The torturer or the tormented?

Thin currents of air diffusing with expensive alcohol begin to fill the space. I sit in my chair. Soft piano chords like gentle waves roll onto the shore of my thoughts, taking me to a world where the storm reigns. Each note, like a dewdrop, glistens in the morning light, awakening forgotten feelings in me. Violins, like living creatures, begin their story. They beat in agony, fiercely crying out their passions, as if trying to convey their innermost secrets to me. I am torn with emotion, my head falls back on the back of the couch and my chest reaches for the ceiling, a spasm like the one during orgasm. Their sounds rise high, like birds reaching for the heavens, then subside, as if whispering something intimate, making me hold my breath. In that moment I feel them asking me what he asks me, all the time. The pianist is like a blacksmith, choking, pounding chords like a hammer on red-hot metal. His hands dance across the keys, creating a whirlwind of emotion that cuts me to the core. Bottle emptied, wobbling, I reach for the second and sink to the floor, sliding my back against the bar table. Each touch is a surge, a storm, a gentle whisper that embraces me and carries me off into the vastness. I can feel his passion transferring to me like a fire igniting in my heart. The sounds overlap, creating intricate patterns like shadows dancing on the walls. For a moment, I lose all sense of time, immersed in this flow of music that carries me away from him. The pianist is like a blacksmith, pounding the chords like a hammer on red-hot metal. His hands dance across the keys, creating a whirlwind of emotions that penetrate me to the core. Bottle emptied, wobbling, I reach for the second and sink to the floor, sliding my back against the bar table. Each touch is a surge, a storm, a gentle whisper that embraces me and carries me off into the vastness. I can feel his passion transferring to me like a fire igniting in my heart. The sounds overlap, creating intricate patterns like shadows dancing on the walls. For a moment I lose my sense of time, immersed in this musical flow that takes me to a world where I have found the courage to give the final chord. The violins exclaim again, their voices intertwining, creating a harmony that sounds like a prayer, like a cry for help, like a joy for life that has not been available to me for years. And then, just when the music seems to be reaching its climax, it suddenly subsides, leaving only the light whisper of the piano. I feel my heart sink, as if the world around me has frozen in anticipation. At that moment, I explode. All the repressed emotions burst out, tearing my chest, I want to scream so that all the air leaves my lungs. A frantic scream with tears was the end of this composition. I jerked up off the floor and fell onto the arm of the chair. I got up instantly and staggered out of the room and into the hallway. My legs wouldn't hold me, and my face was covered in tears. I can only move by leaning on the walls, I'm too drunk. I greedily gulp air and then forcefully kick out with animal-like howls, again, again and again.... I step out into the hallway. The echoes of my cries echo throughout the floor. I cry and crawl, cry and crawl. There, the right door, my heart, which had been beating frantically up to that moment, froze and chills hit my body. I hit myself in the face with all my might to come to my senses and sober up a little bit, then I realized that I had rationalized everything up to this point, that I was ready to make myself a narcissist and the latest sadist in the eyes of others, but not allowed to even think about the real reason for everything that has been happening lately. There was no turning back. After hitting the door two nervous times, I crashed into the room.....