Roxy and Loona's Romantic Revenge

I.M.P. Corporation. Hell. Time: Is there time in fucking hell? "This sucks," said Blitz, head of the corporation that specialized in hunting and killing people in the outside world, sitting with his employees in the meeting room and lazily tossing in his hand a severed eyeball that he accidentally found this morning in the head of a dead horse that was planted directly in his bed. Judging by the sweet, nauseating scent of perfume, it was another present from Verosika, who had once again decided to remind him of her feelings. About her disgusting, foul-smelling, used pads and excrement, rotten and stinky feelings. "You mean boring shit, Blitz?" The hellhound to his left, Loona, said coldly, pointing her finger lazily at her phone and building a mobile game replica of a hellish town where you could chase real little sinners (courtesy of «Cursed Souls for Hire») into boiling pots or into fryers all over the map, which the bloodthirsty girl had set up a whole bunch. "No, I mean sucks," the imp demon replied melancholy. "We've been sitting on our asses for a week now, not getting any orders. Has everyone in hell suddenly become righteous and give up on blood feuds?" He looked sadly out the window, at the blood-red sky. "Doesn't anyone else want to avenge and eviscerate their abusers, to be rightly brought here?" Said Blitz with feigned drama, tossing the eye into the air it landed on his mouth sulking he ate it. "Come on, boss, I don't think it's that bad," said Moxxie, a imp who knew a thing or two about firearms, lying on his wife Millie's lap (which was more of an edged weapon), and enjoying sweet moments of tenderness in her arms. "For you, Moxxie, maybe so. But for me, it's a fucking disaster!" Blitz burst out, jumping up to him and staring him straight in the eye. "Do you have any idea how much dough I have to shell out to rent this fucking office? And the parking? The stale sandwiches? The collection of plastic ponies I keep in my safe? You have no idea how expensive it is to get collectible Kotobukiya figurines into hell's territory!!!" "But, sir, I thought we weren't paying any rent and were only here because this building has been declared condemned and is about to be demolished," Moxxie muttered, swallowing. "Just because some of what I said turned out to be a lie, Moxxie, doesn't mean I don't want the dough!" Blitz shouted, leaping back into his desk chair and folding his arms across his chest. "You mean we," Loona corrected him nonchalantly. "Yes, yes we," the Blitz brushed her off. "In general, if we do not find new customers, our firm can be put to rest. We'll go bankrupt, end up in a dumpster, walking around in rags and eating dead rats. Which, come to think of it, might not be such a bad prospect." He took a couple of dead rats out of a drawer in the desk and gulped them down with gusto. "But, still, it's not right. Think of our image," he said, wiping his sleeve on his lips. "Yeah, image," Loona grinned sarcastically, "You're so worried about image. Especially yesterday, when in broad daylight you decided to take a dump on the statue of Satan. "So what? It was a sign of respect, that's all," said Blitz. "Which everyone then filmed on their phone," continued the hellhound. "I don't care. They gave me free publicity. Anyway, it's not about me, it's about the clients who don't want to come into our office. So I..." "Shit! You little bugger! I can't believe that little snot-nose got me here. Hold on, Gregory, I'll get you!" Suddenly kicking open the front door, the tough, anthropomorphic wolf-girl wearing a tight red thong and a short top with sharp spikes exclaimed. Her eyes burned with hellfire, and she looked annoyed. "You sons of bitches, why does everybody tear the damn door down?!" Blitz cursed as Moxxie, slammed against the wall and came crashing down with the door. Millie rushed to her husband's side, and Loona, putting her phone aside, snarled angrily as she stared at the stranger-girl who had burst in on them. "Hell, yes! Haven't any of you mother fuckers ever heard of good manners and how doors should be opened, not thrown out?" Said the hellhound to her. "I haven't got time for that! I didn't come here to talk; I came here to make a killing order! I heard you can penetrate the human world, and I want you to kill the wretched little brat who sent me off." "Now, wait a minute, lady, before