The Diary of the Younger Morningstar

I open my eyes and see a black ceiling. I’m not at home, we have white ones. Where am I? Have I been kidnapped? By whom? Why? I hear a piano, and then a woman’s voice. She’s singing… a lullaby? Kidnappers don’t do that. Why can’t I move? I don’t feel any ropes or charms… Who doesn’t let me move at all, and then sings?

There, where the beautiful, bright sky,

There, where the river called “Happiness”,

There, where the fields, steppes and mountains,

There, where my native castle is.

Only there, my child, is calmness,

Only there, my child, does love bloom,

Only there, my beautiful miracle,

Only there, maybe, we will be lucky.

There, where the beautiful, bright sky,

There, where the river called “Happiness”,

There, where the fields, steppes and mountains,

There, where my native castle is.

Only there, maybe, Death will not say “hello” to us,

Only there, maybe, I can find peace,

Only there, my child, where the cat purrs,

Only there, my child, does love live.

There, where the beautiful, bright sky,

There, where the river called “Happiness”,

There, where the fields, steppes and mountains,

There, where my native castle is.

Only there, my child, the birds sing to you,

Only there, my child, is your cradle,

And there, my child, will you find us through the years.

There, where the beautiful, bright sky,

There, where the river called “Happiness”,

There, where the fields, steppes and mountains,

There, where my native castle is.

Only there, my child, is your beloved garden,

Only there, my child, you will be calm,

Only there, my child, you will be happy,

Only there, my child, you will be loved.

Na-ra-na-nay-na-nay-na-nay,

Ta-ra-ta-tai-ta-tai-ta-tai.

