection behind Hubert's kisses. She was bad with people, but she could read that much. She really wasn't sure what to make of it. Well, the best thing to do right now was just keep taking things day by day. No point in trying to rush or anything like that. "Thank you... I really do appreciate your loyalty." She kissed his cheek and saw him give a somewhat bashful smile. "I'm simply doing my duty as your loyal vassal...and your husband." She was really getting the sense that there was something far more behind his words, but what it was, she couldn't tell. She wasn't the best at reading others, but she could tell there were things Hubert was definitely hiding from her. She couldn't expect him to break open all of his feelings for her immediately, though. He was one of her closest confidantes, so he knew a lot of her deepest emotions and thoughts while she still knew next to nothing from him. There was definitely a massive imbalance of power between them. Hopefully that would lessen with time. She really wanted them to be equals in their relationship, but it seemed like they both had things to work on. "Still... I appreciate everything you do for me." She touched their noses together and smiled at him, still feeling her cheeks a bit heated. Yeah, this was definitely moving beyond what they had originally been and had been for so long. She didn't hate it; it was just strange to feel their dynamics shifting in basically real time. They finished up eating and Hubert handed the tray off to a servant before coming back to start on her magic studies for the day. Things were relatively quiet with her simply learning what he taught her. Thankfully, at this point, she did know most of what he was teaching; it was just refreshing it. She had relatively good information recall despite her personal memories being banished to the ether by and large. It was just dredging up the information that had been buried for years at this point which she'd learned at Garreg Mach. After that, she quickly changed into pants and a shirt and followed Hubert down to the inside training grounds. "I know I really should train in the rain too..." She could hear the pounding rain and saw it through the windows, but she had no desire to end up muddy and soaked through to the skin. "You need to get your basic skills back up before you start worrying about rain and slippery footing again." She nodded, unable to deny his point. She was really rusty right now and trying to force herself out onto slippery grass and dirt would only harm her more than help her at this point. The dark training sessions should probably fall under the same sort of logic, but they could do that inside or out. It would realign her senses to be heightened where they needed to be should something happen where she needed to fight in relative darkness. As with the last sparring session, she'd quickly ended up punished for any major mistakes she made. She ended up bruised and battered again though this time was more intense. With their limited time, Hubert clearly wanted to make the best of what little time they did have. So even small mistakes were punished more severely than if they'd been in a sparring match like beforehand. She sat against one of the walls afterward and stretched out, feeling the little bumps and nicks she'd gotten from the wooden practice blades. "You were brutal today, Hubert." "I simply wanted to make the most of the time we have right now." He shrugged. "We should get you to a healer in a bit, though... I know nothing is broken, but I don't want you to end up in crippling pain for the next few days." He hadn't pulled any punches. If he saw a mistake bad enough to punish, he had really gone in for it. It made it even clearer how much she needed to get back in shape as well as shake off the dust for her combat skills. The Adrestian court had simply overtaken everything after Garreg Mach and she hadn't thought to get back to it until now. "Will you be able to walk or should I help support you?" "I might need some support... That whack you gave me to the thigh really stings." If she didn't go to a healer, she would probably be limping for a few days. They hadn't stopped the session for that one wound simply because real battles didn't stop for wounds. But now that she sat down... Yeah, she would be limping if they didn't take care of that. And she'd rather not be out sparring and horseback riding for a week or so. Thankfully she had some of the finest healers at her disposal, so taking care of minor abrasions like that wasn't a huge deal. "I'd ask you to forgive me, but I'm simply following the orders you gave me years ago. Or do you wish to rescind them?" She shook her head. "Sometimes stuff like this is the best way to learn. I wouldn't want to be shoved into the water to learn to swim, but for combat, being defeated really is the best learning tool for me." Drills only went so far. Going up against actual opponents was how she learned best. And especially if she got banged up. She at least wasn't down with a sword cut to the arm or leg due to the practice blades, but even so... Those wooden blades could still hurt like hell. "Very well. I'll continue on then." He stood and helped her to her feet, though she winced at the weight going onto her bad leg. Hubert wrapped an arm around her and supported her, heading to the infirmary with her. The healer gave a disapproving look but said nothing. This was going to be a daily occurrence until she got herself back up to any sort of par for combat. Until she could escape Hubert's barrage, she wouldn't let up. She really needed to get better, but it would take time. She at least still did have skills; it was just unearthing them again and blowing away the dust. Once back in the room, Hubert sat up the chess board on the Empress' desk which wasn't currently in use. Plus, the thing was huge, so they could have a board there even if she did use it at some point. Though she would probably just end up using his desk... With that done, though, he started walking her how to move the chess pieces and potential strategies. It was incredibly slow going as she weighed each of