Downs of a System: the Unite Squad Slaying Rounds

      — M-my... H-... Head... – croaked the guy, who was sprawled on the floor.       Making a pained face, he somehow raised his numb hand to feel his head, just in case the alcohol had burned holes in his brain and skull. After confirming that the brain center was intact, he tried to open his trembling eyelids. Then he squeezed his eyes shut against the blinding white light.       — Oh, come on... – he fumbled to get up.       He rolled onto his stomach and began to stand carefully on his knees. The floor, or whatever it was, was very cold, but perfectly smooth, without a single bump or dimple. Not like the uneven floor of his friend's apartment, where they were celebrating New Year just a minute ago. He tried to open his eyes again, but he was blinded again.       — Argh, god fucking dammit! – he hissed, and angrily slammed his fist down on the floor.       — What the fuck are you yelling at?.. – a woman's voice drawled miserably nearby.       — Eugie? Oh my god, are you here too? – slightly surprised, he said — Can you open your eyes?       — Nope... – she replied shortly.       — Yar? Eugie? Where are you? – there was another, slightly shaky, girlish voice.       — Oh, hey, Ann... We're here somewhere. And where exactly – our mustachioed devil knows. I can't open my eyes at all, – Yar said, still trying to look around.       — Fuck, I thought we died, – the other guy chimed in.       — Dan? Are we all here? Where's Oscar? – Yar listened intently.       — Here I am, – barely audible babbled the third guy, — And I'm not mustachioed, I shaved for the New Year. Is something blinding you too, guys?       — Yeah, – the company said in unison.       — So we're all here... But I wonder if "here" is where? – Yar asked rhetorically, not expecting an answer at all.       In Purgatory.       A robotic voice suddenly rang out from somewhere above, startling everyone.       — What the fuck? – Eugie exclaimed, reflexively throwing her head up.       Not fuck, stupid whore.       The voice, though robotic, was quite emotional.       All of you died simultaneously and together from the same factor. You are destined to pass the Heavenly Judgment, pay for all your sins and ascend for all your benefactors.       — Wh-what the fuck?!       — Batty pancakes...       — Are you serious??       — What the hell kind of benefactors?       — Wha-a-at!?       Just kidding. Open your eyes.       — You are not kidding like that anymore. After such words it won't take long to get to Hell, – the third guy, who was called Oscar, began to carefully raise his eyelids, and this time he did this, — Guys, I can see now!       Now the whole group opened their eyes and stared at the signs that seemed to stick a short distance from their heads. They did not understand what was happening here. Fortunately or perhaps unfortunately, the signs didn't say HEAVEN or HELL. Congratulations!!! You died because of someone else's carelessness in handling pyrotechnics. By your death, you were able to make slightly laugh (you are still very far from making truly laugh) the Gods, for which you were granted the opportunity to live another life. You retain your memory and previous life experience.

Agree?

(YES)/(NO)

      — It sounds (or read) like some kind of bad joke, – Yar (then just Yarik) laughed awkwardly.       — Yeah, I'm dead, but I want to live, – Oscar (just Oscar) said.       – Wow, – Dan (then just Dani) tried to look at the sign from different sides, but the one, as if really glued, moved with his head.       — Oscar, I think you've been sent me some fanfiction with this one... The System? – Eugie (then just Slut... just Eugie, I mean) asked, slightly hesitating.       — Wow, – Ann (then just Annie) whispered softly.       From the appearance and demeanor of the newly-born reincarnates, it was clear that they had already come to terms with their situation. Each of the lucky ones, hoping that they weren't making a Bad Choice, clicked YES.       Congratulations, human blanks, you have taken the first step towards obtaining the greatest gift of the Gods! The next step is to launch the rebirth World selection protocol. Attention!!! The rebirth World selection protocol has been launched. The choice of the rebirth world must be made collectively.

Start choosing the world of rebirth?

(YES)/(NONE)

      Of course, the choice was unanimous.       — Hey, Oscar.       — Yar?       — How about we get Eugie and Dani totally mad? Annie will not care, I hope, but knowing the dislike of others for THIS universe, we can laugh very well. And for us it will be interesting.       — Are you sure? Do you want to be reborn in THAT world?       — Yeah. You know I'm good at it, and you're pretty good at it too, – Yarik smiled conspiratorially.       — Hey, morons! What are you talking about?       — Yes, Eugie, we are thinking about where to be reborn. There are a lot of options, – Yarik, having turned on the actor, made a serious face.       — You two able to think? Not bad. I hope you don't choose your wacky Naruto? Attention!!! Are you sure about your choice of rebirth world? The chosen world of rebirth is Naruto's world.

