Extraversion Of Death

Illustration: https://vk.com/doc400368202_669415782?hash=ycGJLqjLoxBSZNw9iaf65ZRFH7xtZzcgsPz1LcQhhqT&dl=Z0JVTzQ4KLz51KeMiimm3PflxfZw3bIEnjLKUBwuDdL&wnd=1&module=public&mp4=1 *** Fabio Volo said: “If the bottom button of a shirt is buttoned incorrectly, then all the others will be buttoned incorrectly. There are many mistakes in life that are not mistakes in themselves, but the consequences of the first button that was wrongly buttoned.” Sometimes your very birth becomes a mistake, no matter how sad it sounds — you try to find a solution to the situation, but there is none. And then you face a choice: either continue to fight, or accept © Marianne *** Ryan was nowhere to be seen —he was, of course, originally going to come only to the after party, to which I did not have a ticket… Resentment became my lifelong condition, so I staggered next to the bar stools, devastated. When Louis’s band finished performing, they hid in the dressing room, and Jeffrey came on stage. He put on a wristband made by me, and the chains hanging around his neck shone dazzlingly thanks to the disco ball. The iridescent inserts on the bracelet were in perfect harmony with his outfit! Music began to play: of course, it was difficult to call it that — a hum and a rasp, a disaster for the ear. But the dance floor was so crowded that I remained standing behind. The rabble danced with abandon to the roaring nightmare, and I could only look from the singer to Theo, who was standing with headphones on and pressing buttons at the remote control. He was definitely on his own wavelength, not noticing anything around him, and he simply did not recognize me in such a new “role”. Eventually, Louis came out from behind the scenes, accompanied by his bandmates, and they sat down at one of the tables with a hookah. I had a reason to stay: I wanted to talk to the guy and congratulate the band — I don’t know how much they warmed up the people, but I only managed to get burned by Young’s deafening music. “You’re great” I carefully sat down next to Stefan and decided to start with a compliment — it’s always more likely to win him over, “I’m delighted.” Louis didn’t even look at me, even though he was sitting across from me and just ignored me, pretending to dig into his phone. Stefan answered me sluggishly, while Lina and Zoe, smiling, began to flirt with each other. I raised an eyebrow. Stefan was smoking a hookah and smoking all around, and the silhouettes of the girls were barely visible… It looks like they were groping each other and almost kissing. “I want to explain myself,” I was tired of being silent, and I even touched Louis’s hand, with which he was holding the phone, “maybe we can talk?” He stood up, putting the phone in his pocket, and I followed him behind the bar, where I had been standing before. “Listen,” he was clearly sulking, but it was too late to retreat, “you can avoid, get angry, insult, but I’ll tell you anyway,” Louis took a deep breath, of course, not intending to do any of the above, “and I would do the same with Andre, because he strained me with the wedding.” For the next five minutes, I was literally crucified, explaining why I didn’t even have time to warn him; it sounded like I was the one blaming him, even though there was a stupid misunderstanding. As in any conflict. “So, it’s my fault?” he asked mockingly. “Andre.” Do you want to find a victim? Involve a third party. At the very least, the government, or perhaps you are hoping for an unhappy fate. Louis snorted and looked me up and down. “That’s why I had to do everything myself. Do you know how I was afraid I wouldn’t make it?” “You look gorgeous, — it’s really a fact. And I’m not surprised, — now you just have to treat me to something.” If this is the price of his friendship, then I was quite ready — he called the bartender and ordered a Zombie cocktail, and somehow I was afraid to drink the same thing, so I asked for the menu. “I don’t want to get drunk,” I was absently looking at the list of drinks and didn’t understand anything about them. “Take the “Cyrus Royal”, it’s light and not too intoxicating,” Louis delicately probed the boundaries of what was allowed. “So, I thought we would call in advance, — after I trusted him and ordered on the recommendation, I continued the topic I had started, — and if I didn’t answer, then I couldn’t.” And sometimes I didn’t want to. “Forget it,” he waved his hand and waited for his order, “it’s in the past.” When people say that, it means that nothing is in the