Make Her Smile Again

      Early in the morning, Mikasa got out of bed to get herself ready. The room had a private shower. Although both the room and the shower were quite ordinary and unremarkable for those used to them, Mikasa was amazed. It was her first time in a hotel. And it was the first time she’d seen an en-suite bathroom. No one was waiting for her to finish her allotted ten minutes, no one was guarding the door like in the hospital shower, suspecting she might do something to herself, as if the shower offered many opportunities. Mikasa had been completely alone for days. If she had mustered the courage, if she had truly wanted to harm herself—she would have done it.       Now she felt much better. A new, interesting life was on the horizon. A life without fear and sorrow. Her dreams had turned to dust, and she had to piece herself back together from tiny fragments, but she was beginning to hope for the best again. Mikasa was still grieving Eren’s death, but she shoved the feelings deep down. The pain was eating her from the inside, and she was trying her hardest to restrain herself, not to show how truly bad she felt. The fact that she herself was alive and unharmed could be considered a real miracle. She no longer wanted to just lie down and die. She wanted to explore this new world. Besides, for a girl from within the Walls, the city held many pleasant and unexpected surprises. She decided she would repay the Captain for his kindness and sympathy. Yesterday, she had seen that he was suffering too. Mikasa would help him settle in, get better. Managing the bandages alone would be difficult for him, and for the first time since the Rumbling, Mikasa had a purpose—something worth holding on for.       She had probably never stood in the shower for so long. Outside the Walls, during expeditions, they had to wash when they could. There were times when there simply wasn’t enough time. They could go for days without touching running water. The smell of sweaty bodies, the caked-on dirt—it all followed the Scouts like a shadow. It was especially hard in winter. The water froze in the pipes, and you couldn’t go into the river.       Mikasa spent a long time exploring the little bottles on the shelves, enjoying the pleasant herbal scents. Nothing like the nasty army soap that dried out and cracked her already worn skin.       She emerged from the shower in a much better mood. Mikasa towel-dried her hair, which had grown out a little. Wrapped in a warm, fluffy robe that reminded her of a little cloud, Mikasa fell onto the bed, relaxing. She had never worn anything like it. She had almost become one with her military uniform. Even the dress uniform wasn’t much different from the regular one. Glancing at the clock, Mikasa realised that if she kept lying there, she’d miss breakfast.       Clean and refreshed, she put on her new shoes and dress and headed to the Captain’s room, hoping he was already awake.       Mikasa knocked on the door and, hearing “come in,” slipped inside the room. Levi, fully dressed, was standing by the window, his back turned, looking at something outside.       “Good morning, Captain. Would you like to go down for breakfast?”       Mikasa smiled amiably, trying to appear casual, even though talking to the Captain was still awkward. Lately, they had spent more time together than in all the previous years combined. It felt strange.       “No,” the Captain answered curtly. His mood was strikingly different from Mikasa’s. He turned around, and she noticed the dark circles under his eyes. Mikasa hadn’t paid much attention to his face before, but now she couldn’t help but notice he had clearly slept poorly.       Levi looked at Mikasa standing in the doorway and barely held back from sending her away. He could have been rude, but what for? This wasn’t his private office, and she probably hadn’t come just to disturb his peace. However, the urge to sleep was unbearable.       The first night without sleeping pills had taken its toll. The drugs they had been pumping him with made Levi sleep until morning, but now the insomnia was back. He had tossed and turned all night, drifting into oblivion only to jolt awake from another nightmare. His head was buzzing, his eyelids were sticking together. He wanted to shut everyone out and lie in bed all day. Only the military discipline honed over the years forced him to keep his eyes open and get up, ignoring the comfortable hotel bed. Levi was already leaning towards the idea that there was no point in forcing himself to get up in the mornings. He could just stare at the ceiling all day—no one would care.       “Maybe you could just keep me company then?”       Mikasa spoke very timidly, afraid he would say something rude again and she would have to leave empty-handed. She had clearly picked up on the Captain’s sullen mood.       Levi turned around fully, his brows furrowed in displeasure, about to say he wasn’t going anywhere. He thought that after the first question, she should have left, and that his appearance made it clear he wasn’t in the mood to go out. But after looking at the awkwardly shifting Mikasa in her new, pretty dress, he softened. It wasn’t easy for her either. Everything was new. She was just trying to look after him a little. His face relaxed, and he couldn’t find the strength to refuse. It was strange to watch her: the usually persistent and decisive Mikasa, ready to argue with him at the drop of a hat, now stood in the doorway, her head slightly bowed, not even daring to step inside.       “Alright. A cup of tea might not hurt.”       Mikasa immediately perked up and left the room, saying she would wait outside.       Mikasa didn’t have to wait long. Levi pulled on his shoes and followed her out.       Mikasa walked ahead, feeling Levi’s gaze on her back. After yesterday, staying close felt awkward, and Mikasa fell back a couple of steps, letting Levi go ahead. At least now he wasn’t burning holes in her back with his eyes. They went downstairs together, looking for a cafe. Mikasa watched as Levi indeed only took tea for himself, and it would have been uncomfortable to eat in front of him, but his unwillingness to eat breakfast was no reason for her to stay hungry. Taking a tasty-looking bun, Mikasa followed him to the table.       “How did you sleep?”       Talking with a mouthful of bun was inconvenient, and the 's' sound unintentionally turned into a 'sh'.       “Don’t talk with your mouth full,” the Captain immediately scolded her, noticing a couple of glances directed their way. Surely everyone sitting near them knew who they were. Newspapers had been selling like hotcakes after the war. The surviving people wanted to know who had saved them from certain doom, and it just so happened that a couple of those saviours had decided to stay in the city.       However, Mikasa wasn’t bothered by the glances or his remarks. She just snorted at his words, deciding that if he was going to be so uncommunicative, she would happily eat her breakfast in silence. So what if she talked with her mouth full? She never noticed anyone in the army caring about that.       “Sorry for acting like a soldier and not a lady,” Mikasa muttered. She herself wasn’t used to spitting food at her neighbours, unlike some of her comrades, and Levi had made her feel ashamed. She supposed she was just really impressed by the unfamiliar food.       That phrase made the Captain smile. Really, what did he expect from her? He started on his cup of tea, but after taking just a tiny sip, he immediately pushed it away, not wanting to drink any more of that swill.       “Their tea is shit,” the Captain said with a sigh, and Mikasa snorted, already forgetting her promise to herself not to talk while eating.       “And you were just lecturing me about manners.”       “Eat faster, and let’s go find a tea shop. This swill is worse than the cheapest Eldian tea.”       Mikasa hastily swallowed the bun, washed it down with the “shitty” tea, and was ready to go. She insisted on treating Levi, even though he resisted. But in the end, he gave in on the pretext that he would pay for them next time, and, tossing a couple of bills from Mikasa’s new wallet onto the table, they stepped out into the fresh air.       It was an Indian summer in the city—the weather was quite warm. It was hard to believe it was autumn. Levi and Mikasa walked slowly through the streets. Mikasa examined the tall stone houses with great interest.       Was this really her new home? Compared to the wooden, low, and clumsy stone houses of Eldia, crowded together, the varied, differently coloured city buildings were astounding. They seemed so neat and… new. The Eldian ones were low, worn by time, dirty. Here, everything spoke of wealth and prosperity.       Mikasa slumped. While her native Eldia was dying out within the Walls, the huge world was developing and flourishing. It was a good thing all that was behind them now. Where she came from, you couldn’t find houses like these at all. Just wood and rough-hewn stones. Now she herself would be living in a whitewashed brick house. And all thanks to the Captain offering to let her live with him.       Levi walked slowly along the paved street, trying not to lean too much on his injured leg. He had already gotten used to the crutch, and walking on the tiles wasn’t too difficult. It was better than the dirt paths near the castle where the terrified officials had corralled them, unable to even imagine a titan living within the Walls. He wondered what their faces looked like when they were told that they, too, could turn into those brainless creatures whose sole purpose was to find a person capable of transformation and devour them, to regain a normal life? Even funnier was the fact that they, those officials, had been right. Eren wasn’t their friend. Eren was an enemy even to himself. Although that didn’t matter anymore. The titans were gone. And good riddance.       They wandered around the city for several hours until Levi suggested going somewhere for lunch. They couldn’t walk for too long. However much he hated to admit it, he had to accommodate his injured leg. They never did come across a tea shop. Mikasa suggested just asking someone, and Levi agreed. A cafe would surely know where to buy good tea.       Levi was very surprised to hear that all tea was imported from Hizuru and nearby southern countries, and that now, with everything in ruin and desolation, no one was even thinking of delivering it. People had other things to worry about now, and when tea production would resume was unknown. Levi felt like a complete fool for hoping for local supplies. Of course, he had seen with his own eyes what the land trampled by giant Titan feet and scorched looked like.       