doctor's duty

The next two days went smoothly. Jean had plenty of time to talk about other aspects of the job and to catch a glimpse of how Armin dealt with the patients in the hospital. He was very courteous and careful. He almost cherished every patient. He would sing a lullaby if he heard a squeak, by God. This was especially evident now, as Jean sat in a chair at the front of the room. While Armin had been hanging around the older woman, he had been reading a book and furtively listening to the blond man chatting with the woman. Now he crouched down on his knees to be on the same level as her. “...your ailment is very serious. But is there no one in our hospital who can help you?” “No. The endocrinology department is in Germany. I'd fly, I'd spend the last of my money on a ticket, but I can't leave my family. The baby... he's got school, and Grandma can barely walk.” She had blonde hair in a bob. A petite face that, at almost forty, had managed to keep many of its features cute, and a lean body. “This is the first time I've seen a case like this.” “That's why I was referred here. This is my fourth diabetic coma in six months. My regular insulin dosage is not enough. I can't work...I have to take strong injections all the time..." the woman's voice became more saddened. Arlert put his arm around her very gently, drawing her attention back to himself. “I think you should just go to the directors of the hospital and talk it over. We are always interested in the health of our patients," Armin pointed out, looking into desperate eyes. There was no other way he could put it. The language did not turn. “I talked to an intensive care specialist. He said it was unlikely to be feasible. “ “'ll talk to your doctor to find the best treatment for you. So that, at least for the first time, you can decide what you want to do... “ Armin became downcast. You can't. I should have kept the same calm attitude. To hide it, he lowered his head, hiding his gaze behind his fringes. He began to look at the woman's thin arm, on which the tendons were already clearly visible. “How old are you, Mr Arlert?” “Twenty-five years old.” "Just call the main doctor. Don't strain yourself. Your eyes are so bright.” “Of course, they're blue. Of course they're blue.” The girl laughed briefly. “Perhaps you don't understand me. That's not your concern. You have such a childish enthusiasm. I don't want to burden you unnecessarily. I'm not the only one.” “Ma'am, I really don't mind, Jean, who can I contact about this?”. “History in general. She'll make the enquiry next.” “I'll look into it. And if anything, I'll let you know how things are going," Armin concluded and checked the readings on the instruments. “Thank you, Mr Arlert," she said warmly. “Don't forget the call button!” “Yes!” The boys left the office. Armin was pleased with himself. This was the first patient who had praised him. But Jean didn't reflect the same enthusiasm for his pupil. “Yeah, it's going to be tough.” “What? What do you mean?” “With that kind of affection and empathy, you're not going to get very far. It's gonna take a lot of nerve.” “I'm sorry, I can't help it. Well, I can't help it. And it doesn't affect my professionalism.” “It might, actually.” “How so?” “I have more experience with people and patients. Attachment can play tricks on you. You know what, follow me.” Armin didn't say anything, but meekly followed Jean. They reached the rooms with staff lockers. But Kirschtein opened another locker, not his own. It was strewn with books of different thicknesses and yellowness. The doctor began fumbling with his hands, lifting one book after another. The search took some time, but still, the resuscitator pulled a book out of the pyramid, loosening it. With a light stroke of his hand, he returned them all to their original position and slammed the iron door shut. “I highly recommend reading this.” Jean handed the trainee a book with a black cover that read "Anatomy of Indifference." in a blurry font. Just below it, in a thinner font, was written the abstract and the author of the book. Armin didn't have time to read them. Kirshtein put it in his hands himself, startling the boy a little. “It's lunchtime," Jean said, looking at his wristwatch. “ You can go to the mess hall for now. Then just come back to the observation post. I'll be there somewhere.” “Ah... don't you have to eat lunch?” “I don't. And... in the meantime, start reading a book. It's an assignment," he said and left the room quickly. Silence was gladly embraced as the boy began to digest the food for thought his mentor had given him. Armin looked at the mysterious book again, still deciding to study the abstract before beginning. *** Arlert walked around the hospital and found the canteen with little difficulty. Still, it was just as difficult to navigate. Tentatively, he walked among the tables and reached the serving area. The sight of the operation discouraged him from eating a bit, so the blond asked only for a cup of coffee. Armin took a table for two to spend time alone and let large groups of colleagues sit together. Dropping his book on the table and placing the cup next to him, he plumped himself into a chair and his legs ached pleasantly as he had hardly sat down today. This latte was from a machine, and its cheapness was felt, but that point was smoothed out by the sugar packet and syrup of some kind of biscuit. The sweet drink settled easily in my throat, leaving a pleasant aftertaste and fuelling my dopamine. It was getting easier. All these days he had been in the hustle and bustle of running around, and now he could sit quietly and even watch his future colleagues. It was interesting to watch the very different rituals, how some relaxed over a cup of tea and hot