past. But Louis looked like he really didn’t care. So I believed it. The music was booming, and all the tables were occupied, so we stayed at the bar. Finally, our cocktails arrived — I tasted my own, it turned out to be berry and sweet. “Do you want to try it?” Louis shouted in my ear as he got closer and drank not from a tube floating listlessly in a glass, but from himself. “Nah,” I didn’t feel any intoxication, only my head hurt a little, “I would like to sort out my own.” With each sip of his cocktail, Louis became more relaxed: he found everything around him funny, and I did not share this fun. After finishing my cocktail, I even felt offended. “I just have a headache.” “No, that won’t do,” he began to behave much more cheekily and handed me the menu, “and it will help to get rid of the pain,” he squinted, poked at the line “Daiquiri”, “Aperol Syringe,” and laughed, realizing that he got into the wrong place. Ryan wasn’t there, and I was drowning in resentment, so the prospect of drowning in alcohol didn’t seem so scary.… Louis came closer to me and put his arm over my shoulder, over his leather jacket, telling me about the rehearsals. His whole speech sounded like one incoherent nonsense, and only alcohol would help to understand it. The aperol tasted both bitter and sweet, much stronger than the previous swill. A slice of orange stuck out nicely on the side of the highball, so I chewed it immediately, feeling a burning sensation in my throat. Yes… now my head is flying somewhere… Even the fact that Louis was smiling seemed funny to me, and his touch was pleasant… Not that I wanted them, but after drinking the second cocktail, I realized that I was pleased with the presence of at least someone. Meanwhile, I noticed how his own highball was almost empty. “No, when your family is polyamorous… It imposes certain obligations…” I sobered up abruptly, “Lina got out of hand altogether.” His tongue was slurred and he didn’t realize that he had just opened up. “Polyamorous?” I began to feel slightly dizzy, and I was confused in my own thoughts. “Well, yes, I have two mothers and a father,” the meaning of these words reached for a very long time, “and if there are more of them, it does not mean that children will have to be watched less than in other families!” he talked about the painful, but with a silly smile. “And they’re not jealous of each other?” — it did not fit into my head: I had never come across such families and had not even heard of them. “Yeah, they have a very cohesive one,” he pointed to the figure with his fingers and giggled, “a triangle.” “And the parental rights?” I couldn’t stop playing some kind of Sherlock. “Listen, what are the difficult questions? You’re not drunk at all,” he waved at the bartender “Daiquiri here” I no longer kept track of the balance of my wallet and I didn’t care about it — there was definitely enough money for fifteen more of these cocktails. Although, the account in my head was not going too well at that moment. “If we drink together,” he moved even closer, lowering his hand from his shoulder to his bare waist, “then we should get drunk together too.” I was actually cool. And this hand of his simply warmed… “You decided to get me drunk today,” I sipped the drink, this time its taste turned out to be sour, and smiled against my will, “and we are at a concert in general.” “I like it here much more,” sparks flashed in his eyes, and I was already limp from drinking alcohol and was afraid of the worst thing — severe dizziness and loss of coordination, — everyone says this every time: they say, I won’t drink anymore, but they get drunk to unconsciousness… “You and I are not like that,” both laughed, as everything began to spin ahead, “we are completely sober.” “Absolutely,” he was smiling dazzlingly and was incredibly happy under alcohol — and seemed damn cute at those moments. But… “What did you mean when you said that the sister got out of hand?” I didn’t notice the music in the club anymore: only Louie’s whisper in my face. Somehow, we were getting closer to each other, and I didn’t even realize it. “She and Zoe got hooked on some kind of stuff,” he would never have told it without intoxication, “and I don’t understand who sells them.” “So it happened quite recently?” I was surprised at my ability to correctly build sentences with a completely flying head. “Let’s not talk about that,” he continued to smile, but he was clearly in a lot of pain. It’s just that alcohol dulled it, “look, you’ve already finished it.” Everything