wanderer's lullaby

Winter rolled over and pulled the eyemask off. Nine in the morning… She was supposed to start at the bakery tomorrow. Would she really be in any shape to wake up at about four in the morning and go bake bread? It didn’t feel like she would. She wanted to work but this was all so much. She was still kind of exhausted but she wanted to go out. She wasn’t used to being stuck inside one location for so long without leaving anymore. She was used to having mobility and freedom even though she relied on drivers to get everywhere. She went downstairs and saw Qrow sitting at the table, sipping a cup. He looked at her and smiled. “Mornin’, snowy.” She flushed a bit and looked down at herself. She was far from presentable. Her hair was down, she hadn’t showered, and so on. She wanted to die inside. She couldn’t believe that she had walked downstairs like this… Qrow was seeing her at her very worst. “Um, good morning.” She retreated to the freezer and heated up her breakfast, tapping her fingers on the counter while she waited. She really hadn’t been thinking when she’d come downstairs. It was a weekday and Raven was gone. She hadn’t thought about Qrow being there to see her like this. She normally wasn't this lazy but she was still pretty tired. The microwave beeped and she startled a little. “You okay?” She looked over at Qrow. “Fine. Just…fine.” Even she knew that she was a horrible liar this time. SHe was usually pretty good at hiding her moods from people, but she couldn’t manage it right now. She was too tired and hadn’t been thinking. SHe could have lazy days in her previous life, but they were pretty rare. Today had the making of a lazy day for her, but she didn’t feel like having one. She wouldn’t have Coco to talk to. Wait. She fumbled her scroll out of her nightgown pocket and looked back at Coco’s texts. She got home yesterday. Things could go back to normal now. She quickly texted Coco. Qrow and I will be out today. Please don’t listen in.For once, she just wanted some peace and privacy from Coco. It always did feel strange when she wasn’t listening in, though. To not have her for the past week… At least she could talk to her consistently again starting that night or tomorrow. She got a quick thumbs up emoji in response. She sat at the table with breakfast and looked at Qrow. “Do we need to feed the birds today?” Best to try to ignore her awkwardness and get down to business. She didn’t want to leave Mono and Kiyay wanting for food for so long again. She couldn’t imagine how ravenous they must have been… “Nah, we let them fill up their crops pretty well yesterday. We can let ‘em go for a few days.” “What about weight management?” She’d read about that in Falconry and Hawking. It seemed really important. Birds could fly well or not based on a few grams. Qrow shrugged. “We don’t really worry about that with tribe birds. As long as they aren’t gorged like what we did yesterday, they’ll usually fly.” Wait, what? But all the sources she’d looked at so far said weight management was critical. It was like an athlete watching their diet carefully. They could be just a few grams off and not fly. But these were also the birds he’d grown up with. Who was she to question their methodologies if they’d worked for only Holy Father knew how long? “All right.” Their necks had been pretty fat when they’d gotten off the fist. But considering they hadn’t eaten for so long, it did make sense to allow them to gorge to get their energy back. “By the way, I managed to get you in tomorrow with Ramone.” She tensed at that but nodded. So she’d be going to a psychiatrist tomorrow. She… was not looking for it but she knew she had to. Having Raven put her to sleep each night wasn’t a long-term solution. She needed to do something that would allow her to regulate things on her own terms… “What time?” There was no getting out of this, but she had asked. She still didn’t want to let some random person into her psyche. There was no other recourse, though. She needed to be able to sleep. She was trying to take care of herself… “At noon. Opal agreed to take you. Though…do you want me to be there in any capacity? I won’t have access to your medical files and I won’t be able to be in the room unless you allow me to be.” That…was a good question. She wasn’t really sure. She felt vulnerable going to somebody like this, but she could usually handle things on his own. He wouldn’t be intruding on the appointment; he was offering moral support. “Let me think about it.” She wasn’t one to make most decisions