The Unwanted One

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45. Make Everything Right

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The gloomy, rainy morning matched the gloomy mood. And even her own chambers seemed to match it: she wanted to light the lamps covertly to dispel the bleakness and gloom of the seemingly dark walls with the glow of the magical lamps. Though, the lamps could overcome the gloom and illuminate the halls — but they could not illuminate a soul, the gloom of which was beyond their reach… Luna sighed. Her own words, the ones she’d thrown at her angry sister in the heat of the moment, stung from the inside. Tia had been wrong then, yes, but rejecting her at a time when her help and participation were needed the most?.. Alas, the Princess of the Night could not overcome her anger and, perhaps, fear, but she found the courage and determination to talk to her sister the next day — but Celestia was no longer in the castle: she had flown to Cloudsdale for some urgent inspection, without giving a notice to anybody. Why an inspection so far away from the palace had been so urgent was painfully obvious to Luna… However, until her sister returned, it was probably not the time to think about it, especially since Nightmare Moon arrived at the castle last evening. In fact, on her way to the landing stage of her wing of the palace, Princess had a hard time imagining what to expect from this meeting. She hoped to see acceptance in Nightmare’s eyes, she hoped for a chance to fix at least something, and if not pay off everything, then at least to make some amends… The depression over the rift with Tia, in turn, grimly murmured, that she would probably receive only barely covered evil sneers, taunts, and insults in an attempt to hurt as much as possible. Neither her hopes nor her fears were justified, however, and the meeting was surprisingly neutral. The black alicorn listened silently to the nervous greeting, nodded curtly, and asked dryly where she could sleep. Only the heavy, unblinking stare of her eyes, dimly glowing in the darkness of the night demonstrated the thoughts and emotions that she was keeping to herself, eloquently wishing to Luna, a fast and immediate order to get lost. Well, it was better than insults… That, in fact, was the end of their conversation for now: Dark Whisper, at the order of Princess, showed Nightmare her chambers and helped her get settled. She declined the invitation to a late supper, preferring, as expected, to eat alone in her room. But today… When she opened the door, the alicorn paused for a moment, glancing around the small dining room and the table full of food. The much-anticipated — and yet frightening — face-to-face meeting will be held today: it is necessary to agree on the lessons and their order and most importantly, what Luna timidly hoped for, to talk about their relationship and maybe come to a compromise, at least temporarily… After making sure, that the table was properly laid, Luna carefully settled down in her seat. There were still a few minutes left before the appointed hour, and the anticipation made her heart beat faster in anxiety and excitement, while her eyes scrutinized again and again for the slightest imperfection. The decoration and arrangement of furniture should emphasize the meeting of equals, although the status of Nightmare Moon is formally lower; the cutlery is selected and arranged correctly; the dishes… alas, here, due to unawareness, it had to be relied solely on her own taste and hope for the best; the servants… no servants — this is a private conversation. Midnight will meet the guest: the commander of her guards stands on the post next to the entrance… Luna suppressed the desire to get a fork — made of the solidest stainless steel! — with an intricate ornament, so that she could spin it around impatiently in front of her eyes, but instead tried to shift her thoughts to something else. Yeah, Midnight… Yesterday was a… Revelation to the thestrals? No, the rumors have been around for a long time, and the paper that caused quite a stir a little over a week ago didn’t go unnoticed, but still, seeing the second incarnation of their Great One in the flesh was clearly something on the verge of shock for many. It was Midnight who, in a brief conversation yesterday, shared her elation: now the bringers of the night will make peace with the common enemy and lead the Night Ponies to victory and a well-deserved place under the Moon! She did, however, express cautious concern, that not everyone shares this view, and there are many in the Princess guard who are not ready to accept Nightmare Moon as their mistress. And there’s a suspicion that there will even be those who are willing to do just that — but to the detriment of the service to Luna herself! It