the options and moved pieces one by one. She did feel bad that he had to be so slow with her, but actually having someone walk her through it was helping her see things a lot better than just hearing strategies from books. This game was so stupidly complex. But the challenge was a good one even if it felt like climbing an extremely tall, steep mountain. Eventually, though, Hubert took note of the time and rested a hand on hers. "We've whittled away the hours, so it's time for you to be alone." He tilted her head up and kissed her and she nodded. "Yeah..." She felt her cheeks flush a little bit. This was still embarrassing even though she was slowly getting more comfortable with it. At least Hubert hadn't made any comments about anything in regards to it unless she talked to him about it. She was still incredibly flustered over it. At least it was helping desensitise her to sexual touch in some form even if it wasn't by another person's hand which still scared her. She changed from her training clothes over to her nightgown so she could be more comfortable. She settled on the bed, but part of her wondered if she ought to try another position... There was nothing wrong with exploration, right? The only thing keeping her from doing anything really was her own mind. The Church didn't preach against anything sexual. Empresses could have Empresse, Emperors could have Emperors... If anything restricted sex in Fodlan, it was cultural to each of the three areas. She knew the Kingdom was much more conservative, preferring to wait until marriage. But the Empire didn't teach anything like that. The only thing stopping her really was her own mind. She settled on the edge of the bed and crossed her legs. The other half laying, half sitting position required a bit of faffing around, but she found it a lot quicker this time. Then again, she was also inexperienced, so maybe that had something to do with it? She didn't really know. She was in completely uncharted territory for herself and was trying her best with the guidance of books. She did have Augusta but it still felt weird to ask such direct, explicit questions of the woman… Once she found her positioning, she started to grind. She shivered at the still somewhat alien sensation, but she was starting to get used to it. It really did feel good... She had doubted what others had said about it, but no, they had been right. Granted, the sensation wasn't mind shattering or anything but it definitely did feel good. She found herself pushed over relatively quickly in the new position, her breathing not really affected too much. Though she did flush when she realized just how wet her underwear were. She changed into a fresh pair and then went over to Hubert, wrapping her arms around his neck. He gently rested one hand on her elbow and tilted his head back, smiling at her. "So what do you want to do tonight, my-- Edelgard? I know we didn't do anything the past two nights but...would you like to try the next step we agreed on or would you like to stay the course for a few more nights?" That...was a good question. She was starting to feel more comfortable with the general sexual touch when it came to herself, though it still did scare her a bit to think about having someone else touch her like that. Granted, they weren't doing any sort of sexual touching yet. "Maybe we could try the next step but if I feel uncomfortable, not worry about it?" She was feeling a little more emboldened though she was still cautious. Maybe she would be able to move on a bit quicker thanks to her seeing that, as long as the touch was gentle, it wasn't anything to be afraid of. It didn't stop her from feeling afraid, but she was seeing that, as long as there was good communication, mishaps could hopefully be avoided… "Very well. If you feel uncomfortable at any point, tell me and I'll stop. I don't want to traumatise you." He stood up and wrapped his arms around her, then gently pressed their foreheads together. He kissed her again, still a sweet, gentle motion. She returned it, then nodded after they had pulled apart. She didn't want herself to end up traumatised either. She was sure that, had she been forced into an arranged marriage, her husband wouldn't' be so kind or caring. Almost any noble man would be wed to the Empress for the power it offered. She was soft and easily hurt, so it wouldn't be hard for a shrewd noble to hurt her enough to force her to more or less become subservient to him. He would gain the full power of the Emperor and become de facto leader of Adrestia. Thankfully, Hubert was nothing like that... She was glad. "I will. I promise." She touched their noses together and wrapped her arms around his neck, gently nuzzling their noses. She really was glad that Hubert would never hurt or betray her if he could help it. She really just wanted to get this done and over with in some regards, but rushing things would probably traumatise her. They had to be slow and deliberate in everything they did so she didn't end up horribly, horribly traumatised and potentially broken. "So...what do you think we should do until it gets a bit later? Well, dinner would probably be a good first step." "Good question. But yes, dinner would probably be good." He gave her a squeeze then stepped away from her. He flagged down a servant while she settled on the bed, glancing at the books from Juliane's list that had been brought to the room. She still hadn't delved into the actual fiction yet... She had never read a romance book in her life. She preferred books for younger audiences, probably because they tended to be so black and white. With as complex as her life had been, black and white was a good escape sometimes. There were too many nuances to real life. She really wished that things could be as simple as those childish books could be. The bad guys and good guys were on clear sides with the evil ones so transparently evil that it soothed her. The Agarthans still weren't so transparently evil… She shook her head and banished the thoughts, glad that Hubert wrapped his arms around her and helped bring her back into the present. "We do have time until our bath