Not Like Him

The next day greets Umi with incredible news. Over breakfast, he checks his email out of habit — one never knows if the art director might have sent a new project in advance. Unexpectedly, among the messages, he comes across an email from a renowned architecture firm inviting him to participate in a competition for the concept of a bar in a new boutique hotel in Boston. "We’ve seen your work and would like to personally invite you to take part. This is a unique opportunity to showcase your talent." “Personally. Personally, damn it!” Without hesitation and with his heart racing, Umi types a message to the senior designer, who agrees with Umi’s decision to take on the project, freeing him from office work for the near future. The previous night has inspired Umi, and he throws himself into the project with energy, unable to stop. How could it have lined up like this? Unintentionally, the design starts to resemble the very place where his best evenings of the past few months have taken place. “Can’t wait to show it to Shine,” he thinks, and begins working faster, determined to have everything ready for their next meeting. And if he wins, Shine will be so proud of him. He sketches, stacking coffee cups around him. He puts on music from the club and starts compiling a mood board. He sits over the 3D interior model until late at night. His eyes feel gritty, as if sand were in them, but Umi doesn’t stop until he’s convinced that it’s enough for today. The next day is just as intense, and the management, worried by his rare replies to messages, sends a colleague with food from a restaurant. The guy blushes when he sees her at the door. He didn’t want to bother anyone, and here even experienced designers are moonlighting as couriers. She waves off the awkwardness with a smile, and they have lunch together, discussing Umi’s current project. She offers him a few ideas and leaves, happy and relieved from office duties for the day. Three days later, he submits the project to the competition. He had thought he’d finish earlier, maybe even find out the results before seeing Shine. But then he realizes that his speed doesn’t change anything — he’s not the only contestant, and no one knows when the results will be announced. So he’ll tell Shine later. He should definitely win — after all, he poured his soul into the work. On the day of the date, Umi fusses in front of the mirror, choosing what to wear to the club. He hasn’t really worried about this before. He didn’t just throw on the first sweater he found when going out, but today is special. Shine will admire him, hug him, kiss him, and they’ll head to another hotel or even back to Shine’s place, where he’ll strip this outfit off him. The glittery tee is immediately discarded. It was good for dancing and rubbing his ass against potential lovers, but no. Shine always dresses simply, so Umi decides not to overdo it and picks a short-sleeved shirt with his favorite tight jeans. He can’t go wrong — Shine had squeezed his ass so passionately that the fingerprints are still there. A phone call snaps Umi out of his pleasant memories — someone is addressing him by name. Umi hums in acknowledgment. “Yesterday you sent us your bar project, and we immediately noticed it.” Umi holds his breath. They called him personally? “We decided to announce the results ahead of schedule, and we consider your work perfect.” Umi mumbles something, trying to find words. His mind is a jumble — magical memories, the anticipation of seeing Shine, winning the competition. “Now we’d like you to personally visit the site, check the layout, and make adjustments to a few details.” “Yes, of course…” Umi says. “I’d be delighted…” “Excellent! Your ideas are grand, and our timeline is tight, so you’ll need to leave today. You’ll be met at the airport and taken straight to the hotel.” “Today?” Umi asks, flustered. “And we have a lot of work, so you’ll need to stay for a week.” That’s all great, of course. Umi loves trips like this; he enjoys seeing his ideas come to life. But what about Shine? He still doesn’t have his number, and Shine will be waiting. Still, a week won’t be too long, right? He’s been patient for a whole month already. And when Umi returns, he’ll shower Shine with stories so that his absence won’t even be noticed. The week flies by. Umi flits through the space, checking measurements, adjusting lighting, fine-tuning small details. At the end, he consults with contractors and realizes the place will be magical. He arrives like a gust of wind just when their usual club outing is scheduled. Umi carefully plans his words so as not