was blurred before my eyes: I couldn’t see, but I knew that a piece of lime remained floating at the bottom of the glass along with ice cubes, which were rapidly melting. “Bartender, we need another “zombie, “” Louis waved, and that’s when I protested. “No, what are you doing? I’ve had enough,” the stupid smile wouldn’t leave my face, and I was actually very angry! “if I throw up, it’s your fault.” “Childhood is over,” he somehow carefully reminded me that I was still a teenager, “it’s not even vodka.” Forty minutes have passed since we dropped in here — Louis began to sober up a little and with every minute his speech became clearer and more coherent. On the contrary, after taking two small sips of “zombie”, I became like a zombie myself, and I already doubted that I would hardly get up from my chair. I felt incredibly hot in my leather jacket, so I resolutely took it off, which attracted the attention of even more guys around… I have never beaten out such a strike of attention. “Something is not cool at all,” the guy next to me looked around in frustration, “I want to do something. Let’s go show you a place.” Abruptly grabbing my hand, he deprived me of thoughts and helped my drunken carcass stand up, which by inertia grabbed a glass of an unfinished cocktail from the counter. He took my jacket carefully and dragged me forward along the tables, which were smoky and busy. I was actually almost falling — if it wasn’t for Louis, I would have fallen asleep on the move, probably… After a few turns, he led me to a mysterious trapdoor in the floor, leading, apparently, to the basement. Quickly opening it, he went down a few stairs — I managed to notice that everything was in smoke. He reached out to me, hung my jacket over his shoulder and took the glass, waiting for me to start going down. Oh no. It turned out to be quite a quest. It was only when I touched the first step that I realized that I would not do it. Everything was spinning in front of my eyes — because of the smoke, I couldn’t see what was ahead, and because of the alcohol, damn it, the number of steps increased indefinitely — so it seemed to me. Does he want me dead?! “I can’t,” I began to panic, “not for the world.” Louis understood and disappeared into the fog, returned a few seconds later without a jacket and a cocktail, rose to me and held out his hands… The next moment, I was off the ground and in his arms, and so, pressing my head against his chest, I was down. With each step as we descended, the hum of the club subsided, replaced by a suspicious silence. Because of the fog that engulfed everything, I could barely see beyond my hand, but I still groped for my jacket and a glass, and everything was spinning in my field of vision — swaying from side to side. It smelled of crushed fir needles. Louis and I sat down in a corner, and I almost spilled my cocktail several times—and, to be honest, I would like to pour it out, because I didn’t feel the need to drink any more. We were surrounded by those same lyceum students, Theo’s customers, and I barely saw a sofa five meters away from me, on which a guy and a girl were sitting and a huge hookah, which they periodically sucked. I looked stunning, but no one paid attention to it. Everyone was sitting with their eyes closed and had almost no contact with each other. Louis, sitting to my right, took a small bag with colorful pills inside out of his pocket, opened it and shook two things into the palm of his hand. I immediately put it in my mouth, putting the bag back, and it even offended me! No, of course I wouldn’t try, but it was still worth offering, because I treated him to swill! “what is it?” I couldn’t help but ask. “Ecstasy” He didn’t look at me, bent his legs under him and buried his head in his knees. “Why?” my friend ate forbidden wheels and talks about it so calmly! “I need it,” came the completely indifferent reply. After that, he sat crouched, motionless. I was left alone with my “zombie” — I could no longer sip it — the pleasant taste of syrup and citrus juices was replaced by the tartness of alcohol, and the cherry decorating the glass was annoying. On the couch, someone spoke in a half-whisper; and I, with my head spinning, could barely distinguish the voices. “You’re not staying?” — I recognize Ryan among a million others. And I definitely heard my own heartbeat at that moment, the noise in my ears, felt every drop of sweat on my body. “No, I have to go now,” Lottie, who had been half-lying almost asleep on the guy’s shoulder, as I managed to