and when we go to bed so...would you have anything in particular you'd like to do, my-- Edelgard?" She pursed her lips together. "I'm not really sure... I mean we could always pick up the chess match from earlier, but my brain's kinda spent on that for the day." This was gonna take a while to finish, this match. But she wanted to understand how to move the pieces. They had a couple hours until they needed to take their bath, so she just really wasn't sure what to do with the rest of their time aside from eating. "Maybe we could go down to the stables for a bit? We don't have to ride or anything." It would be a wet walk down there, but they would be inside. She wanted to see Anni, her horse, again. She at least still had her training pants and shirt from earlier, so switching over to those wouldn't be too hard. Plus, if they went to the stables, they would get a bit dusty and dirty, so they would have to clean off... She would definitely need to wash her hair after the intense sparring session and the fact she hadn't in two days… "That sounds fine to me, though it will be muddy and wet outside... Are you okay with that?" She nodded. She had no problem with it. She really didn't. It would at least be a short-ish walk and she wouldn't get completely drenched through to the skin. Plus, it wasn't like it was driving rain; it looked like it was mostly just a drizzle from what she could see from the window. "All right then. I suppose all the more reason to wash up afterward." "Thanks." She smiled at him and wrapped her arms around his neck, kissing his chin. She really was glad. Being cooped up like this was kind of driving her crazy but she was trying to meet Hubert halfway. He still needed to recover a bit from the travel, but she really wanted to be outside. She had ridden most of the time, but she really had no issues with being so tired even though she was so out of shape. She had energy to spare due to being away from that damnable court. He patted her head and pointed over to her desk. "Didn't you want to write Annika?" She blinked then nodded. Right. She slipped away from him and over to her desk, then pulled out a piece of paper to start writing Annika. She invited her to come out to the vacation home and bring Evelin with her along with her husband. She did want to meet the man who was marrying the woman who would one day be her children's falconer. She still didn't want to be a mother though. But she had no choice in the matter. And it wasn't like she could just adopt a street child to act as future heir apparent. The line of House Hresvelg needed to be continued on through her. She really, really didn't want to get pregnant, but… The knock on the door jarred her out of her thoughts and she put her magical pen down. By time she got over to the bed, Hubert had already settled the tray on the nightstand. She sat next to him and he handed her her food and she started to eat. However, with her thoughts where they were, she picked at her food more than she would've liked. "What's on your mind?" She sighed. "I just...really, really don't want to be a mother, at least not under these circumstances... I know I can't avoid it, but I wish I at least got a choice in the matter of when I got pregnant... But with the advisers being how they are, they probably won't be happy unless I'm visibly pregnant by time we're back..." She rested her head against his shoulder. He could shut them up, but she knew her time to get pregnant was limited. If she wasn't visibly so, the advisers would probably have her head, metaphorically speaking. Hubert kissed her head, a faint frown etched on his face. "I wish I could be of more comfort in this matter but...I'm afraid you are right. Those vipers won't quiet their incessant ruckus until you're with child." He put his food to the side and wrapped his arms around her. "I know I can't really offer much comfort but, as I've said before, I'll be by your side until I draw my last breath. I'm...not sure how good of a father I'll be, but I'll do my best. Considering how...strict my own father was, I didn't exactly have a good role model. My mother could be strict too, but she was at least caring." She looked up at him, a little surprised he was talking so openly about his family life. But, at the same time, she had asked for this. He was always so quiet about his own history that she didn't know much of his upbringing. "I think you'll be fine, Hubert. If you're as tender with the kids as you are with me, I think it'll be fine. Plus, we have Mother Juliane and the other Imperial women to help us." Of course, they were getting on in years now, but until they died, she knew that they'd be willing to help. She had been raised with so much love and care by Juliane and the other women. It hadn't always been perfect, but it was mostly happy at least. She was glad to have had such good care shown toward her... Anselma had tried to be strict with her while Juliane had never been particularly stringent. "Of course... Still... It does worry me. House Vestra and House Hresvelg have never crossed like this in the entire history of the Empire... When my sister bears children, how will we teach them to interact? They'll be cousins, yet still vassals to our children. There...is going to be so much going into this." She nodded, her gaze drifting downward. Yeah. There were going to be so many decisions that went into raising their children, however many that may be. She hoped she wouldn't mess up with them. That was her greatest fear: she'd do something to potentially mess up her children and traumatise them or make them feel estranged from her. She really wasn't sure how being a mother would go for her… "Those are discussions we can have later. We don't have to decide on everything right now." She didn't want to bog herself down with what ifs and anxiety. She had enough anxiety to deal with on a daily basis. Having children was only going to add to that. She really hated all of this... In some respects, the children were unwanted. But she hoped that would never be conveyed to them. She still wanted to give her future children love, kindness, and support. She