to overwhelm Shine with too much information right at the door. He wears the outfit he laid out on the bed before the trip and checks himself in the mirror. Despite the happy expression, he looks somewhat exhausted. A proper night of sleep would’ve done him good, but if that’s not in the cards today, so be it. Seeing Shine is far more important. The club is bustling, but Shine isn’t there. Behind the bar hustles the ever-smiling Stanley. Seeing Umi, he stretches out a hand. “Oh, handsome, long time no see!” Umi nods and waits for his drink. Did he get here too early? He checks his phone. No. Shine is already here. Stanley notices Umi’s flustered expression and asks, “Looking for your curly one?” Umi ignores the dumb nickname and just nods silently. “I don’t think he’s coming.” “Why?” Umi asks anxiously. “Did something happen to him?” “Not my business,” Stanley remarks. “I don’t want to stick my nose into other people’s relationships. Since things are so serious between you two…” “Spit it out already,” Umi interrupts, raising his voice without realizing it. “He came here twice. Looking for you. He was really agitated. I’d even say scared. Weird, really. The first time, he grilled me like an interrogation. Luckily, there were plenty of customers, so I slipped away politely. He stayed almost until closing.” “Until closing? But he has work. Why would he trade work for me?” “The second time he was just as worked up. Hoping you’d show up. Took advantage of the bar being empty and started asking for your home address, where you work. And how am I supposed to know? Who am I to you? A friend or something? He seemed to give up, then a couple of hours later he just lost it.” “Shine? Lost it?” Umi gasps. “Yeah,” Stanley confirms. “He jumped up, tossed some cash, and bolted. Even knocked over a chair. Didn’t even apologize! That’s when I figured he wouldn’t be coming here again. And as you can see, he’s not here.” “What have I done?” Umi starts beating himself up. “What an idiot. I could’ve just gone to the club before the flight and asked them to let Shine know.” But who would he have asked? The club was still closed at that time. “Didn’t he leave anything? A phone number? A note?” “Nah,” Stanley stretches the word. “I doubt he wanted you to find him. So, you messed up, handsome. Looks like it’s time to decide: one serious guy with quirks or a bunch of guys and a sea of sex.” “Fuck!” Umi mutters in frustration, pays for his drink, and heads home. And what is he supposed to do now? Shine must think that Umi decided to ditch him after their first time. After Shine opened up his soul. After he showed Umi how good it could be with him. Where could he look for him? He’s unlikely to show up at the club now — the past month he hadn’t been going there just for fun. And running to the hotel? Especially since no one there would tell him anything. “What an idiot! I know the most important things about him.” Umi starts googling cardiologists in the city’s clinics, and his search pays off. Shine works at the main hospital in their district, not far away at all. Umi can’t resist the urge to learn more about the fox. He reads the basic info on the clinic’s website — so many awards. Looks at photos — he’s so serious, yet charming at the same time. Reads the reviews — patients praise him and thank him for his immeasurable help.

✦ ✧ ✦

The next day, Umi comes to the square across from the hospital, hoping he can catch a glimpse of the fox. “I’m normal,” Umi keeps muttering to himself. “This isn’t stalking, I just need to see him.” But he really does look like a stalker, nervously darting his eyes toward the clinic. There’s nothing he can do about it. They need to talk today; tomorrow he has to go to work himself. It’s starting to get dark, and Fox still hasn’t appeared. Another unexpected operation? Or was Shine not at work at all today? Maybe he’s on sick leave? What if something happened to him? And what if it’s his fault? Umi starts trembling again, but suddenly his gaze lands on the familiar curls tied neatly into a ponytail. Shine is already moving away from the entrance. With all his worry, Umi almost misses him. “Shine, wait!” he shouts, running to catch up. Shine turns, staring at him in astonishment. “You… What are you doing here?” The surprised look on his face instantly shifts to irritation. “I wanted to find you,” Umi stammers. “To talk.” “About what?” Shine frowns, folding his arms across his chest. “What do you mean, about what? I was at the club yesterday…” “Really?” there’s a teasing edge in Shine’s voice. “For such a heroic act, someone should put up a statue in your