Sleep, close your eyes,

Mom is tired of singing the lullaby,

I beg you, my joy, fall asleep,

After all, mom also wants to already…

Na-ra-na-nay-na-nay-na-nay,

Ta-ra-ta-ta… ta-tai-ta-tai…

Why does this lullaby seem so familiar? Maybe, Ms. Angelina sang it to me when I was a child? It doesn’t make any sense, the voice isn’t hers, I would recognize it… Maybe I’m getting something mixed up? I hear the clicking of heels and a quiet voice. - Good night, baby. I shudder. I immediately remember the vision. “Baby.” It’s that woman. I blink and open my eyes already at home. Why did I see this? Why is that woman in the vision again? Is it on purpose? Or by accident? Should I see this? Too many questions and no answers. I need to look for this lullaby on the Internet. And finish yesterday’s sketches… And I wanted to find out why no one know when the Satan’s birthday is… And then I still need to reel in the steps and go to the gym… How am I going to not die? I look down from the ceiling at Lina sleeping on top of me. She is quietly and peacefully snoring. I hope her dreams are better than mine. I run my hand through her hair and smile. I haven’t done this for a long time. We haven’t slept like this for a long time. She purrs something and turns her head from right to left, settling down on me more comfortably. I whisper so as not to scare away this morning and its unexpected softness, lightness… - Good morning. I kiss her on the forehead with a smile. This is already a habitual action for both of us. I know for sure that she likes it. She mumbles something inarticulately, and I only laugh quietly at this. She always hated the morning and, if it were up to her, she would get up in the evening. Alas, there is only a morning schedule at the IHME. I whisper again, no less softly than last time. - Linny, it’s time to get up. We won’t have time to do anything. Please. She moans painfully on the verge of sobs, opens her eyes and looks somewhere at the wall. I give her time to wake up, I know that she needs it. In the meantime, I play with her hair, sort it out, twirl it on my finger and let it go. Why does this morning feel so magical after such a terrible dream? Lina, in a slightly hoarse and sleepy voice, squeezes out the words. - Mornings, flipping hell, are never good. - As you say. I smile and slide off the terribly creaking bed. From this sound, Lina clenches her teeth and sighs loudly, blinks slowly, showing irritation. And yet, she silently gets up and goes to the shower. In this time, I am looking for my smartwatch. Strange. Where did I leave it? Maybe, in the bathroom? Okay, find them later. I’ll go to the kitchen. Ma’am is already sitting there. But she is usually asleep at this time…? Okay… - Good morning, ma’am. - Jeez, don’t even say that fam! - What’s wrong already? - What, what? Just did my nails, and now they’re already, like, messed up! Ugh…! - And how did that happen…? Ms. Angelina interrupted me and started explaining how she managed it. - So, I woke up, hit up my bestie, we were just vibing, and then she, like, waved her hand and totally ripped off my nail! - If only I could understand what all this means… - Selena, OMG, you’ve been living with me forever, and you still don’t get it? Ugh, you… - I somewhat understand. And why is the meeting so early? Were you meeting at three in the morning or what? It’s only four now. - Well, yeah, so what? She’s hella busy, like, what am I supposed to even say to her if she ain’t listening, just hauling her papers around? We couldn’t linked up then! Why you gotta be coming for me? - I wasn’t picking on you. I came to have breakfast in the first place. - I whipped up an egg and some taters for you. You eat that kinda thing, right? - I eat that, right. Thanks, ma’am. - Make your own food for your girly, I don’t give a damn what she eats or doesn’t eat or what she wants. You know — you do! - Yeah, as if I remember… I put potatoes and an egg on a plate, throw a capsule into the coffee machine, put the cup in and turn on the machine. I open the refrigerator, take out an avocado, cut it and try to take out the pit. After a minute of sincere suffering, I sigh with relief and throw the great martyr-pit in the trash. I take a spoon and eat the avocado like that, standing in front of the coffee machine. I throw out the avocado peel, put the coffee on the table. And where did Ms. Angelina go? As if into thin air. The main thing is that she left quietly, like a ninja! Horror, not less. I sit down at the table and Paula comes into the kitchen, again in my clothes. This time she is in red shorts and a black T-shirt with embroidered words: “Your problems — not my problems” - Alive? - Well… Almost? I guess. I don’t know. - Food will fix it. What will you have? - Just coffee for me. Well, nothing more. Not now. - A sandwich and chocolate to set the mood. Written down. Paula rolled her eyes and smirked. - You know too much. - And what will happen to me for that? - Nothing cubed. - Then I won’t cook for you. - Well, pretty well! I can do it myself. I quickly devour the food and then wash the dishes while Paula has just finished making a sandwich. Yes, she’s in no hurry. She doesn’t have much to do today. I wash the dishes, dry them and put them back. I still need to water the flowers, vacuum, go to the store for groceries, maybe, I’ll think of something else later. The day promises to be long. I hear the shrill beep of the coffee