wouldn't just shunt them off on some caretaker and never interact with them. She would probably have to wet nurse though... There would be no way she'd be able to feed them all the time once that came around. She shook her head, trying to banish the thoughts. She was getting way too caught up in things that wouldn't be happening for quite some time. She would probably have to be with child by the end of the year though... She really just wanted the advisers to get off her back even though she was mentally in no shape to be having children with as nervous and tentative as she was. "Yeah. I'm letting myself get too caught up in it all. We'll get there when we get there." She wished he had been able to offer her more comfort, but she had basically known he wouldn't be able to. Even though he had given the advisers quite the tongue lashing, it would only last so long with how worried they were about the future of House Hresvelg. Thankfully, she was still pretty young, so she could space her children out more. She wouldn't have to have children only about eighteen months apart. As long as she could have one within a reasonable amount of time, she hoped that would make the advisers happy. And if she did find consorts she could share her love with... Well, that would make things easier on her. She could have more children without needing to carry them herself. As long as she had one, that would be a good start for the advisers. "Honestly, yeah... I probably should consider consorts. Are you okay with that?" He simply shrugged. "It is simply the way of the Imperial family and it's not as if we've had an incredibly tight, monogamous relationship for years before this, then you suddenly brought the idea up. We've been married about two weeks. If you want consorts, then my mother and I will do our best to arrange them. I have my extensive notes on much of the Imperial nobility just in case you ever were to want consorts. I have ample recommendations in that case." She felt her cheeks heat up again. He had apparently been planning this for quite a while. With the resources of House Vestra, she wasn't too surprised he had thoroughly vetted and combed through the nobility, but still... "When we return to Enbarr, we can probably start discussing it then because I don't have my notes with me... They're in my office." "Yeah, I don't want to go into it too heavily right now. I want to focus on us and see where things take us." She felt like romance was a possibility, but she couldn't see the end result. It really depended on how much Hubert was willing to open up to her. Even if she only had one consort and had a few children with her, that would take the pressure off Edelgard to have multiple children and endanger her life each time she became pregnant. She just hoped she would find someone she clicked with. She knew some consorts were around solely for the purpose of bearing Imperial children, but she would rather have a romantic relationship with any that she might stay with... She'd probably be looking mostly at the lower noble families in the Empire since a lot of the affluent ones had gone to Garreg Mach and she had not...particularly gotten along with a lot of them. "That's perfectly understandable. Though I could write to my mother and see if she could start the process of sending out letters to noble daughters. I do have several in mind I think might be good matches for your temperament, my-- Edelgard." She nodded. It might not be a bad idea to at least start to get things rolling. Eike von Vestra... She really didn't know the woman, but she was the new Minister of the Imperial Household. She would have to be the one to arrange all of this, not Hubert since he was Emperor now. "That might not be a horrible idea." Honestly, if she could get away with having only one child, maybe two... She would accept that. She honestly wanted her children to have a lot of siblings because it brought a lot of joy. Of course, there had been spats and she hadn't gotten along with all of her siblings (namely Helga's daughters) but it had been mostly happy. Plus, the potential consorts could get to know Katinka and the other Imperial women if they arrived while Edelgard and Hubert were still at the vacation home. Understanding how being a consort didn't make one lesser in the Empress' eyes would be extremely important… He picked his food back up and finished eating, then kissed her head. "Just give me a little while and I'll get this written up." She nodded as he headed over to the Emperor's desk, then started writing. She finished up eating, then changed back into her training clothes before flagging down a servant to take the tray down to the kitchens. She took the chance to finish up her letter to Annika and put the royal seal on the nevelope after she'd tucked the letter inside. She twirled her pen while she waited, though she did glance at the chess board. It had stopped at her turn and she looked at the position of the pieces before moving what her turn allotted. She knew he was supposed to walk her through things but...maybe making one move on her lonesome wasn't a terrible idea. They could probably come back to it for a little while after their bath. Hubert finished up his letter a short while later then offered his arm to Edelgard. "Shall we?" She nodded and wrapped her arms around his. She handed him her letter and they made their way to the postmaster's room. They told him to dispatch the messages immediately even in the rain. The royal messengers would take care of it; she had no doubt. With that done, they headed out to the stables. She jogged to get out of the rain and entered the warm stables. The scent of hay and similar smells met her. She had really enjoyed being in the stables while at Garreg Mcah even if she had to clean them. She had cleaned up after birds before and took care of viscera, so a little bit of horse manure didn't mean anything to her. She knew how to handle it, though it was no longer her duty to clean the stables out. She wouldn't exactly complain, though. She found Anni and went into the haflinger's stall, petting her neck while she ate out of her