in the moment, at least not ones like this. She still felt skeptical about Vale’s mental health promises. She’d seen a lot of good women pulled off duty—active or support roles—due to hysteria or other claims. She was pretty sure she fell under hysterical with all of her mental breakdowns and panic attacks. Vale saidit didn’t recognise hysteria, but what was said and what was done were two different things. Qrow was still her husband so he held power over her… “All right. If you want me to stay here while you go to your appointment, you can. Though Ramone did send me the paperwork you’ll have to fill out. If you want, I can help you with that either tonight or tomorrow. Plus, I will have to fill in a little bit on it, namely billing info since you aren’t on my insurance yet. Sound okay?” Winter nodded. “Very well.” She despised paperwork. But everything more or less came with it. Trying to understand the Valian legalese was going to be a nightmare, so she was glad to have somebody that understood it. She wasn’t looking forward to the insurance paperwork when it eventually came time for that. She would make sure to look over that with a fine-tooth comb. She would notallow somebody else to control her healthcare. She finished up eating and put the dishes in the washer before slipping back upstairs. She ran through her morning routine as quickly as possible, not wanting to hold them too long. She opted for a little bit of light makeup but nothing too crazy. She took good care of her skin, so she didn’t really need to wear it too much. Though she was seeing some changes in it due to the Valian heat and humidity. She would have to change her routine as she spent more time outside and it reallystarted to get to her… What a pain. She dug through her business casual clothes and it took her some time to decide on an outfit. A white button down tucked into a dusky blue knee-length skirt with a pastel pink jacket. With tights. A proper lady did not show skin unnecessarily. Plus, they would be inside most of the day, so it wouldn’t really matter. She did notunderstand how Valians showed show much skin. Yang was going to get herself brutalised if she kept wearing short sleeves and shorts… She quicky did her hair up in its trademark bun then headed back downstairs. By that time, Qrow had some grey slacks and a dark blue polo t-shirt on. He still had his normal jewelry on. Not that it really mattered to her. It was odd to not see him with his cape on… She’d gotten so used to the tattered, bright red adornment framing him. He looked up and smiled at her. “You look nice. Though you probably could leave the jacket and tight back…” She shook her head, feeling a bit of panic rise. How was she supposed to protect herself from prying eyes and men with ill intents toward her?! She would easily be attacked if she wasn’t covering her whole body! “Calm down, Winter. Breathe.You don’t need to get yourself worked up. You don’t need to start the day off with a panic attack.” He walked over to her and extended his hand. She hesitated then put her hand in his. She felt his aura wrap around her, a soft, arm sensation that helped her breathe a little easier. She caught him smiling. “There you go. No need to get upset. It’ll only be you and me today. You don’t need to be afraid of anything. I’ll protect you.” She wanted to say she didn’t need protection.but she had frozen completely when that guy had attempted to get into her apartment. She had still needed a man to stop one of the worst events in her life from happening. “Winter?” She looked up at Qrow, her vision blurry. She wiped away the tears with her free hand. “I’m fine.” Once again, it was a terrible lie. But she didn’t want to dwell on it and potentially dissociate again then ruin the day. “How about we go to the Atlassian enclave again tomorrow and do some extra shopping? If anywhere will have clothes you need but made to the Valian weather, it’ll be there We can go after your appointment.” His tone was incredibly soft and he squeezed her hand. She managed a small nod. That probably would be best. She had a few weeks’ worth of clothes due to the thrift store, but fleshing out out her Valian wardrobe fully would be good. She would need non-Atlassian business casual from whenever she got a job. Plus, having more breathable clothes in general would be great… “Okay.” She felt him squeeze her hand again and he opened his other arm. She tucked up against him and closed her eyes. She was so pathetic. Something as simple as changing her clothing could legitimately