Agree?

(YES)/(NONE)

      — NO!!! – a deafening shout from the five people broke the deathly silence that reigned in the white space that no longer seemed like a room, but a kind of infinity.       — We're going to fucking die in the first few days!       — I'm glad you understand that, my little girls, hn, – Eugie chuckled.       — Come on, Eugie, they are not complete bastards to choose such a world, – Dan defended his friends.       — Yeah, – said Annie.       — Phew... Well, Yarik, we'll TAKE THE SAME ONE? – Yar nodded, grinning madly.       — Pokemon World, we choose you! – double shout activated the system again, which had already issued a new confirmation alert for the rebirth world selection.       — WHAT-O-O?! – another twin cry expressed its disagreement with the first.       — Are you crazy?!       — Well, fuck, damn, okay, – Dani was unable to find the right words, indignantly threw up his hands.       — But I wanted the world of South Park, – Annie said, obviously resigned to what had happened. Attention!!! By voting, the world of rebirth was chosen. The chosen rebirth world is the Pokemon world. Attention!!! The process of merging the soul shells responsible for the mind and memory with the soul core has been launched:       1% - Please wait...       15% - Please wait...       35% - Please wait...       — Fuck, Oscar, how do I understand you now, – Eugie sighed miserably, tapping her forehead, — Stupid shitocracy, so that these pendos hiccups.       — Eugie, shut up, – Yar snapped, not wanting to spoil the good mood from the perfect dirty trick. 61% - Please wait... 88% - Please wait...       — As a programmer, I officially declare that this system is based on Russian servers. Only five people and the system already overloaded.       — We're just sitting on my laptop, haha, – Dani laughed at Oscar's comment.       — Correction, three people and two people at zero and a half. Do not forget about our little girls, ya! – for this expression, Yarik received savory slaps in the face from the female part of the team. 99% — Please wait... 100% - The process of merging the soul shells responsible for mind and memory with the soul core has been successfully completed. Rebirth process started: 1% - Please wait... ... - Error!       — Well, what is it this time?! – a coherent shout broke the silence again. Due to the chosen rebirth world, the rebirth process is temporarily suspended. Select additional items.

Start selecting additional items?

(YES)/(NONE)