bucket. Edelgard found herself relaxing quite a bit, glad to be around animals again. She really did enjoy being around animals. She honestly should've brought Gerhard with her... There were still kennels at this vacation home, so he would've been well taken care of here. But considering he was a falconry dog, she hadn't thought about it. Plus, it had all been so sudden she hadn't thought about what she should bring and all of that. Plus, the servants had mostly taken care of it. After a while, she found some treats for Anni and gave them to the horse, smiling as they got lipped out of her palm. This was calming her nerves immensely after having gotten so up in arms over becoming a mother and all of that. She hoped Annika would take her invitation. Even if they never hawked here and went back before falconry season, she hoped the little break would do the woman good. She wasn't sure if she was stressed or not but...the fresh air away from Enbarr was doing her good personally. However, the shadows started to grow long and Edelgard sighed when Hubert leaned against the outside wall of Anni's stall. "We should probably head inside, my-- Edelgard. It's getting late." She nodded and sighed. "Yeah, you're probably right." She exited the stall and leaned up, grabbing a few pieces of hay out of his hair with a smile. "I think you missed these... How did you even get that in your hair in the first place?" "My mount needed a few flakes of hay." He shrugged. "I still care about him." She didn't doubt he cared for his horse; he just didn't strike her as the type to care about animals so much. She was really learning new things about him everyday... Still, it would've been easy enough to ask one of the stablehands to take care of the flakes of hay... Then again, with as much as he did as former Minister of the Imperial Household, he was probably used to doing things himself and not delegating them too much. So she supposed it made sense. They headed back inside at a jog with the warm rain pounding into their skin. In the time they had been in the barn, it had gone from a drizzle to driving rain and she was incredibly soaked through. She sighed as her clothes dripped. "Yeah, a bath is definitely in order." Her hair aws completely sodden and hung limply from her head. What a mess. She had just put it up in her usual style, so even her ribbongs wilted as if they were neglected plants. She probably shouldn't have done this, but she had just wanted to get outside for a little while. "Let's head up to our room." She didn't argue as he led her back up to their room. They put their sodden clothes in the dirty clothes and gathered up their night clothes to switch into. Edelgard had to stop and think for a second to gather up her night pants and a shirt. She didn't wear these to bed as they were strictly for running out of the room. She would switch over to her nightgown later. She had no qualms with short sleeves now that her scarring was gone, but she still preferred long sleeves for if she had to run out of the room at night for whatever reason. She made up the bath and sunk down into her neck, looking up at the ceiling. "Sorry for getting us soaking wet. I didn't think the rain would kick up that badly in the time we were in the stables." She hated being wet unless she chose to do it. She had never been swimming even during the one vacation her family had been on to the ocean. She had not learned to swim during that trip and the dark ocean had traumatised her despite the event itself not being horribly traumatic. She'd just seen the ocean at night and it had freaked her out something terrible. "It's not your fault; the rainy season in Adrestia is unpredictable." She heard him shrug and glanced over at him. He was way too cool for his own good sometimes. He just tended to accept things as they came. She wished she had the same sort of resilience and adaptability that he had sometimes. she had always been weak emotionally and prone to her emotions controlling her. That...hadn't changed at all even at Garreg Mach. She remained weak willed, easily manipulated, and prone to emotional melancholy if exposed to negativity for too long. "I just hope this system doesn't stick around for too long. I want to go horseback riding." She would be frustrated if it did stick around, but there wouldn't be anything she could do about it. Even the greatest mages in Adrestia couldn't control the weather patterns. She was sure they had tried, but weather was a complex beast that they didn't understand well at all. She wished she could control it though... It would be nice to banish the clouds in the area so they could go out. It was just hard when there were so many places they could explore. She wanted to be outside since she hadn't had any chance like this since her first falconry season. "At least we have plenty of things to do should we have to stay inside..." Hubert lifted her hand and kissed the back of it. "I'll be by your side the entire time if we are forced to stay in. I know you would much rather be outside but..." She nodded. There was no denying it. She wasn't sure how far the royal territory spread around the manor, but the local guides that lived there ought to know. She really didn't want to get into any trouble with the local nobles if they were trespassing. Still... She was Empress, so she could get away with almost anything. "I'm glad." She really didn't know what she'd do without him. She hated to think of a life without his ardent loyalty as her shadow. She really did depend on him so much. Even if this relationship didn't come out to anything more than mutual respect and care, it was more than she would've expected from an arranged marriage. She had no idea what she would've done had her advisers arranged her to Caspar of all people. He didn't seem the bad type, just...incapable of meeting what she needed emotionally. Hubert knew her inside and out, so he would be able to respond to her in whatever way she needed. "Anyway, shall we stop pussyfooting around and get to our plans tonight?" "If that's what you wish, then we shall." Edelgard dunked her head under the water and got her