trigger her. She was in Vale so she should probably try to adjust her style, but all she could hear was Gelé and her teachers pounding it into her that she was a harlot if she showed any skin. Girls who were less were farmore likely to be assaulted because they gave men impure thoughts and ill intentions. Qrow rubbed her back and she closed her eyes. His fresh, outdoorsy scent surrounded her like his aura. She nuzzled into his chest and managed to relax a bit by herself. What about him was so intoxicating? She didn’t understand why he was so alluring to her senses. It didn’t make sense… They remained like that for a while until she heard a loud beep and jumped. It was a car horn. “Oh, that’s gotta be Opal. Let’s go.” She nodded a little, not letting go of his hand. However, he didn’t try to dissuade her and simply led her outside. The Atlassian clothes were definitely muchwarmer than the Valian ones… “Geeze, what was taking you so long? I got here ten minutes ago!” The white-haired woman rolled her eyes. “Sorry, Ope. I accidentally triggered Winter. It’s my fault.” Qrow rubbed the back of his neck. WInter looked down. She wasn’t trying to inconvenience anybody. She was a complete and utter mess in general. And Vale wouldn’t think she was hysterical when she talked to a specialist…? She was breaking down at every turn once again. She’d lost it two days in a row… And once over clothes.How could anybody take her remotely seriously? Qrow did drop her hand and opened the door to the car. It was the backseat which was fine by her. She didn’t want to sit next to a woman she had never met before. Once they were both in, Qrow offered his hand again and she took it. However, she wasn’t spared thing too long until Opal spoke again. She could feelOpal studying her in the rear-view mirror. “Isn’t she a little young for you, Qrow? Plus, what about Summer?” Qrow sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. “Yeah, I know she’s young, but it’s a marriage of convenience. It was this or she went to some Atlassian sicko that would only do ancestors know whatto her. Jimmy’s gone, so Gelé thought he could get her out of the way. “As for Summer.. That none of your business. Winter and I talked about it.” She was glad he wasn’t betraying her on that topic… It really wasn’t anybody else’s business what happened between the two of them as far as emotions went. “Regardless of anything, it doesn’t mean I can’t show Winter care and respect. She isstill a person that deserves both of those things at a minimum.” “You’re sucha bleeding heart, Qrow.” Opal chuckled and she saw Qrow’s face flush a little bit. He was quite a sensitive person. Summer had called him a bleeding heart too. She hadn’t thought he was kind at all, but he really did seem to have her best interests at heart. He wouldn’t suggest she get her driver’s license and GED if he wanted to control her. No Atlassian man would do that… “So, Winter, you want to meet Raye?” Once again, she felt Opal studying her in the rear-view mirror. She tensed a bit and nodded. “Yes, I do. One of my former colleagues has some friends here in Vale. One of them is transgender. I…don’t want to come across as rude or anything when I meet them. Qrow suggested I meet Raye first.” She spoke carefully, hoping to not come across as ignorant as rude. She was way outside of her comfort zone here. Everything was black and white where she came from. There was no allowance for deviation. Anything outside of the binaries and confines she knew was punished and disowned. She had such a narrow scope. Even learning there was another ethnic group in Atlas via Elm had been a shock to her system. “If you want advice on how to handle people that don’t fall within the traditional binary. It’s to treat them like anybody else. They’re still people.”Opal’s tone was stiff and she looked at Qrow. Had she done something to anger the woman? She was doing her hardest to be respectful and understanding. “There’s no need to be so short with her, Opal. I know you don’t have the best experiences with Atlas, but that’s no reason to take it out on Winter. Is she really a normal Atlassian if she’s going to meet Raye to try and learn? She’s curious and is doing her best. She’s still a kid compared to us. Give her a chance.” He squeezed her hand. She really was trying her best. She didn’t know what was offensive and what wasn’t. She knew a lot of things about the world but there were plenty of things she also didn’tknow about. “She’s a victim of the same abusive systems that made you hate Atlas.” “She’s