Yeah… And now we hi-i-it the brakes…
The wings flapped abruptly to extinguish speed, and the ground struck my feet. I had to run a few more steps, extinguishing my inertia.
Phe-ew! I landed! And even quite good, especially compared to the first attempts… Uh…
It was a sunny, warm morning, with the Sun hanging in zenith in its typical Equestrian style, a light breeze drove small fluffy clouds like wisps of cotton candy across the sky, and the cool grass tickled my feet nicely… A crow cawed in a foul voice, nestled somewhere on a small tree on a hill.
Damn it.
As I walked up the slope and onto the plateau, I spotted a cat, hanging out under a tree. Now it’s clear…
“Shoo!” I gave her an advice, coming closer.
With a barely audible rustle, the striped cat disappeared into the grass. The raven, to which I was silent, hurried away just as silently, flapping its wings like an insect…
I chuckled mockingly after them in the blissful silence that ensued, laid down on the grass in the shade under the crown, turning towards the glistening lake below and spreading my buzzing wings to relax them a bit. So go-od…
I’ve been dreaming of flights for so long — and now I can do it. And without airfields or air traffic controllers: wherever I want, I take off… Finally, I was getting good at it! Yes, I was not yet confident in my skills, I was afraid to fly high, but I was able to fly from point A to point B with easy maneuvering and in a moderate wind. And for the last couple of days I’ve been doing nothing but giving up on everything and flying around in circles, getting high from the feeling of flying…
Well, during this week… A week and a day, to be exact, in local terms: I should probably get used to counting six days instead of seven… In general, a lot happened in the seven days that have passed since the memorable defeat.
Firstly, and most importantly — I sleep well. For the whole we… Sennight — yes! Not a singe nightmare! At least something I dreamed of was only once, and it was a normal dream of a healthy person: stupid, incomprehensible, illogical and completely neutral. And honestly, it causes… Perplexity. So it turns out, that the blue one was honest with me? Why would she? And it also turns out, that the nightmares weren’t a gift from her, but came on their own — and Rarity was right, in the end, damn it… But since it wasn’t Luna — suddenly — then… Wait, the “director” in the dream, who suddenly remembered clearly! Well, in that case I can see why I’m getting a good night’s sleep now: I gave him a good ass-beating! Him, Rarity, and her poor “Carousel”, damn… Now I’ll be modeling for this, showing dresses to a sophisticated audience…
The dresses… No, it was probably worth it to be able to sleep and sleep well, but… I sighed helplessly. The sketches, the designs, the concepts, and the preliminary measurements and fittings were all over: Rarity threatened to finish her first outfit today, tomorrow at most. I’m sure she would make me put it on and twirl in front of the mirror… and smile. I sighed even more helplessly. What could I do now… That’s the way it is. And even if Tia texts me now, she would get a polite “sry, i can’t” in return. It’s too late to back out, especially when, by and large, it was my own idea and my own meddling…
Tia, by the way, still hasn’t written anything. I have to admit: her deadpan silence was starting to make me really tense, especially since my letters to her have gone unanswered, too. Damn it… It’s like she doesn’t want to know me anymore. And openly spying on me Twi rather confirms it: it turns out, I’m a point of interest. But she is wordless… It means I didn’t justify her confidence… The thought made me feel sick: Tia has done me a lot of good. And in return… Oh, shit… Did I hurt her so badly with my idiocy? Maybe she’d pay attention if I wrote to her properly and with all rules in mind? Well, you know, with the statutory letterhead, with all these titles and salutations, and also with a quill… I have improved my telekinesis a lot, compared to my first attempts, and the damn deficiency was also slowly but surely receding: the magic was gradually getting easier and the wings were holding me more and more confident. Generally, I think I’ll manage if I do this. I think I should give it a shot — it’s anyway better than just wait…
Yeah… “Just wait” is always a hard task for some reason, and “just wait” for the event, when medics will take this anti-magic ring off me… Damn me. Four days without the horn and its capabilities is… Man, I was looking forward to another visit to the hospital and the removal of the damn limiter like I didn’t look forward to my birthday when I was a kid! I’m ponified entirely, God damn it, I was so sick of living without magic… And it’s awfully uncomfortable to live without magic when all you’ve got is legs. No, you can, of course… If you’re a purebred pony, and even if you have a horn, normal, conscious telekinesis is practically impossible until you’re about ten years old, and you’ll get used to it even without knowing it. But I began in an already adult body and I started with telekinesis… I couldn’t help but thank Luna: if I’d stayed with that ring on my horn until Tia cooled down and forgave me… However, it wasn’t so much the blue one’s achievement: I would have found a way out even without her. And Tia wouldn’t mock me for long… Maybe… if I hadn’t fallen as low in her eyes as I had in Fluttershy’s after… all of this.