see in the fog, was now preparing to leave, “you know your father yourself.” He nodded, and Lottie quickly disappeared from the underground without even paying attention to me. Louis sat and ignored everything around him, buried in his lap. There was a space next to Ryan, and now I was torn in half. “Are you going to the afterparty?” I touched Louis, who had been processing the question for a long time, like a frozen computer. “Yes… I have a ticket,” damn, he became somehow too passive. “I would like to, too,” I said thoughtfully, even sighing theatrically and realizing that I was provoking: Ryan is completely alone, no Blondie, just me and him, this is my dream. “Really?” he was smiling bitterly somehow, “well…” he began to take a ticket out of his pocket, “here you go. Just…” of course, the condition is, “let’s hug.” Hope flashed in his faded eyes, and I immediately moved closer to him, gently wrapping my arms around his relaxed body. Louis clung to me with all his might and didn’t want to let go very much. My God, can a man really be so lonely that he changes his ticket for a hug… It seemed to me that the guy didn’t really know what he was doing. “And you yourself?” “What wasn’t I listening to…” He buried his face in his lap again and emotionally pulled away. Indeed, he could get bored with such music a hundred thousand times, considering that he performed covers. I got everything I wanted from Louis, but my conscience, not yet stained by many inglorious mistakes, still did not give me peace. Yes, Ryan was very close, girls periodically sat down to him and started flirting, and he reacted completely coldly and indifferently. Just like Louis looked at me. If I had known then that one of the consequences of using wheels is chronic fatigue, fruitless fantasy and extreme passivity, I could have understood the behavior. Especially after all the cocktails we’ve had. He mumbled at any questions or ignored them altogether. Somehow, the long-awaited concert turned out to be completely different from what I originally imagined it to be.… “Marianne,” Ryan suddenly turned to me, and the pounding of his heart stood across his throat, “will you sit down?” Of course, he knew by my voice a long time ago that I was here. This is such an opportunity when he pushed everyone away, but called me. And Louis… “Fuck it all,” he got up, took one last look at me, went upstairs and left me alone with misunderstanding, confusion and even anger — decided to teach me a lesson like that? For all the times I’ve ignored him? Did you think that I would follow him and choose him? There are no irreplaceable people like that, dear. Therefore, I boldly moved to Ryan. Knowing how I looked, I acted very decisively. And my appearance matched my behavior as well as possible before. The only reminder of Louis' presence was the phone left on the table. “Wow,” he even put the hose on the table and raised an eyebrow at me, “I’m shoked” Fireworks were literally going off inside me — I joyfully sat down next to him, crossing my legs, while holding a cocktail in my right hand. A compliment from him had much more weight and significance than from Louis. Now I’m a thousand percent sure that I look dazzling. “I didn’t see you upstairs.” He picked up the hose again and brought it to his mouth, blowing out clouds of smoke. “We came here right away,” the guy was as relaxed and seductive as possible, “you can’t really smoke anasha there.” I was upset right away; both Louis and Ryan were taking light drugs, so I started to feel like a stranger. Fear and disappointment kept me away from people who seemed dear. “And the music there,” he closed his eyes, listening to the silence and the occasional whisper, “I don’t really like it.” This, the only thing we had in common, now made me cry inside — I endured these beats, endured this hearing gap, and now I found out that he really didn’t come for the music itself… We talked about it for a while while I mechanically sipped my cocktail. “What are you drinking?” He was looking at my bright red drink with interest. “Try it,” I handed him a glass and Ryan pulled a cocktail from the tube, not at all squeamish, and took two cherries from the side. He took them out, put one in my mouth, and the other for himself… So we pulled them in different directions and laughed. Yes… you definitely need to have a snack. “Zombies, then” He started sucking on the hose again, and I could only nod. “I’m going to the afterparty, too,” I threw my arm over the back of the sofa and held my head, a