The Names We Had At Dawn

Sophronia tossed and turned the whole night. Despite feeling safe, it didn't stop the nightmares from bothering her. She wasn't used to going to the Somniam Veil like this anymore because this lifetime's father had blocked her access to it. She had managed to get a wandering Wildborn Mage to unblock her access to the Somnium Veil while she slept, but she deeply regretted it now. She was in the Nightmare Abyss. Everything was incredibly vivid and it felt like she was reliving the events she had fought so hard to leave behind. She twisted and writhed, unable to reach her body again until— She snapped back and sat bolt upright. looking around wildly. Oneias sat next to her, though she couldn't make out his expression in the inky blackness. It was still night. She wasn't sure how long she had been in the Nightmare Abyss. She flopped back on the bed and stared at the ceiling, the crickets feeling incredibly distant and unreal. She had been struggling to sleep since the Wildborn Mage had unlocked her ability to go back to the Somnium Veil. She had only been in the Veil of Night so far, but this was he first time truly back in the Samnium Veil…and of course it was in the Nightmare Abyss. PTSD made people far more susceptible to Ozhir, the Maw of the Abyss, and his minions. She hadn't thought about that when she'd asked the Wildborn Mage to unlock her ability to go back. After an extended silence, Oneias' voice broke the silence. "Sophie?" She rolled over to face him and he put an arm over her which made her tense. He automatically pulled back. "Sorry; I didn't realise that'd be too much for you. Should I ask before touching you?" His whisper felt almost too loud for how quiet it was. Without the din of the city, it was almost painfully silent. Even in this age, the city she'd lived in had a certain din at night. But this small town was practically in the middle of nowhere and it felt...empty for lack of a better term. She really hated how quiet the country was, but Oneias had always preferred it. It was one of the few conflicts they had, but they just dealt with it because they didn't want to fight. "For right now…yeah. Sorry. "she sighed. She hated that she didn't feel safe to let him touch her as he almost always did. A light flickered on and she blinked. He rolled over and put his hand on the bed between them. "Do what makesyoufeel safe, Sophie." She placed her hand in his though she trembled a bit. "I think it was just the unexpected touch in the dark if anything... This lifetime's sire and his ilk would slip into my bed at night and molest me from a young age. I think I was four when it started." She hadn't been that old and they were her oldest memories in this life aside from the face of her mother. Reincarnation and mental development were strange. She wasn't immune to the fact babies' brains simply weren't able to form memories. She had only hazy recollections of anything about the age of three or four for every life. Thankfully, she didn't fall Preto dementia or other related issues due to the nature of her soul. "All right. I'll remember not to do that again. I really am sorry about it, Sophie." His brows drew together and furrowed, obviously remorseful. "If I do anything that triggers you, please tell me. I don't want to make things worse than they already are. You know I never want to harm you if I can help it." Sophronia nodded. "I know, Oneias. You're always patient and kind with me. Unfortunately, this lifetime has left me with a lot of unknown triggers. I'll let you know if you do something. Butpleasedon't beat yourself up.youdidn't do anything to me." They both had had their fair share of lifetimes with triggers, but this was most likely the worst. Wars could scar them for several lifetimes especially if there were no mental health services—like now. She desperately needed medication and therapy, but neither of those existed on the planet right now as far as she was aware. She could only get help again when she returned to the Echoed Plane again and met with the Weavers of Continuance... Hopefully it wouldn't keep her separated from Oneias like this again. She had hated this lifetime so much. Oneias nodded but he didn’t look convinced. She smiled at him. “It isn’t your fault, Onay. I promise. I’m not going to be upset at you for triggering me. It’d be one thing if you were doing it on purpose like the family of this lifetime. It’s another when you don’t have any idea about what happened to me.” She wouldn’t—and couldn’t—hold it against him whatsoever. SHe really did love him and what he did for her. They were there for each other through every lifetime as much as they could. Granted, sometimes things ended up like this where they were decades apart. She hated it, but there wasn’t much they could do about it. They couldn’t wait in the Echoed Plane for each other forever. “I’m going to feel awful no matter what, Sophie. I don’t want to hurt you more than you’ve already suffered.” He sighed. Her heart went out to him; it really did. All she wanted was to assure him that she really held no ill will toward him for triggering her. It really wasn’t his fault. It wasn’t like he’d been complicit in