There wasn’t even a tea shop in the city. The Marleyans, it turned out, preferred coffee, and very few people actually needed tea. Levi wasn’t surprised by that. Who would like such shitty swill? The idea of finally realising his dream and opening his own shop popped into his head again. But there was still too much to do before he could take up any business. First, he had to figure out how to get along with Ackerman and her fiery temper. She might be quiet now, but this frozen state would eventually pass, and it was better to be prepared for arguments and scolding.       After lunch, they decided to take another walk. Mikasa tried to talk Levi out of the unnecessary stroll, since yesterday, when they walked a lot, he had felt unwell, but he convinced her that he would feel even worse if he spent the rest of the day alone with the dust in his room.       The room was, of course, quite clean; the Captain was just too meticulous when it came to dust. Or maybe he didn’t want to say directly that he really just wanted to walk around the city. Well, if he wanted to wander the streets, who was she to deny him the pleasure? They decided to find a park and then walk to the promenade. And so they did.       After asking a couple of passersby where the nearest square was, they headed there.       The local city park resembled a small grove with benches along the paths. It was enclosed by a black, wrought-iron fence, and cast-iron lanterns stretched along the perimeter and the paths, undoubtedly illuminating it brightly in the evenings. They strolled slowly along the paths, each lost in their own thoughts, only occasionally distracted by the little dogs running back and forth. Apparently, it was in the four-legged friends' blood to break away from their owners and run around the park.       It was nearing evening when they reached the promenade.       “It’s hard to believe we’ll be living in such a beautiful place,” Mikasa spoke up. These were her first words in the last couple of hours. Levi’s mood seemed to have lifted a bit, but he hadn’t become more talkative and was lost somewhere far in his thoughts. Mikasa hadn’t dared to interrupt his reflections, but now, seeing this bright promenade, she simply couldn’t stay silent. She loved this place so much: the salty air, the sound of the waves tinted with sunset colours, the cries of seagulls—it all filled her with such a pleasant feeling of peace; she wanted to stay here forever.       “Beautiful indeed,” the Captain confirmed.       Levi liked this place too. As soon as he came here, he knew he wanted to live here. He understood it would cost a fortune, but that worried him little. Why deny himself now? Besides, he was used to living hand-to-mouth since childhood. Even if there wasn’t enough for food—so what? He glanced briefly at Mikasa, illuminated by the bright reddish light, and thought that she certainly wouldn’t let him starve to death. For some reason, the years of serving side by side inspired trust.       It was noticeably colder on the promenade, and Mikasa shivered, feeling the sea wind on her skin. Evening was approaching, and her light dress was too cool for walking in the wind.       When the sun disappeared, it became quite cold, and although Mikasa said nothing, her body was trembling, and she hugged her shoulders to warm up. Her nose was red, and she kept rubbing her hands. Her exposed chest had nothing to cover it, and a chill ran over her bare skin.       Levi glanced at her sideways, expecting her to warm up on her own, but no miracle occurred, as expected. It had been reckless to stroll along the autumn promenade in such a thin dress, but Levi hadn’t anticipated their walk would last so long. Anticipating the same outcome for himself, Levi sighed, took off his jacket, and draped it over her shoulders.       Mikasa suddenly felt the warm, body-heated fabric settle on her shoulders, and her body immediately stopped shaking.       “Oh, Captain, no, you shouldn’t have,” Mikasa immediately began to protest, carefully removing the garment. Of course she had gotten cold, but that didn’t mean Levi had to share her fate.       “Take it. I don’t want to deal with you catching a cold later.”       Mikasa hesitated for just a moment, then put the jacket back on, pulling the fabric tight at her chest, enjoying the sudden rush of warmth. If Levi was willing to lend her his jacket, then there was nothing to think about. Something stirred in her heart. No one had ever taken care of her like that. Not even Eren. Everyone was always busy with their own problems.       Without the jacket, it became noticeably colder, and Levi realised they wouldn’t last long like this. Mikasa’s red nose spoke volumes, and the chill running down his own skin made him turn around.       “Let’s head back.”       Mikasa nodded, glad that Levi had finally suggested it. It was getting too cold for a walk. She didn’t want to leave this beautiful, quiet place to go back to the stuffy hotel room, but Mikasa was used to it. And very soon they would return here, now to Levi’s house.