honor.” “I know you were waiting for me,” Umi starts, but he’s ruthlessly cut off, “I wasn’t waiting for anyone. I was insanely entertained listening to that crazy bartender chatter.” “Stanley?” Umi feels sick. “And what did he tell you?” “What difference does it make now? You didn’t come — I learned why it might’ve happened. That’s it.” “Well, he’s an asshole…” Umi begins, but then realizes that won’t help. “I had a serious reason for missing our meetings.” “I don’t care,” Shine replies flatly. “It won’t happen again.” No matter how indifferent he tries to look, his voice betrays the pain he feels. His Fox… or maybe he isn’t his anymore. Shine begins to turn away, but Umi grabs his hand. “Please, just hear me out. I had to leave because of work. I didn’t have time to warn you. Whatever Stanley told you, it’s all lies. I want to be with you.” Shine looks at him in surprise. “I want to be by your side… to spend time together…” Umi corrects himself. “I feel so good with you, and I can see it’s mutual. Please, give me a chance.” Shine exhales sadly. “What happened affected me more than you might think. And it’s not about jealousy.” “What happened?” Umi doesn’t take his eyes off those amber ones. “I’m not sure I should tell you… Anyway, not here and not now.” “I understand.” “Let’s go.” Fox grabs his hand and leads him to the parking lot. Stunned, Umi barely registers how he ends up in the car and they drive off. “Where are we going?” he asks, coming back to his senses. “To my place,” Shine replies calmly, eyes on the road. “I can’t think of a better place to talk. You don’t mind, do you?” “No, of course not,” Umi nods, hardly able to believe he’s about to arrive at Fox’s house. “Good. It’s a twenty-minute drive; you can rest — you’ve probably been sitting in the square all day.” “And what about you, Fox? You worked all day. You deserve rest, and I’m just in the way.” Exhausted from the long workweek, Umi immediately drifts off, waking only when he feels Shine’s hand gently stroking his neck. Fox’s gaze is calm, even a little sad. But that touch — so long-awaited and familiar — can’t hide the fact that he’s still happy to see him. “Sorry,” Umi blurts out, turning toward the door and inadvertently pushing the hand away. “No need,” Shine says evenly. “I told you — rest.” Umi steps out of the car and sees a small house before him, modest but somehow charming. As he looks around, Shine walks around and opens the door. “Come in.” Umi had wanted to be here for a long time, but his first visit had been imagined very differently. In his fantasies, Fox dragged him into the house, gripping him by the chest, pressing him against the wall, and kissing him forcefully, not letting him move. They’d hop to the bed, kicking off their shoes along the way. In the bedroom, they’d strip each other almost without pause. And Fox would pin him to the bed, pressing him into it with his powerful body. Reality proves harsher. Shine sends Umi to the living room, suggesting he make himself a snack, and heads to the shower. At first, Umi refuses to eat, but then realizes Shine is probably hungry and it would be best to prepare something for him. He finds food in the fridge, heats it up, and patiently waits for Fox. Shine doesn’t keep him waiting long — he’s likely in a hurry to avoid making things harder for Umi. Who, after a whole day on their feet, wouldn’t want to soak in the shower for a while? Shine glances at the table and smiles softly, appreciating the effort. Dinner passes in silence. Umi feels awkward trying to start a conversation, but sitting quietly is equally uncomfortable. Finally, he asks, “How was your day?” Shine smirks. “Today? Not bad. But as for the rest of the days… could’ve been better.” “S-sorry…” Umi mutters, squeezing out the words. “Stop apologizing. It doesn’t change anything anyway.” Shine clears the dishes, leaving Umi alone at the table for a moment. He feels terrible again. Was what happened really that bad? Or is Fox going too far with his indifference? Shine sits back down across from him. “Tell me. What am I like?” Umi stares at his face, flustered. “Angry.” “Not now. In general. What do you think of me?” “Mysterious. Thoughtful. Seductive.” “That’s not it. I don’t need compliments.” “Brooding.” Shine grins. “Now that’s closer. Can you imagine I wasn’t always like this?” “Of course,” Umi nods. “I’ve seen you completely different.” “When?” Shine tenses. “At the hotel. When you held me and looked into my eyes.” Umi’s mind is clouded with memories. How he wishes he could go back. Right now, it feels as if none of it ever happened — as if it were all just