The permafrost of our souls

They barricaded the door leading from the cave as best they could, not knowing how much time it would buy them. Kara shuffled along behind, holding the backpack straps to lessen the weight on her back, while James simply walked ahead, trying to keep the memories from invading his thoughts. “Do you even have a plan?” Bucky tried to provoke the girl, aiming to rile her up, but when Kara didn’t answer, he turned to look at her gloomy face. “Are you okay?” “No,” Kara quickened her pace, moving ahead so he wouldn’t see her face. The girl slipped past the infirmary without even glancing its way and headed towards her old cell. “I don’t have a brother.” “What?” Bucky grabbed the girl’s arm, spinning her around to face him. Kara tried to pull away, but the grip of the bionic hand was stronger, closing the distance between them. “It’s just… made up,” Kara waved it off, trying not to look him in the eye. She exhaled when James released her arm and made no move to run. “I thought they wouldn’t touch me if they knew I wasn’t alone.” “Why didn’t you say anything sooner?” James ran a hand through his hair, trying to calm the rising anger inside. “Started believing it myself, I guess?” Kara leaned against the wall, slowly sliding down, trying to curl into a ball for protection. “When you repeat something to yourself enough, it starts to feel real. Maybe that’s the only reason I didn’t lose my mind.” “And that whole expedition performance?” Bucky sat down opposite her, level with the girl and shattering her defenses in seconds. “I wanted to know what I am,” the girl rubbed her eyes, hiding wetness behind feigned tiredness. “Wouldn’t you be curious?” “This has gone too far,” he shook his head, and Kara realized just how deep she had dug herself. She had known it for a long time, but she could no longer step back from her lie—it was what gave her life meaning. “I never even gave him a name,” Kara let out a heavy, bitter laugh. “And you all believed it.” “Don’t put this on 'us',” James stood up to move on, and Kara followed. “You’re right,” she answered shortly. “What else you said was a lie?” he walked behind her, and his heavy footsteps filled the girl with anxiety. “Just that,” Kara glanced over her shoulder briefly, turning another corner. “Really.” “Doesn’t sound convincing anymore,” James, feeling disappointed, stopped behind the girl as she peered into an open door. His trust in her had crumbled, though in a way, he could understand her. “I should have said it sooner, but back then it could have worked against me,” Kara pushed aside the cold metal door, looking into her former cell. “I wouldn’t have had anyone to hold onto in my thoughts. Even if that person was made up.” She examined the dark room, illuminating it with her flashlight. Brown bloodstains, ingrained into the concrete, remained on the floor, and the bunk still held the crumpled blanket, damp from the moisture of the walls. She took a step inside, feeling the stale air, studying the time-worn drawings on the dusty wall. “It’s so strange to be here when I’m free,” Kara’s gaze was somewhat detached. “You’re clearly not all there in the head, huh?” James touched the girl’s shoulder, suggesting they move on. “Look who’s talking,” Kara sighed and stepped back into the corridor.