seems that the thestrals, who were not united to begin with, were now on the brink of infighting, as it had once happened to their people… “…Come in.” Midnight’s voice came from behind a silently opened door, forcing Princess to get back to reality, and the black alicorn, like a clot of darkness, stepped over the threshold, eyeing the corners as if looking for an ambush, incredulous. Now, in normal light, in a normal state and in no hurry, Luna was finally able to see her better, while vaguely recalling the image she had seen in the mirror centuries ago. Nightmare Moon… It almost seemed like it was her, no doubt, she was a spitting image, but something was off from what her memory told her. Her gaze, her movements, her facial expressions… There was something about her that was subtly different from the one that had once been reflected in the mirror. Perhaps the eyes, that have never looked at Luna… like this… before…? Princess shivered, turning her gaze away. “Greetings, Nightmare.” She said hello, pulling herself together. “Good morning. Take a seat, please! Did you sleep well?” The black alicorn, slowing, came closer silently, hovering over the table and the mare, sitting behind it, which was tense as a strung string. “Luna.” She said finally, disturbing the thickening silence, flying above them like a thundercloud. “Let’s get it clear: don’t try to get your way into my friend list and pretend, that I mean something for you! You invited me to the breakfast allegedly to discuss some topic — hence get rid of the useless idle talk. You can enjoy your voice next time! Without me!” Nightmare, looking at the perplexed Princess of the Night, stepped back a bit and plunked onto her place behind the table. Luna sighed quietly, looking firmly at her bowl. It may seem, that Nightmare said something bad and ugly! She just tried to meet the guest welcomingly and with respect… However, did the hostess deserve something more?.. Still, the idea of merely remaining silent was contrary to alicorn’s wishes. “I…” Nightmare lifted her eyes from the soup bowl, from which she was eating too fast, drawing with a salad spoon and bumping into Luna’s voice with an unblinking stare. “The w… work of ours towards understanding and trust, though shallow, is going to be needed indeed. And there is no evil in my polite word to you! Or even a word of kindness by me is disgustful for you?” “Trust?!..” The Mare in the Moon, it seemed, even got lost. Shook her head, glanced indefinably, chuckled, twitching an ear. “Trust… If so, maybe I should just turn away and get back to not lose your precious time?” She asked acidly. “Trust”…. Phew…” “I… Know how it sounds…” The Princess of the Night bowed her head penitently. “But I don’t ask for myself. Art thou really going to leave my povre sister because of me?..” “You know, scarecrow… Because of you — I will.” Luna shivered. A completely, utterly unexpected answer, thrown in an even, indifferent voice, made her heart go out of rhythm, and a chill run down her spine. “But… But…” Cadence told her, that she had said everything to Nightmare — and she agreed!.. But… Why?!… “What “but”, blue one?” Some pained chuckle can be felt in the interlocutor’s voice. “I do what I want to! I’m a heartless mad monster, which wasn’t good enough to not be left alone to die on the Moon, was I?..” Nightmare’s words ran into Luna like a ram, knocking the wind out of her. “No, I… I…” “You! You, Luna! I needed you there! Needed more than life! But you… You weren’t there.” Through her tear-stained eyes, the Princess of the Night saw Nightmare Moon, sucking air frantically through her teeth, rise sharply from the table. She did not find the words to stop her. Hiding from the world behind her wings, Luna, with a desperate effort to stifle a treacherous sob, awkwardly wiped away the tears with her wrist. The accusation plunged into her heart like a rusty, jagged, curved knife, and it only became more unbearable because it was fully just and deserved. Unredeemable. Unforgivable. Irresistible. “You were needed, but you weren’t there” And her voice, which was just about to be shouted, snapped into a cracked whisper… And nothing could be changed, nothing could be healed, nothing could be reversed, she cannot be the one she should have been to Nightmare. It… It hurts so much…