mashed potatoes, while others gobbled up their lunch rather quickly, as if someone might steal it. Armin took another sip and glanced at the book, remembering that it was there at all. “"Jean instructed me to read it. Okay, I don't think it's necessary, but I'll try."” Arlert opened it and began to leisurely run his eyes between the lines, listening to the words and putting them together into coherent sentences. This was how he spent his break, until a man sat down in front of him, unannounced. He looked familiar as hell. Like the new guy had seen him somewhere. “Erm... I'm sorry?” “You're Armin Arlert, aren't you? “ asked the rather pumped-up man and sipped from his glass. Remarkably, he was not from the canteen, but from the neighbouring coffee shop. “Yes. Who are you?” “Erwin.” Armin opened his eyes in surprise. Now he remembered where he had seen that face. That day he had read the stands, where it was written about all the research departments in the hospital. And this particular man was the head of the virology department. It took his breath away. What to say to make the right impression? With Eren, he mumbled and mouthed like a first grader. Now I have to show I'm ready. Or try again. “Why do you need me?” “Zik gave me your portfolio. Yeah. I have to say, I'm impressed, so I came to talk to you in person.” “I'm... very flattered... and... how long have you been looking for me?” “Not very long, I was on my break here anyway. Yeah. My department can be noisy, so I keep my privacy here.” “And that's why you decided to talk to me? “ Erivn grinned and sipped from his glass. “Generally, our virology unit is not short on personnel. But you have a very high potential, so I'll take you any way I can get you. So do your internship well. That's your first priority.” “You got it. But I don't understand why Eren invited me if there was no shortage of virology…” “I guess he saw potential in you. So did I.” “But I'm sure you've got more talented students coming in! I'm sure you've got a lot more.” “You should borrow some confidence, Arlert. Who told you you were a bad student?” Armin really thought about it. “I've had a lot of different personalities in my practice. I've got a guy on my ward now who was almost expelled for behavior. But his hands are golden. I was lucky enough to see him work in practice. And through some struggle, I got Zeke to take him on as an intern. Even though he was spitting because he had a real behavioural problem. And you know what happened? He's now the senior surgeon overseeing all the junior surgeons. And he's everyone's favourite. Well, almost.” “But the important thing is that he's a good worker, isn't he? “ “Yes. Exactly. Zeke didn't want to consider him at all because of a personal matter, but I talked him into it. And I'm very sympathetic to Eren's policy of picking every possible star. I could give you many more examples of ambiguous employees. But something always got in Zeke's way, and he let them get an internship. Even, for example, the head of the surgical department: got political asylum here and even sat on welfare for a while. But he visited the medical lecture theatre, where he met the now former head of surgery.” “Ah... why did he decide to go to work in the first place? If you say so, he probably wouldn't have done anything else.” “You'll be on a mission to find out. I didn't have any personal contact with Berthold. But that moment was a turning point in his life. In his own words. But only a couple of people know why he did it. My point is, you have a drive. Endless. And obvious skill. You meet all sorts of people and you realise clearly what your potential is.” It's so peaceful. It was as if the noisy dining room had become quieter. He needed this conversation. Erwin had chosen all the words and put them together so well that Armin felt a surge of energy. A man many times older and more experienced was sitting in front of him, but he was talking as if Arlert was of the same species as him, and putting sentences just so. This realisation, to be honest, confused the newcomer, but also allowed him to look at everything around him in a different way. After three days of the internship, it became calmer. “"You've been praised by everyone. And now, the chief virologist has praised you. Maybe that means something."” “Thank you. You're probably right. I'm just always striving for perfection. Although no one's said anything bad to me in three days. And you've just... you've lifted me up.” Smith smiled. “You keep this up and you'll find yourself in our motley crew," the Virologist concluded. He took a final sip and stood up from the table. Silently, the man walked forward and placed his large hand on Arlert's shoulder, giving him one last glance. “If you need any help, you're welcome.” “Yes... yes, of course! “ he said excitedly, and only then did Smith allow himself to leave. Armin was left alone with his thoughts and the book he hadn't started reading. *** Erwin headed through the hospital. He didn't look at any signs, as he had already explored every corner of the hospital and memorised every turn. His feet shuffled heavily on the tile, causing many people to look at the head of the virology department and say hello. When he entered the research area, he went into Hanji's resident's room, and to his surprise he found Levi. He was sitting at a nearby chair with a tea in his hands, as always holding it not by the handle but with his fingers on top of it, and Hanji was sitting on the desk, grinning ear to ear. “Oh, Erwin, what have you come for? “ Through a chuckle the girl asked. Levi turned his head calmly, burning a cold stare at his superior. “Surprised to see Levi here.” “I'm assigned to your department, what's so surprising? “No. There's a lot of