I sighed wistfully and rested my head right on the grass.
Flutty… She was afraid of me. She is afraid now… No, she was honestly trying to hold on — but she just couldn’t… And I couldn’t see any way to fix it. I could only hope, that someday the cute pegasus would forget what has happened a bit and calm down, letting things to begin again, but for now… Ah, fuck…
I rose abruptly to my feet in frustration, and with one last impassive glance at the familiar landscape of the lake, I strode slowly towards Ponyville.
At least everything was back to normal with the others. And even better than before: Rarity didn’t seem to have any fear of me at all, even though she knew firsthand almost all of my problems and antics. Or maybe that was why she wasn’t afraid, because she didn’t see me as some creepy, incomprehensible thing, but as… a friend? Not an ordinary pony, maybe, but more or less understandable and… Damn, how do you say “human” about a pony?..
I froze for a few seconds, lost my pace, snorted unhappily, shook my head, and moved on.
So… Simplifying, in Rar’s eyes my conventional image was almost completely shattered, revealing real Nightmare Moon beneath. Barely very pleasant, but still a pony, not a chthonic monster from the ancient scriptures. I couldn’t figure out what it was about this pony that attracted her. Was her simple sympathy enough to put up with such a heap of problems and inconveniences? I’m not blind, I can see that her orders have decreased… But despite everything, she still accepted me and considered me her friend.
“Thanks, Rar. What would I do without you?..” I whispered to myself as I paused to look up at the roof of “Carousel”, visible from the high ground.
If I had looked earlier, when I was higher up, I would have seen the scaffolding that grew along one of the walls…
I continued my way, shaking head. It’s so interesting to see how the tables have turned …Rar, as I’d assumed many times before, was probably the last of the six I would have considered a friend, but nevertheless she was almost the closest creature I have here in the new world…
A certain contact was established with Pinkie, too, that was seemingly lost at one point, but now reliably restored. But we didn’t communicate with the pink baker very regularly — we lacked a common interest… Still, if not friends, we were definitely buddies.
And, to my surprise, Scootaloo got into my short list of friends. The little pegasus, obviously not very happy in life, was suddenly close and important to me for some reason. Brave, tenacious, stubborn, almost never discouraged, ready to stand up for what she believed to be true — although the skinny, angular little pony clearly did not have the easiest and most comfortable life… She even admired me, I must admit. I wanted to do something to support her, something to help her… I’ll stop by Pinkie’s tomorrow — I should feed this young, growing body with some yummy thing. I couldn’t hold a smile. And in general — I must meet her, ask how she is doing, because after that memorable conversation, we haven’t even met. I’ve seen here like literally a couple of times. And during one of them with Bulk accompanying. I wonder how things worked out between them and how Scooty and Dash are doing, with all these things considered.
The painted fool, by the way, also came into view not so long ago in the company of Gilda, bandaged all over the body — apparently, the birdcat has been let out to get some air. As usual, Rainbow gave me a sultry look and an unkind, promising squint, griffon gave me a welcoming wave of her paw. You should have seen the look on Dash’s face! I burst out laughing when I remembered the “And you, Brutus?!”, that was scrawled in huge letters on the lengthened face of the pegasus. I guess her friendship with Gilda won’t last long either…
Yeah… The little birdcat, though, turned out to be relatively adequate — all I had to do was give her a good beating to clear her head. And now, Rarity is already retelling Fluttershy’s story about how she went to the hospital to visit the poor griffon — and Gilda apologized to her! To be honest, it even surprised me a little… Rar then was admired by it: this is how a kind attitude and good doctors change even such savages for the better. I nodded meaningfully: of course, it had nothing to do with me, kicking her fucking ass… Yes, I have beaten her up pretty good back then, but we had no more complaints about each other since then: even though the meat story has not led to the desired outcome, Gilda was quite pleased with the partial success.