It was only when the tears and mascara dried on her cheeks and there was a ringing, dreary silence in her head, that Princess reluctantly moved, feeling her body numb with detached annoyance at the long immobility. Hunger was nagging, but the long-cooled food on the beautifully set table in front of her disgusted her with its mere presence. She didn’t want anything. She wanted to turn back time and put Nightmare in a coma, leaving herself alone with her loneliness — just to keep her happy. But… If only that was possible… “You know… I don’t know what I want from you even a bit.” Luna shivered and turned to the voice with a surprise, not awaiting to hear it by any chance. Nightmare stood by a window, drooping, her forehead against the glass. She did not leave?.. “Just don’t ask what I’m still doing here.” She answered at the unspoken astonishment with a hum after a moment, as if reading thoughts. “I don’t have any clue.” The black mare turned back to the table as she became alive once again, twisting her head and crunching her stiff neck. “When I agreed to all this, I hoped that I would feel nothing more, especially after our friendly meeting in the woods… But your mug with that eternal innocent expression on it within sight does wonders.” She snorted thoughtfully and somewhat tiredly, walking over to the table and studying its contents with a detached look. “Sorry. Sorry for everything.” Luna sighed. “Know We… I know, that it’s not me! It’s not me, who sceolde ask for this, but I don’t have the right to be speechless. I have made a dreadful evil, not even understanding what I’m doing — and I’m sincerely sorry for this. But it is not by words that one is judged, and I will do all I can to make my deeds a proof for you of my repentance.” The Princess of the Night closed her eyes for a few moments, sighing. How long she wanted to say something like that to Nightmare Moon — and she did not miss her boat. And though the one to whom these words were addressed did not even look up, pretending to be fully absorbed in her search for the desired food, her sluggish movements and her focused ear, barely perceptibly twitching in response to the words, said: she has listened. “Drat, Luna! It would have been so easy without you!.. “Going to make deeds, yeah…” She whipped her tail irritably at her side, and after a moment of hesitation, Nightmare responded, giving the blue alicorn a hard look. “I remember your one deed. There, on the Moon. Very tellingly it was. Got it in my memory. Damn it!” Not finding something eligible for a sandwich, the Mare in the Moon, sniffing annoyingly, put the piece of bread aside. “I’ll make amends!” Luna looked from under her brows, standing another blow. “I don’t need anything from you, blue one. Neither your life, nor your death, nor you yourself even for a bit! I wouldn’t have been here if…” Nightmare Moon looked away from the table, looking towards a window gloomily. Only wind, beating glass, was disrupting the silence.

“Okay, I can dream of death on another occasion.” Luna shivered, lifting her gaze at moving Nightmare in a hurry, on the face of which a sad nervous smirk has frozen. Dream — of death?!. “You invited me to discuss business. Shoot.” Princess shook her head, trying to get rid of the useless thoughts and putting ideas in order. Enough. It was not the time nor the place for it! Tried to think of the best start… “I see, that preparation for the meeting was enormous.” The black alicorn commented on the hiccup in a seemingly even tone, but in some subtly pejorative way. “What’s with Tia, for starters?” She sat onto her place behind the table as if not wanting to do it. “It’s hard to say. Sister… was very careful to avoid talking about it.” Luna sighed. “The only truth is that nightmares torment her mercilessly. From what I’ve heard, the essence is similar to what happened to you before…” “Isn’t it your job, m?” Princess stumbled mid-word, glancing worriedly at the openly smirking Mare in the Moon, who was sitting across from her with her forelegs folded unusually across her chest. “No.” She sighed, looking away. “Never again in my life will I stand up against my sister with a weapon, infringing on her health and belly from my pitiful and petty motives! And the same is true about you, Nightmare, since I don’t wish you evil! It’s enough what I’ve done to both of you…” “You speak well.” The interlocutor indefinitely chuckled, getting up from the table, which was still full of food that no one has touched. “And in such a lofty style… But I don’t want to trust you for some reason at all, I just can’t see the reason — why?..” She asked in a deliberately perplexed way. Luna, staring silently at the tabletop in front of her, rolled her cheeks as she took another well-deserved jab. “So… Don’t be a fool!” She seemed to think for only a moment, and then Nightmare Moon’s voice came over her ear, making her shiver, turn around and meet her eyes as a reflex. “If I know that you, mistake, dig under Tia…” The alicorn bared her teeth evilly. “Then I’ll cut your neck with these very fangs!” Slightly insane creepy stare of the Mare in the Moon’s dragon eyes at point-blank range finished the unvoiced continuation. “I… I u-understand your distrust, Nightmare.” Princess, shivering from this coming association, hastened