The Secret Diary of Jungkook’s Button [Extra. Kim Taehyung’s Boxers: The Saga]

Extra. Kim Taehyung’s Boxers: The Saga It’s hard to imagine a burden both heavier and sweeter than the one carried by the ridiculously lucky Michael Kors boxers. They don’t keep a diary. They don’t need therapy. But catch them near the laundry shelf, and they’ll gladly talk your ear off about “life”—always pretending to complain, while unmistakably flexing their superior status in the Bangtan wardrobe hierarchy. Cocky bastards. And they know it. Everyone lowkey wishes they could trade places, and no matter how insufferable their chatter gets, people still listen to the end. [Recently] [Encounter with Jungkook’s Button] She turned out to be one of the sweetest things on the shelf. Really. All she needed was a bit more self-esteem. Hard to feel confident when you’re constantly being yanked off like an afterthought. Still, she’s always front and center—unlike some. She was so curious, the boxers nearly spilled the biggest secret—only at the last second remembering their NDA and snapping their waistband shut. Last thing they needed was to get fined. Or worse—replaced by some mainstream Calvin Kleins just itching to snatch their spot. Like having Seokjin to handle wasn’t already hard enough. Still, the little Button was a good chat. Total workaholic—just like her owner. Clearly, a perfect match. [From the archives] [First conversation with the bedsheet during… unforeseen circumstances. Birth of a Best Friend] Wrinkled and flung aside, the boxers were lying at the very edge of the bed when the sheet decided it was time to chat. “What the hell’s going on over there?!” the black boxers hissed, totally caught off guard. “Ugh. Rookies.” the sheet sighed dramatically. “Jungkook dropped by. Be thankful you didn’t end up on the floor.” “It started so nice! Warm palms, gentle strokes—we thought, ‘wow, a massage! What a nice perk!’ Then BAM! Out of nowhere, things got tight. We had to stretch and hold on for dear life. The front end just kept expanding. And before we knew it—BAM again—we were tossed aside like we didn’t matter. And now the blanket’s blocking our view! What the hell are they doing under there?! Can Taehyung even function without us?!” “Sweet virgin fibers…” muttered the sheet, rustling with pity. “Welcome to behind-the-scenes. Honestly, you’d only be in the way. But someday, you will witness the sacred act—Taehyung railing the maknae. Or vice versa.” The boxers learned one thing that day: they had to work harder if they wanted to keep this job. Clearly, the position came with unexpected perks. They and the sheet grew close over the years—even if she shamelessly kept score of how many times they landed on the floor versus the bed. The floor was winning. By a landslide. [Concert Chronicles] The most exhausting—and most exhilarating—time for any piece of Bangtan clothing. And Taehyung’s boxers were no exception. Soaked in a mix of his natural scent, sweat, and offensively expensive cologne? Delicious. And when he got hard mid-performance—whether from the sheer thrill of his own set or watching Jungkook twist and writhe like a possessed sex demon? If boxers could get boners, they’d definitely be popping right alongside their owner. And don’t even get them started on those few glorious seconds when they get to flash their waistband to the fans. That kind of attention? Priceless. There are so many TikToks zoomed in on them, it’s enough to make the DreamTeamHouse die of envy. [Top Secret] [What Really Happened Between Jimin and the Chair] That day, the boxers weren’t expecting to uncover one of Bangtan’s deepest secrets. Then again, they don’t really “expect” much—no brain and all. But chairs? Chairs are known for their silence. So when the freshly washed boxers got laid out across a humble four-legged companion, they weren’t expecting the emotional dump that followed. “You guys get folded and pampered like royalty...” sighed the chair. Boy, if only it knew how V had chucked them at the chandelier during one particularly chaotic round of ViKook bedroom games. It hurt to hang there. But the view? Stunning. “Once, I had to sign a side contract. Ever since... I’ve been so ashamed.” “Wait — you mean it’s in your job description?!” “Yes,” groaned the chair. “And I love Jimin’s butt so much. But he never hears me apologize. Every time I toss him off... he thinks I’m being mean. Why him, of all people?!” [The Elephant in the Room] The… impressive thing we’re not allowed to talk about? Yeah. It’s impressive. The boxers had never met a ruler. They had no concept of centimeters. But their inner lining knew. Their guy had nothing to be ashamed of. And let’s just say… they had to practice plenty of stretching to keep up. The schedule was tight. The pressure enormous. Read between the lines. Enormous, got it?