machine, take the coffee, put another cup and throw in a new capsule for Lina. At this time, she had only just warmed up the sandwich. I manage to drink some coffee while she does everything like a reo. Five minutes later, she finally ate her miserable sandwich. Lina took some chocolate from the cupboard and some coffee that had just been brewed. With the first sip of scalding coffee, she made a face at its temperature, but, oh miracle, she came to life. - Well! Now that’s a good morning. - I’m afraid I’ll have to ruin it again. I had some kind of hellish dream. - Damn it! What is it this time? I try to describe in as much detail as possible what I saw and heard, although I can only vaguely remember the words of the lullaby. - Well, well… What a horror. - Yeah. Will you do me a favor? - Well, it depends. - I’ll change for a run, and you google the lullaby. - ‘kay, get out of here. I go into the room and change into the same clothes as yesterday, hair in a ponytail. I take the watch from the table and put it on. Was it here? …It doesn’t matter. I go through my notebooks and find the one I drew in yesterday. My head is malfunctioning. Everything is finished and some phrase is written in a handwriting that is not mine. Having deciphered the handwriting, I read: “From Ms. Angelina.” Now it is clear and understandable how something appeared that was not there. I return to Paula in the kitchen. - Nope, none. - None? Not even similar ones? - None. She shows me the phone screen and I clearly see that there are exactly zero results. - So, my brain came up with this lullaby on its own. - No other way. - In any case, go change your clothes and let’s go for a run. - For a run to the gym? - Yeah, can you imagine? We’re going to die today, so be prepared. Lina sighs and goes to change her clothes with a suffering face. How I understand her now. In the meantime, I grab a bottle of water and start to water the plants in our house. We have devil roses, haltues, prima, reeks, malties, and my dearest jarost, that I got from Ms. Angelina’s on my fourteenth birthday. Once I watered every flower, I got back to the kitchen and just stare at the window. There is an ekir on the other side, again. I sigh and out of my own free will open the window. Whatever vision is better than ones I started to see out of a sudden. I hear ekir’s song and feel goosebumps. And once again I see clearly Paula, staring at me her lips curling in smile and he whisper something to me. I can’t understand what, but it must be something because I smile involuntarily. I shivered again and came back to reality, Ekir flew away. And, for devils' sake, I wanted him to stay today. These visions, even with my bestie, are better than those I saw at night. I’m scared, even if I’m trying not to show it. I’m scared to death. Why do I see it? Why me? Why now? Millions of “why’s”, but I have no answers. That is just frustrating, And frightening. I don’t know what I should do, I don’t know how to react and I’m not even sure if I needed to talk about all that to Paula. I feel so bad, and my head is cracking from pain, and my hands are burning like Hell. I started to see red sparkles. Please, no! Not again! I don’t want to see anything! Whatever this is, I don’t want it! I want to scream, to let someone know that I’m in pain, but I can’t. My mouth is shut and I’m starting to see completely another picture. I see the sky, but not red, as ours in Hell, it must be Earth or Heaven. I hear a voice but can’t see anyone. - Protect her more than your own life. Because this kid is your only treasure. This kid will be key to world peace one day. So I am, Lord, your God, demand you to raise this kid as our last hope on saving humanity. There will be no soul in the entire world who won’t know her name. One day, I’ll save her from terrible existence and ask her to reflect my light on Earth and let people know that their God is here, always was here and always will be. She will tell them that I still love and forgive them. Hence her name… At this moment, it hardly throws me out of vision and throws me into another. The queen rises on an elegant red throne. A leg on the leg, hands are crossed, dressed in a black dress with a neckline on one leg and a corset, dark tights and shoes with sharp socks. I look at her from the side. A woman with short black hair is sitting at her feet, obviously circumcised uncarefully. The shock of the hair is lying on the floor, huge, probably, they were long once. I find out we’re in the castle; this is the royal castle in the center of the capital. I always dreamed of looking at it, but I never thought that through a vision I would see everything from the inside. I saw this castle only in pictures on history lessons. The queen looks at a woman with cold and contempt. - How do you like the taste of defeat? - Little brat… It would be better if I killed you right away! The queen laughed and lifted woman’s head with the toe of her high heels, forcing the woman to look in her eyes. - You eat your hair. All to the last hair. Start. - Are you crazy?! I will not…! She was interrupted by the queen’s spell, which began to stuff her with her own hair in her mouth. - Feel the taste. Enjoy. You deserve it. Do you like it? I am sure you are delighted. The woman resists with all her might, but the queen’s magic does not allow her to do anything. She soon just accepts her fate and eats her own hair. Obviously, she is very