little worried about where Louis was now and what he was doing from above. Ryan nodded contentedly and handed the hose to me. “Here you go.” At that moment, I gave up. I needed to get firmly into his circle—that’s the first thing. I was offended by Louis the second. And finally, we had an exchange, and somehow it became stupid to refuse. In general, I took a drag, feeling the sweet smell and taste, much softer than from cigarettes. I blew like it was my thousandth puff of cannabis. The cocktails still made me dizzy, so I didn’t feel anything incredible from the grass. When I coughed, Ryan, seeing this, stretched out his palm and put it on the cleavage area, on the exposed skin and pressed. I froze at his touch, even though my throat was still tickling from the inside. “Take it slowly,” he drawled each word very convincingly, “so that the smoke goes inside.” Exhale and inhale again. I did exactly as he said, and my head spun even more — not only from the drug, but also because the most desirable person in the world touched me. Tucking my legs under me, I no longer blew the hookah, but tried to finish this damn zombie… Ryan lay on my shoulder, tickling my collarbone with his hair. I was getting terribly hot, but I didn’t move, afraid to scare off my happiness. “They are so thin,” he ran his hand over his knees and stuck his finger through the holes in the tights, laughing, “it’s scary to imagine how difficult it will be to take them off.” Okay, stop. He’s not?.. Of course, I giggled as he ran a warm palm over my hips and skirt… He settled comfortably on his chest and was already examining my ears with a pin. I realized that he was stuck playing with her — pointing his finger back and forth. The soft clink of metal amused him — he was talking nonsense, and I only had enough strength to laugh and nod my head. I doubted very much that I would be able to get up! Up until this very moment, I hated it when my hair was touched — but as soon as Ryan wrapped one of the thin braids around my face around his finger, I immediately went limp… And it wasn’t because of the weed-smoking made my throat hurt, so I didn’t touch the hookah anymore. Lyceum students sometimes sat on the table where he was and talked with Ryan — about the concert, mostly. I didn’t understand most of their conversation, because at those moments the guy was clinging to me with all his might. I was taking Lottie’s place now, just like I wanted to. Yes… I got what I wanted. “Why did she leave?” after half an hour of our hanging out, I dared to ask about it. “Good girl,” he looked contemptuously into the distance and shifted his gaze to me, emphasizing how we differ, “obedient.” Ryan slowly and falteringly told her that her father strictly monitors discipline and forbids her to hang around after ten. She knows how to get drugs, but if she apologizes to her father, control will become tougher. Once she came home at one o’clock in the morning, and then she had to sit without grass for a whole month. That’s what I understand, problems! “But with Theo, everything is different,” he admired the ceiling and sat down on the sofa, which immediately made me feel cold, “we don’t depend on anyone anymore.” “How does he keep on his feet at all?” I was hinting that he was on stage right now from above at the DJ console. “He has energy for breakfast, energy for lunch, and for dinner…” he handed the hose to another guy, “euphoretics.” He sounded so excited, as if he was mentioning Jesus himself. It seemed to me for the first time that there was nothing wrong with drugs — they don’t inject, after all. Everyone blows a hookah and does not stick to each other, as they do under alcohol. Marijuana was a completely different level. Even Ryan was becoming a completely different person—sincere and open. He laid his head on my lap, and I began stroking his blond bangs — I’ve been dreaming about this since my birthday. At some point, Louis finally came back down, took his phone and saw the whole picture — how I “traded” him for another one. My face was twisted into such a grimace that I probably had never seen such intense hatred and I hardly ever experienced it myself. I went up the stairs and closed the hatch with a bang — everyone sitting in the basement jumped in surprise. Although, this is a big word; I looked around: some lyceum students had an absent, detached look, and some had concentration on one point and causeless, rare laughter. Rejoicing once again that Lottie had probably been sleeping at home for a long time, I suddenly remembered my own promise to my mother — the zombie seemed to be starting to let go, because the panic inside was gaining momentum. There’s a wedding tomorrow, and I shouldn’t be here at all! I took my phone out of my jacket pocket on the vending machine and saw two missed ones from mom and three from Andre… “What is it?” he must have seen me tearing off my burrs without noticing it anymore. This habit was constantly giving away my excitement! “Let’s go, it’s already starting!” Theo broke into the basement and woke up, literally, everyone! And now I was afraid to run into Louis.