a Schnee.” “That’s what I thought at first too. But she’s nothing like Gelé. She does have a lot to work through, but she isn’t racist or anything like that.” He looked at her and she could pick up he wanted her to talk about herself a bit. She sighed internally but nodded. Most people would assume she was guilty through association. “I honestly abhor everything Mister Gelé stands for and what he’s done to my family’s company. The way he treats his workers is really terrible. I want to change that someday. But I currently can’t. He beat me and my sister like dogs.Weiss’ arm was broken the first time I met her because he threw her down the marble stairs in the foyer the first time I met her.” She hated talking about this, but Opal probably wouldn’t back down unless she did. She honestly did expect this sort of treatment. The few Faunus in the Special Operatives tossed similar accusations her way. She always proved them wrong through her actions. They always ended up loyal to her eventually… “She’s not lying. Do you reallythink I would marry somebody if she was a typical Atlassian?” Qrow’s tone was quiet but it carried weight. “I guess not…” Opal seemed reluctant to admit it. Winter had never believed Gelé’s lies. Somehow, she always knew that he had been lying even before she’d met Weiss. But seeing him hide an entire person from hre had only strengthened her understanding of him. He was the worst of the worst and deserved to burn. He was not a person. Even Grimmcould be more caring than him. “I really am trying to learn. I don’t mean you or your partner any ill will. I may say some ignorant things but that’s where it comes from: ignorance, not malice.” She was reallytrying here. She didn’t know what else to do. She’d dropped a lot of time into reading that book and trying to learn. One book couldn’t cover everything, but it at least gave her an introduction… “I don’t hate Faunus like Mister Gelé does. Once I take over the SDC, I’ll do my best to return the company to what it was under Nicholas Schnee. I’ll need help, of course. Faunus deserve to speak for themselves. I’ll have representatives from the community to assist me in all endeavors.” It probably sounded like empty platitudes, but it was true. She didn’t want to see Faunus suffer at the hands of the SDC any longer. Maybe she’d ask Kali and Sienna for help depending on how she interacted with them. She would need representatives from Mantle to help as well… All she heard was a faint noise from Opal and looked at Qrow. He had more insight into her, though she wasn’t sure what their affiliation was… Qrow shrugged. “Some people won’t budge no matter what you tell them.” She understood that… SHe refused to bend or break in general. She was honest in all she said, but Opal wouldn’t believe her. SHe had been quite hard pressed to believe what Dove told her about Qrow until she’d seen it for herself. Maybe her words and actions toward Raye would help prove her truth to Opal. They all fell silent until they pulled into an apartment building. It was a fairly standard building like she’d stayed in much of her time after boot. They got out headed up to the doors. A ramp…? That was unusual. There were barely any of those in Atlas in her experience. What was it for? They passed through the building until they came outside to a large garden. Flowers bloomed but she saw a lotof vegetables and such. How peculiar. She saw plants growing in Atlassian courtyards and had seen the wild growth on Patch. But she’d never seen intentional cultivated food like this before. She did stop to look a bit and Qrow chuckled. “I’d like to grow some of our own food when we get the house. Think you’d be down to get a little dirty, snowy?” Winter nodded. “Fascinating. I never knew this was possible.” She smiled though it faded once she caught sight of a deer Faunus sitting in a wheelchair. Oh. That’sprobably what the ramp was for. How else would wheelchair-bound people be able to get to an elevated building? She frowned. Why didn’t Atlas have more ramps like that? There had to be people like this living there… How would they be able to function without them? Opal stopped speaking to the Faunus and their deer ears twitched when they saw Winter. “A Schnee? Qrow, you didn’t mention thatdetail…” “Sorry to pull the wool over your eyes, Raye. But I know you would’ve said no if you knew.” Qrow sighed and rubbed the back of his neck. Winter pulled her collar a little. She was getting uncomfortably warm even what little she was standing outside. “Let’s head