The torturer or the tormented?

Why? Why is it that only now, when I'm drunk, when I'm not in control of my actions, I saw the ugliness of this picture. Perhaps everything that is happening now and lately is related to one moment in Mr. Seong Gi-hun's biography.

***

- who are you? - That man over there. He must be drunk. He's been there for hours. He looks homeless. - So, uh. you're behind this? - He'll die of cold if he stays in there. But no one's helping him. - Why did you do it? - What would you do? - Answer me!!! Why did you do that?!? - Would you stop to help that stinking human scum? - WHO ARE YOU? WHY DID YOU KEEP ME ALIVE?!? - Play one more game with me. If that man stays there until midnight, I win. If someone helps him by then, you win. Gi Hun grabbed the lapels of the carefree lying old man who was no longer even a person in his eyes. - Stop talking nonsense. I can kill you this very second. - If you do, you'll never get answers from me. If you play, I will answer your question. Gi Hun carelessly lowered his grip, he no longer wished to face someone he thought was dead. His defiantly calm tone... Gi Hun walked towards the panoramic windows of the high-rise, trying to get a glimpse of the drunkard. He glanced at the antique pendulum clock, which said, "The game has 25 minutes." - If you lose, I'll kill you with my own hands. - Then what will you bet? - Anything, you can take everything from me. For ten minutes of not at all awkward silence, Gi - Hun looked out the window, desperately trying to pick up all the pieces that Oh Il Nam had shattered his attention into, wait... is that really his name? Which of what he said was really true? - Who are you? - I make money by lending money. - How easy is it for you to make money to afford that? - Money. You know how people make it. Is it easy? - How much is the truth worth? How much is a lie? “Oh Il-nam” is that your real name? - Yes, that's my name. Oh Il-nam. It's as true as saying I have a tumor in my head. And I used to live in a house in the same alley as that game with my wife and son. Both staring out the window, watching. The homeless man lay there, the snow already covering his motionless body as the blizzard carefully sheltered him. A woman appeared on the deserted street, she hurriedly approached the man, leaned over and made an attempt to communicate. On Gi-hun's face, hope took on a new life. The woman stood up and quickly moved a few steps away from the body, then looked back and continued on her way. This new life was cut short just by being born. - Do you still believe in humans? Even after everything you've been through? - Why did you want to see me? - Gi Hun brazenly cut off, repaying in the same coin. - I heard you didn't touch the prize money and went back to your old life. Is it guilt? - Guilt? It's not for you to say. - That money is a reward for your luck and effort. You have the right to use it! Look at me, life is short ... After this phrase there was silence in the air again, interrupted only by the sound of the clock mechanism and the medical apparatus. Then it could seem as if they were desperate to merge into one. Five minutes to go. - Why did you do that? - You know what people with no money and people with too much money have in common? - Life is not good for them. If you have too much money, whatever you buy, eat and drink eventually gets boring. At some point, all my clients started telling me the same thing, that they had lost their taste for life, so we all got together and thought about what we could do to have fun. - “have fun”? You put us through this for fun? - I think you're forgetting. I didn't force anyone to play this game. You even came back of your own free will. Recognizing any silhouette in Gi Hun sparks hope, that ghostly chance. But every passerby is a passerby. There were so few minutes left before the end of an argument that had decided so absurdly much, three minutes. - Looks like your luck has run out. You still trust people? - Il Nam interrupted the intertwined sounds counting down every second with a disappointed tone. - Why did you join the game? - I had so much fun when I was a kid. No matter what I did with my friends, time flew by. I wanted to feel it one more time before I died. You can't experience it as a spectator, but I wanted to experience it. - And-- and did you enjoy it? - You asked me why I kept you alive, because playing with you was fun. Thanks to you, I remembered things from the past that I had long forgotten. It's been a long time since I've had this much fun..... - He said this while looking up at the ceiling, not to Gi-hun or himself, but to someone he would meet very soon. The snow had almost completely covered the man. In a moment a patrol car disturbed the peace of the sleeping man. The doors opened and a woman flew out, excitedly attracting the policeman's attention. The look on Gi-hun's face was no longer one of hope, but one of faith and peace. - Here they are... the people are here! The victory was led by the beat of the clock, a few measured strokes of the pendulum. Gi Hun, like a child in a hurry to show his father something interesting, turned to Il Nam, but he showed no signs of life. Not believing what was happening, Gi Hun crept over to him and looked up at the medical device, which simultaneously with the beating of the clock gave out a straight line. - ''You saw that, didn't you? You lost... Gi Hun realized, he had won, but was there any point if his goal was to prove his point. He left in a hurry All this time, I was there in the shadows where the light couldn't penetrate the darkness. Il Nam was right, at least I thought so at the time. After Gi Hun left me alone, no, not alone, but lonely, I approached the lifeless body of the man who had once saved my life and become my guide in this chaos. I was amazed at the luck of this player, as if he was the chosen one to whom fate had smiled. Another minute or two and it would have ended differently, as if dark clouds had covered a bright day. I sent the Host to rest, but when I looked at my reflection in the window, I saw a smoldering man - not living, but existing, like a ghost wandering in the vast expanse. I was wrong to the point of calling myself “human” at that time. At that moment, I was extremely interested in player 456. How lucky he is... And I'm not talking about his “victory” now, but about the fact that he himself was almost no different from the VIP guests in this dispute. He stood and watched like a statue, betting on someone else's life, doing nothing, playing with that man's fate as if it were just a dice game. If that homeless man hadn't lived to see the humans arrive? This game was not about testing his faith, but about remaining an observer, somehow, an observer, as if the world around him was just a theater, and he was a spectator unable to go on stage. If only a moment more, Il Nam would have revealed to him the whole essence of the game, and he would have had an epiphany, as if a light had suddenly illuminated his dark thoughts. Luck loved him, as if it were his faithful companion, leading him away from danger but leaving him ignorant of the real horror that lurked behind the scenes of this cruel game.