… Ryan immediately jumped up and grabbed my hand, interlacing his fingers. I threw on my jacket and hurried upstairs with the others. My friend with the snake tattoo on his neck was easy to spot at the bar, and there he was negotiating something with a skinhead. Meanwhile, all the sensations in my body were concentrated only on someone else’s hand, gently holding mine, and this despite the weakness in my limbs and the incessant dizziness. The idol had recently stroked my bare waist, and now he was leading me through endless corridors to the roof, so I managed to forget my problems; I had enough money left to take a taxi back home at any time of the day. The afterparty was a party where the only star was Theo, who skillfully operated his remote control. Hanging out on the roof turned out to be more pleasant than in a smoky basement — there are a lot of potted plants around, modern rattan furniture and garlands. Lots of garlands. And the music that I was already used to, and I even started to like it… because of alcohol and weed. Because of them, I didn’t feel the autumn night chill, even though I was wearing a leather jacket. Everything was blurred under them so much that I started to stagger. Running to the roof aired a little, but I still remained indifferent. The guy was still holding my hand and, glancing at Theo, who was adjusting the volume, hugged me and pressed his lips to my neck, which, by all the hookahs in the world, made me feel weightless. “Theo, give me something to smear on,” someone in the crowd shouted, and he nodded. Ryan chuckled contentedly when he saw Lambert’s gaze freeze on us. Music was heard — electro-pop, not a jerky and frenzied melody, but smooth, with rare sharp notes. The DJ closed his eyes and intuitively pressed the buttons, ignoring the crowd. Ryan snuggled up to me, but he didn’t kiss or paw me like Lottie did — he rarely gently stroked my shoulders or collarbones, studying the curves of my body. He put a black bomber jacket with white sleeves and silver buttons on top of the T-shirt, and now I tried to get up so that I could put my hands under the thick fabric and bask against the guy’s back. At one point, he buried his face in my neck, and tried not to lose sight of the DJ. It was only when he touched my skin with his lips, carefully checking my reaction, that I finally didn’t care about Theo: a new palette of feelings washed over me — and I couldn’t resist. His whole body went limp, his legs became wadded up, and the hot air felt from his soft suction was transmitted to all organs and spread inside there. Soon he pulled away and, noticing the upset face of his friend at the console, for some reason rejoiced. Then the music changed and we pulled away from each other. The floodlights flickered so fast that they threatened to cause epilepsy in everyone. There was less and less energy left — my strength gradually left me, my stomach was empty and hooting, I began to feel sick from hunger. And Ryan danced like it was the last party of his life. “Theo is calling us,” he took out his phone and read the notification, “he has a hash. Will you go?” “Nah,” I wouldn’t want to say no if it weren’t for the nausea that’s getting worse by the minute, “otherwise I’m going to fall right here.” Ryan disappeared into the crowd, but half a minute later he was at the DJ console while I slowly hobbled to a small bar. I urgently needed something to eat — a salad, or a mini pizza. Anything at all. But, as luck would have it, there’s only alcohol here. The consultant-Louis was not sitting next to me, I had to rely on my intuition and logic. And neither one, but the other did not work at all at that moment. “I want to forget about hunger,” I said to the bartender, and he poured me a whiskey from a bottle of “Jack Daniels”. With the first sip, I felt notes of sweet caramel, and after a soft smoke. I was no longer so acutely aware that Ryan was hanging around Theo and smoking, filming what was happening on his phone. Still, I could still feel the presence of his lips on my neck.