to look away and, slowing, got up from her seat as well. “But… I’m honest: I love my sister and don’t want her to be harmed.” Nightmare, sniffing distrustfully, stepped back, but made her face easier nonetheless. “And the same goes to you.” Leaning forward swiftly, Luna hugged the clueless interlocutor, which forced her into a stupor for a few moments. “Thanks for worrying about her as well. And for not refusing to help. Thank you a lot.” “E-e! You!.. Get back!.. Get off me!..” She mumbled in a dazed voice, becoming instantly less ominous, as she jerked back reflexively and tried to shove the Princess of the Night away shyly. Luna smiled. Someday she’ll redeem herself — and then maybe she’ll never see Nightmare Moon in an ugly mask of evil again, getting to see her… like this. Alive. Someday… Princess hesitated, releasing the black alicorn, who immediately took a step back and stared at her with a complex mix of emotions on her face. Good thing if the Mare in the Moon hasn’t been offended by this embrace — it was time to get back to business, after all. They both still had much to discuss…

The Sun dropped swiftly over the horizon, replaced by the sluggishly crawling Moon, the dim lights of the stars lit up in the darkened sky… Luna sighed and stepped away from the balcony railing. She wanted to see the sunset, just like the old days! And not this dull cycle of day and night, which she got sick to death of… Another day has gone. Lessons, trainings, drugs… Nightmare Moon. Thinking, talking, making a plan for Luna’s and Nightmare’s classes, settling some formalities… It was a very long and surprisingly good day, which left an aftertaste of time not being wasted in vain and some forward movement. Admittedly, Luna has not been in such high spirits for a long time, even though it was rather difficult to communicate with her guest. And yet Nightmare’s presence gave her some confidence, that now she could make amends and atone for her terrible mistake, and even the unhappy Mare in the Moon’s caustic reminders of it were almost gratefully received by Princess. She is here, she has agreed to help, she can be met face to face — which meant that her hatred was not so strong and uncompromising, which meant that something could be done! But it’s a matter of the future. For now, they managed to discuss some domestic issues, establish the status of a guest at the Night Court, offer to attend classes and training together, agree to meet tomorrow to discuss in more detail how and what Luna would teach her. Admittedly, the upcoming conversation was very unnerving: although Nightmare already seemed to suspect from the words of trust what methods the former lord of dreams was going to resort to, but what, when it would be said outright? The possibility of a categorical refusal was frankly frightening — that’s why Princess did not dare to bring up the subject today, hoping to get used to each other at least a little, so as not to cause a completely uncompromising negative reaction. Well, it has borne fruit: Nightmare, after her outburst at this morning’s meeting, has clearly calmed down a bit and was at least somewhat reconciled to the need to work together — it gave Luna a timid hope that tomorrow’s conversation at least would not lead to an immediate breakup and departure of the Mare in the Moon. She did not notice how she returned to her bedroom and even prepared to go to sleep, but she woke up to reality only after she automatically turned off the overhead lights, plunging the room into a pleasant semi-darkness, dispersed only by a pair of bedside lamps. Well… Is there really any point in guessing now? Tomorrow everything will be clear — and it’s up to her, Luna, to find the right words. The alicorn settled on the huge round bed, sighed, and shut the lights, plunging the room into complete darkness. It was time to face her nightmares once more, to suffer their retribution as she deserved by her deeds…

***

“Greetings, Nightmare. Good morning!” “You wanted to talk.” She went to business right off the bat, responding to the welcoming only by a slight dissatisfied nod. “Yes.” Luna confirmed, furiously suppressing the feeling of a slight vexation at this reaction to her sincere greeting. “I wanted… To show you something. And also, to discuss the beginning of our training.” The Princess, gesturing for her guest to follow, unhurriedly clattered her shoes down the corridor. “By the way, what have you decided about the joint learning?” “No way.” The black mare, saying this, followed her, who, contrary to expectations, did not keep pace with Princess, but, on the contrary, lagged behind by more than half a bulk, either out of a desire to distance herself, or out of fear of letting her out of her sight. Luna closed her eyes for a moment, taking another wordless