✦❘༻༺❘✦

      Back in her room, Mikasa immediately wrapped herself in the fluffy robe and held her hands under the stream of warm water. She felt better at once, and her body gradually began to warm up. Taking the first-aid kit, Mikasa headed to the Captain’s room.       She knocked on the door, but there was no answer. Mikasa knocked again, but still no one answered. The Captain knew she would return in a few minutes to help him with the bandages, so she decided it wouldn’t be a big deal if she entered without permission. Maybe he had fallen asleep? But upon opening the door, Mikasa heard the sound of water. The Captain was taking a shower. Well, then she would just have to wait for him to come out.       Mikasa sat on the edge of the bed. The sound of water stopped. Literally a minute later, the Captain emerged. Droplets of water streamed from his hair down his strong torso, outlining the contours of his body, and disappeared somewhere into the towel wrapped around his hips.       “I decided to take a shower while you were gone. With fresh bandages, I wouldn’t be able to,” Levi explained. He stood leaning on his crutch with one hand, drying his hair with a towel with the other, and didn’t seem embarrassed to be standing in front of Mikasa like this.       “Yes, of course.”       Mikasa sharply turned away, realising she was brazenly staring at his body. Her cheeks immediately flushed, and she hoped the Captain hadn’t noticed in time.       Levi had noticed Mikasa looking at him but didn’t pay it much mind. There was nothing strange about a former subordinate looking at him. He was used to people hanging on his every word. No one could see anything new anyway. His body was no different from the bodies of other soldiers.       He had taken a shower so the bandages would be easier to remove. The hot water and steam had loosened them perfectly. And he really wanted to freshen up after the long walk. A shower was a rare luxury, and he intended to enjoy it. Levi sat on the bed next to Mikasa, preparing for the procedure. He didn’t get dressed, thinking it would be simpler, not thinking at all about how Mikasa would react to this.       She obediently applied the ointment and re-bandaged his wounds. Her cheeks were burning, but she couldn’t refuse. Today she decided to start with his face, to escape his attentive gaze sooner, and also she didn’t want to leave such terrible wounds open, with the barely visible white edges of future scars. She quickly finished with his arm, treating what was left of his fingers, and bandaged his knee, sitting on the floor.       Actually, Levi could have managed his knee himself, even with the missing fingers, but it was pleasant that someone could worry about him after so many years of taking care of himself. In a surge of some feeling he didn’t quite understand, Levi reached out and ran his hand over Mikasa’s head, sinking his fingers into her thick black hair.       She stopped immediately. Raising her eyes, Mikasa met Levi’s direct gaze.       “Thank you.”       That single word sent shivers all over her body. She felt strange. Her breath caught, whether from embarrassment or surprise. Her heart pounded twice as fast in her chest. The look in his blue eyes was mesmerising, and she had to make an effort to look away.       “You’re welcome, Captain. I’m happy to help you,” Mikasa said quietly, still embarrassed.       “Stop calling me Captain. You’re not my subordinate anymore, and there’s no need to be formal,” Levi said, still not removing his hand.       “Okay, whatever you… say,” Mikasa said timidly. It felt very strange to switch, but he was right; she was no longer his subordinate, and these formalities were unnecessary now. Besides, they would soon be neighbours. To need to stick to the old ways.       “Good.”       Levi moved his hand further, to the back of her head, disentangling it from her dark hair and giving her a slight push forward. Mikasa obeyed the movement, as if spellbound, barely aware of what she was doing, rose slightly, and sat on his knees, trying not to touch the injured area or put pressure on it. Her face was completely red now, but she couldn’t find the strength to say anything or resist what was happening. Nor did she feel the need to leave.       Levi slid his palm lower, to her back, and, seeing how flustered she was, suddenly returned to reality. What was he doing? Why did he suddenly want to touch her, to be closer? He needed to fix the situation before he earned himself a slap and ruined the comfortable, friendly relationship he had with her. Yet, his gaze refused to leave her crimson lips…       “I’ll see you in the morning, Mikasa.”       He forced the words out and removed his hand from her back. Mikasa immediately stood up and, impossibly flustered, muttered something resembling “goodnight,” swiftly darting out of the room.       Levi fell back onto the pillows. What was he doing? He couldn’t answer that question, at least not now, before he understood what was driving him. He had often comforted her on expeditions, and his touches had never evoked such feelings before. But something had happened, something had changed. And the fact that Mikasa hadn’t resisted at all… Although he might have just frightened her. That blockhead Eren probably never showed her any tenderness. She might not even know what it was.       Levi covered his eyes with his hand, thinking about what he had done. Probably the best thing would be to act as if nothing had happened, and if Mikasa played along, then so be it. Or maybe he should apologise when they next meet. One of the two.       He should get dressed, he thought, getting up from the bed. Tomorrow promised to be an interesting conversation.