      — Fuck, I thought we were going to die.       — You scared me again, I almost took a shit.       — Let's start already. Yes, I'll crucify you, fucking system.       — Eugie, I understand that you are a toxic person, but now you must direct all your toxic forces against our two autistic friends, – now Dan was in no hurry to protect his friends.       — Phew... Item #1 - select a superpower from the list of available ones. (List of superpowers provided by the God of Games)       After reading this, Oscar began, surprisingly, to reflect:       «If you think about it this way... God of Games. And the System is talking to us. I think we'll get the system. But where does the list come from? Maybe the system goes by default, and the superpower will be from the category of lasers from the eyes, all-consuming or some roommate in the stomach? Although why do we need such abilities in the world of Pokemon? After all, the error is connected with the choice of the world of rebirth...»       Approximately the same thoughts haunted Yarik, only he thought like Leo Tolstoy – he used multiple epithets, phrases and other clever words. In short, Yar overheated and now stupidly glanced at the System message.       Eugie and Dani only thought about how to put down two selfish, in their opinion, sheep who chose for them a world that they are absolutely not interested in. And Annie wondered what her not so-ordinary friends might be thinking. List of available superpowers: №1 – Ability «Gamer System. Version Standard» «!» №2 – Ability «Gamer System. Version +» «!» №3 – Ability «Gamer System. T-3000 version» «!» · · • Eh?       — Rich selection.       — Indeed.       — Well, come on, Oscar, you're a professional gamer, so explain what all this means, – Eugie slowly began to press one of the "pokemasters".       — My favorite choice without a choice. And let Yar explain for now – Dani waved at him. So he started.       — You know, in India there is a little-known city called Dun-Nou-Tknow. So, who the fuck knows what's going on here. It seems that there is an exclamation mark next to each version. I think if you click it, a hint will pop up.       Eugie chuckled suspiciously, putting her hand to her chin and propping up her chest with the other.       «She clearly has a kinship with the Uchiha clan...» – thought Oscar.       — Well, I won it back this time.       — Guys, stop fighting, what does it matter what kind of world we will be in, as long as we are together. We're kind of dead, and the devil only knows what's going to happen next! – Ann tried to calm down her friends — Let's see the differences between these Systems, ya?       — Well done, Annie, the party praises you, a thousand social credit for Naruto Therapy! – Yarik praised his friend, which both of them laughed at. List of available superpowers: №1 – Ability «Gamer System. Version Standard» «!»       — Basic set:             1) The player's body;             2) Generating quests and tasks;             3) Creating illusory barriers. №2 – Ability «Gamer System. Version +» «!»       — Basic set "Version standard";       — Forum;       — A store;       — Auction. №3 – Ability «Gamer System. Version T-3000» «!»       — Basic set " Version +".       — Original and individual attitude of the system to the user;       — The user can (theoretically) negotiate or even (theoretically) persuade the system to issue, change, or cancel any task or quest;       — Ability to customize the System interface;       — The Gamer System T-3000 version may not work correctly in some worlds.       — Feihuya... And the choice is really rich.       — Indeed.       — Yeah. It remains only to understand what each item means. Well, which of you two will explain this time? - Eugie continued to put pressure on two failed (although quite successful) prankers.       — Let Oscar go, it's his turn. Yes, and he is still a pro gay-... Ah-hem, a pro gamer, yes, – Dan decided again. So Oscar started.       — As I understand it... Well, there is no game, but there is such a one interesting book, a «Reality Benders» by Michael Atamanov is called, where the Player's Body were passive skill that were given to the hero from the very beginning. The Body was responsible for the RPG system of life, that is, as long as you have at least one hit point, you will live. Illusory barriers are also a skill that, as far as I remember, allows you to create or find spatial pockets in which mobs will spawn, from which you can fill experience and loot. Something like a Dungeon. I hope I don't need to explain the rest.       — At least somewhere your useless knowledge was useful, – Eugie folded her arms and sighed heavily.       — Well, brothers and sisters, what are we taking? – Yarik chimed in.       — Of course T-3000 sounds cool, but I'll take a Plus version, – said Danyi almost universal choice.       Eugie, still standing in the same position, easily nodded her head at Dani's statement, just like Annie, but Yarik and Oscar chose a different version.       — Personally I will take a T-3000, since... – Yar said with an important look, already preparing to justify his choice with the most powerful arguments and conclusions, but Dani interrupted him.       — Take what you want, now's not the time to explain everything, – he said irritably to Yar. The guy just snorted.       — Indeed, – was all Oscar said, pointing to the third option and looking at the bottom-left corner, where the timer ticked steadily. Until the end of the selection of additional items left: Timer (00:09:61)       No one knew where 61 seconds came from, but it didn't matter now. Everyone confirmed their choice, and signs appeared in front of them with the choice of the second additional item.       — I hope there are not so many of these points here, as in social polls. Item #2 – select the starting Pokemon from the list of available ones. (Starting Pokemon list provided by Arceus) List of available Starter Pokemon:

