The permafrost of our souls

Kara wanted to open her eyes, but a bright light blinded her, forcing them shut. She wiggled a finger, setting into motion muscles that were soft yet humming with fatigue. Kara felt as if she were sinking in and out of consciousness, trying to cling to reality with memories. The girl tried to remember what happened last evening, but thoughts slipped away, dissolving into colored blots. She wanted to lick her dry lips but only then realized there was something in her mouth. A rubber gag, slick with saliva, pressed against her back teeth, preventing her from closing her lips completely. Gag, the word flashed in her mind, and Kara jerked, trying to sit up, but thick straps cut into her wrists. “She’s awake,” said a voice, muffled by distance. Footsteps approached, and fingers pried open the girl’s eyelid, but her eye, unaccustomed to the light, wanted to roll back. A finger held the white of her eye in place, preventing it, and Kara, in disgust, ran her tongue over the rubber in her mouth. “Pupil’s responsive.” With a quiet clink of metal, the straps fell from her wrists, and Kara managed to sit up, looking at her reddened wrists. As her eyes adjusted to the light, she realized it was the same room where they had kept her under the spotlights. She rubbed the sore spots on her wrists with relief when the gag was finally removed from between her teeth. “Do you remember why you’re here?” asked a young man, roughly her age, in a white coat. “Of course I remember,” Kara answered after a pause. “I remember how you grabbed me and what you did to me. Turned me into a monster.” “Do you remember all the days?” the doctor asked a new question, ignoring her words. Kara thought—everything was in a fog. “No,” she said, shaking her head. “It’s all blurred. I don’t remember how I ended up in this room.” “Good,” he nodded, walking away to a desk under the girl’s bewildered gaze. “They’ll come for you now.” Kara sat in silence for a few seconds, listening to the quiet scratch of pencil on paper, trying to pull the chain of events from the last few days from her memory. The door opened, scraping against the soft, padded floor, and the girl lifted her head. It was him. Kara wanted to leap up, grab him, get out of here, but with her arms hanging limply, she could only stare into his blue eyes. “To the infirmary,” the doctor said quietly, and the Soldier approached her, helping her to her feet. Kara wasn’t sure she could take a single step, but her body performed better than expected. They stepped into the corridor, and seeing the worn gray walls with dark stains, she remembered being taken from her cell. They had dragged her out in the middle of the night, with dark purple bruises that had barely begun to fade, and hauled her through the corridors. Kara hadn’t resisted, but her legs simply couldn’t keep up with the guards' quick pace, forcing her to hang from their arms, scraping her legs against the uneven floor. “How long was I there?” Kara asked quietly, unsure if talking was allowed. “A few days,” the Soldier walked beside her, speeding up slightly on turns so the girl wouldn’t get lost. “Were they trying to erase my memory?” This thought had come to her almost immediately upon realizing her situation, still lying on the couch. “Like they did to you?” “I don’t think they succeeded,” he answered, leading them into the now-familiar corridor with doors. Kara shook her head. “I don’t remember a few days, but that’s even better,” Kara trailed behind, falling back a few steps. “Have you ever thought about getting out of here?” “The walls have ears,” the man mouthed silently, turning to look at her. “Especially in the infirmary.” “I don’t care anymore,” Kara looked at her feet. “They’ll drain my blood again, like for a company of soldiers, poke into every orifice. Or dissect me like a frog and be done with it.” “Death is something you can only dream of in this place.”