his foolish fantasies. And Fox… he remains untouchable. “You’re right. I didn’t expect it from myself either,” Shine says thoughtfully, lowering his gaze to the table. “But once, I really was full of life. You already know about my family — they saved me. They showed me that the world isn’t only full of constant mockery and reproaches for misplaced hopes. And there was someone very important in my life.” Finally, he lifts his eyes and meets Umi’s gaze. “That same guy… the one I resemble?” “You resemble him, or he resembles you — it doesn’t matter. I don’t want to compare you. I shouldn’t have, but I did, and that’s why we’re here now.” “What happened?” “We met in the very same club. Almost the same spot where you were sitting.” He pauses, rubbing his eyes. “We were very happy. Five years together. And one day, we were supposed to meet at the club. And he…” Shine swallows hard. “He… didn’t come?” Umi whispers faintly. “Yes… he didn’t… I waited for him for hours. He didn’t answer his phone. I thought maybe work held him up. In the end, I went home, but everything was exactly as we’d left it that morning. He never returned after work… All his things were still there. I called his friends, acquaintances, but nobody knew anything…” Umi timidly places his hand over Shine’s. “And his family?” “Like me, he had been thrown out of his parents’ house. He didn’t keep in touch with them. I even went to the police, but… they never found him.” A single tear rolls down Fox’s cheek. Umi catches it with the pad of his finger and gently traces along his cheek. “He’s still officially listed as missing, and no one believes he’ll be found anymore. Not even me…” Umi catches another tear. “Tell me… am I disgusting?” “No,” Umi answers anxiously, touching his cheek with his palm. “You have to keep moving forward. And if he ever comes back, he won’t judge you.” “After months of searching and pointless nights spent hanging around the club, I shut myself away at home. I almost stopped going outside. The clinic allowed me to take a year off and helped me find specialists. So… I slowly started to recover. I sold our apartment, moved into this house, went back to work, and it completely swallowed me. And then I decided to go back to our place…” Shine runs a hand through his hair. “…and that’s where I met you.” “Fuck…” Umi breathes. “I’m sorry this happened. I’m so sorry.” “Stop apologizing, Umi.” Fox gets up and slowly walks over to the window. Umi hesitates, then comes up behind him. “This isn’t your fault. I guess fate decided to test me. At first, I thought I was hallucinating. Then I thought he’d been here all along, hiding from me. And then I realized it wasn’t him. It was you. So full of life, so spontaneous, so easy to move with the current. And I remembered that I used to be like that too.” Fox turns around and looks at him intently. “All I could do was watch you. Admire you.” “But then why did you come up to me?” Umi asks, curious. “I wanted to see just how much you were not like him.” “And?” “You’re not him. You’re you. And I couldn’t keep sitting on the sidelines, denying myself the chance to get to know you. I like the way you talk about yourself. And I like the way you listen to me. I need you.” Fox takes his hand. “But you don’t know the most important thing…” Shine raises an eyebrow. “You’ve heard what Stanley hinted at. I’m far from a virtuous guy.” “That doesn’t matter,” Shine interrupts. “No. It matters. I’ve always gone to that club just to sleep with someone. Can you imagine how many partners I’ve had?” “You still go there for the same reason?” Shine asks. “No, of course not,” Umi protests. “I just wanted to see you. That became the most important thing to me, but…” Shine waits silently. “I really did sleep with random guys while we were seeing each other. I never imagined you’d even notice me.” “I know,” Shine says calmly, rubbing his wrists. “It doesn’t matter anymore. You didn’t promise me anything back then, and I could see you needed sex.” “I have to admit something,” Umi says, biting his lip in embarrassment. Shine smiles, intrigued. “The last time I was with a guy, I imagined it was you fucking me.” Shine smirks. “You want to stop imagining and just be with me?” “Yes,” Umi whispers, wrapping his arms around Shine’s neck. “Then promise me you won’t disappear from my life.” “I promise.” Shine lowers his head and slowly kisses Umi. He obediently yields, using the moment to undo Shine’s ponytail and bury his hands in the copper curls. The kisses become greedier, and Shine lowers his hands onto Umi’s ass. But Umi suddenly stops. “I don’t want to be his shadow,” he