we hear any more of your tedious, nonsensical..." Blitz began, and then he noticed the she-wolf grinning at him and ducked behind Loona, "I mean, the touching and dramatic account of how you got here, and who you want to bash your skull in, you might as well introduce yourself to us, huh?" "Oh, okay. My name is Roxanne. Roxanne Wolf or just Roxy. When I was alive, if you can call it that, I was an animatronic and worked in a children's entertainment center," she said, slightly cooled down. "So you were a robot?" Moxxie, who had got out from under the door, asked in a trembling voice. "No, animatronic, that's different!" Roxy snarled. "Yeah, they're the same thing, if you ask me," said Moxxie. "Shut up!" She barked, and with her claws out, she kicked him into a spinning board, sending him spiraling and screaming out the window. "Hey, stop using my husband as a punching bag!" Millie exclaimed grudgingly. "He's going to get bruises now." "Come on, Millie, Moxxie's a tough guy, and he's been through worse. I'm sure he'll be alright," said Blitz. Suddenly there was a screeching sound of brakes and cars crashing into each other across the street, and then the screams of women and strangled cats, which were interrupted by Moxxie's pained voice. "You see, as chipper as ever," said Blitz. "But he's right about something, though. To be honest, I didn't realize that robots go to hell now," Roxy grinned angrily, "I mean animatronics from the kids' restaurants. You don't really have a soul, do you?" "You also have no shame. I thought you'd come from some sort of fetishistic robot strip club," Loona said mockingly. "What? Look at yourself, you badly painted goth dream," Roxy tossed her, and the two girls immediately jumped closer and roared like predators, ready to tear each other to shreds. "Now, now, now, girls, let's not quarrel. Especially not in our office, which has already been ranked number one in «The Most Frequently Destroyed Suites of the Underworld» magazine seven times. Let's talk about our business," Blitz interjected, sensing trouble. "Yes, right," Roxy reassured her. "Anyway, I don't know how I got here. I think it was that creepy psychopath who used to run the firm where I worked, and then went cuckoo and killed a bunch of kids. But that's not what's important. The important thing is that I want to get rid of the asshole that ripped out my eyes, burned my body, and then left me for dead in a burning pizza place." "I see, and who is this scary and beaten down maniac, who committed such terrible acts with such a formidable lady like you?" Blitz innocently inquired. "There he is. It's a little boy about ten years old named Gregory. He did it," Roxy said with newly flashed eyes, handing him a burnt picture from the security camera. "Ha, really? Did that little fucker get you?" The Blitz grinned, handing the picture to Loona. "Check it out, Loonie." "Yeah, he is formidable. I didn't know you got whacked by a pathetic kid playing with toys," the hellhound laughed. "Any dilettante would be able to handle such a brat." "He's not just a kid, he's a real monster. He wiped out all my friends and then burned down the place where we worked," said the she-wolf, taking the picture away from her. "Yeah, right," Loona smiled. "Listen, you…" Roxy said, clenching her fists. "Yes, Loonie, listen and remember what the little brat looks like. You'll have to open a portal to him, so Moxxie and Millie can finish him off and send here," Blitz intervened, once again feeling threatened that she was going to go on a rampage and destroy the office. "I reckon it can't wait. So the sooner they kill him, the sooner we get the dough, I mean, we can get rid of the worthless scumbag who killed such a charming and lovely client." "That's right, boss, me and Moxxie will do it in a couple of minutes," said Millie excitedly, dashingly snatching from behind her favorite axe, decorated with neatly carved skulls, which marked the number of her victims and covered almost the entire blade. "Shit, there's not much more place left on it. Eh, I'll have to buy a new one," the demoness remarked as she stared at it. "Not so fast," Roxy interjected suddenly. "I want to be there when that snot-nosed bugger dies." "What?" Blitz didn't understand. "That sucker thought he could kill me and leave unpunished. Me – Roxanne Wolf! So I want him to find out exactly who ordered it, and to see the