reproach. “But why?..” It seems that she still did not manage to hold a note of dissatisfaction. “The level of knowledge. The learning programs should be different.” Nightmare explained with a sigh, as if explaining it for the tenth time to a silly foal. “Magic and flights — could be worth a shot, but language, history, economics, law and etiquette are surely off the table. But if you send your teachers to me with a different program, to a different level of knowledge — I won’t refuse.” “I’ll be learning, but away from you!” The Princess of the Night interpreted her words’ meaning droopingly. Shook hear head, getting rid of the pitiful thought: she shouldn’t look for a false bottom! Nightmare said everything on business, after all! And, of course, there was no unwillingness to see each other… She sighed, feeling a gnawing feeling on the inside: for some reason there was absolutely no way to convince herself. “Of course, you’re right. I’ll make the arrangements, don’t worry.” Luna answered, taking a grip on herself, turned around and stopped pace to finally give her guest some time to catch up. It was uncomfortable, and also tactless to talk like that, and the gaze that was fixed on the back of her head made Luna feel uneasy. “When you were on the Moon and you didn’t answer for a long time, you used to say, “Don’t worry,” too. Well, the maker won’t tell you anything bad, would she? So, I didn’t bother. Till it was too late.” The words, spoken in a detached, phlegmatic tone, whipped at her heart like a whip with hooks, making Princess stiffen, hindering her breathing, whilst the world before her eyes began to blur. “Don’t just stand there — you’ll get cold.” Her hind left leg was slightly nudged. “You were going to show me something — come on.” “Y-yes, of c-course.” Luna said in a shaky voice, furtively wiping away the tears, continuing on her way uncertainly. Nightmare, not managing to catch up to her even now, hummed noticeably, starting to clip-clop with hooves behind. That was another reminder of what she was and what she meant to her… So mundane, so indifferent… “The Maker will not tell you anything bad”! How Nightmare trusted her!.. And how she was repaid for that trust… But enough regrets! Princess clenched her teeth and took a few deep, quick breaths. Nightmare was now with her again, here — and there was a chance. This time she will do it right!

“And what is it?” The dissatisfaction in the voice of the black alicorn, with a deliberately lean face, frozen in the aisle and looking at the considerable size of the completely empty hall, was almost palpable. “Sister, in her keen creative impulse, took this place as a dressing room…” Luna said with a slight doubt in her voice, amazed to herself again at the grand scale of the enormous room. Echo repeated her words with an agreed doubt. “Both floors of “Carousel” are about one and a half if not two times smaller than this one. Why that much space?..” Nightmare rubbed her forehead with a thoughtful perplexity. Echo agreed with her as well. “Tia wished that I would have nothing to worry about, that I would be happy, that I would have a home of my own that will have everything I need.” The Princess of the Night said, her voice lowered involuntarily, as if trying not to attract the attention of the sensitive echo, that reigned in the hall. “I have all of this… While you sleep in some basement on a bench in the corner! It shouldn’t be like that!” “It shouldn’t be like that!” The echo nodded with agreement, forcing Luna to lay down her ears involuntary and lower her voice. “So… This hall is all yours. I’ll order to rebuild it so it would be a worthy bedroom and whatever else, you might need. Just let me know. I’m not going to let you suffer from not having a normal house, thus my court will be your house as for me just by a move of your wing!” The alicorn tapped her shoe on the floor, as if to dot her own words. “Well, living with you under the same roof is all I need to be happy, yes.” Snorted Nightmare Moon, rolling her eyes, clearly not feeling Princess’s speech. “If you don’t know what to do — put your statues, a dozen of them. And hang portrays of you all over the walls. And hang a sign on the door: “The best pony in the Universe!” “B-but why?!..” The Mare in the Moon’s sarcastic refusal suddenly stung her heart, causing a kind of bitter confusion in her soul. This was not how it was supposed to work! She has… done the right thing… “You see, blue one, home is not just where you sleep, but where you’re welcomed and loved. Who will meet me here, when I would open the door, soaked from the rain, cold, tired and hungry? You? Now that’s fun.” Nightmare chuckled sadly and, slowing a bit, stepped out into the corridor. “That’s fun!” Echo smiled evilly at Luna, who was left in deserted loneliness.

