Shadow

      Perhaps few people really understood with whom they had begun their friendship. Some had read about Nogitsune's accomplishments in books, some had listened to his bloody, death-filled tales, some feared his eerie aura, but not many realized who he was or what he was capable of. The pack did not see them feeding on the pain, blissfully covering their eyes. They didn't see their indifference to the broken and their cruelty to those who didn't deserve that cruelty. They didn't see their rage and darkness because Stiles treated family and friends with care and caution, afraid of losing the one thing that still made him human. They didn't show their terrifying, frightening side, which gave rise to the very true legends of the mad, dark fox who knew no mercy or pity. But sooner or later it was bound to come out. Hiding who they were for years would never work. - If you lay a finger on him, we'll tear you apart, jaguar, - they hissed angrily as Kate - fucking dead Kate Argent - leaned over the barely breathing Derek. The Berserkers raged behind her back, and the pack was unacceptably late. If they hadn't decided to go ahead and get here early, Derek would... No. They would definitely save him. For the sake of the fair caution and distrust he harbored for them, for the sake of his smile, which had become almost a regular occurrence, and so that he could live the life he deserved but which Kate had ruthlessly taken from him years ago. - It's so funny to hear a man say that, - Kate looked up at him, not even thinking of moving away from her prey. She was inexperienced, pathetic, weak, and out of control. She didn't even realize that she was facing an ancient entity, not a mortal, and they grinned, pleased with the huge advantage they had over her. - What was the saying? "The boy who runs with the wolves?" - she grinned, lowering a clawed hand to Derek's already scarred chest. - And what are you going to do to me when your pack isn't here, kid? Stiles barely held back an angry snarl as he stared at her smug face that epitomized all the senseless violence and cruelty that had taken place in Beacon Hills. She and her deranged father were the ones who had started the string of deaths in their town, she had ruined Derek's life, driven Peter insane, caused the biting of Scott, who never wanted to be a werewolf. She deserved to die. - We already said we'd tear you apart. Present your head to your dying father, right before we rip out his heart. - They took a step forward, feeling Derek's pain. Waves of agony radiated from him, but for the first time in their lives, they didn't want to eat it. The pain of their pack member was like poison, fueling their anger and dulling their omnipresent hunger. - Get away from him. His calm, confident voice must have alerted her a little. Kate took a closer look at him, but didn't see anything unusual, nor did she smell anything dangerous. The smug smile was back on her grotesque, animal face, distorted by fangs and a feral stare. - Nice bluff, kid, you've grown considerably since our last meeting. But it's not enough to save dear Derek. - With those words, she drew her hand back, ready to lower it and cut Hale's life short, but she was not given that opportunity. Nogitsune intercepted her hand. He held it tightly, squeezing and breaking the bones of her wrist. His eyes glowed silver, and shadows of tails whipped and wriggled behind him, beating and wriggling with impatience. He growled, listening with rapt attention to Kate's painful moans. - We told you to get away from him. - Nogitsune pushed the jaguar werewolf away from the barely breathing Derek. Anger and power radiated from him in waves. - Who... Who are you? - spat out Argent angrily, glaring at the teenager in front of her. She was cradling her broken arm, stumbling backward in irrational terror. - We're Stiles, - they grinned. - We're the Nogitsune. And we're going to enjoy your pain to the fullest. They split apart, and at the same second, Kate's screams were so terrified and loud that Scott heard them, desperately rushing to help, but not in time. Nogitsune was tearing Kate apart while Oni fought the berserkers. There was pain, fear, chaos and animal terror in the air, but Stiles only brushed it away, swallowing heavily the saliva that had accumulated in his mouth and falling to his knees in front of Derek. He could help him while Nogitsune dealt with the jaguar. - Are you... Are you okay? - Stiles knew how stupid the question was, but he couldn't help but ask. Derek opened his eyes with difficulty and focused on Stiles. His wounds weren't healing and his breathing was shallow. - O-okay, - the werewolf lied weakly, sensing with all his being how much Kate was hurting right now. It was in the air: the way she'd feared and fought and lost. It didn't need to be heard or seen or smelled. It could just be felt. And it was a terrible feeling: there was no triumph or joy at her pain. Only relief and even pity.       - Don't fall asleep, frowny. I... I can take away your pain, if you want. - Derek didn't say anything, and Stiles hesitantly took his hand, black veins crawling along it. He covered his eyes, which nearly rolled with pleasure. They really hadn't eaten anything in a long time, since even his friend's pain seemed sweet. Derek sighed convulsively, opening his eyes wider and feeling the relief that came with it. He didn't realize how much he was hurting until the pain was gone. It was suddenly quiet, and Stiles opened his eyes and looked around. Derek sat up straighter, leaning against him and looking around as well. Berserkers, once savage monsters, and even before that, innocent humans, lay lifeless dolls here and there, slain by Oni who had slowly dissolved into a black haze when they realized their work was done. Blood was everywhere, permeating the air with its heavy odor. Kate's body was nowhere to be seen, and Stiles realized that Nogitsune had torn her apart, leaving no chance of resurrecting her again. The fox stood a little farther away, covered in another man's blood and looking surprisingly unconcerned with the chaos that had soaked the place in a matter of moments. Stiles swallowed as his human side, never having seen such horrors in the flesh, gave him a fleeting attack of nausea and disgust. - Are you alright? - he brought Nogitsune out of his reverie, trying to help the silent Derek up. - It looks like... It looks like our battle with the rougarou. We tore him apart then, too. - Yes, - Nogitsune smiled briefly, - our battle. - He ran his hand over his cheek, which was also smeared in scarlet liquid, in disgust, and snorted. - We'll wait for the pack to arrive. They have a first aid kit in the car. - He nodded at Derek and Stiles nodded. - Scott's not going to like this one, - Derek said, after the three of them had settled under a withered tree that stood a little ways away from the bloody mess the fox had made. He wrinkled his nose, either from the pain or from the foul, heavy odor. Nogitsune shrugged. - We feed on pain and enjoy chaos, Derek. You should have realized that. - I guess we just didn't want to do it, - the werewolf rubbed the bridge of his nose tiredly, groaning softly. - Thank you. Stiles smiled with trembling lips and looked at the fox, surprised by his gratitude. - You'll take that back, - the spirit warned him grimly, trying his best to get rid of the blood covering his body. - We were prepared for you to turn your back on us, - Stiles said suddenly, snuggling against Nogitsune's side and covering his eyes. - We didn't tell you because we knew we didn't fit Scott's morals. We're killers, brutal and ruthless. You know what the saddest thing about this situation is, Derek? - Stiles turned toward him, smiling bitterly. - I didn't even feel a thing when we were tearing Kate apart. For us, death is part of everyday life, something that happens all the time and feeds us. Scott wouldn't be able to accept that. And we were ready. - Scott isn't the only member of the pack, - Derek objected vehemently, surprising both Nogitsune and Stiles. Derek was the one who distrusted them the most, who constantly rewarded Nogitsune with murderous looks and left the room if they kissed. Stiles understood Derek's confusion over the issue of consent, which was almost taken away from Stiles, so he never tried to fix anything or convince him of anything. In a distant part of his mind he realized that Derek was right. - I've already accepted you for who you are. I wanted to tear Kate apart myself and I don't think you'd judge me. Peter will accept you for who you are because he's the same way. Isaac will accept you for who you are because he's okay with killing as long as it's not pointless and for the good of the pack. Lydia will accept you for who you are because she's smart and practical, because she can understand why and what you're doing it for. We've already accepted you, even if we haven't fully realized it. You... Stiles, you're important to them. And if you ever lose all of us, I want you to remember something good. - I... You've touched me, frowny, - Stiles almost cried, grinning widely. He hugged the werewolf, trying to keep his wounds intact and convey the gratitude he felt for him through this interaction. - We'll forget them all - the fox thought, either bitterly or joyfully. - Forget them all, and it will be just the two of us. Forever.