her abuse. It sucked and would haunt her for many years to come, but none of it was his fault. She knew he would do anything for her if he could do it. “I won’t say I’m okay, Onay, but I will be in time. Things will get better if it takes a few lifetimes.” She missed the mental healthcare that had existed before. It made things so much easier. But it would probably be several centuries if not another millennium for psychology to even enter its infancy. Right now, her only hope was the Weavers of Continuance. They were the only beings that could help her now. But with her magic sealed away until recently, she couldn’t access the Echoed Plane. Granted, Xyphos wasn’t fond of the living visiting a plane dedicated to souls. She would either have to commit suicide to return to the Echoed Plane, or bear things here for another thirty to sixty years. She was only in her twenties, so she still had a lot of life here. “Please, tell me if there’s anything you need from me, Sophie. I won’t hesitate to do it for you.” She nodded and took his hand. “I know you will, Onay. Things will be fine. Eventually. FOr now, though, we’ll just have to take things day by day and figure them out.” She offered him the best smile she could offer. Bearing all of this was hard, but she’d deal with it. This was by far one of the worst lives by far, but she’d put it behind her. Eventually. Time healed most wounds. But it would be a lot of this time this go around. If only the Wardens of Hearth and Haven still existed… If only mandated reporting was a thing… Maybe she and her sisters and cousins could have been spared. But not in this decentralised, primitive time, families held immense power especially the Great Houses. “You look like you have a lot on your mind, Sophie. What are you think about?” He held onto her hand. She sighed. It was only natural she had a lot on her mind… She had been pushing down her emotions to avoid thinking about all of this. Survival had been the most important to thing to her until this point. Now that she was safe, she was pretty sure she would collapse in due time. She desperately needed help but she couldn’t get it in this lifetime… She hoped that Oneias wouldn’t beat himself too much when he triggered her. “Too much. I'm thinking about too much. I can't evenbeginto put all of my thoughts into words. So much has happened that trying to tell you everything would take the. rest of this life time." She sighed. He wanted to help her. They'd been through so much across so many life times. It was hard. She wanted to tell him everything but...it was hard and going to potentially traumatise him too. She didn't want to do that, but it was also too much to hold in. She had no idea how to handle this entire situation. It was just unlike anything they'd been through before."I think the best way for me to get help would be to go to the Echoed Plane, but…" She sighed. 'Xyphos wouldn't like you being there. And do youreallywant to be tormented in another life if you took what you have now? You know the consequences for suicide." She sighed. "I do know, but sitting with all of this pain and guilt isn't easy. I know that it isn't logical to feel guilty when I could barely escape myself, but leaving those poor little girls behind…" Her voice wavered and it took every bit of self-control she had to not start crying. It wasn'therresponsibility to protect everyone; she needed to protect herself first. There wasn't really anything she could do to help those girls. At least until she was able to heal more. She hadn't used her magic in decades so she was out of tune with it. Had it not been sealed away, she absolutely would've rained pain down on the family. But she couldn't. All she could do right now was struggle to get back in touch with her magic. It would take maybe a few months for that, but the mental and soul scars was take averylong time to heal from. Oneias offered her a hand. She took it and learned into him. "I'm so sorry you have to go through all of this. Sophie. I'll see if I can't find some dreamlock tonic and the feather from a Lanatheris owl. You don't deserve what happened to you." He sighed. "The owl feather will take some time, though. Would you be okay on your own for a couple of days?" "I'll have to be." She gave a sad smile. There was nothing she could do to keep him there. She desperately needed the Lunatheris feather. The owls were rare and were difficult to find at the best of times. Few people dared go into the Somnium Veil due to how tumultuous it was. She knew how to handle the dangers of the Veil, but it's been several centuries since she'd been there consistently. She would be a liability if she went with him. Being cut off from her magic for so long no doubt impacted her ability to use it. She would have to stay behind while he looked for the owl. Oneias kissed her head ."I'll be back as soon as I can. Sophie. I promise. Use the house however you want." “Okay." She learned into the kiss and rested against him. He lingered for a few more minutes, then got up. He kissed her head again, and then left. The silence of the night hang around her, leaving her with a feeling of intense dread. This would be a long couple of days...

