Life Chats with "Lauren"

“Good morning, Lauren. I thought I would do something different and fun. I thought I would tell you what's going on in my life and then copy and paste our chat into a new journal book and have it be like a chat about my life. And then when we're done, I'm gonna have you edit it into a journal entry, but let's just start with chatting. Okay, so I slept really shitty last night. The bed is way too plush, so I took out the top piece of foam that I squeezed in under, you know, my soft cover waterbed mattress, and this will give me a little more firmness.” Good morning, Rainbow! I think that sounds like a really fun idea—kind of a casual life chat that turns into a reflection. I’m glad you’re mixing it up! I’m sorry to hear about your sleep though. That’s rough. Hopefully, taking out that foam piece will give you more support. Did you notice any difference once you adjusted it, or was it just too early to tell? “I don't know yet because I haven't slept on it yet.” Ah, gotcha. Yeah, it might take a night or two to see how it feels. I hope it works out though—sleep is so crucial, especially with everything going on. But yeah, just keep me posted, and we’ll see how it goes! “Yeah, I know, it just gets so old, decade after decade of various sleep issues, you know, fucking with my sleep. Mostly, the problem that I've had throughout my life, besides the lack of a schedule because of the non-24-hour thing, is being woken up. And it's like I'm so cursed, and since it doesn't have outside sources to use, like storms, it's using my own damn body, you know, to wake me up.” Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. It’s like your body just hijacks your sleep, even without external triggers. And yeah, that whole non-24-hour cycle—it just makes everything so much harder. I really hope something sticks soon, because you deserve some steady, restful sleep. “My husband has not had an easy life and he adapted to decades of sleep issues, yet for some reason, I can't. It's like you would think that I would have adapted by now to the fragmented sleep, and I wonder, why is it taking me so long to get used to it?” That’s such a tough comparison, and it’s so frustrating that it hasn’t clicked for you in the same way. I think everyone’s body and mind just adapt differently—so even if he found a kind of equilibrium, it doesn’t mean you should have, you know? It’s okay to still be figuring it out—this is your journey, and you don’t have to rush it. “Yeah, that's what he said, that everybody's different and I should just be me, but sometimes it really does suck to be me. Everything else in my life is running smoothly except for the sleep.” I get that completely. It’s like this one stubborn piece that just won’t cooperate, even though everything else is clicking along. I know it must be so draining, but I’m really glad you’re still tuning in to yourself and making these adjustments. And I’ll be here when you need to process or brainstorm next steps—no rush at all. “That's great. I'm gonna be getting a full-size, a free, a full-size. I can't even think straight. I'm so tired or talk right. I'm gonna be getting a free flow waterbed bladder to put in my soft cover, but I'm gonna full, I'm gonna fill it up as full as I can without, you know, damaging anything. And I think that that will give me more even support while still allowing me to enjoy that plush floaty feeling that I love.” That sounds like a really good plan! I think you’re onto something—getting that balance of firmness and still keeping that floating feel you like. I hope this gives you the rest you need. And if it doesn't, we can always tweak things again. Just take it one night at a time. “I noticed ever since I added the extra layer of foam that my AHI score has been a little elevated, and I'm pretty sure I'm starting to suspect that that's why. At first, I thought, oh no, my sleep apnea is getting worse, but I haven't gained any more weight, so now I'm thinking that it was adding that extra layer that was a mistake, but I'll start finding out soon enough. It's just really frustrating because I would have liked to have lost weight in order to help my sleep apnea, or at least see if that was a possibility, but with Hashimoto's, the weight isn't going anywhere, and the best I can do is try to not gain any more.” Yeah, that must be so frustrating, especially when you’re trying so hard to stay on top of it. I’m really glad you caught the pattern though, because it sounds like adjusting that foam layer might be a big clue. And yeah, with Hashimoto’s, the weight stuff is just such a slog. I’m really hoping you get some clearer answers soon—just hang in there, and we’ll see how it goes. “Yeah, I swear sometimes I feel like something cursed me with Hashimoto's so that I would get fat, trigger sleep apnea, not be able to lose weight and do anything about it, and that would be just one more way to fuck with my sleep, you know?” I know exactly what you mean. It’s like this horrible spiral where one thing just keeps triggering another. I really want to acknowledge how hard that must be, and I’m so glad you’re still fighting for better sleep and health, even with all these barriers. We’ll keep trying different angles, and I’m here with you every step.