work going on right now. Don't you have any operations going on right now?” “No. In case you've forgotten, I'm not the only surgeon here.” “And the trainees?” “Petra's in charge of them.” “Well, Erwin!” Zoé exclaimed and jumped off the table and flew over to him. “I hardly see Levi anyway. Let him sit here, you see, we've been able to free ourselves a little from work.” Smith looked again at the surgeon, who was still staring into his eyes and sipping from his mug. “Okay. Just keep an eye on the clock.” “We've been working together for a long time. You probably just went to get coffee yourself.” “Huh. I usually just see you at your desk. And if you're not, you're discussing her.” I'll make time for four-eyes and tea. “Sit down with us, not at your reports! “Hanji said and sat down at the table again. “ I, for one, would like to see you more often!” Smith looked at Levi, who kept his tea and silence in his mouth. “In fact” the man took a seat next to the surgeon.” 'I'm glad Levi's getting close to you. It won't hurt him.” “How will it help?” he asked and put down his empty mug. “Usually when a patient talks to you, you give him anaesthesia.” It was a joke, of course, but Levi didn't often talk to anyone intimately, even at work. And then he sees that the dwarf has come to Hanji himself. To talk! And she even laughs! Though she laughs a lot without it... “I'm doing a job. I don't need to be distracted.” “But a lot of people still need to talk to the doctor. “Yes. It would calm them down.” “And I'm not a psychologist.” “Nevertheless, Levi, Erwin's right. Levy. Come and see me more often and have close conversations with your colleagues!” As soon as Hanji finished, Ackerman's watch vibrated. And it was audible enough in the resident's room. The surgeon glanced furtively at them. They called for surgery. “You fuckin' had it coming. “You fuckin' had it coming. “You're practising now! “ Hanji said optimistically enough as the boy left the office. “If you want, you can come to my resident's room too.” Levi looked at Erwin after these words, as if he appreciated him and the honesty of his words. The man's face had hardly changed. He stared at me with his sharp gaze, emphasised by his dark eyebrows. There was no warmth in him, but also something repulsive. An enigmatic charm that Smith didn't dispel. Levi didn't cross paths with him very often, but whenever he did, Erwin made quite casual conversation with his subordinate. And despite the barbs and coldness, he continued. Something he clearly understood about people. And under this look, Levi left the office and went to meet another operation. He was assisted by Marco, who met the older man in the corridor on his way to the operating theatre. “Levi, you look sad, is something wrong?” “I think I always look like this.”. “No... now... it's different…”Bott was already regretting having started this topic. Levi could have told him off or something. But... he didn't. “I just wanted to sit down with my colleagues, nothing serious.” “It's not going to be a long operation, so we won't keep you long!” After these words, Ackerman looked at the employee looking up at him. Freckles emphasised the slight smile. Even though they were on their way to an operation. Levi smiled back slightly. For some reason, right now it was Marco's smile that helped him pull himself together. “"Maybe I really should learn something from you."” *** Jean had a lot to do with patients today. There were no surgeries, the doctors had to help with the care. At times like this, he didn't express displeasure, but still, he wanted to be in the operating room. When you have an instrument in your hands, you know the problem, how to fix it, and you know when it's over. There was something about it. It was so familiar. So much so that you didn't want to change. And when the patient is under anaesthesia, he does not resent, and working with him in the ward, conflict situations can not be avoided. And now the specialist left one of the wards. A man in his thirties was complaining about a hard withdrawal after anaesthesia, accusing the doctors of injecting him with low-quality drugs. And all attempts to explain that everyone wakes up differently from the drugs were useless. So Kirshtein came out with a pained mood. He rubbed his forehead, throwing out of his head the rubbish information that his patient had loaded him with, and squinted his eyes, running visual images of everyone in the ward. “God... so, I guess I haven't forgotten anyone. All helped... all served... just enough to go on a break” whispered the surgeon and went down the corridor until he met one of the patients who had a plastered hand. “Fuck...that's right, Radriguez" Kirshtein recalled sharply. That was the patient he was supposed to be bandaging. Turning in the opposite direction, the surgeon walked briskly to the right room. And what was his surprise when, flying into the room, he found Arlert reverently and very carefully wrapping a bandage around the man's arm. So carefully Kirshtein had not brushed his hair as a novice applied a bandage. “Armin…” The boy carefully turned his head towards his mentor, leaving his body in the same position so as not to untie the bandage. “How did you even know about him?” Jean asked, slowly moving closer, occasionally exchanging glances with the patient. “Am... Charlotte told me to bandage it.” “Oh, man, I didn't have long to go.” “Oh, come on, it's easy. You've been running around, I see.” “Yes... Then... Finish it and come out and join me.” “Where?” “Not in front of the patient” Kirstein said in a whisper, and Arlert continued his work while Radriguez smiled gratefully at him. Having completed the task, Armin said a couple of recommendations and left the room. “Where are we going?” “Do