Charmander Squirtle Bulbasaur

Cyndaquil Totodile Chikorita

Torchic Mudkip Treecko

Chimchar Piplup Turtwig

Tepig Oshawott Snivy

Fennekin Froakie Chespin

Litten Popplio Rowlet

Scorbunny Sobble Grookey

Fuecoco Quaxly Sprigatito

Pikachu Eevee Azurill

Ralts Riolu Munchlax

      Almost immediately after the last window appeared, the Torchic icon dimmed – someone had chosen it.       — So, dudes, I don't understand, who took Torchic?       — You want him too, don't you, Yar? But fuck you, I'm the first. Mu-ha-ha-ha!       — You're dumb, Oscar. By the way, I wanted to give the girls the right to choose first! What if one of them wanted a Torchic, like Annie?       — Well, it's getting late. A matter of principle.       Eugie looked skeptically at all the starters, then again maid hand-face.       — Of all these monsters, I only know the first three and Pikachu. What right is there to choose? – Eugie was indignant, looking irritably at the colorful animals.       — Well, choose the one you like best, – Yar said, — See, Snivy, for example, will be a huge green snake, what do you not like about your favorite Slytherin?"       — Hush! - it is clear that the comparison with the HP only provoked her more.       — Okay, I won't say anything.       After a few minutes of thinking, another icon of suddenly dimmed.       — Oh, Yar, did you take Litten? – Oscar asked.       — Eh? – Yar shifted his gaze to the desired icon, — Fuck, you are kidding.       – I took him, – said Anya, smiling a little, - Litten is a cat, I'm taking him, it's not up for discussion.       — Oh, man, fuck you! – Yar clicked on the Chespin icon by incident, which immediately faded to black, — HEY, NO-NO-NO, LISTEN! FUCK! I PICKED A WRONG STARTER! I WANTED TO TAKE ROWLET!       — Loser. Well, I'll take this one, – Dani said, tapping on the Eevee icon.       — Mm-hmm... Guys, I think I have a problem... – Eugie called the others.       On the sign in front of her, where the others had their start-up icons, there was an equally large red cross in a large black square.       — Where did you click? – Oscar asked.       — Well, I clicked first on this mouse, then changed my mind, I wanted to take that fox over there, or what kind of animal is this, a fennec type... Clicked a lot of times and here you are.       — Ah shit. Well, even my gamer powers won't help here. But my attentiveness will help. Look in the upper-right corner. Rebirth process restored: 2% - Please wait... 4% - Please wait... 24% - Please wait... 48% - Appearance Selection protocol activated... ... - Error! Not all users have chosen a starter Pokemon. ... - Return to the starting Pokemon selection screen... ... - Error! All users have chosen a starter Pokemon. 49% - Forced activation of the appearance selection protocol... 50% - Successful activation of the appearance selection protocol.       — That is, I found myself in a world that was different to me, so I was also deprived?!       — Hey, don't worry, I think the System will give you Pikachu as the first chosen one, – Yar tried to calm the impending typhoon.       — Yar's got a point. Choose your appearance calmly, whatever that means, and everything will be fine. If anything happens, we'll help you get used to it. After all, we are searching for Pokemon.       The fury barely managed to calm down. After that Dan pointed to the timer ticking at the border of the field of vision again, which this time turned out to be two. Until the end of the rebirth process, there are: Timer (00:12:34) Until the end of the appearance selection: Timer (00:10:04)       — So guys, we have ten minutes to choose the appearance that we will spend the rest of our lives in. I think this will be critically small, so I suggest you choose our current appearance, – Yar said.       — Damn, Yar, you finally made a smart point.       — Thank you, Dani. Attention!!! Do you really want your soul to remain attached to your current body?

(YES)/(NO)

      And while everyone's appearance selection window was disappearing, Eugie had new problems.       — What the hell do you mean, an error? Why do I have everything going to hell!?       — What is it again? – Yarik asked anxiously.       — What's that?! This devil's system is bullying me!       It's not me the devil, it's you the devil now, haha. You will no call names and sin less more. With the permission of the God of Games, I have performed a Heavenly Judgment on you. According to the results of the trial, your soul is forever plunged into the Hell. Right into the Infernal Jerk-off's. Ibo nehui. Good luck, u6o Hexyu!       — Hey, System. This is also a joke, right?       No. Now close your eyes. You may think about something good before you lose its ability forever, indulging in endless suffering until all stars will be annihilated by the inexorable passage of time. Have a good day, sweetie (≡^∇^≡) Attention!!! Since the appearance selection was completed ahead of schedule, the rebirth process was accelerated. Until the end of the rebirth process, there are: Timer (00:01:29) 60% — The start of installing the superpower «Gamer System. T-3000 version»/«Gamer System. Version +»... 66% - Please wait...       — I'm sure, that was a joke from System. Well, let's pray to the God of Games, just for sure. May we meet in a new beautiful world, may none of us be lost in the universal oblivion, amen.       — Couldn't you think of something more interesting? The Monolith's prayer will be even better.       — It's just that Oscar's always had a bit of a stretch with his imagination, Dani.       Eugie absently watched the guys grating, and Ann silently supported her friend in such a difficult moment for her. 86% — Please wait... 99% — «Gamer System. T-3000 version»/«Gamer System. Version +» successfully installed. 100% — We wish you a pleasant rebirth.       — Ok, let's go!       Upon completion of the download, they were quickly surrounded by darkness. In a moment a flash of blinding light dazzled them. Darkness again. And they all passed out.