“I’m not taking my words back, no matter what you think.” Closing the door behind her gently, the gloomy Princess of the Night stepped out into the corridor. “Just let me know and I’ll find an architect and… A dresser of the rooms for you.” “An interior designer.” Lost in her own thoughts, Nightmare corrected her mechanically, and came back to reality. Just how she remembers all these hard new words?.. “Is it all you wanted to show? Maybe we should get down to business?” The black alicorn’s disgruntled gaze traveled across the pony’s figure opposite her, stopping for a moment at the face. Luna turned away, biting her lip in nervous reverie. Aside from the fact, that it was the right thing to do, she was also counting on the Mare in the Moon’s high spirits after the gift. But now? Revealing obviously not the most pleasant nuances, that have a good chance of interfering with her upcoming studies as they were?.. “Bufan, yfel frînan êow…” The nervous alicorn stumbled, catching herself on a luxuriant old pronunciation.” I beg you… Please: do you really still think, that I want to end my poor sister, to come into possession of the throne under your cover and setting you up?” “Does it matter?” She moved a tip of her mouth and twitched her ears in displeasure. “I have no doubt that you can do such a thing. Do you wanna? Only Abyss knows.” “No. Never!” “Words.” The interlocutor sniffed disdainfully to Luna, leaning forward in an emotional hit. “And let’s get back to the business!” “Fine.” Princess exhaled, closing her eyes for a moment. No. Nothing should be revealed yet. No vows to do no harm, no vows not to allow herself anything beyond what was truly necessary, Nightmare would not accept now — and would probably just go away. And something more, something weightier and more meaningful is simply not there… But wouldn’t silence make things worse? Wouldn’t it raise a question: “Why didn’t you say it in the first place?”. “Before we proceed with your teachings, I will describe to you some of its difficulties.” Luna said, having made up her mind, a little hastily, catching the impatient look of her companion and, judging by her facial expression, almost preempting some kind of taunt. “The hardest part in the magic of dreams is the beginning. How…” She mused, finding an analogy. “The study of any skill is a ladder, but sleepwalking is a ladder that has no first steps. And one must be able to climb up to the first rung of the ladder. It took me more than a month to do this when I felt the need to learn this difficult skill.” “I doubt that we have this much time.” With an expression of slight disappointment, Nightmare leaned back and shook her head, looking at her interlocutor doubtfully. “I had been learning everything by a book, myself. By the book, written by a pony very poetic and wordy indeed.” Luna twitched her wings, remembering the style, which was monstrous for such a book, full of transitions to abstract themes, reflections by the author and colorful metaphors. Definitely, the ancient wizard was a strong one, but he had absolutely no scientific mind… “And there was no need to be in a hurry then. “You’re tenacious and you do understand why do you need it — I’m sure you’ll be able to make it faster, Nightmare. And I hope, that I’d explain everything needed clearly and rightly.” “Hm… And what problem do you have, you — if we’re using your comparison — who had climbed this ladder?” “I had and I was thrown back down, this time without the talent, which helped me. The talent, which I’m no longer worthy of.” Princess sighed. “I remember what and how to do, but there’s no longer proper delicacy and power. Now I can’t catch the right state of mind…” “And I’d get it right off the bat.” The skepticism in the black mare’s voice could be drawn out by a spoon. “Of course.” The former ruler of dreams smiled shyly at… A student? “Tell me, Nightmare, have you ever felt that fine line, that separates dream from reality? The feeling that this is the moment when you fall asleep? How does sleep come?” “Hm…” She raised her eyebrows. “Well… A couple of times, if I’m thinking what you’re thinking. I woke up instantly and couldn’t fall asleep for a while afterwards.” “Here is the most difficult part: to feel this boundary — and to stay on it without waking up abruptly or falling asleep. When you are able to stand so firmly, that magic can be created, you have passed the most difficult first step.” “Sleeping soundly without falling asleep and waking up.” Nightmare Moon chuckled. “Sounds… Peculiar. I don’t know why, but I want to try it for some reason.” “Because it’s yours.” Luna smiled. “And catching this borderline state will become easy and habitual with time.” “So the first point of the plan is to catch the feeling without falling asleep while trying…” The excitement on the Mare in the Moon’s face dissolved before Luna’s eyes, replaced by an unhappy, tense thoughtfulness. “Damn it, I’ll probably just pass out ‘till the morning and then wait all day for the evening to try again… Yeah… I can see why it took you so long.” She chuckled sadly. “This is why it will be the second point of the plan.” The Princess of the Night nodded, not being able to hold a smile with ends of her lips. “And first you need to learn how to fall asleep at any desired moment, not just when you are feeling sleepy. And to do it without any external assistance, be it a drink or medicine. In the meantime, I will try to climb that impregnable ladder again. And the first one of us to do it, will help the second one… by sending… the necessary feeling through the dream, so that she will feel and remember it.” “There’s a feeling, that we will spend at least three months on it.” Nightmare Moon mumbled under her breath, sighing quietly. “But maybe it’s better than doing nothing at all. We’ll try.”
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