***

- We agreed to be... tolerant of Nogitsune if he avoided murder! And it wasn't just murder, it was... - Scott swallowed, not even wanting to remember the moment when they'd come to rescue Derek, but instead saw a stinking pile of human bodies and Nogitsune, his hands literally covered in blood. Not a pleasant sight. Scott wasn't ashamed of himself for throwing up at that very second. He'd never encountered such atrocities before, and his sensitive sniffer made it much worse. - She wanted to kill Derek, - Nogitsune said, unrepentant, doing his best to hold back the rage inside him at the fact that his fox had been made ill by Scott's displeasure and anger. Who was not only angry, but incredibly upset. - That's no reason to tear her apart! I could hear her screaming from miles away. No one deserves to be hurt like that. If... if there was no way around killing her, we could kill her quickly and mercifully. - And that was a huge concession on Scott's part. - I'm not merciful, - the fox cut off, waving his hand irritably. - At least not to her. Did she show that boasted mercy when she burned Derek's family? Or when she tortured him? Or when she tricked him into trusting her and killing everyone close to him? Was she merciful when she was about to rip Derek's throat open with her claws? Was she merciful when she killed innocent people one by one? We don't regret what we did. We saved Derek and got rid of that embarrassing mistake of humanity. - And at the same time ate, yeah? - Scott spat bitterly, and Stiles flinched. - Stop it, Scotty. When we made the deal with Noshiko, we mentioned that we would kill to protect or defend ourselves. She agreed to that. - I want to understand and even accept what you did, Stiles. But I - Scott lowered his head and clenched his fists. - But you're human, - Nogitsune concluded after a long silence. - You're human, and you were never made for a supernatural world where violence is just an everyday occurrence. - The spirit looked around the pack thoughtfully, wondering how so many different people could come together. - You're made for the life of asthmatic Scott McCall, who dreams of making the first line, dating a nice, ordinary girl, and being able to lean on the shoulder of a friend he's known since childhood. The life of a werewolf is not yours. Peter made the wrong choice that day. - And what it cost me, - Peter muttered quietly. - Maybe so, - Scott said, surprisingly calmly, raising his head and looking at Stiles, whom he didn't know at all, and Nogitsune, who had become his friend's eternal companion, - but you're wrong about the werewolf life not being mine. At first, I really hated being different with all my heart, but then... It doesn't matter who I am. What matters is who I see myself as. - Scott took a few steps forward and hugged Stiles tightly, as if for the last time. He wanted to convey everything he felt with that hug. He wanted to say that he wouldn't turn away, wouldn't abandon him, wouldn't betray him, but he wanted the same in return. He wants understanding and no senseless cruelty. - Think about it, Stiles, - Scott addressed only him this time. - I will never accept your methods. But I will try to understand. And you try to understand me. He pulled back, looking into his friend's confused face, and nodded slowly to Nogitsune, who stood nearby, frowning unhappily. The latter nodded back just as slowly. - And Kate...? - Allison began uncertainly, clenching her fists until her knuckles were white. She didn't feel sorry for the monster Nogitsune had killed. But once upon a time, Kate Argent had been her favorite aunt, and thinking about how horribly she'd met her end was hard and painful. - Let's forget about her. I'd have killed her myself if Nogitsune hadn't, - Derek said grimly, standing in the corner of the living room of the Stilinski house, where they were all gathered after what had happened. - I'd say I don't like you discussing the murder you committed in my house, but you already know that, - the sheriff came into the room with a sigh. - Super-sniff and all that. - At least it's not drugs, Dad, - Stiles snapped back and dodged a slap on the wrist with a tongue lashing. - Are you sure drugs are worse than murder, being in a neighborhood with an ancient spirit, and a pack of teenage werewolves that you spend all your time with who literally attract trouble? - In my defense, Peter is not a teenager. - That doesn't speak in your defense, it speaks against you. - Noah found the named Hale with his eyes and looked him over carefully and suspiciously, which was answered with a polite smile. - You are grounded until the end of the month. - He shifted his gaze to Stiles and a stunned Nogitsune. - House arrest, no jeep, no meeting with the pack. Just school and homework. And I can have burgers all week. - Two days! - Six. - We'll settle for four, - Stiles nodded sullenly. - And no more than two a day. - But - Nogitsune started to say, but faltered under the sheriff's stern gaze. He sort of saw the sheriff as a father figure because of his connection to Stiles, though the fact that he was being pointed out to him by some mortal was irritating beyond belief. - You killed a person. Even if it was a bad one. Every wrongdoing comes with a punishment. - We were rescuing Derek, - Stiles disagreed, but in a sluggish way. - And that's why you're grounded until the end of the month, not old age, - the sheriff looked tired, smelling of sadness and despair, but his eyes shone with confidence. - We can't grow old. It would be eternal punishment, - the fox reminded him of their first conversation. - That's what I'm saying, son. - The sheriff ran a hand through his hair, not noticing how embarrassed the spirit looked for a second after he heard the "son" address. - I'm going to bed. Don't stay up too long. And for God's sake, wash your face. - He pointed to the dried and skin-stiffening blood that Derek and Nogitsune were still covered in. They had wiped themselves with dry wipes as they drove home in sepulchral silence and tension, but it hadn't helped much - there was still a lot of blood. - Of course, sir, - Derek answered evenly for everyone at once. Noah nodded and headed upstairs. As he walked past Derek, his hand patted him gently on the shoulder, and he said quietly: - I'm glad you're alive, Derek. Derek couldn't find anything to say to that, so he just nodded, and the sheriff finally left. Isaac gave a long yawn as everyone relaxed after the sheriff left and began to talk quietly. Lydia wasn't with them-she'd gone on vacation with her mother just as the Kate mess had started, and she hadn't been back yet. - I can't believe I got to see Noah Stilinski put Nogitsune under house arrest," Peter said wryly as the relaxed fox settled back in his favorite sheriff's chair, gently stroking Stiles's hand on his knee. - I let him do it. - And that's the most amazing thing of all, - Hale grinned, looking them over carefully and shaking his head. - I can never fully understand the nature of your bond. You're different - very different - but you feel like one person. As one being. That's been occupying me a lot lately. - Don't fill your old head with it, zombie wolf, - Stiles yawned, leaning his forehead against Nogitsune's knee. He was sitting on the floor next to the chair, talking quietly to Scott, looking glum but not as unhappy as he had a few hours ago. - Even I don't fully understand how this is all happening. - We'll go, - Ethan said, his head falling back against his chest as he fell asleep. They were all tired from the long drive, the emotional friction, and the long day. - If nothing serious is going to happen, sleep is what I'm going to do. - I second that, - Isaac raised his hand, and Aidan nodded in agreement. - Then let's get out of here, ladies and gentlemen. There are only two beds in this house, and we're not going to share. - You overestimate yourself, Stilinski, - Ethan grinned, standing up and stretching his neck, - I would never share a bed with you. - You don't know what you're giving up, my furry friend, - Stiles joked back. The room emptied in minutes. Derek left with a nod, and Scott stood in the doorway for a long moment, as if he wanted to say or do something, but in the end he didn't, leaving the house in silence and in a mood more sullen than the rest of them. Stiles stared after him, thinking about his friend's words and feeling more lost than ever. Who are we? And who do we want to be?

