Shadow

- Love of the divine is unnatural, - Stiles recited thoughtfully, looking up at the starry sky and resting his head on the fox's hand, which was leisurely moving through his hair. Nogitsune lay beside him, humming intricate tunes softly to himself. - It's hard to say for sure, - the spirit whispered, closing his eyes and rolling onto his side. His hand slid across Stiles's stomach, pulling the eternal teenager into a tighter embrace. - Gods don't feel - Gods go crazy. - You've known mad Gods. The ones in love. - Stiles clutched at the fox's hand with such force that his knuckles turned white, irrationally afraid to let him go. Nogitsune wasn't a deity, but he definitely came close to that definition. - They were... - More powerful than one could imagine, - the fox shared with a chuckle, running his lips along the other's neck. - More beautiful than any thing in this world. - He intertwined their legs, making them almost as one. - Crazier than madness itself. They were delicious. Full of chaos and pain and power. The angriest and most powerful of them were always in love. - Why didn't you follow them? It was a road full of corpses and agony. Always. Divine love leaves behind nothing but destruction. - It was hard for Stiles to come to terms with that, as he slowly absorbed the memories of his eternal companion like a sponge: the idea that Gods were incapable of feeling. And those who managed to do so condemned themselves and everyone around them to an endless cycle of pain. Descended entities, unable to comprehend a feeling as simple to mortals as love. - Because their love was the most honest, - Nogitsune replied after a moment's thought, burying his nose in the couple's hair with a sigh. - I didn't want to eat something that was born of divine love. It seemed sacrilegious. - Our love is unnatural, too, - Stiles said quietly after a long silence, something that had been weighing on his heart for years. Nogitsune knew that, of course. - If I have to become a madman to love you, fox, I won't waste a second in agreeing: I'll just become one. - The fox raised himself up on his elbows and pressed his lips to his lover's, feeling all sorts of feelings overwhelming him, warming him from the inside and flaring up. Stiles responded immediately, thrusting forward and pushing the unsolicited tears from his eyes. He himself had once agreed to be part of the creature that doomed the world to endless chaos, that knew no humanity or happiness. He himself had chosen to be the eternal companion of the messenger of pain and anarchy, silently standing shoulder to shoulder with him and mentally supporting him. He himself had mixed them with the ancient spirit blood, subscribing to an unnatural, artificial love that he wanted to believe in with all his heart. He himself had followed the dark fox, losing his pack, his family, his friends, and even his name decades later. All he was left with was Nogitsune and memories of the past that cut his heart with their simplicity and warmth. Derek's stingy smiles, Lydia's logical reasoning, Scott's soft voice, his father's strong embrace, Allison's ringing laughter... Over the years, Stiles caught himself starting to forget. Their voices, their faces, their favorite things. He began to forget the only people who loved him and who he loved in return. He began to forget why he had started this journey in the first place, becoming a part of Nogitsune and sharing his burden with him. But he was always reminded. - You wanted to protect them, ikigai. And you fell in love with me. - Yes, I did, - Stiles always whispered back, not knowing how much truth there was in his words. He couldn't remember the faces of those he wanted to protect. They had been together forever. One day Stiles realized that he could no longer tell where he ended and Nogitsune began. - Grief, tears and will, - the fox whispered between kisses. His eyes glittered feverishly. - Happiness, affection, and love. Sorrow, pain and hate. Fear, agony, and desire. Humanity. - Nogitsune pulled away, peering into Stiles' eyes and gently wiping away his tears. - You made me feel so much. I'm not surprised that the Gods went crazy over it. I have gone mad. - You were crazy long before you met me, - Stiles joked awkwardly, placing his palm on the cheek of the one person who was still his. Who wasn't going to die and leave him behind in this endlessly changing world. Just for that alone, Stiles was willing to go crazy in return. The fox grinned, reverently tracing the line of his chin with his fingertips. The stale odor of earth and blood clogged his nose, but the spirit had long since stopped noticing it. They were too fed up and engrossed in each other. - Will you let me in, little fox? - Nogitsune was quite close, pressing their foreheads and noses against each other. His breath burned Stiles's parched lips, who stretched them faintly in a smile as he heard the words that had once been their beginning. And that would accompany them for all of eternity to come. - You know, - he pulled the fox closer, pressing his body desperately into him, feeling an incredible need that went far beyond physical pleasure, - the door's been open for a long time. And if Scott had seen them now-in blood, among bodies, on the ground, wildlings, shattered, broken, in love - he would have burst into the most intense and heartfelt sobs of which he was capable. But Scott wasn't here. And Stiles, to his own regret that he didn't even remember now, had long since stopped thinking about what Scott would say to his actions. - You'll stay with me forever, Stiles, - it rang in his ears, and the once-man covered his eyes, feeling an unprecedented tiredness and love. He answered, even though he knew it wasn't a question. - Forever.