inside, yeah? Winter’s in Atlassian clothes and has no heat tolerance.” Raye sighed. “I suppose so. It’s a beautiful day out though…” They looked at Winter, ears still twitching slightly. But they started to roll themselves to the door. Soon enough, they were seated in a second-story apartment in the kitchen then Opal pulled out a pitcher and some glasses. “Want some tea?” “Is that cold brew?” She now realised they’d forgotten to take the pitcher out of the fridge that morning. Oops. It’d be extra strong then. Opal shrugged. “It’s iced tea.” “I suppose I’ll take some. Thank you.” It would help cool her down after being outside like that. After they all had some tea, she looked down at her glass awkwardly. She wasn’t sure what to say here. She wanted to talk, but she really wasn’t good with people. How was she supposed to start a conversation? “Your Valian is really good.” Raye’s comment was kind of quiet. They were at least somewhat awkward like Winter felt too. That was something they could agree on at least. The comment probably should’ve been an insult, but most Atlassians didn’t speak much Valian at all. She was lucky to have been brought up bilingual from a young age. “I suppose if there was onething Mister Gelé did right, it was to bring me up bilingual. I am still running into some…difficulties with the language sometimes. For the most part, though, I’m getting along fairly well.” Sometimes the only way to get better was simply by jumping into the frying pan. She would never have heard some of these colloquialisms (like ‘maw’) unless she came to Vale. She was technically trilingual now, but they didn’t need to know about the Branwen language debacle. Plus, it wasn’t like they could tell them about it anyway… They wouldn’t know about Celaecyal. Raye’s ears twitched again. “Wait… Did you call him Mister Gelé? I thought that was reserved for Faunus communities that hated him.” Winter…had not expected that question. She honestly didn’t know it was mostly for Faunus communities… It wasn’t like she spent a lot of time around them. “His own daughter..?” Winter took a sip of tea, sighing internally. She hated having to recount her abuses so frequently. She put her glass back on the table. “He is my sire, not my father. I may share genes with him, but that doesn't mean he’s family. He married in an usurped power from the rightful family. I’m pretty sure the company wouldn’t be as much of a mess if Willow had taken over.” She didn’t know her mother, so she couldn’t be sure. But Nicholas had raised her and she hadbeen outside of Atlas in her formative years. She felt like it was a reasonable assumption Willow would have kept the company on the same general trajectory as her father. Raye nodded, looking down at their tea. “I always thought it was strange the heiress to the SDC left to enter the military at fifteen. If you don’t mind my asking…why?” She…really didn’t want to answer that one. Qrow knew why, but these were complete strangers. They didn’t need to know her reasons. “Mister Gelé pushed things too far and I couldn’t stand to live under his roof any longer.” A vague answer but she hoped it would satisfy. She really didn’t want to talk about her abuses or anything like that. It was her mental space and nobody needed to know about it until she felt comfortable talking about it. She could tell Raye wasn’t satisfied, but they didn’t push any father. “How did you and Qrow meet?” “At a party. He was a guest of honor at an event…” She looked at him. “How long ago was it?” It felt like it had been another lifetime ago… He looked at his scroll. “Maybe about a month since then? I don’t remember the exact date.” He shrugged. Winter couldn’t remember either. But it felt like it’d been yearsat this point for how much had happened since then… “Damn Atlassian parties…” Opal muttered. Winter nodded. “They’re droll at absolute best. I only attend them because I have to. Or had to, I guess.” She was off the hook for them until she had to take over the SDC. It would be a verywelcome reprieve from the constant bombardment of events she had to go to. She hadn’t attended any while in boot, but after she’d become the general’s aide, she’d been forced back to them. She absolutely abhorred him. “I kind of miss them, though… The political maneuvering was annoying, but the dancing had been fun. Watching Qrow and Summer bust out a bolero was amazing.” Raye chuckled. “Seeing those stuffy suits get offended over a dancewas always something.” “I can only imagine what that must have been like.” Winter glanced at Qrow