sick of this. So am I from that vision. Ew… I jerked and tried not to look, but some invisible power did not allow me. Probably, the vision is settled well, so I have to look. Why did she make a poor woman eat her hair? This is… cruel. Vile. And… Ew! How does she look at it with such pleasure?! What did this woman do to deserve this? I feel sorry for her… This time, I went out of vision much softer, it gently melted in my head and left me in reality, where Paula ran her fingers through my hair. She saw that I opened my eyes and looked at me inquiringly. Should I… tell her? I already constantly complain about my problems… But she is my friend. She will be even more angry, if I do not say. - I had visions again. - Anel, seriously? I don’t even know if I am surprised… but do tell me. What is it this time? I briefly retold her visions and fell silent. Of course, I did not mention that vision of the ekir. It was… stupid. Lina is my friend, she will not understand if I talk about such visions. - This is… a lot of information. - Probably someone sends me messages to understand something. But understand what? What do I need to do? — You ask like as if I know the answer. — Maybe you know, but you don’t tell me. - Well! No chance in the world I would know something like that and not tell my bestie! - And here I was already celebrating that you didn’t say “well” for a minute… - Well, Anel! I do not control this. - Okay, as you say… In any case, we need to go… Where remind me? - Guess yourself. Well, why can’t you remember anything? — I don’t know. Sorry if I upset you with this. — Do not say nonsense. We need to go to the gym, let’s go. All the way to the gym and all the run I thought only about my visions. I did not hear what Paula tells me, only occasionally nodded and something purred in response to her, not fully realizing her words. Only when we got out from the gym, I realized that we’re in the reality. - What are our lectures today? - Well, I have physics with the first lesson, you have runes, then we share English, then I have the highest mathematics, you have herbology and the last is shared biology. — Fall and die, and if you get up, then die again. - Oh, well, whose cow would mumble! Will you have physics and higher mathematics? - So, you chose it for yourself. — So, you also chose your lessons yourself, why are you complaining? — I’m about biology, the last lecture. — Ah, well, okay. We have to go to change clothes, and then we’ll meet at the university, okay? - Okay, Lin. See you. I went home, checked the clock on my hand. Not bad, I did the norm of steps well. But now I really want to sleep. And I’m very tired. I hope university would end as soon as it starts. At work, I think, things will be easier. I hope. I’m already tired of studying. The kindergarten, school, high school, university… It seems that it would be easier for a couple of years to starve on the street. Or live on the content of Angelina. She is not a poor woman at all. Yes, it would be wrong to sit on her neck, and I wouldn’t do that anyway, even if it was cool to relax for a couple of years. As planned, we met with Lina at the university. The lectures were held… usually. I was silent most of the time, and so was Paula. It’s only Tuesday, and I’m already tired of this life. I look out the window in a café, ekirs are singing behind the glass. Singing, annoying birds… In any case, I need to endure until the end of the university. Then, I will move to a sector of pride and… And maybe it will get better then. They say it’s easier to live there than in a section of anger in terms of money, although there is more competition. Of course, this is also a lottery ticket, but how can I refuse a chance? There was also an oral test in biology… Somehow, I managed to talk about this fava… After long and painful lectures at the university, Paula and I are standing in a café. Why were we so happy yesterday? Probably, the effect of the weekend on the perception of the world… Paula looks even more depressed than usual. — Would you like to be redeemed one day? - I don’t know, Lin. To give up a whole life for the sake of redemption, then to serve in Heaven and go back to Earth in absolute oblivion? I don’t know how tired you must be of life to agree to this. - And I would like to redeem… - Why? I’m sorry, I really don’t understand. Yes, you have some problems, but… - Well, I’d just like to live in peace. And I think that oblivion can give me that. - We have the magic of partial oblivion, in the government. Why this atonement? Just apply for partial oblivion and be done with it. - Well, no, I’d like to… Start from the new leaf, you know? - Even if we never see each other again, if you start redemption? I sighed, and Lina remained silent, burying her face in the phone. - Mom wrote that… - Grandma. She’s your grandmother. — … She wrote that she would leave to go ho… to the cottage in the village. My tongue is tricking me today. - As always. Am I coming to you? — Yes. We’ll take chips, coffee, kitty-jelly, sweets and… you have something. — Thank you, dear friend, I’ll have carrots and apples. And coffee. — Well, at least we agree on that, my coffee goat. We went into the store and began to walk along the aisles of food. — I’m sorry. Paula stepped on someone’s toe… — It’s okay. But you must give me your number now. …And that, of course, must be damn Jeffrey. — Well, Jeff, I was hoping you understood when we broke