Manager

      I’m totally f*cked!       Oh, sorry, I think I outlined situation too sharply, and you don’t even know who I am. I would like to introduce myself, but unfortunately I have forgotten my own name. In fact, I don’t remember all my life very well. But let’s start from the beginning.

***

      I woke up suddenly, as if someone had switched me on. Um… What happened anyway? The last thing I remember was a flash of light followed by flash of pain. And that’s all. What were before this? I think I headed to uncle Andrew, he needed some help… Who is this uncle Andrew? I don’t have an uncle! Or do I? I do, but he was called not Andrew, he was called… I don’t remember. And my father had been kind of friends with uncle Andrew since school, and he often came to visit us. And we visit him as well. Yeah, that’s right. And when I grew up, I started helping him with his work. What kind of work? Don’t remember… something with machinery. Oh, so I must have been electrocuted and I’m in the hospital now!       At this point I decided to pay attention to my surrounding. It was dark, and the only source of light was device like a nightlight. I turned on the lamp next to me on the nightstand and looked around. The room I was in didn’t look like hospital. Rather, it looked more like a bedroom. A bed, a nightstand, a desk, small refrigerator, closet, shoe rack, few half-empty bookshelves, pair of office chairs, sideboard and an armchair. There’s no windows. The room is quite big and lack of furniture makes it seem empty, as if someone moved in recently and haven’t had time to settle in yet. No decorations, flowers, posters or anything like that. Just furniture and bare walls. Walls… For some reason i touched one of them. Steel or some similar metal. Something seemed odd to me, though I didn’t understand what it was. Anyways, that’s not the most important thing now. The important thing is I don’t recognize this room! Where the hell am I?!       “Hello! Is anyone here?”       No one responded to my call. And it’s quiet in here, only the vents is noisy. Apparently, I’m the only one here. I would have to get up and look for answers myself. On the outer hand, since I was left alone and unattended and not in a hospital bed, it means that my life and health after electrocution (let’s assume for now that I’m here because of that) are not threatened, right? Okay, time to try to get up…       It was unexpectedly easy, if we assume I got electrocution. Nothing hurt, there were no burns or scars on my body, and only concern is the color of my skin, which seemed too pale. By the way, I generally have an odd feeling that everything around me is somehow… wrong. I didn’t understand what exactly was it so I decided to get back to the business at hand, or rather, the clothes.       The clothes appeared neatly folded on a nearby chair. Socks, trousers, black shirt, red tie and white lab coat. On the floor beside them were a man’s black shoes. That would have been alright, except those weren’t my clothes. Or were they? No, totally not mine, although they seem familiar… Anyway, obviously it was left for me and there’s no other one to be seen around. There’s a closet, though…       After looking through many business suits of different colors and several lab coat that were in the closet I decided to wear what was on the chair. I didn’t bother with a tie, as I’m not very good with it without mirror anyway. By the way, there is no mirror in the room. I should go to the bathroom and look at myself. And I think I also have to go to the toilet while at it too.       In this room were two doors. As I moved to the first one, I froze in surprise as I finally paid closer attention to it. It’s hydraulic. I mean, instead of common door there were sliding leaves, driven by a mechanism like the ones you see in sci-fi movies. That was completely unexpected. I glanced at the second door — it was identical. I involuntarily gulped. Where did i get to with all these door installed? Am I in some military base? Some kind of bunker? Oh, I really don’t like this.       After looking at armored replacement of common doors I reached out for the button supposed to open it. Fortunately, it wasn’t locked and I peek inside. Inside were fairly normal bathroom with both toilet and shower. All solid white, licked and clean, as if it’s new. Hmm, maybe it’s really new?       When I went to the sink to wash my face, I was surprised to find that there was no mirror either. That’s strange. After rinsing my face, I noticed a tube of toothpaste. A white tube without pictures seemed unusual to me, although, it would seem, what can be unusual in toothpaste? I looked at it closer and there was a small inscription: “Standard Toothpaste HT-Q-1779-Mint/3-12-95/IY. Q Corporation. All rights reserved.” That’s it? And where are the composition, date and place of manufacture with all the other such “necessary” and “important " information that manufacturers shove on their product packages? And what’s that “Q Corporation” anyway?       After finishing my business in bathroom and going back to bedroom I decided to rummage through the desk, but there weren’t so much interesting things: only blank papers and office supplies. After this I looked in fridge. There were few identical small white plastic containers with writing on each “PRIU-Q-F2M2JF6/2-2-96/2Y. Improved Individual Diet. Q Corporation. All rights reserved.” Again this Q Corp. After I opened one of these. There were bags with some cubes and powders and a couple of small plastic bottles… It’s dry rations! But it’s an unusual one, I hadn’t seen one similar to those before. Though, like I have seen many of those at all…       Picture of what happened is frankly not pleasing. Some incident occured, probably due to careless handling of electricity, after which I lost consciousness for an uncertain period of time and got partial amnesia. After that I probably got kept in the hospital for a while, and then, deeming that my health was not in danger, someone discharged me and sent me here. Who, and for what hell was unknown, and I did not want to find out, as I suspected that I would not like the answers.       