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The next few days saw Sophronia struggling. Then hadn't been anything like videos or streaming for eons now, but she desperately missed them. All she wanted was a distraction of some sort. Without Oneias to keep her company, she struggled to keep herself busy and entertained. There were the horses, of course, but they could only do so much to keep her distracted. She made them apart of her daily chores while Oneias was gone, but it was hard to be alone after she'd found him again. She spent her nights handled by the fire, struggling to not fall asleep. She drank copious amounts of tea to stay awake. Thelastthing she wanted was to end up in the Nightmare Abyss when she did feel the grip of sleep clawing at her, she went out to Nysera's stall . The Solthari Skyborn lay down and offered what company she could But it wasn't enough to keep Sophronia out of the Nightmare Abyss. About four days after Oneias left, she lay tucked against Nysera. She fully experienced the depths of the Abyss until it simply stopped. A peace she hadn't known in a long time lay over her like a weighted blanket. The Abyss and its denizens no longer troubled her until her eyes cracked open. The barn greeted her and morning filtered through the windows and wooden slats. A feather lay in her lap, though she saw no sign of Oneias. Still, thiswasa Lanatheris feather, so it meant he'd succeeded. She picked up the feather and patted Nysera on the neck. With that done, she headed into the house. The scent of cooking food greeted her, though it made her stomach churn after having spent so long in the Nightmare Abyss. She wasn’t hungry. Having relived her rapes and molestations like that… It made it impossible for her to want food. She often didn't eat because each incident made her feel more and more unclean and defiled. None of it was her fault, but it didn't stop her from feeling like she'd done something terribly wrong. Oneias puta plate down in front of her but pulled back a moment later. What’ wrong, Sophie?" He sat next to her with his own plate. Hers sat on the far side from him. "Did I do something wrong? I got the Lunatheris feather. Is it not enough?" She shook her head. "I just spent too much time in the Nightmare Abyss. I'm not hungry." She sighed. "Each incident made me feel like used goods and like I'm unclean. I know it's not true, but…" It had only been a year. In the expanse of her reincarnations, that was the blink of an eye. But in the scope of one life time, it was nothing. It was a strange dissonance to deal with. She could normally think in the long term and big picture, but not this time. Oneias offered his arm to her and she leaned against him. “This really is messing with you if you’re saying stuff like that. We haven't heard such rhetoric since before the Null Crusade some millennia ago. If you're bringing up those mindsets…” He kissed her head. "It's been millennia, Sophie. You don't have to feel like that anymore." She nodded. “I know , Onay. But the Hollow Epochreallyshaped my views on sexuality." It was hard to let go of these things. Yes, they had grown up largely before the Arcanum Lords had left, but the Hollow Epoch had really shaped them. The Void Worshipers had really gone into power following the departure of the Arcanum Lords and ruled for millennia. Part of her missed those days due to how many more options there were and how interconnected things were. But she also know how detrimental things were too. It was hard to let go of some of the mindsets the Void Worshipers had instilled into her. "We'll get through this together, Sophie. Just like so many other challenges. I'll be here by your side through it all." She looked up at him and he smiled at her. She rested against him and closed her eyes. Yeah, they would get through this, They'd gotten through far worse challenges than this before They'd been through wars mander, and pretty much every other difficulty humans-or Faunus- could go through. It'd be tough, but theywould get through this…no matter what.