up and I changed house and number. Without a chance, I’m not going back, not in my life. — But, baby, I’ve really changed, I’m… Paula abruptly interrupted his whiny speech. — No, you didn’t. Stop it, Jeff. Everything between us has long been finite. And I… I love another person. And I advise you to forget me and find someone else at last. Jeffrey looked at her in disbelief, and she took my arm and retreated to the cash register. I am silent on purpose. It’s their business, not mine. — Tell me at least the name! Who is this?! — I will say a word unknown to you — no! It’s none of your business, Jeffrey Timothy Yato! We paid for the groceries and silently left the store. I bought her cigarettes at the checkout without any questions. I think she will never recover from his betrayal. And I will never forgive him for her tears. I look at her silently. My poor girl. How you suffered with him. How tired you are. How I regret that I could not help you. Your hair would be longer. You wouldn’t paint your nails with black polish. You would dress as before — cute long light dresses. You would not be addicted to energy drinks and cigarettes. But we both know that she is no longer the gentle Malvina she was. She is Paulina. The Sun, whose light had faded so quickly before it could shine brighter. She threw away her cigarette to the point of smoldering, where her home nodded. I’m twisting words again. Nodded where her home is. My brains are already swimming into porridge from lack of sleep, studying, and visions from above. I’m going to go so crazy! Or have I already gone crazy? Maybe, these are hallucinations, not visions? - Do you have everything we need for hw with you?” - Nope, there’s a lot of things at home. I’ll write it on a piece of paper, and glue it at home. - Well, that’s good. I quickly wrote to Ms. Angelina that I would be at Lina’s place. She read it but didn’t answer. Maybe, she’s busy? We walked to Lina’s apartment in silence. Suddenly, Damien, our classmate, called out to us. Future mercenary, quite wealthy person. - Ladies! May I borrow a minute of your attention? I answered him, because Lina is sometimes “a little unfriendly.” - Yes, of course, what happened? - I just wanted to ask… Paulina, maybe we should go somewhere? She chuckled at this. The attention of guys is not uncommon for her. - Maybe we’ll go. Let’s have the day after tomorrow in a café near the unique? - Yes! Yes of course. I can pick you up at eight, okay? - Okay, that’ll be fine. She took out her phone, showed him her number and he quickly wrote it down. - I’ll write to you in a couple of hours before the date, you’ll drop off your address, okay? - Yes, well, ok. Come on, bye. We moved away and I spoke more quietly. - Do you want to upset Jeffrey? - Yes, exactly. - It’s cruel. Dami really fell in love. - Well, I never said I wasn’t cruel, Selly. - And all this is wrong. - Don’t be afraid, he won’t like me when he gets to know me better. Dami is a very gentle boy, he will not stand more than one date. - You’re too careless. This is not serious. - Well, you’re too serious. It’s not cool. - Come on… — Well, let’s go, only together by the hand. She opened the entrance with a key, and we took the elevator to the twelfth floor. Paula has a special relationship with this number. Samael XII Street, twelfth house, twelfth floor, apartment number twelve, twelfth in the top of the students, twelfth in the name list, was born in the year twelve hundred and twelve on the twelfth of December at twelve o’clock and twelve minutes. In general, she is lucky for this number, even too much. As if she had this number on her since birth. We went into the apartment, and I took off my shoes. Paula clapped her hands, and I was enveloped in the blue light of the house. The smart home system is not cheap, but Paula has never suffered from poverty either. I went and put the purchases on the table in the kitchen. A black raven, Paulina’s pet, flew up to me. She has always loved birds. He sat on my index finger. - Hello, little one. Should I feed you, Hiron? I took food from the top shelf, poured it into my hand and the raven began to peck at its food with pleasure. Paula went into the kitchen, a raven, not even finishing, flew onto her shoulder. I poured the food into his bowl. - Well? What are we going to do? - Let’s first write a part of the essay on the diary and practice the task on the basics of magic? And after that, we’ll go watch a series or something. - Okay, well, that’s a great plan! We went to her room, and she took out a diary and a notebook. - Well, where have we left off? - The second of March, five hundred and twenty-five. Paula started looking for this date and… - There is no such date here. It’s only the eleventh of January and the first of March. — You’re talking nonsense, there must be. Give it here. I take the diary in my hands with the previous narrowing, but I don’t really care about it now. I find the date and read the first couple of sentences of the next date. 10.03.525 There is only one beautiful feeling in the world — love. I have not found anything more beautiful than him. - But there is no such date! What you read is not there. - But I see and read it! Do you mean I’m crazy?! She averted her eyes, thinking. My eyes can’t deceive me. And I can’t go crazy. I just have no reason. Except for studying, but I wouldn’t go insane that much because of that! — Could it be related to your