The uncertainty made me nervous, and the questions that flashed through my mind were not the least bit reassuring. No military men, people connected with the military, or simply eccentric personalities with a personal bunker were in my acquaintance, nor were there any adequate reasons for my being here, so my imagination gave out the most fantastic versions of what had really happened. I stubbornly banished unnecessary and delusional thoughts away, but they also stubbornly came back. And this place itself… is it just me, or is there something wrong with it? Is there something… off about it? Even unnatural?       I managed to calm down a little bit and think about what I actually was supposed to do? I had only two options: either wait for someone to come to for me, or go and find someone myself. Or better yet, find a way out and get out of here. Although, if I’m really in a military facility, I doubt they’re going to let me out of here…       After some thinking I decided to look for a way out, figuring that the security wouldn’t kill me anyway and at worst case scenario they would just beat me up a bit and drag me to the local boss for a explanations. It was a not great prospect, to be honest, but for some reason staying in this room seemed like an even worse idea for me.       I took one more look at the box with dry food, conclude that I wasn’t hungry, put it back in the fridge and headed to the second door. For a moment I thought it might be locked, but quickly opened door dispelled my fear. Behind door was a not too long empty corridor. In it were five doors: four like the one’s in my room on the sides and one directly facing me was in a different shape. Looks like elevator. I headed toward it, while trying the other doors on the way on, but none of them opens.       After I waited for the elevator and got into it, I saw that there was only one button on the dashboard. Well, that only makes it easier for me. The ride was short, and I found myself in a spacious room. There was a large desk with computers, and big monitors hanging on the wall across from it. There was something else, but I didn’t have time to see it all, because I finally saw a human figure and moved toward it.       “Hello, can you say…” — I didn’t finish and stopped halfway through, and then involuntarily recoiled against the wall. It was because I had recognized her. And now I couldn’t believe my eyes. — “I am s-sorry, b-but who are y-you?” — I squeezed out through sheer force.       “I’m Angela, your advisor and secretary.”       “A-and where we are now?”       “In one of the energy production complexes of the Lobotomy Corporation. Are you alright, Manager?”       To say that I was shocked was to say nothing. The pieces of the puzzle in my head snapped into place, and with the same snapping sound, the world collapsed into an abyss. The realization overwhelmed my thoughts, creating a bizarre combination of disbelief in what was happening, hope that it wasn’t real, and despair that it could all be true. Overpowered by all these feelings at once, I had the strength to utter a only one word:       “F*ck!”       My breath left me, my legs suddenly stopped holding me, and I collapsed on my side. The only thing for what I had left was the strength to turn on my other side, against the wall, so I wouldn’t have to see her. I stared blankly at the bare wall, and there was something going on in my head that I could not describe in words. I guess that’s what happens to people who goes crazy.       I don’t know how much time passed, maybe a couple of hours, maybe a couple of seconds, but the world didn’t really care about my condition, which is what it told me.       “Manager, are you all right? Please get up, the workday is about to begin.”       “I’m not here.”       “Excuse me?”       “I’m not here. You’re not here. None of this is here. None of this is true. Yes, that’s right, none of this is true. I died by electrocution, and everything that’s happening now is nothing more than a delirium of my agonizing brain. I just have to wait and it’ll all be over, yeah…”       “I can assure you that you are not dead, and everything that happens here…”       “Shut up, hallucination, you’re not here. And I’m not here. There’s nothing there… P-ha-ha-ha, nothing there!”       “Please calm down, or I will have to take extreme measures!”       “Calm down?” — I started to get up slowly. — “Calm down, you say? Well, yeah, it’s easy to calm down, isn’t it? Why shouldn’t I calm down?”       I stood up and turned to face her. There was no fear on her face, but she still took a few steps back anyway.       “After all, nothing happened, right? Yeah, that’s right, nothing happened and everything’s fine. Well, except, of course, for the little fact that I DIED AND GOT IN FREAKING HELL! AND YOU’RE MY PERSONAL DEMON TORTURER! WHERE’S YOUR PITCHFORK?!”       I was obviously losing my mind, and I didn’t know what I was doing or why I was doing it. I jumped up against the wall, grabbed some weighty thing, threw it at Angela, and then, without waiting for it to reach target, rushed to the nearest door. It opened without a problem and let me out into the corridor. I don’t remember how long I ran down it, but on the way I bumped into some man dressed in red who was walking in the same direction as me.       “Hey, buddy!!!” — The man turned to me in surprise, and I immediately punched him in the face. The guy, who had not expected such a turn, fell to the floor and grabbed his head with his hands. I looked him over and found the holster, immediately took the gun from him and put it in my pocket.       “Lie still and don’t move!” — I yelled at him and, having lost any interest to the lying down man, moved on.       