terror in his weeping eyes as he dies." "Well, that sounds pretty bloodthirsty. Except it won't be so easy, because you…" Blitz was about to object, but at that moment a bandaged Moxxie was wheeled into the hole in the wall where the door used to be, with a compress on his head and a weight strapped to his leg to support a broken leg. "Here, he said he worked at your place," said one of the orderlies in a business-like tone, handing a long piece of paper folded in half to Blitz. "And here's the bill for his treatment." "By Satan, you're a waste of space, Moxxie," he muttered grumpily as he unwrapped it. "So how much do we owe... Oh, shit!" He grunted when he saw the five-figure sum. "Um, tell me, Millie, how much do you love your husband?" "Very much, boss, and you know it," said the imp demoness, indignantly propping up her sides. "I see. Well, then I'm afraid your order gets very complicated," he turned to Roxy. "Because one of our deadly tandem has all 210 bones broken, including the horns. And he definitely won't be able to make it in the next few days..." "But, I don't want those two in my case. I want her," Roxy said suddenly, pointing to Loona. "Me?" The hellhound looked away from the phone and wondered. "Exactly. I want Gregory not just to die, but to be killed by someone who looks a lot like me. I want that scoundrel to think I did it. And since you're the one who looks most like me out of the whole weird bunch, it's up to you to do it," she explained. "Well, not so fast," Blitz began, rubbing the back of his neck. "Loonie can't do it. After all, she's not a hired killer. She's a secretary." "And a pretty lousy one, too. Though she's not much of a killer, anyway," said Moxxie, with the bandage at his mouth, and got hit in the leg by a kettlebell, which Loona swung. "Ouch!" "What? I'm the lousy one? I'm the only reason this lousy place didn't fall apart! And I'm a great killer, too!" Loona grinned and snarled, giving Moxxie one more shot. "That's good. So you're in?" Roxy asked her. "No, I'm not. I said I was a good killer. But that doesn't mean I'm gonna do anything to please your little ponytail. Better let those two do it," the hellhound shook her head, nodding at the wounded imp and his wife, who was comforting her weeping husband. "I agree, why bother sending my poor daughter out into the world to be with those lustful, fond of her perverts when we can disguise one of my workers as you," Blitz encouraged her, pulling an artisanal wolf's head from behind his back and slipping it over the bandages on Moxxie. "So, what do you say?" He asked Roxy. "What's there to say? It's bullshit," she answered. "Yeah, I agree, even within the parody, it's dumb," the Blitz remarked, tossing this head out the window (which made the horrible sounds of a crash outside again). "Still, Loonie is right. She can't do this. She's a secretary and doesn't usually go out into the human world." "I'll pay you as much as you need," Roxy promised. "Most of the types who made me are already in hell, so I'm not limited to money." "Please, do I look like the kind of pathetic hustler who'd trade his beloved daughter for some money?" Blitz said proudly, with Loona smiling approvingly. "Here's a hundred thousand souls, and I'll give you the same amount when the job is done," said Roxy, opening the large leather case in front of him. "Oh, wow! Hey, Loonie, dear, will you take this nice lady and kill that heartless asshole who dared to hurt her," Blitz said immediately, staring with hungry eyes at the stacks of newfangled, demonic-faced bills. "Yeah, I'm glad you can't be bought that easily, Blitz," Loona sighed, making the facepalm. "All right, I'll do it. But how on earth am I supposed to take this shabby dog with me?" "Easy, I'll take you in," said Roxy. "What? Don't even think about it!" Said Loona bristling. "I'm sorry, but it's the only way to take me. I don't have my graceful, slender body anymore, so you'll have to let me on board so I can see it with my own eyes." "Yeah, right, do you really think that Blitz..." Loona looked at the imp, who was lusting over the money, "Shit, I mean, I'd go for that? And then, how can you be so sure that I can carry souls in me?" "Because all infernal creatures can do that. And you're no different," said Roxy. "Did you ever see that on Supernatural?" The hellhound sarcastically asked. "It doesn't matter. As long as you've got