Chapter 9 (3)
July 14, 2024 at 12:05 PM
Time passed.
Accompanied by the noise of the still ongoing thunderstorm, Jinshi tirelessly continued to rock Maomao in his arms, holding her close to his body. He did his very best in order to comfort the poor apothecary, but her tears were still flowing as inexorably as the pouring rain outside the window.
The young lord felt a slight frustration well up inside him, but he didn't give up. His deep feelings for Maomao and his promise to be there for her didn't allow him to even think about surrendering. If necessary, he was ready to sit with her like that until sunrise.
"Ngh..."
After another, almost ear-splitting bout of thunder, the apothecary let out a new feeble whimper and some pained moans.
Jinshi pressed a kiss to her forehead and then placed his cheek there, closing his eyes.
"Shhh, my Xiaomao... don't be scared..."
The moans ceased after a while, and instead, he heard a sniffle, which reminded him of the fact that Maomao's nose was probably still stuffed at the moment. Opening his eyes again, he noticed, that her nose was indeed a bit runny.
Thus, Jinshi briefly stopped with his rocking and carefully wiped it clean. With his sleeve, because he currently didn't carry any handkerchief with him. That wasn't the most elegant solution by any means, but the young noble didn't care about that in the slightest. He would do anything to give her even a bit of relief.
Once he was done, he resumed his soothing attempts.
Maomao, in the meantime, kept clinging to his clothes, with all the strength she had left. Jinshi hoped that it gave her at least a small sense of safety.
He wanted her to feel as safe with him as he felt with her. And he did everything in his power to achieve that.
But while sitting with her like that on the bed and casting worried gazes at her tearful face, he ended up realizing that he barely knew a thing about her in the first place. Neither about how she had grown up and what kind of life she had led in the pleasure district... nor about what she had been through...
Exactly. Jinshi didn't have the tiniest clue about all these things, but judging by everything he had seen and heard until now, that life of hers had probably been anything but easy.
The young lord didn't even want to imagine what would have happened, if he hadn't bought her out of that house of pleasure. An icy shudder ran down his spine as he remembered just how narrowly that whimpering and trembling little thing in his arms had escaped the fate of having to work as a courtesan.
"I'd let that happen over my dead body..." he muttered in a choked voice and gave her another kiss.
And while he was still warming and soothing her the best he could, he recalled that it actually wasn't the first time of him wondering about her past.
The very first time had been after having heard words from her that had shaken him to the core. Words he would never forget:
***
"If you have to execute me one day, please do so with poison."
No matter how he tried and despite his exhaustion after work, Jinshi just couldn't manage to fall asleep the night after having heard these words.
Having been tossing and turning in bed for hours, he finally let out a snort and gave up, turning onto his back and placing his head on top of his crossed arms on the pillow. Then he stared grumpily at the ceiling in silence for a while.
How, for goodness' sake, could she come up with something like that out of the blue? And also pronounce it in such a composed tone...
Sometimes, that apothecary's thought processes were a complete mystery to him... Ha! Sometimes? More likely most of the time! Never in his life had he met another person, who was that hard to comprehend! Yes, he did adore the fact that she was different from the other palace ladies and actually from any other woman he had ever seen, but from time to time he considered her a real book of seven seals.
Jinshi sighed and turned his gaze slightly to the side. His features softened, and his eyebrows curved downwards. Sadness placed itself onto his eyes like a shadow, darkening his violet irises.
He felt a light pain in his chest, which made it a bit difficult for him to breathe.
Did she really believe that she was that insignificant in his eyes? Just another one of the Imperial Palace's countless servants? That he would throw her life away, just like that, without even trying to stand up for her? To fight for her?
Didn't she trust him even one bit? Did she really think of him in such a way?
The young lord's eyes widened upon realizing that all these questions could most likely be answered with a "yes".
Because, to be honest, he had barely done anything to convince her of the contrary. Perhaps except for that hair stick he had given to her at the garden party. But as far as he had seen, she didn't even understand its precise meaning, anyway...
Jinshi puffed up his cheeks in annoyance. So what! No matter if she knew it or not, he wanted her to count on him and to go to him when she needed help. To HIM! And not to some military officer whom she had just met recently... Whom she had just met recently? Wait... wasn't it somehow the same for Jinshi and her?
Who was he actually for her? Merely the overseer of the Inner Palace who gave her orders to find out things for him from time to time? Nothing more?
Yes, as it looked like, that really was it... she didn't know anything about him. But of course not, why would she?
And that was the moment he realized that he barely knew anything about her life, either.
With a lump in his throat, he remembered the moment when she had told him why she was painting freckles on her face, and flinched, clenching his hands firmly into fists.
It was, indeed, dangerous to live in a pleasure district as such a petite young woman.
