Berlin blood

Thilike slowly came to his senses, this time worse than when he woke up in the village. By his steps and familiar language, he understands that he is his own. This makes me happy. He tries to move his fingers or at least some part of his body, but this idea fails when a pain pierces him with such force that he almost falls out of reality. He begins to breathe deeply and opens his eyes. Above it is a white ceiling with cracked paint. He turns his gaze and sees beds with the same wounded as he. Half of my face burns, an unpleasant pain spreads to my chest, my ribs are tightly compressed and hurt, my left arm is in bandages. He hears footsteps, turns his head and sees a doctor enter the room, and with him several nurses. “And now you’ve finally come to your senses,” the doctor walks towards him, examining him and thinking about something. — Don’t worry, you are with your people. And one of the two survived that massacre. — Where I am? “Tilike speaks slowly and quietly, the bandages on her face are in the way. — You are on the border with Poland. Don’t worry, as soon as you feel better, you and your commander will be sent to Berlin, you won’t be needed here anymore. — What’s wrong with me? “Tielike wanted to know whether he had serious injuries and how many there were. Judging by the number of bandages, a lot. “You were brought here with a large loss of blood, you have broken ribs, scars on your right cheek — they are long and will take a long time to heal. We were unable to save two of your left fingers. But in any case, it’s better than being dead,” the doctor grinned and headed towards the other patients. And Thilike just stared at the ceiling, imagining how ugly he would be after everything the war had done to him. Why did he go to fight? To whom and what did he want to prove? Their commander, apparently, also survived, he goes to see him later, now the main thing is not to die here. Isn’t it too sweet news that they will go to Germany? They wrote them off so easily. And why? Because he’s missing a couple of fingers and scars? No, apparently for other reasons. Maybe you need a commander? Tielike will not bother his head with this now, so he puts off thinking until later. Thilike doesn’t want to think too much, he exhales and closes his eyes. I want to fall back into the dream that Hilda was in. *** A week later, Thielike’s bandages were removed and his face was shown to him. The guy couldn’t look at himself without pity. The scars spread along the right side of the face, just above the eyebrow, touching the nose and upper lip, moving to the neck and ending at the chest. Yes, it’s such a reminder of the war. And you certainly can’t call it a reward. He didn’t even want to look at his hand, but he had to. He was missing two fingers — the little finger and the ring finger. We need to find Jens and ask where they, now of no use to anyone, will be taken. Having walked around many corridors and chambers, he finally found the one he needed, and, looking there, he saw the sleeping commander. He lost weight and lost one eye — that’s what the nurse who bandaged him said. “Commander, hello,” Tilike quietly entered the room and sat down on the bed. — Tilike… hello. How are you — the commander looked at him. — Not bad, but it could have been better. I have scars on half of my face and two fingers are missing,” the guy showed which ones. — Yes, you got it. I have…” he shows a bandage over his eye. “And my fingers don’t feel anything.” — Tell me, commander, the doctor tells me that we will soon be sent to Berlin, is this true? And what are we going to do there? — Yes it’s true. The day after tomorrow we are leaving by train with others. I don’t know what they will do with us and whether they can do anything with us at all. We are alive and can walk, but we are broken and it is unlikely that we can be repaired. Perhaps they will send me to the reserves or kick me out altogether, and maybe you too. As you can see, we have become those elements of human society that are not usually shown and that do not fit very well into the ideals that people have built for themselves. — Yes you are right. I won’t burden you too much, I’ll go,” Tielike smiled and left the commander to rest. He felt lost. It is alive, but inside it is divided into small pieces. And it is impossible to put them together. *** And again the train, and again this landscape outside the window, giving hope for change. Thielick recalled how in 1939 he rode the same way and was filled with hopes and dreams that he would come to Hilda with a bunch of victories and awards, and now, would she want to see him like this? Mangled and scarred. Although, maybe this is how love is tested? — Why are you sad? “Jens, sitting opposite him, tried to cheer them both up, although it didn’t work out well for him. But it’s better than nothing. The carriage is full of people just like them and even worse — without arms, legs, with bandaged heads and many other wounds. “I’m not sad, I just look at these soldiers and understand that they paid with their flesh and blood in this war.” I also remember Eris, Erich, Alfred and many others. What did they die for? For the sake of a nation that, having been humiliated in the First World War, wanted power? To them, we are all pawns and just expendable material. I understand that we are being blatantly manipulated, but we can’t do anything. “You’re too young to talk about such things.” I know that your dream of arriving with medals and a rank did not come true, and this is not how you imagined everything, but my advice to you is to never think anything ahead. Never. No fight, no love, no life. Just trust fate and let it lead you its way. Let her show you exactly your path. Not someone else’s, but yours. And then you will come to what people call happiness. — What if my life is cut