hair wet, then dictated which products she needed to use. Hubert took his time with each product, massaging her scalp with each application. It felt good to have someone take so much time to attend to her hair... She was used to just getting it over with. It wasn't something to be taken time with. All she needed was to get her hair washed and that was it. But this felt like legitimately being pampered. She did not mind it in the slightest. After he was done with her hair, she did his, taking the same amount of time and care as he had done with her. Of course, with his need for less product, she didn't use the same amount of time as he did with her. Still, she could feel him relaxing into her touch which was...kind of nice. She had never seen him truly relaxed as far as she could think of. She wasn't sure if he'd ever really had a break like this either. She was sure that, while she'd been in the Kingdom and held captive beneath the palace, he'd still been hard at work for his studies. "Hubert...have you ever really...had a break like this?" She was curious. She had no idea. He tilted his head and blinked, obviously surprised by the question. But he shook his head. "No... Not really. I've been with you most of our lives and, even when we were apart, I was studying so I could be of the most use to you. Garreg Mach was no exception. Serving you has always been my primary focus." That was exactly the answer she expected, but it still broke her heart a bit. To think this was really the first time he got to experience true relaxation...it was hard. "Well... You'll get more chances for this when we go on vacation. The court is pretty stable now and it's not full of last generation's rats, so I don't expect any sort of uprising. I haven't repeated any of the actions my father committed and I don't expect to..." She hoped her policies of revoking what her father had done and patching up relations with high-profile noble houses had gone a long way. She hoped that she wouldn't see the same sort of coup happen under her leadership. She was trying to learn from her father's mistakes and having Juliane there to guide her helped her avoid them. "It's honestly a bit strange to have free time. I've always been busy for your benefit, whether it be shadowing you or other affairs of state. But I'm no longer Minister of the Imperial Household, so I have different duties now. Whatever you decide is what we'll do." "I might take a few months away from court each year... I think I can trust most of the nobles there to not attempt to take over while I'm gone." Of course, every member of the court had their own designs and agendas which she couldn't possibly know, but she was hopeful. Plus, with Juliane and the other Imperial women there, there was quite the might to back up House Hresvelg. They wouldn't be there forever, but it was hopefully enough to keep the younger nobles in their place. One of the remaining old guard was Count Bergliez because she simply could not make an enemy of the man that controlled most of the Empire's food and was such a military legend. "If that's what you want to do, then I'll follow you...though if needed, I can always hold down court while you're away. You clearly need to get away every so often to refresh yourself. You aren't handling things particularly well." She blinked and looked at him, surprised by his comment. He had never told her that before, but she had told him to be honest with her. She saw his cheeks flush a little bit and he rubbed the back of his neck. "Ah, I didn't mean to imply that you've been handling things poorly; I just meant that it's clear that you did need some time to refresh yourself. You were basically bearing the weight of the world on your shoulders. You do let Her Eminence and the other Imperial women help but... You were obviously worn down and extremely exhausted." Edelgard nodded and sighed, sinking down into the water a little bit. "Yeah... I probably try to take too much on my shoulders at any given time..." She just felt the need to live up to the expectations that everyone had for her. She didn't want to let anybody down. Plus, she had people depending on her... The nobles just wanted to see their own agendas furthered while she wanted to help the common people. It was so hard to balance everything while letting others help. They didn't know exactly what she wanted done, so it just felt like she couldn't trust them with what exact decisions to make... Though she did trust Juliane to step away for longer periods like this… "I'll help you balance things better if you'll take my counsel, my-- Edelgard." She looked at Hubert. He often called her out when she was doing too much, but now that he was no longer her vassal...things had changed. He would have much more freedom to speak up now that he was her husband. In some regards, she did depend on him to help pull her back when she was doing too much, but she still often ended up exhausted. She was very good at tiring herself out from taking on too much at once. She tucked some hair behind her ear. "Well... You are my husband now. You're not my vassal any longer. We are equals. So if you feel like I'm doing too much, don't be afraid to hit me upside the head. Metaphorically speaking, of course." She knew he'd never actually hit her upside the head. Juliane sometimes did though. Not that it was hard, just a light tap to get the point across. She just got too stuck in her own head at times and took on too much. The people around her tried to support her, but she just held things back from them much too often… "If that's what you wish." He leaned over and kissed her forehead. "I'll do whatever you ask of me." He smiled at her and she did return it. She really did rely on him a lot and she'd continue to do so. She wasn't sure how far this would go between them... There was still a power imbalance between them, but she hoped that it would disappear in time. She hoped he would see her as his equal like she did him. It would take time though... A lot of time. They hadn't been married that long, so she couldn't expect changes overnight. He was doing pretty well with being more