And suddenly, everything became so obvious to him that he let out a stifled gasp.
But of course! Maomao's DID care about her life, which is why she took every possible measure in order to keep it, but since she had grown up in such a dangerous place, she was also perfectly aware that she could lose it anytime and despite everything. And thus, saw that fact as something completely natural.
As it seemed, no one had ever fought for her life before, so it hadn't even occurred to her that someone would want to!
She could never be sure whether she would live to see the next day, so she was trying to be prepared. Just in case. Well, to be honest, no one could ever be sure of that, no matter if that person was a noble or not, for life was a surprisingly fragile and fleeting thing that could be erased by a malicious third party, just like that. Or by an accident, an illness... anything could happen. Just one instant, and you could cease to exist.
But for her, the risk was even higher than for the others... if only because of her being a poison tester.
That was why she was aware of her limits and carrying things like emetics with her.
And she was certainly right... if there should ever be an order for her to be executed, whatever the reason, she wouldn't be able to do anything about it. And she knew that perfectly.
But what about him? Would he be able to do something?
It wasn't about whether he would do it, but whether he could, huh? That was what she had said to him.
And yes, indeed: he would never do anything like that to her on his own accord, of course. But what if the Emperor were to give him such an order?
Would Jinshi really do anything and even directly go against the ruler of the nation himself in order to save Maomao?
The young lord took a deep breath.
The answer was yes. He would.
Would he also risk his own life for her sake?
Another yes.
And he wanted her to know that. To understand that he wasn't like the other nobles.
But somehow... he hadn't been able to tell her even a word of that while she had been standing there and absent-mindedly looking at that flower vase.
What a coward he was…
***
With a deep sigh, Jinshi returned to the present and cast an almost desperate look at the suffering Maomao.
"Alright, then I'm going to say it now..." He moved his face down until the tips of their noses were almost touching. "I would not allow you to be executed by anyone. Neither with poison nor with anything else. Never! I would do anything to save you, no matter what! You are really very important to me! A lot more than you think!"
Next, he raised his head again and looked outside at the stormy, dark night. His stomach constricted from worry, and there was a wet shine in his violet eyes, as if he, too, was about to start crying.
Despite all his reflections, he just couldn't stop thinking about these words of hers... What in the world had that poor thing gone through in order to have such disturbing thoughts? Such disturbing, explicit thoughts about her own death?
The young noble returned his sad gaze to the apothecary. Well, he was more than sure that Maomao wouldn't want to talk about it. But whatever it was, he still wanted to know.
Everything. He wanted to know everything about her.
Maybe one day, she would trust him enough to tell him. Some time in the future.
Jinshi's thoughts got abruptly interrupted when Maomao suddenly let out an especially long groan and started to kick her legs in her sleep, making it a bit difficult for him to continue holding her.
"Maomao! What's the matter?!"
Jinshi got scared, however forced himself to stay calm, hugging the apothecary as tightly as he could.
"Shhh... don't cry... everything is alright... I'm here..."
This time, his voice was trembling a bit. Just how many times had he already repeated these words, and they still seemed to have almost no effect on her... But what else could he do for her? What?!
At that moment, he felt her left hand let go of his clothes. It stretched, as if wanting to grab onto something.
Without even a second of hesitation, Jinshi set Maomao down on his lap once again and took that hand, almost as if it were a reflex, squeezing it gently, but also firmly. Then he brought it to his lips and started to kiss it. Every single finger.
Maomao flinched ever so slightly as one of his kisses landed on her little finger, and immediately stopped her kicking.
Jinshi blinked a few times in surprise and then pressed another kiss to her pinky. What happened next, made him breathe a huge sigh of relief.
Maomao's whimpers became quieter and eventually ceased. Even though she was still clutching his sleeve with her other hand.
Jinshi assumed that her left little finger had to be something like a sensitive spot, for none of his other kisses had been that effective. With renewed confidence, he thus started to repeat the process again and again, circling his free arm around the apothecary's waist, in order to hold her on his lap.
Finally, she had calmed down to such a point that her right hand let go of him as well, now hanging limply at her side.
"Uuh..."
Jinshi placed a last kiss on her pinky and looked into Maomao's face again, as soon as he heard her emit that sound.
Her eyes were now slightly opened and looking into his direction. But whether she was really seeing him or not was hard to tell, since, judging by her gaze, she was currently somewhere in a state between sleeping and waking.
The young lord widened his eyes, however swallowed all his anxiety and newly-returned concern in order to show her the gentlest of smiles.
"Maomao? Are you awake? Are you alright?" he asked her softly, still holding her hand.
But she merely blinked, not reacting to his words. Then she coughed a few times and finally yawned.
Though she had stopped crying at long last, her cheeks were still wet from all the tears she had shed.
