Stay with me!

“Stay with me! Open your eyes!” What people saw that day was the young man, who had just now been performing the ritual, walking with calm, but still firm and determined steps and a serious expression on his face through the imperial court, carrying a petite, unconscious young woman in his arms. But that was just an act. Inside, Jinshi was screaming so desperately, he would have already gotten hoarse if those silent screams had escaped him for real. But since he didn’t produce a single sound, nobody even suspected how hard he was trying not to show his overwhelming panic. “Wake up! Wake up! PLEASE WAKE UP!” A panic that was slowly driving him insane, robbing him of his ability to think straight. The thoughts were racing through his mind like wild horses, impossible to tame. A wave of adrenaline was rushing through his entire body while he automatically took one step after the other, feeling the looks of all these people on him, while his own gaze was directed forward, not paying them the tiniest bit of attention. His seemingly tranquil eyes wandered to the girl lying limply in his arms, completely oblivious to everything happening around her, and a sharp pain shot through his heart, his hands shaken by the tiniest of shivers. She wasn't moving, just like a lifeless doll, with blood flowing from her nose and reaching her chin, and more blood running down her injured leg, staining his and her own clothes and dripping to the ground. Big, crimson drops, abandoning her like life itself. The only signs that this life hadn't abandoned her yet, was the warmth of her body and her faint breathing against his chest, but it did nothing to soothe his heart that was pounding wildly against his ribs. Seeing her in that state was pure agony, the worst of tortures. Jinshi had never felt so helpless in his entire life. So desperate, so afraid. The pangs of fear were almost destroying him from the inside, cutting him into shreds like sharp blades. But still, not a trace of it showed itself on his beautiful face. Only the cold sweat running down his forehead was belying his apparent calmness. Yes, even now… Even now, when somebody's life was on the line, was he forced to control, to hold back his feelings, to play the composed, dignified member of the imperial family… just as it had been drilled into him since his earliest childhood… Just because that somebody was “a mere maid”... Suddenly, his heart stopped for a split second, and he nearly froze in place, his eyes widening slightly. Was it just his imagination, or had her breathing really become weaker just now? No! That couldn't be! Or could it? Jinshi gritted his teeth and shook his head, coming to his senses. What was he doing? Why should he concern himself with what others thought of him right now? To hell with that nonsense! There was no time for that! The only thing that mattered was to get Maomao to the doctor as fast as possible! He had no clue how severe the damage was that had been inflicted on her head, hence every second was precious!  “Hang on, Maomao! We’re almost there!” With these last thoughts, his mask of false composure finally slipped from his face, and he started running as though the devil was chasing him, as though his legs had awakened from a spell. There was the medical office! Finally!, was his thought as he held Maomao closer to his body, as if shielding her, trying to desperately trap the life still left inside her. Jinshi could see Gaoshun already standing by the entrance, probably having rushed there to wait for him. Somebody must have informed him of the incident. *** “Please be alright… What… What should I do without you? Please stay with me, I beg you!” Having brought the injured Maomao to the medical office of the outer court, Jinshi was now sitting all alone on a bench outside of it. Waiting… hoping… begging in his mind, anxiously staring at the door of the building where she was currently treated. The minutes felt like hours, not seeming to pass at all. He had wanted to be present during said treatment at first, but Gaoshun had managed to convince him to wait outside, apparently wanting to spare him the sight of her leg being stitched up after all the things his lord had already been through. His aide asked him to use the time to catch his breath and calm down, saying that she was in good hands now and that he would go and watch over her in his place instead. Ha! Easy for him to say! How should he calm down if he didn’t know what was happening to her right now?! Jinshi covered his face with his left hand, trying to take deep breaths. But it was in vain. His heart was still pounding restlessly, and both of his hands were shaking. Even now, the feeling of his little apothecary’s weight was still lingering on his arms. But he realized that he wouldn't have been of any help during her treatment, anyway. That he would have only gotten in the way. It was terrible to feel so useless. So utterly useless despite being one of the most important men in the nation… forced to just sit there and wait while a person he cared for was in danger… So difficult to bear… Gritting his