and he started beating his chest. He was a beautiful dancer and she had no doubt Summer had been top notch too. She had built an AI of herself and dozens of programs for it from scratch. What must if have been like to see him go full out with somebody he truly loved? She had seen one video of it, but what must it have been like to see them live to spite an entire nation? “It was pretty great. Too bad I can’t dance like that anymore…” Raye sighed, their gaze a bit distant. But they did look back at Winter. “Anyway, you wanted to discuss what being nonbinary is like, right?” Winter stiffened at the sudden change in topic but nodded slowly. “If you wouldn’t mind…” She didn’t want to push things too far. “Though I can see you’re a person like any other.” Raye still had emotions and that was all she needed to really understand. Being inside or outside of the gender binary didn’t take away from the elements that made a person. Raye still had thoughts, dreams, wants, likes, dislikes, and all of that. Honestly, that was all she needed personally. “Actually, if you don’twant to, I have seen everything I need…” Raye’s eyebrows shot up. “Really?” Winter nodded, finishing up her iced tea. “You’re still a person. I was confused, but that’s about all I need to see. Though would you have any suggestions on how to interact with transgender people?” Nonbinary still technically fell under transgender as the book had told her, but not all nonbinary people necessarily identified with that. “She’s a transwoman to my knowledge.” “Honestly, you’re already following a lot of the best advice I have. Respect the person. Use the correct pronouns. If you do slip up, correct yourself and try not to do it again. There’s a difference between slipping up and purposely misgendering somebody. Most trans and nonbinary folks will be pretty forgiving of accidental slip ups. Would you like some more tea?” “If I’m not imposing.” Honestly, this was pretty nice. She could understand why cold brew and iced tea weren’t popular in Atlas, but here in the Valian heat, it was pretty nice. Raye leaned over and filled her glass up again. “Other than that, when you’re dealing with a more binary trans person, the two main things are to not deadname them and ask about surgeries. Not every person—binary or non—is dysphoric. Do you know what all of that means?” Winter nodded. “Qrow got me the Beacon books for Atlassian students. I don’t think it covers everything possible, but it covered enough I understand I exactly what you’re saying.” She’d had to ask the AI for help on some words, but she’d mostly gotten through it by herself. She knew May’s deadname, but she knew using a person’s deadname was an incredibly rude thing to do. Even if it wasn’t the person’s legal name, it was best to treat it like such. The book didn’t really go over etiquette or how to interact with trans and nonbinary people… This conversation was a good intro to it. “There you go. Above all else, remember the person. Human or Faunus, we all feel the same.” Raye smiled and Winter nodded. “And, Winter, it’s okay to feel a little awkward and uncomfortable around us, considering your background.” Winter nodded again. “Warrant Officer Bree’s associates are also from Atlas. I hope they’ll understand.” She would definitely be awkward around them for a while. She’d never met a transwoman before (at least to her knowledge), but she wouldn’t forget May as a person. If she could treat aura breeds as equals, she could treat May as her equal too. If she couldn’t treat a person better than an animal, then something was seriously wrong with her. She did look at Opal and caught the woman’s eye. Opal glanced away. Winter had definitely proven her earlier behavior wrong. She wasn’t trying to hate or upset anybody. She still saw people when she looked at Raye. And she would see a person when she saw May, though she would probably be a bit awkward about it. She finished her second glass then looked at Qrow. “Shall we head to where you planned to spend the day?” The conversation seemed to be winding down. They might as well head out. Qrow nodded. “Yeah, might as well. Thanks for this, Raye, Opal.” “Winter’s welcome back if she ever wants to talk again.” Raye smiled and Winter looked at them. Apparently, she’d completely changed Raye’s thoughts on her. “Thank you.” Honestly, she still didn’t entirely understand trans or nonbinary. She didn’t understand how somebody’s identity could be so misaligned with their body, but she would respect it. That was the least she could do for everybody…