the right looks for the job, and I've got plenty of money you could use," Roxy said, taking a critical look at their conference room, which wasn't the prettiest place before she'd visited. "So let's do it." Loona glanced angrily first at her and then at Blitz, whose face now resembled that of a baby who had received a long-awaited rattle. He clearly had no intention of parting with his newfound dough. "Let's go. We just in and out. Twenty minutes adventure," she said with a wink. "Yeah, right. I've seen the cartoon where it started like that," said Loona, "And then it was like a six-day shit. Except I haven't got time to do anything silly like that." "Don't worry, we'll just go back to the human world, kill the kid and come right back, and then you can go back to your depressing shithole of a life. You'll be playing on your phone and getting drunk on cheap booze," she promised, looking at her desk, littered with bottles of Johnson Brothers bourbon. "And you think arguments as liquid as baby crap are going to persuade me to help you?" The hellhound asked, squinting. "Exactly. Unless, of course, you're afraid to face the little boy, whom, as you yourself said, any dilettante could kill," Roxy said sneeringly. "What?! I'm the one who's afraid?! I've had it with you! Just give me the damn photo and we'll go to the world of the living!" Loona exclaimed, snatching the picture from her. "The sooner I do it, the sooner you can get the fuck out of my life." "Ok, but there's one more thing you have to do first," Roxy smiled. "And what's that?" Loona said nervously. "Since Gregory must think I killed him, you'll have to change your clothes," said the she-wolf. "And dye your fur a little, for that matter." "What? Are you out of your fucking mind? I would never do that!" The hellhound roared. "Never!"

***

"Hey, what are you stuck in there?" Roxy asked an hour later, standing in front of the door to the locker room and waiting the Loona. "Fuck, this sucks! I can't believe I agreed to wear this trash!" There was an exasperated voice outside the door. "It wasn't trash; it the style and quality symbol of cool. Besides, it was in the contract your boss just made up." "Yeah. And he's gonna have to answer for it later. Okay, I'm going out," Loona said with a sigh, and as she opened the door, she stood there with her hair dyed and new clothes, which made her look just like Roxy. "Oh, that's nice," Blitz muttered. "Shut up!" Loona barked. "You're such a cutie now," Millie added. "Whose side are you on, anyway?" Hellhound glared at her angrily. "On the side of the one who didn't hit my hubby," the demoness quipped. "But so is she," Loona interjected. "Never mind, you've done it a lot more often," Millie countered. "G-r-r!" The hellhound snarled, baring her fangs. "Oh, stop grumbling. They're right. You look much better now," Roxy grinned. "You've gone from ugly duckling to a sexy doll." "Shut up and get into the portal," Loona muttered through her teeth as she hung the backpack on her back and took out the magical grimoir, opening it to the page with the spell she wanted, which opened the door to the mortal world. "Well, are you coming?" She asked Roxy. "Yes, I'm coming. Let's beat this bastard," the she-wolf said, hesitating as she approached her. "Um, how do I go in you?" "Oh, how dirty we are," Millie grinned. "Not like that. I mean, how do I get inside her?" Roxy blushed and explained. "Yes, of course," Blitz added in turn. "Oh, just step into me," the annoyed hellhound said, making facepalm. Roxy did so, and stepped toward Loona, who turned transparent and vanished into her like mist. Loona closed her eyes, and when she opened them, one was yellow and the other was still red. "Ugh, your breath smells bad," Roxy said with Loona's lips. "You should at least choose what you drink. Oh, how can I speak with your mouth? Can I control this body, too?" She held up one of the hellhound's hands and waved it a few times, then with a chuckle stuck her finger up Loona's nose. "Great, I didn't know it could be so sticky in that hole," the she-wolf said. "Stop it! If you do that again, I'll throw you out!" Loona was furious. "Stop playing with my holes." Millie and Moxxie giggled softly. "G-r-r! Fuck it all! Let's get it over with," Loona said with a stomp of her feet and walked with Roxy into the portal, which overlooked the big city nighttime street on the other side.