Jinshi stayed silent for a few moments, but then seemed to have taken a decision.
He let go of Maomao's hand and grabbed the apothecary under her arms, picking her up and pressing her to his body, so that her head was resting on his shoulder. Happiness and relief came over him when he realized that her forehead wasn't that hot anymore and her body shivering less than before.
Maomao didn't pronounce a word. Instead, she gave another big yawn.
That sight was so adorable that Jinshi couldn't help smiling.
"You're completely exhausted, aren't you?" he whispered to her. "Of course you are, after such a horrible dream. It's alright, it's over now... sleep. Sleep, my little one."
This time, the apothecary seemed to have heard him after all, for she closed her eyes again on the spot. Or perhaps, she was just defeated by her fatigue.
Jinshi lay back down to bed with her, on their sides, in the exact same position they had been lying there before as well. Then he carefully wiped the still remaining tears from her face and gave her another kiss on the hand and also on her forehead.
"You really are the only one for me... I love you so much, Maomao..." he mumbled, covering them both with the blankets.
While he was contemplating Maomao, who was peacefully sleeping against his chest once more, his own exhaustion slowly, but surely caught up with him as well, making him close his eyes.
And thus, the two of them fell into a deep sleep once again.
In the meantime, the thunderstorm outside had stopped, and the clouds had gone. Moonlight was now shining down on the city's wet roofs and streets.
***
When morning had already arrived, and the sunlight was entering through the window, Maomao began to stir. The very first thing she felt upon waking up, was a throbbing headache that made her frown and also a slight drowsiness. But she had to admit that she was feeling considerably better than the day before.
Since her eyelids were still a bit heavy from all the sleeping, she decided to keep her eyes closed for now.
"Looks like my fever has finally gone down," she thought and sniffled quietly. "But my nose is still stuffed. Fine, then I'm going to prepare an inhalation later."
To be honest, the apothecary currently felt a bit lost without her fine sense of smell.
And thus, she only realized that she wasn't alone in her bed when she perceived regular movements and a rhythmic sound and felt that she was pressed against something pleasantly warm. Something really warm. To tell the truth, she had never sensed such warmth during her awakening before.
Oh, wait, no, she had. That time when she...
Maomao immediately opened her eyes and noticed that she was lying in the arms of a sound asleep Jinshi. Again. So that was why her bed had felt so cramped that morning.
The apothecary's eyes widened in confusion.
"Huh? What's he doing here? I did ask to not let him too close to me, didn't I?... If he gets sick again, then this story's never going to end! Can’t he just leave me in peace, at least now?"
She grimaced in annoyance and freed her left hand that he was holding in his own, in order to slightly pull his cheek and glare at him as if he was a fat caterpillar. Too bad he wasn't able to enjoy that glare at the moment.
"Did he have another nightmare? Jeez..."
She perceived a subtle desire to end his life then and there, but unfortunately, she was currently still too weak for that. Hence, she let go of him and relaxed her features.
"Urgh... but I did... Haven't had this dream for quite some time... must be the fever..."
Maomao shuddered violently as she remembered her terrible nightmare, pressed her face back against Jinshi's chest, and cuddled up to him a bit closer before she even realized what she was doing.
"He's so warm..." That thought crossed her mind while she closed her eyes again, listening to his heartbeat. "I reckon we could stay like this a bit longer..."
She had no clue why, but she somehow felt strangely... safe in his arms. His warmth reminded her of the one she had felt in her dream, just before the latter had ended. A warmth that had emerged at her little finger and then spread through her entire body, enveloping her like a protective cocoon.
What had happened before of after that, she didn't remember, though. Probably, a deep, dreamless sleep. She reached for his hand again...
But then suddenly opened her eyes wide once more when realization sank in.
"The hell am I actually doing?! Do I still have a fever, after all?!" She almost started to panic in her thoughts.
Maomao instantly tried to struggle free from his embrace. But his arm was still firmly wrapped around her.
But then she felt that grip slacken all of a sudden and his hand start to stroke her back, slowly and soothingly.
"Don't be afraid, Xiaomao... I'm here..."
Maomao froze. She was so baffled from the words he had muttered just now, that she even forgot her anger at him.
And while she was lying there and thinking what she should do now, she heard a yawn and looked up. Jinshi had opened his eyes.
So her squirming had woken him up, after all.
For a moment, they exchanged gazes.
"Oh, are you awake this time, apothecary?" he inquired sleepily and gave her a little smile. "Did you sleep well? How are you fee-aaah!"
Well, as it seemed, Jinshi had completely forgotten in his sleepy state that he wasn't lying in his own bed and wanted to turn onto his back...
...which made him lose his balance and fall to the floor. Together with Maomao, who was still in his arms.
What a great way to start a new day!