I snorted and shook my head with a chuckle. This was epic! Light green Twi and Applejack in the same state, who, unfortunately for her, had been a guest of the librarian at the time, were still a lot of fun. What did I do? I only wanted to make up with Gilda — they themselves told me to… Well, I came, asked where to get meat, what kind of meat to cut from the carcass, and how to cook it properly so the griffon would like it… I was scolded, accused by the farmer of “my stupid and spiteful jokes” and I demonstratively got mad at them — I just wanted to follow the best way, to make peace… I offered in response to go to Gilda together. She seemed to be tempted to retaliate against me and go away in denial, but when she met my gaze, the griffon decided, that she still wanted to live and confirmed everything, much to Twilight’s dismay and Applejack’s somewhat less concentrated one. We looked at the runaway ponies with the same gazes, looked at each other, and laughed. Griffon said doubtfully, “You’re all right, even if you are a pony” and we parted on that. The next day, Twi, who was looking at me askew, announced Celestia’s answer to her hurried letter: to increase the amount of fish in Gilda’s diet. I probably don’t need to specify at whose expense… Well, whatever. The question, in any case, was closed, the griffon was quite satisfied with the fish… and I was once again left without a chance to taste the meat. Damn it.
The sound of footsteps changed from stomping to clattering, and I didn’t even notice, that I was in the cobblestone streets of the town. Bypassers were no longer shying away from me or circling me in a wide arc, just shunning me with courteous apprehension. I sighed. They came to their senses quickly after my return… Not so much as to be eager to get acquainted or not to be timid about my attention, of course, but… And how could they be otherwise, when word was slowly and carefully spreading through the town, that Nightmare was apologizing, and was not staying with some unknown witch-librarian, but with Rarity, not known for her outstanding courage and strength of nerve. But the havoc at “Carousel” has not gone unnoticed either, and now there were condemning overtones in the chatter: “Rar took her in, but she!..” You’re getting too relaxed now, colorful bastards! Is it the time to kill someone?
“Howdy, Night!” A pink face with a grin from ear to ear appeared right in front of my eyes like a screamer, causing me to recoil reflexively.
“Pinkie!..” I swallowed a curse, straightening my ears hurriedly, that were pressed to my head. And right in the middle of the street!..
“He-he!” She covered her mouth with a hoof. “Smile, Night! Such a beautiful day! Come on, boop!” Earthpony suddenly leaned forward and weakly pressed my nose with a hoof, giggling afterwards.
“Pinkie!..” I tried to stay with an upset look on my face, but couldn’t hold it and smiled reflexively.
“Now it’s better!” The pleased mare shook her curls and, standing aside and allowing me to go further, started to jump nearby.
Frozen bystanders followed us with crazed gazes.
“And why did you do that?” I asked, returning my usual look on the face after some time.
“You don’t smile much.” Pinkie answered somewhat thoughtfully, with a bit of sorrow. “I just wanted to cheer you up a bit.”
“Not the best method.”
“Sorry-sorry, please! I know you don’t like when someone jumps at you, but… It came out by itself…” The pink pony drooped.
Pinkie…
“Fine…” I waved away in thought. “So, what are you doing here? Or you are just to greet?”
“To greet! And to speak a little! And to cheer you up! And!.. And wa-arn!” Pinkie suddenly started to whisper in a scary tone, looking around conspiratorially “You’re in danger!”
What?..
“Which one?”
“I don’t know.” Pinkie darkened a little and answered with her usual voice. “Just head started to ache, and the tail went like “tug, tug”! And teeth are in pain! I was doubtful, but then the hind hooves started to itch so-o much — and everything became clear!”
A-a… Yeah… I rubbed my forehead with a little bit of loss.
“I think it can be because of Rainbow.” Earthpony sighed. “She really-really does not like you…”
O-o, these are her problems. But I’ll definitely have to go along with her… “Live brightly, die young”, yeah, painted scum?..
“I tried to tell about you, that you’re not like this, but very-very different! But she only says, that you’re cheating on everypony and only feigning to be good, meanwhile planning evil plans at night…” Mare waved away hopelessly. “O, by the way, what are you planning?” Immediately becoming joyful, she stared at me with unfeigned interest.
“If I could create plans instead of rushing to do stupid things at the same moment. No, I’m not planning.” I chuckled sadly.