***

Nothing could ever be the same again. Nogitsune had changed Stiles, selfishly binding him to himself for all eternity, taking away the life that could have given him children and a quiet, peaceful death surrounded by loved ones. Stiles wasn't sure he was against it, but his opinion, for reasons foxy and firmly planted in his mind, was biased. - Have I given you reason to doubt me? - We just can't trust you the way we used to, Stiles, - Lydia tightened her lips, feeling the bitterness eating away at her tongue. - But you're still a member of the pack. Just give us time. - Are you even sure you want us in your pack? - Stiles averted his eyes from the girl, feeling ambivalent. He wanted to leave, leaving his human life behind, relieving the pack of his heavy presence, gaining more freedom. But he also didn't want to leave those he cared for, those he loved with all his heart and wanted to protect. - We won't be offended if you kick us out. - Don't be silly, - Lydia was offended by his suggestion. - Many of us care about you, Stiles, and we don't want you to leave. But we need to get used to Nogitsune. - The girl pensively stroked one of the posters that hung on the wall of Stiles' room. Her gaze was unfocused. - You don't seem to notice it, but... His mere presence makes you shiver. His aura is overwhelming. It's something inhuman, I can feel it keenly. Allison feels it, werewolves feel it. It keeps us from seeing him as human. - He's not human, - Stiles sighed. - I'm sorry you don't like him. - A lot of the pack doesn't like Aidan and Ethan either. I already said that we're just having a hard time adjusting. - I think I understand, - the young man nodded. - When Nogitsune first started following me, he was always lurking in corners and distorting my reflection. I could feel it when he was near, because I was immediately gripped by irrational fear. - And his gaze was physically palpable, - Lydia nodded, looking at him with interest: Stiles had never told him how it was that he and Nogitsune had become one, how they'd met. At least not in detail. - Also the fact that you're like one person with him. Thoughts, memories, desires, urges, everything is two. It's confusing. - You feel like I'm not me anymore. - That's because you are. You're not the same Stiles Stilinski who's been in love with me since third grade. You've changed, but that doesn't mean you've stopped being my friend, okay? Stiles smiled faintly, safely hiding the warmth spilling over in his chest. Nogitsune grumbled quietly at the edge of his consciousness, not interfering with his thoughts, with their conversation. - I'll remember this, Lydia, - Stiles hesitantly held out his hand, which Lydia took without hesitation. - I'll remember it for the rest of my life. - All of eternity, Stiles, - the banshee whispered, feeling in her supernatural gut how her friend had changed, losing the connection to death that she sensed in every living thing. He would never die, lose all his friends, all his family. "But he'll still have Nogitsune, - Lydia consoled herself, swallowing an unpleasant lump in her throat. - They'll spend eternity together. And I, as well as the rest of the pack, will help Stiles begin that long journey. - You'll forget them, Stiles. Just like I've forgotten all my sisters and brothers. Stiles answered nothing, pulling Lydia into a tight hug and wanting only one thing. - I want to stay human. I don't want to forget. His throat constricted as he remembered Scott's question. Who were they? Nogitsune, no doubt about it. But what did they want to be? - Human, - Nogitsune's voice murmured in his head, and Stiles nodded in agreement. - We want to be human. - Then you'll be human, Stiles, - Lydia replied, and only then did Stiles realize he'd said it out loud. - And the only person who can turn you away from humanity is yourself. Wasn't that the most reassuring thing? Decades - centuries later, even - Stiles would answer, "No."