whispers, pressing his forehead to Shine’s and looking straight into his eyes. “You won’t be,” Shine promises just as softly, almost coaxingly. “That story is over. I was happy with him back then. Now I’ll be happy with you. You’re the best thing that’s happened to me in the last two years. And I don’t want to lose you.” Umi covers Shine’s lips with his own, continuing the kisses with satisfaction. He clenches Shine’s long hair in his fist, pulling his head back. Shine growls into Umi’s mouth with excitement, lifting him by the ass and dragging him onto the sofa. “Maybe we should go to the bedroom?” Umi’s voice comes out as his shirt is pulled off. “I don’t have the patience,” Shine admits, and Umi whimpers as he feels Shine’s tongue on his nipple. “Besides, it’s a mess in there right now.” “I don’t mind the sofa,” Umi moans under the wandering fiery tongue. “But I want to make sure everything we need is nearby.” “I still have some from the last purchase, but it’s so hard to pull away from you.” Shine’s mouth finds Umi’s cock, and he melts across the sofa, though he doesn’t completely lose his head. “You won’t hurt me, right?” Umi’s mind pleads with his body not to betray him. “My ass is for both of us.” “Of course, baby.” Shine slips out of his clothes and reaches for the dresser. The little bottle lands next to Umi’s thigh. “I want to feel all of you,” Shine says, stroking his hard cock. “And come inside you. Can I fuck you without a condom?” Umi looks at him in surprise. “You trust me?” “Should I doubt it?” Shine starts stretching him. “I slept with two guys after my last check,” Umi admits, unable to hold back a moan at Shine’s skilled movements. “You were protected, right?” Shine whispers, leaning low over him. He only lets out an unintelligible grunt, pulling Shine closer with his legs. “Then I have no reason not to trust you.” Shine takes him quickly, desperately, wildly. Umi gasps with moans, writhing on the rough surface of the couch. Several times he almost falls, but Shine drags his ass back onto the couch. “Fuck!” he can’t hold back. “My leg’s already numb. I shouldn’t have talked you out of the bedroom.” “Let’s go to the floor,” Umi suggests, shaking from the crazy thrusts. He slides onto the carpet, resting on his knees. Not letting go of his ass, Shine continues pounding him at the same pace, pressing his face into the soft pile. With his other hand, he reaches under Umi and lays his palm on his hand while he jerks himself. “Let me,” he whispers into his ear. Umi exhales loudly and gives him the initiative. “Why are you so gentle?” he wonders, feeling that at this pace a carpet imprint might stay on his forehead. “Because I’m with you.” “Don’t pity me,” Umi grumbles. “I’m not some little girl. Just because I’m pretty doesn’t mean you get to coo at me like I’m a kid. Types like that annoy me.” “And what types do you like?” Shine smirks. “You,” Umi answers without hesitation. “That’s obvious,” Shine chuckles. “Do you want me to swear?” Umi stays silent. “Do you want me to be rough with you?” he asks, squeezing his ass hard. Umi exhales with a moan. “Got it,” Shine grins. “But I don’t want to be rough with you all the time. I like licking you all over, like a candy.” “Stop,” Umi begs. "What? Gonna come already from a few dumb lines?" "Go fuck yourself…" he mumbles. "So soon? I thought we’d go on a couple of dates first… you know, go on me later." "Fox, I’m really about to cum," Umi almost cries. "Well, go on then," Fox smirks and speeds up the movement of his hand. With a victorious shout, Umi cums on that damn carpet, his cries finally pushing Fox over the edge. After a little while, Umi feels his cum inside him. He collapses onto his stomach and sprawls on the floor, exhausted. Fox has thoroughly worn him out. He’s never felt this way after sex — spent and happy. For the first time, he wants to stay and do it again and again. "What are you thinking about, baby?" Fox lies down next to him, pulling him by the shoulders to face him. "I feel so good with you, Fox," Umi whispers. "I’m scared of screwing it all up." "Why do you think you’ll definitely screw it up?" "It’s me!" Umi exclaims. "I don’t know how to do relationships. I have no idea how this works." "You talk like there’s some magical handbook for that. We’ll learn. From each other." Umi looks at his Fox with a tender expression and nods. "Just promise you won’t disappear," Fox adds, running his hand through Umi’s hair. "I promise," Umi laughs, "but first, let’s swap numbers." Fox smiles in response, and they lie together for a long time, fingers intertwined, thinking about the future.