short, like the life of Alfred or Erich? — Thilike looked with concern. “It ended for them because they did not follow the road that was intended for them, like the rest of us.” But she gave you a chance to go in a different direction. Yes, our society must constantly bend to the wishes of the idiot who leads us, but this is precisely our madness, we choose him, and later, when he begins to lead, we complain and lament that everything is wrong and we don’t like everything. We humans are strange creatures. We want to live forever, but we don’t want to lead a healthy lifestyle. We want to love, but at the same time we do not understand that love is not suffering, but a quiet and small feeling, which, if you understand and recognize, you can kindle it like a fire that warms you on cold nights. We want to live happily, but we constantly put ourselves in limits that over time choke us. We have come up with ideals, but we do not live up to them. We all want to be individuals, but we don’t understand that the price for this is loneliness. We are too fickle creatures. — And yet, what awaits us in Berlin? Death or another chance? “Life, having cast lots, will decide for us, don’t rush it, look at the meadows,” and both, turning around, look in silence. — Can i ask you? “Tilike said this quietly, afraid that he would cross that invisible line between the personal and the general. — Which? — Jens was interested. In truth, he is glad that he is not traveling alone, that the loneliness and emptiness inside him is gradually evaporating. — Tell me, did you love? — this question took the man by surprise, but he knew that sooner or later he would have to answer it, so, taking a deep breath, he began to talk about Masha and their love. He talked about everything from the heart, without hiding anything, and why? Who can Tilike tell all this to? This conversation will remain between them and he, being in a deep German village, sitting on the threshold of a small house, will remember everything that he has experienced and look at photographs from the wedding of August and Charlotte, when he was still happy, at a photograph of their detachment and division, where they are still not crippled by life. After finishing the story, Jens felt better. He let go of everything he was holding inside. Thilike was happy about this. At this time they were approaching Berlin. Jens said goodbye to Thielicke, who went to the doctors, like all the wounded. Jens, after much persuasion, was able to get the doctors to meet with them in the evening, but for now he intended to go to the Reichstag to see August and ask him for help. He did not know how his friend would react to their meeting; they had not seen each other since 1939, when he saw him off. He had to wait quite a long time before his secretary invited him into the office. At first glance, Augustus was overwhelmed with papers, he couldn’t stop talking on the phone and angrily giving orders. Jens quietly sat down on a chair and waited, and only five minutes later his friend noticed him and put down the phone. “My old friend,” Augustus smiled, it was clear how exhausted his work was. — What did you want? “I just came from the eastern front and, as you can see, I’m not in the best condition,” Jens pointed to his bandages. — Yes, I see. I heard what happened to you… The Russian offensive, for which you were not prepared. — Unfortunately yes. And that’s putting it mildly. Soon it’s 1942, and from our team only me and one guy, Tielike, survived. I know it’s too much to ask, but I would like to resign. And ask you to borrow some money. — Jens, I look at you and still don’t understand, how? How so? Why did you need this war? You could build a career anywhere. Why did you choose this path? And don’t say you envy me. We are completely different, although we are similar in some ways. “I was young and stupid and, to tell the truth, I wanted to have awards and respect like you.” “You know that you and this boy will receive awards and titles, right?” “August raised an eyebrow in his own way. — Now yes. I wanted to ask you to keep him here and not send him to the front line after recovery. I know that you have many connections, maybe he will become someone’s adjutant. Please, August, out of old friendship. It won’t hold up and will break completely. He’s only twenty. Why send him to his death? — Okay, I’ll think about who needs an assistant. I’ll give you money. But tell me, you didn’t just decide to lay down your arms, did you? You were always for the war and the first of the three of us with Rudolph was eager for it. Why are you folding now? — August lit a cigarette. — I fell in love with a girl from a Russian village. She died, and from that moment I knew I didn’t want to be involved in this anymore. I will go far and will not return to Berlin and to the service, although I will be at the rank of chief lieutenant, which I so dreamed of. — Okay, go get some treatment. And take care of yourself,” they stood up, shook hands and Jens already headed towards the exit. — By the way, do you know that Alfred died? — Jens turned around. “I know, his wife Ioanna cut off all the calls to me and Charlotte from the very morning. I think she’ll come now. Will you tell her yourself? I can’t, my head already hurts from everything. “Okay,” Jens goes out and meets Joanna in the hall, who is rushing towards August as fast as she can. But when he sees Jens, he takes him by the shoulders and starts asking the same question. — Is it true that he died? — Her voice is hoarse and her eyes are red. Jens replies that it is true, the girl begins to cry loudly. People gather around her, and Jens calmly leaves at the right moment. He goes out into the street and, having looked for the last time at the building that controlled their lives, walks away from this place and from this fate.