open with his emotions though… "Thanks." She rubbed her arm. "Think we should move on for tonight then...?" The conversation seemed to be winding down so she figured they might as well move onto their plan for the time being. She was still nervous, but there was no real way to deal with it other than face it head on. She hoped that she wouldn't be held back by her anxiety though... She wasn't looking forward to having sex, but it was a necessary evil unfortunately. She needed to have at least one heir for House Hresvelg for the advisers to get off her back. "Probably wise, yes. Though how do you want to do it? Would you rather me go first or you?" Once again, a good question. She definitely felt nervous about all of this since she'd always worried about being raped should she have to deal with an arranged marriage. In some regards, this was crossing a boundary that she'd long feared, but she wanted to try to tackle it. "Me doing to you would probably be best..." If she could get it through her head that he wouldn't hurt her when she touched him like this, it might help settle her own mind. The touch was still non-sexual in nature, but even so, they were crossing over into skin-to-skin contact even if it was just hands on arms. If she was uncomfortable, she would back off. Well. She was uncomfortable, but she would be no matter what when they moved to a new step… "All right." He told her what products to use and held his arm out to her. She took in a breath then let it out and started to wash him. She could feel her heart beating in her chest a little bit, but it wasn't enough to make her panic and want to stop. She would have to face her anxiety at every turn when they did a new step. Though she did take some inspiration from how they washed each other's hair. She took her time with it, breathing steadily to keep her nerves down. She didn't hear any complaints from Hubert. His expression was fairly neutral, but she didn't sense any tension or anxiety from him. He was pretty well at ease which was definitely helping. After she finished with his arms she bumped their foreheads together. "You might wanna get on your knees." Otherwise she could only get at the top part of his back. So he obliged and she settled behind him. Again, she took her time, manipulating the water with low-grade magic to be able to get all of the soap off his back. It wasn't too different from the fire magic in some regards... It was all energy manipulation of some sort at its base. Once somebody understood that principle, magic became incredibly easy to handle. How it was done was different, of course, but it was all energy at the most basic level. Once she had finished he settled back down next to her and kissed her forehead. "Shall I return the favor now?" She took in a breath then let it out before nodding. "Yeah." There was really no getting around it. At least the arms wouldn't be too bad... It was mostly her back that she was worried about. She remembered the book that Anna had given to her by that one woman, Blake Belladonna. Apparently things like this were called 'triggers.' They could cause severe anxiety or even full-on flashbacks. She had never been touched by anybody like this before, but with her fears about arranged marriages should they come to pass... Well, having somebody behind her definitely constituted a 'trigger' for her in her mind. She pointed out what products to use on her arms and held one out to him. His touch was incredibly light and delicate, really just applying enough pressure to get the product to lather and get on her skin. Of course, he did have to manipulate her arm a little bit to get underneath it, but there was no real force there. He just ever so gently turned her arm over, applied the product, then dunked her arm underneath the surface of the water to rinse it off. All in all, it was a very gentle experience which did help relax her a little bit. She could tell he was following the lead she had set though... He took his time and didn't rush anything. After he finished up, he kissed the back of her hand again and looked at her. "I can sense the tension. Are you sure you're okay with this, my-- Edelgard?" His tone was quiet and concerned, permeating his yellow eyes. She let out a breath. "It's...definitely anxiety provoking for me, but I won't know unless I try." She was definitely anxious. There was no denying it. But it wasn't so bad that she wanted to leave. She wanted to at least try. She was used to having Hubert behind her, back turned to him at almost all times. But this felt...so incredibly different. She was being vulnerable. Whenever he was behind her, it was for her protection, not something that made her vulnerable. She did trust him, of course, but it still didn't stop the parts of her brain that protected her from saying that she was about to do something very dangerous. She knew he wouldn't hurt her, but that didn't really help her at all… "Very well then. Whenever you're ready." He scooted back on the bench a bit and she turned around, then got on her knees. She took in a few deep breaths to fully ground herself and... Yeah. She didn't have a panic attack or anything of the like. She was just anxious. The anxiety was an overriding part of her life that she had dealt with for most of her years now... Sadly there really weren't any treatments for it in Fodlan... She wished that Rhea would allow them to study the mind in the same way that they studied magic or nature… "I'm okay." Her voice was a little quiet and shook, but it was just form the ever-persistent anxiety. She felt him gently touch her back and she tensed a little. "It's fine; it's just my body reacting on its own." Mentally, she was pretty stable. It was just getting the severe anxiety she involuntarily experienced under control. It was really annoying at times like this. She hated that she couldn't keep her own mind under her control. She tried, but she really failed miserably. Just like with her arms, his touch was incredibly gentle and really just enough to apply the product to her skin. That did help her relax immensely and she closed her eyes. Honestly, it felt kind