teeth once more, Jinshi uncovered his slightly pale face again and looked down at his right hand. It still had traces of the blood coming from the wound on her leg and emitted a slightly metallic smell. Not to mention his clothes that had also caught a few of the drops while he had been carrying her. He averted his gaze, not wanting to see them. Wishing to erase their sight from his mind. Having her blood on him… …was awful beyond words… …so awful to see it and to know that he hadn’t been able to stop that bleeding, to do anything for Maomao besides bringing her here. He would have preferred for it to be his own blood. Yes, exactly! His legs were way longer than hers, so why couldn’t that damn thing hit one of his?! Why did it have to be her?! She had already gotten more than enough with that blow to her head! Speaking of that, he still needed to find out who had hit her and punish that bastard accordingly. At that moment, he didn't spare a single thought about the fact that he had nearly been killed that day, crushed by a beam. That he probably wouldn't be around anymore if the apothecary hadn't arrived just in time. No. That would come later. For now, his mind was occupied with nothing but Maomao.  With Maomao and the possibility of losing her. This time forever. With no way of getting her back. Now, his entire body began shaking. He wanted to stop these terrible thoughts, but they paved their way mercilessly through his consciousness. No, no, no! He shouldn't even imagine something like that! Everything was going to be alright. It had to! Right? Jinshi bent over. A quiet sob escaped his throat. The tears that had been gathering in his eyes since the second he sat down finally started to run down his cheeks and drip from his chin, one after the other. He didn't have the strength to hold them back anymore or even try to stop them, since he already knew that it would be in vain. And soon, the few tears had turned into a flood. It was as if a dam broke, as if all the tears he hadn't shed since his childhood had decided to come out at once. And together with them, all the feelings he had to suppress. Weeping like a little boy, he just sat there on that bench. Completely alone and praying for a happy ending with all his might. *** And after a while that felt like eternity, Jinshi finally couldn't take it anymore, with his fear and worry about to swallow him whole. Having grown sick of just sitting around, he got up and started walking to and fro, in an attempt to make time pass at least a little bit faster. Nervously twisting his fingers and staring at the ground, avoiding looking at the blood stains. The tears were still uncontrollably streaming down his face.  Another eternity passed until some sounds coming from the medical office reached his ears. He immediately lifted his gaze and saw that the door was opening and Gaoshun stepping out of the building. Jinshi didn't waste even a second. Without thinking twice nor even bothering to wipe his tears first, he ran up to his aide and grabbed the man by his collar, his hands shaking violently. “How is she?!” Gaoshun had never seen his lord lose his composure like that, not even as a child, and was a bit taken aback, but the desperation in Jinshi's eyes and voice made him swallow every comment. That was not the time for that. Instead, he placed his hands on the young noble’s shoulders. “Don’t worry, sir. She took quite a blow, but the doctor said she’s going to be fine. She just needs a lot of rest for now. He bandaged her up and stitched up her leg, too.” There was a certain relief in Gaoshun's voice, but that was no wonder at all, since he had become pretty fond of “Xiaomao” himself, unconsciously regarding her as some kind of “second daughter”, thus, he had been worried as well. Even though she caused him no fewer headaches than his lord. As soon as he heard that, Jinshi's legs became weak and even gave up under him, making him let go of Gaoshun's collar, but the aide was fast enough to catch him by grabbing him under the arms before he could fall to his knees.  The young noble wanted to cry again, but this time from unspeakable relief and happiness. It was as if these words had removed a gigantic rock that had been crushing his chest. “Are you alright, sir?” Jinshi, however, ignored Gaoshun's concerned question. “Is she… in pain?” he asked instead, his gaze clouded by worry again. “No, sir. The doctor gave her an analgesic. She’s sound asleep.” Hearing this, Jinshi sighed in relief and put on a serious expression. Seeing that he was standing steadily again, Gaoshun let go of him. “Bring her to my chambers and let her rest in my bed. I will let Suiren look after her. I won’t let her stay here, she will get the best treatment. The very best, understood?” Jinshi commanded in a firm tone that wouldn’t take a “no” for an answer. His voice had finally stopped trembling, and his body as well. Gaoshun wanted to open his mouth, but the determined look in his young master’s eyes stopped him from asking any questions. “Yes, sir!” He bowed and hurried back inside the medical office to carry out Jinshi's orders.