“I’ll definitely say it to her that you’re not planning! She will muse!”
Yeah, of course. Sometimes you’re so naive, Pinkie — I don’t even know…
The conversation somehow died down on its own, and we walked in silence for a while.
Where were we going, by the way?
“Pinkie, where are you heading to?”
“On a reconnaissance mission!” She answered with a scary whisper and narrowed her eyes mysteriously. “Well, looking for a better way to party at home.” Earthpony specified, smiling at my clear surprised face. “It’s Cold Flower’s birthday tomorrow, and I!..”
In the next couple of minutes I got the full information that said Cold Flower came to Ponyville from Hoofington, lives alone, is dating Razorback and plans to marry him soon, is a glassblower by profession, enjoys making all kinds of ornaments out of glass, likes dough nuts with condensed milk and meringue cakes…
“Okay, Pinkie, I’m going home that way.” I nodded at the nearly missed familiar turning, managing to slow down the verbal flow enough to have time to insert a sentence.
“A?.. Oh, yes! I talked your ear off a bit, didn’t I?” Pinkie answered with a bit of apologizing tone. “Goodbye-goodbye, Night! Hope to see ya soon!”
The mare waved goodbye and started to jump onward, humming some tune to herself.
I didn’t say goodbye in return.
I just stared into nothing wordlessly.
What did I just say?
Home?!..
…
How long have I been here?
Early July was nine days, I went to the woods then from the seventeenth to the eighteenth, then moved out to Rar… So, if I’m not mistaken…
Fortieth day today.
I lost my already uncertain stride.
Fortieth day obit — it’s what it called, isn’t?.. The day when people traditionally gather to commemorate the deceased. My parents, relatives, friends… Surely they will go to the cemetery, to my grave, they will put fresh flowers… They will drink to my memory, say warm words that are meant more for the living than the dead… And none of them will ever know that I am alive. And what difference does it make if we’ll never meet again? And I don’t even remember any of them, either by face or name…
There, among them, is my home. Was my home. The real one, not this ridiculous sham!
“S-shit…” I hissed angrily and doomfully, rubbing my eyes with my wrist, trying to get rid of the burning.
The world around me played bright and saturated colors, as if screaming about its… unreality, toyishness. But here’s the thing — I don’t have other life. There is this one, in the toy world, in the body of a plush horse with a horn and wings, which is feared and hated by, with few exceptions, everyone around. Who is like a bone in the throat of this world with her darkness.
“Going home”, yeah? Not in this world, where we mutually hate each other…
I don’t know where I was going — it didn’t matter. I didn’t even care when I collapsed to the ground from the sudden pain that pierced my entire body.
“A wonderful addition to the mood.” A dull thought appeared for the moment in the end.
…
“Khm-hm…”
It seems, that I passed out for a second… It would soon become a habit to regain consciousness to the accompaniment of pain…
My whole body was twisting and shaking, my withers were throbbing and burning, something smelled lousy…
But the bodily pain felt like it was on the back burner: it wasn’t just my body that was hurting. “It’s not your home! You don’t belong here!” The thought was beating in my head — and it was echoed by throbbing flashes of pain. The piercing sense of longing made me want to cry.
Meanwhile, there were murmurs all around me, but I couldn’t make out the words, the clattering of many hooves…
“N-nightmare, are you al-lright?..” I barely heard a shy and quiet voice right before me.
“No.”
I cut it off with a whisper and indifference. I struggled to lift my eyelids and met a gaze of the little unicorn’s familiar light green eyes.
“I… D-do you want me to call Rarity?” Sweetie said with her ears flattened, a little afraid.
“Don’t.”
I don’t need anyone.
I struggled to my feet, shaking, feeling the occasional nasty cramp run through the body. I glanced at the hushed crowd, that spread out. The sound of one voice still rang out over the road, that of Fluttershy, looming over Dash, who was cowering beneath the furious rush of the angered pegasus.
So that’s who…
For some reason there was no anger. There was nothing — just a wistful, indifferent apathy. I didn’t want to see anyone. Especially something colored and bright. Fuck this all…
I, limping, silently strode away, accompanied by whispers and glances of the toy horses, that were hurriedly leaving my way.
I want to get shit faced. Fucking he-ell, it’s so sickening…