of nice... The anxious part of her brain still screamed that she was in danger, but she ignored it. She did remain rather tense, but she could feel she wasn't going to be pushed into any sort of panic. She was glad... She had been dreading this, but it wasn't anywhere near as bad as she'd thought it'd be. Maybe this entire thing wasn't going to be as intense as she'd worked herself up to believe… Eventually, she felt Hubert tap her shoulder and took her hand. "I'm done." She settled back next to him and leaned over to touch their noses together. "Thanks for being so gentle." She really did appreciate it. His general gentleness was making all of this so much easier for her. It probably wouldn't be anywhere near as bad as she'd worried about. But the part of her that had built up fear of sex in a non-romantic relationship remained strong. There was no love between her and Hubert, so her mind clung to that strictly and hard. They would probably just have to keep going slow so she didn't end up traumatised. Part of her was tempted to just go for it but...she would stay on their slow path. "I never want to harm you as long as I draw breath." Hubert kissed her forehead again and she nodded. She knew he didn't and was glad he was so gentle. She hoped it didn't feel like she was blaming him for her anxiety or anything... It wasn't his fault she had built up a political marriage to involve rape in a worst-case scenario. She was just glad he was so willing to help her with things as they worked step by step. At this point, though, their bath was pretty much done and over with, so they finished up what little bits they had left, then got out of the bath. They headed back to the bed and she dried her hair out with the fire magic, glad that she didn't have to wait several hours for it to air dry. She always hated how long it took to dry naturally and she'd never go back to letting it air dry unless she felt incredibly lazy. After she finished up with that, Hubert leaned over and kissed her softly. "Shall we move to the next step?" She nodded. She had honestly been feeling anxious about this too, but after how gentle he'd been with her in the bath, she saw no reason to get tense. She could still feel her anxiety somewhat high, but it wasn't too bad compared to how she'd been feeling. She offered him her arm and he blinked. "Are you sure?" "It's really not that different from what we did a little while ago. I'll be fine. You're so gentle with me, Hubert. I really do appreciate it." She smiled at him and nodded. Plus, it probably didn't hurt that she had trusted him with her life so often... She relied on him for almost everything. Whether it be little tasks or being a confidante... He really was an important part of her world. She really hoped that they'd have many happy years together… He nodded a bit, obviously still a bit tentative, but he started to gently move his hand up and down her arm. Yeah, she wasn't quite so nervous now after what they had done. Still... It was good to help desensitize her to touch in multiple ways instead of just one. He would have to eventually start touching her in other ways, but, for now, this was a good starting step. Honestly, they might move to the full-on event sooner than she thought they would. With her being so comfortable with him in general and him being so gentle... It really was working to help calm her anxiety and help her see that there was nothing to be afraid of. She had to move to her other arm after a while and she settled against him. His touch was soft and gentle, not at all rough or aggressive. She offered him a warm smile but she could tell he was a bit too nervous to return it. She leaned up and kissed him. "I'm fine; I promise. If I was uncomfortable, I'd tell you. I know you don't want to hurt me and you aren't. I promise you that." It was essentially the same thing, just with clothes on and no soap or anything... She was perfectly fine and comfortable with him doing this. Still... Staying like this for at least a few days would probably be good if also for his comfort too. "I'm glad I'm not hurting you." He cupped one of her cheeks and she nuzzled into his hand. "You're handling this incredibly well, my-- Edelgard." "Well, a big part of it is how gentle you're being. It's showing me that everything I worked up in my head isn't what I thought it'd be." She took his hand between both of hers, then kissed the back of it to reassure him. "I know you'd never hurt me if you could help it. You've always been good to me." She knew he saw it as his duty, but she just saw it as part of being married now... She really did enjoy that he cared about her so much... It made her hopeful that there could potentially be more in this relationship. "Do you think I should do the same to you...?" He shrugged. "I think I'll be fine when we eventually do move onto the main event. But if you want to, you can. Otherwise, I think I'll be fine. Do you want me to do your back too or...?" She tilted her head as she thought. "Probably wouldn't hurt." She pressed another kiss to his lips, then took a steadying breath before sitting in front of him. She was used to sitting in his lap, but still... This did feel different. He rested his hands on her shoulders and gently rubbed them before slowly moving down, right before he touched her ass. He gently moved up and down, his hands skimming her shirt as he did so. She...was pretty fine after the anxiety had been built up in the bath. If anything was of danger, it had been that since they'd both been unclad. So this wasn't as bad as it had been earlier. After he finished, she leaned back and rested her head against his chest, then looked up at him. "It's starting to get pretty dark out... Think we should head to bed?" She didn't feel the need for her lavender tea tonight. The run and sparring had worn her out pretty well so she'd probably sleep relatively well. "Don't forget I'll wake you up to start sparring in the morning for a bit." Right. She wouldn't. So she nodded and got off Hubert, stretching a bit. After that, they curled up and she fell asleep fairly quickly, her dreams pleasant and comforting.