After running for some more time, I ran into a short girl with a notebook. Bah, what people… I mean, robots!       “Where’s the exit?!” — I nearly jumped at her.       “E-excuse me, what?”       “Do you know where the exit is?! You should know it like your schedule!” — I realized that she would not just answer me, so I started talking nonsense. — “It’s an outrage! I just arrived, and now it turns out that there are violations on violations and violations are pursued!”       “Oh, so you’re the new Manager?”       “Well, yes! And I say this is an outrage! Where are the evacuation plans? There are supposed to be evacuation plans on every corner, but I haven’t seen one yet! What is Angela looking at?! What if the review committee comes? What if the order Base-Delta-Zero comes, and our employees do not know where to run? When was the last time we had a drill?”       “W-what drill?”       “Holy crap! Doesn’t Angela realize that she could be dismantled for such negligence? And me too, for that matter! This is such a nightmare. We have to fix this! Right now! So, the task for you is to make up an evacuation plan right away, print out a big stack of these plans and start pasting them on every corner, while I go and give a lecture on safety and what to do when an evacuation is declared. You just tell me where the exit is and then run to it! You can do it, right?”       “Of course I can do that, Manager, sir, you can count on me! And the exit is in the central room of Control Department, opposite the monitors. But it’s locked…”       “Well, I’m not taking anyone outside, I’m just doing a drill. All right, go on, get to work!”       “Yes, of course! I won’t let you down!” — The Sephirah ran back down the corridor. It was too easy. While I was telling her nonsense I had time to calm down a little and realize what a mess I’d made of it all. Damn, damn, damn, damn, Angela must be furious! What will she do to me? I don’t know and I don’t want to know. I’ve got to get out of here. But I don’t think I can do it alone. Damnit! Think, head, think, my dear… All right, here’s the plan: I go to the Hall, tell people some crap, like I did with Malkuth, raise a Riot, break down the doors to the outside, get the hell out of here, and then we’ll see what happens. Yeah, that sounds like a plan…       Soon I was in the central room of Department. No one paid any attention to my appearance, and there were no Sephirahs in the room. But there was the coveted massive door that separated me from my freedom. Okay, let the show begin!       I grabbed the nearest chair, rolled it to the exit, stood on it, summoned all my less than humble acting skills, whistled loudly, and started yelling “People, over here!”. The people finally turned their attention to me and, glancing around with doubt, began to approach me. After waiting for the crowd to gather, I began to make a speech.       “My friends, I am the new Manager of this facility, who arrived here only yesterday. And I have some bad news for you: Angela, the artificial intelligence, which is responsible for the performance of all automatic systems of this complex, is out of control!” — frightened shouts began to be heard. — “Quiet, everybody! Yes, she has gone mad and now wants to kill everyone who is here. But we’re not going to sit around and wait for her to figure out exactly how to kill us all, are we?!”       “That’s right!” — the crowd responded in unison.       “But what should we do?” — Someone shouted.       “There’s a door right behind me that’s supposed to lead to the outside! We need to open it as soon as possible and get out of here! Then we need to inform the corporate headquarters that Angela is going crazy, and then they’ll send people here to solve the problem. I’m sure we’ll all be generously rewarded for this service! We all agree?!”       “Yes!” — The enthusiasm at the mention of the award is just so overwhelming, honestly.       “All right! Then bring me a crowbar or some other tool and let’s get out of here!”       The crowbar was brought very quickly, and not just one. It was obvious that it was impossible to kick out an armored door (what a door it is — a gate!) with a crowbar, but the panel, behind which the emergency opening mechanism was hidden, was possible. With such a crowd it was even easier than I thought. Next I reached into the mechanism, my hands did something, and then I took out my gun, shot some kind of block, and the gate opened. Malkuth came running in at the people’s triumphant scream, but nobody cared about her: we all ran through the gate into a wide corridor that went up at the end. Yes, I freaking got out!… I thought like that, not paying attention to the buzzing sound. When I finally paid attention to it, my eyes suddenly went black…

***

      I woke up the same way as the first time — suddenly, as if someone had switched me on. What had happened? Where am I? I had a frightening hunch, and when I turned on the lamp, I realized that I was not mistaken. It was the same room. The same furnishings. The same surroundings, clothes on the chair, etc.       I covered my face with my hands. The already small hope that this was a delusion had evaporated. It wasn’t a delusion, a hallucination, or an illusion. This is a harsh reality. Absurd, impossible, nightmarish, but a reality. A reality where I am a trapped in the protagonist of a Korean game with high complexity, a convoluted plot, and an unhappy ending. And so, remembering all the plot twists I knew, figuring out how hard it would be to get through this game scenario in reality, trying to guess what sins the higher forces had decided to punish me for, and realizing that all the difficulties ahead of me would essentially be for f*cking nothing, I gave out my no doubt objective and adequate assessment of the situation:       “I’m totally f*cked!”

Welcome to the f*cking Hell Lobotomy Corporation!