visions? No. I want to say no. But I know that this is quite likely. Then we can assume that someone has enchanted the diary and is sending me visions on purpose. But why? What for? What and who wants from me? — This… could be. — It should be related to the teachers then. It all started with them. — And it has to do with the royal family. And with me. — Do you have royal connections? — No, I don’t. Angelina is acquainted with some noblewoman, but she is hardly a person of blue blood. Just not a very spoiled madam. — Have you ever seen this madame? — No, I don’t think so… And… Why are you… You know… not saying “well”? — Well, I’m stressed! This is very strange. She never does that. Does she really know more than she says? But how and why? — You’re not telling me something, are you? — No, I’m honest with you. She adjusted her bangs. Definitely lying. But why? What can she hide from me? Why would she hide anything from me? — …Okay. In any case, I will dictate, and you write. 10.03.525 There is only one beautiful feeling in the world — love. I have not found anything more beautiful than him. We have been going on dates with her for a week. My dad and brother have already noticed that I have fallen in love and insist on getting to know each other. They want to test her and make sure she’s not with me for the money. They always do this, since the last incident. I have the best dad and brother. How good it is to know that I always have them… I did not comment on this entry, continuing to read aloud. 17.03.525 A family dinner was held today… She is perfect. I’m sure it’s the one. Maybe not now, but in a week, I will say exactly who I really am. I am sure we will have a great future together. And she has a wonderful gift — she can divide or double anything with her ability. With her, the treasury of Hell will always be full of gold. It is perfect everywhere! Her voice, appearance, character — everything in her is beautiful to the smallest detail. I hope to call her wife someday. I think I’ll check something at home. I have one theory. I want to escape. I thought there were no secrets between us. I go to the bathroom to think. I don’t even know what to think, to be honest. That’s right… Confusing. I automatically feel for the watch, but… Damn, where are they?! What the hell is this? Clocks do not know how to disappear on their own! They were on my arm, I remember exactly! Maybe I should tell Angelina? She is thousands of years older than me, maybe she knows? My vision began to darken. I just accepted the fact that there was going to be a vision. I hear a scream. The girl screams. It was heartbreaking, as if her heart had been ripped out. I focused my vision and saw that in front of me was a little queen, just a girl. Her hair sticks out in all directions. - You know what happens to those who crossed my path. This is Queen Wayten. Lilith. — You’ll pay for it! You’ll pay, I swear on my dad, you’ll pay! I curse you in the name of Satan! In the name of Lucifer, I curse you! I curse you by God! I curse you by the Sun, the Moon and its stars! One day they will all fall on your head! — Curse me as much as you want, your curses are worthless. But you will never break vases again. - I’m going to ruin your life. - Good luck, nonentity. I would look at your attempts. From the other room came the girl’s older brother, Lucifer. The elder king. — Mom, what’s wrong? He went up to his sister, wiped her tears and hugged her, but their mother tore him away from his sister. — Don’t touch her, my little star. Don’t get your pretty hands dirty on that filthy bastard. — Why? And what’s with my sister’s hair? — Because your sister doesn’t deserve long hair like mine. She is worthless and unworthy of sympathy. — But why? — Because she was born a bastard. Bastards are terrible, They’re not even demons. — Isn’t she a demon? She has horns and… — Do you want me to cut off your hair too? Lucifer shook his head in fear, in denial. - Then, shut up and go to your room. Then my vision turned off. I only hear screams. Someone is quarreling. Their father and mother? My vision turned on again for a moment. Lilith is trying to get Lucifer from his father’s hands, there are a lot of her things near her, and d Nero is standing behind Satan, hugging her father. The first vision doomed the meaning. Lilith killed Nero. Why did she dislike her own daughter so much? Could it be that her husband had cheated on her? Could such a good ruler really be unfaithful to his wife? It doesn’t add up. Why do I need to know this? What do they want to convey to me? Why now? At the end of the school year, when I live on caffeine and adrenaline in continuous training, study and lack of sleep? This is not the best time to burden me with family drama! I fell out of the vision and almost fell to the ground, but something caught me. A silhouette that looks like a woman. Red eyes and black hair are a typical appearance, it is hard to make out who is that exactly. Except for Lilith, that’s likely. - Be careful. Sometimes, you don’t see the road you’re walking. Be careful not to end up falling into the abyss. I blinked, and the woman disappeared. Here, what, everyone the hell knows more than I do?! how much I wish that ninety-nine percent on the exam instead of a hundred would again be my main concern… I’m tired of asking questions. I just want to be given answers and fall behind. I think I’m going to pass out right in the bathroom…