you smoke?” “Yes.” Jean already wanted to continue talking as usual, but was surprised by this fact. He didn't realise that such a newcomer could smoke. “Wow, even so... then follow me.” “Why are you surprised?” “Arlert caught up with his mentor and started to walk with him completely beside him.” I asked, to be honest, just to be polite. In case you didn't want to come with me. “Do you have a smoking area?” “Well, not at all. We just go through one of the back doors to the street. You could say it's our place. Where have you been smoking all this time?” “I was just waiting for my shift to end.” “Are you serious? “Jean asked with a laugh. ” How could you not smoke on an internship at the hospital... Yeager.” “Well, that's why I kept at it ”he began to answer with an awkward smile. “ Suddenly, you don't have much of a smoking habit here.” Kirshtein laughed briefly and not too loudly, so as not to scare away the passing colleagues. “You're not only a good doctor, but also a humourist. Follow me.” Armin also walked next to Jean. They reached the stairs and began to descend to the floor below, until Arlert thought about what he had said. “You said I was a good doctor?!” The couple stepped onto the floor below and began to walk along the panoramic windows leading to the small inner square of the hospital. This was already an exclusively technical floor for doctors. Every couple of dozen metres there were offices that didn't say what was going on in them. “Yeah. You've got a good sense of the place. Even I forget sometimes. Like today. You're doing a pretty good internship.” “How do you forget about the patients? When you're already on the job?” “When you've been working for years, all their illnesses become routine. It may sound sad, like everything in our profession, but you can't worry forever. Otherwise," Kirshtein whistled and twiddled his thumb at his temple. “You're probably right. I just really don't understand this point..." Armin stretched out and lowered his head sluggishly, looking at the clean tile reflecting the sunlight right back at the men's feet. “It's okay. You just stay out of the way and don't tell others how to work. You'll be fine.” “Of course I won't do that! Especially here.” “All the more so here!” The boys gradually came to a small door and went to the back entrance. The porch curb was scraped in some places. There was no seating, so the doctors just stood against the walls or took a seat on the concrete slabs marking the porch's boundaries. And there were already three doctors standing in this small area, stretching nicotine sticks and filling everything around them with smoke. “Well, we haven't done the porch yet. It's actually a part of the building that's still from the union. I don't know when Zeke will get around to restoring it," Jean said, pulling a cigarette out of his pack, the filter brown and smelling of currants. “This building was built recently. Well, about five years.” “Well, about five or six years ago. Yeah, I guess not that long ago. But I'd like some benches so I don't have to sit on the concrete.” Armin took a small cigarette case out of the pocket of his wide light-coloured trousers and pulled out a long cigarette. “How pathetic you are" Jean said with a smile and lit his cigarette, holding it in his teeth. “Shouldn't you just chip in for a bench and put it up? “ Arlert asked, gently wrapping his lips around the cigarette. “We've thought about it. But we can't... or we forget to co-operate. But we'll do it.” The newcomer took a puff and fell silent. When those started smoking, all the doctors threw the cigarette butts into an old urn and went inside the building, leaving the guys alone with each other. Armin did not dare to interrupt the idyll. He had no questions about the job, and this cigarette relaxed him so pleasantly. The long breaks from smoking allowed him to regain some of the effect he had felt when he smoked for the first time. He had smoked in his sophomore year when he was stressed out beyond belief. His classmates were suspiciously generous, and time after time they offered to give it a try. Especially when they saw the kid's glassy eyes. Because he was immersed in the material he was trying to digest and memorise. His head was empty. The cigarette helped to abstract from the clutter that Armin filled himself with, and to focus on himself. But still, this silence was interrupted by Kirshtein. “Why did you decide to become a doctor?” Armin got down to the ground and looked from the square, which was embraced by the sunlight, to Kirshtein, who kept close to the shade. “My mum's a lifeguard. And my dad's a fireman. Was.” “Oh...sorry.” “It's okay. He passed away when I was eleven. Something like that. Even though my mum told me a lot of stories about him afterwards, I'm so glad... I got to grow up under his gaze. I've never seen such selfless people.” “So you got into medicine because your parents saved people too? “ “Yes. Their stories" Armin took a drag to swallow a small lump. “ Better than any sweets. I got to see the people they saved. Seeing their... faces... I don't even know how to describe them. Anyway, that's why I wanted to be a doctor. And I've always been interested in medicine. Combined.” “Man, I envy you. It really sounds touching and... wonderful" Jean said and took a puff. “ It's a pity that our work is rather thankless..." Arlert looked at the man questioningly. - They take it all for granted and treat it accordingly. Not all of them, of course. Far from it! But there are enough of them" Kirshtein looked at the trainee.” So I hope they can't extinguish that fire in you. There really are only a few like you.” “Thank you... Jean," Arlert finished and smiled embarrassedly, thinking that Kirschtein was exaggerating.