… Then I remembered my phone and pulled it out of my backpack, deleted all call notifications, and then sent a request to Ryan’s private account again. I did everything mechanically, because I had performed this operation in my head thousands of times before. There was bitterness in my throat, and my stomach was already contracting, tormenting me more and more. It was only necessary to catch the smell of whiskey — and the aroma of nuts, spices and vanilla filled the nostrils. The phone vibrated again — and the five hated letters of my stepfather’s name were now so annoying that I wanted to smash the screen, just like Lottie in college, only I had to restrain myself. I looked at the glass filled with a clear amber drink and dropped the call. “If you don’t tell us where you are, we’ll find out about it anyway. In the police” — a message from my stepfather, every word in which made my palms sweat harder. Of course, he would not declare himself anywhere, but it is never superfluous to show his superiority. I was already thinking very poorly, and then there are these tantrums!.. “Well, and?” I decided to answer his call anyway and heard his angry tone. “I’m… still… there,” my body writhed from too much fan of feelings in one second of time. “You’re drunk,” Andre scolded me in disgust, “you idiot.” With these words, I drank half a glass at once and noticed how Theo handed the headphones to the guy and now he took over the control of this whole party. He stood behind Ryan and moved his wrist with his hand to where it would have sounded better. “Don’t even show up at home like that,” I didn’t really want to, “you’re not worth Vivien worrying about you, especially since you’re pregnant with our child,” he dropped the call while I stared at the devastated bottom. “Let’s have some more” I don’t know what I was thinking, but it was getting too painful. The drinks somehow dulled what I saw and heard, and I drifted away somewhere. At this very second, the faces of the guys in the distance were very close, and they were constantly laughing. I turned my gaze back to the menu and one cocktail caught my attention — there was more edible in the photo than in the others. I poked the bartender, already sluggishly figuring out what was coming out of my mouth. He looked at me strangely, a young drunk, but said nothing. “Your Hemingway Daiquiri,” wow, there really was a healthy slice of orange, a grapefruit peel, and it tasted nutritious —more than the previous ones. Sugar syrup, rum, and liqueur were gradually revealed on the tongue. Until I started to feel terribly sick. No one told me not to lower the temperature — and that’s exactly what happened. My legs were shaking, my hands were shaking, my head was about to shatter; I no longer noticed either Ryan or Theo, and quickly ran down to the first floor, to the toilets. Feeling like I was about to vomit, I think I sobered up instantly. Never. More. Not. Drink. Never. I ran through the corridors like a terrified animal during a hunt — only I drove myself into a trap. Why are they so identical? These VIP rooms are everywhere… I couldn’t find a toilet! All. I could feel it coming to my tongue. I can’t stand it. No. “What’s the matter with you?” Louis met on the way when I had already noticed the cherished sign, and, mumbling something, pushed him away. “You can’t,” I said automatically, but he came into the women’s bathroom with me, and held my hair while I was leaning over the sink. Stunningly. “Come on, it should get easier,” he did not look at me with disgust, but on the contrary, with regret, or something. He stroked my back, my hair. I felt like I was going to faint from impotence. After a few minutes, the nausea did not go away — but even two fingers did not help to pull out. Louis picked me up as he had done during the descent to the basement and carried me again, only this time in an unknown direction. “We need to lie down,” he confidently reached one of the VIP rooms, held the payment card over the keyhole, and the door opened. He immediately put me on a large, spacious leather sofa, and blocked the door. I rolled over on my side, fighting the urge to vomit, but the dream turned out to be stronger — I passed out instantly. The last thing I saw was Louis sitting next to me, without taking off his shoes, taking a bag of small bright pictures out of his pocket, tearing off one square and putting it in his mouth. And then there is darkness.