My smart girl 3. Rewriting our stars

I surfaced from the memories with a smile and met my husband’s warm gaze. He remembered that evening perfectly too. Jay smirked and stroked my cold cheek. “I don’t know what he thought, but the look on his face was truly unforgettable. By the way, you were glaring at me so fiercely I was seriously worried you’d actually hit me.” I couldn’t hold back a laugh and pressed my forehead to his shoulder, grumbling: “If it weren’t for your long tongue, you wouldn’t have to worry about that all the time. You really threw me under the bus that day, darling. Tae gave me suspicious looks for another three days, clearly expecting an explanation or a confession that we had secretly started dating behind his back.” Jay chuckled quietly, kissed the top of my head, and pressed his cheek to my hair, breathing out: “I wouldn’t have minded if that had been true even back then. But the main thing is that you really did feel better, and you don’t regret letting me help you, right?” I sighed and wrapped my arms around his shoulders. There was no point in denying it. “I don’t, my love. Just like I don’t regret anything that has to do with you… except one thing…” I fell silent for a moment, breathing in his scent and filling my lungs with it to the brim. Jay gently lifted my face and whispered with a smile: “What is it, sweetheart?” His golden gaze, full of tenderness and adoration, pierced straight into my heart. Unable to withstand its intensity, I lowered my lashes, feeling his thumb brush feather-light across my cheek, and quietly confessed: “The only thing I regret is that we didn’t meet earlier…” I thought he would agree with me and say he regretted it too, but Jay surprised me by shaking his head with a soft smile. He rubbed his nose against mine and whispered: “No, baby. Everything happened exactly when and how it was meant to. Because I’m afraid that if we had met a couple of years earlier, you would have definitely hit me over the head with your favorite frying pan. More than once.” Hearing this, I snorted again at how serious — almost mournful — he looked while saying it. I buried my face in his neck and asked from there: “Were you really that bad back then?” Jay nodded solemnly, though the corners of his lips trembled with a sly smile and mischievous sparks danced in his warm eyes. “Honestly… I was terrible, Bambi. I was a bad boy in the worst possible sense of the word.” “You were a rebel, right?” I looked at him again, meeting his smiling eyes. He flashed a daring, boyish grin, confirming my words. “Yes, kitten. I rebelled against everyone and everything. Drove teachers and parents crazy, ran away from home, smoked, joined street racers… In short, I was a real danger to you back then. Tae wouldn’t have let me within a mile of you, and he would have been right.” I sighed but couldn’t help asking: “And… what would you have done with me… back then?” Jay smirked, biting his lip and looking at me from under his lashes with that familiar provocative gaze. In his usual shamelessly direct manner, he declared: “I would have seduced you in the first week.” I raised an eyebrow, once again amazed by such self-confidence. “Are you sure you would have succeeded?” “Absolutely sure, Bambi. Trust me, I would have done everything so you couldn’t resist… And you wouldn’t have.” The devils in his eyes were dancing wildly, infecting me with the spirit of reckless rebellion and making me feel free and completely fearless. I shook my head, biting my smiling lips, but still gave my beloved husband a reproachful look. “What a nightmare. I thought you had reformed long ago, but alas… You’re still the same capital-N Nuisance with an oversized ego.” But Jay didn’t even try to deny it. Apparently, he considered all of the above his greatest virtues. With an important expression that couldn’t be ruined even by his sly cat-like half-smirk, he nodded and said: “Exactly, Bambi. So everything between us happened exactly when and how it was supposed to. I’m sure of it. A fragile porcelain doll like you couldn’t have been placed in my hands back then. But now I will cherish you. You are my happiness, my love…” He whispered the last words against my lips, almost touching them with his own, so I could not only hear but feel all his love. Then he gently covered my lips with his, warming and caressing me, making me breathless from tenderness as I clutched his shoulders tighter. When he finally pulled back and pressed his forehead to mine, I cradled his face in my hands and quietly confessed: “Jay… I’ve never told you this before because I was afraid of sounding too romantic and naive, but… I want you to know. You… are my paradise… my fulfilled dream, my love… You are everything I need and everything I have ever wanted…” The deep amber eyes before me flared with burning tenderness. Jay exhaled softly: “Baby, you…” I pressed my palm to his soft lips, shaking my head. I still hadn’t said everything I wanted to, and these words needed to be spoken no matter what. Looking into the bottomless pools of his beloved gentle eyes, I took a deep breath and said: “In these six months, I have felt more than in my entire life, and I… have never been as happy as I am with you. You annoyed me, drove me crazy, teased me, but you also made me feel alive… You made me happy, Jay. And you make me happy every day, every minute. Only because of you am I still breathing — because you hold me close to your heart and won’t let me give up. I feel your love in every cell of my body. And even… if I saw a hundred falling stars, I would wish for the same thing again and again — to always be with you. That is all I want, but… it seems even the stars cannot grant it. Am I… asking for too much?.. I just want to stay with you…” I kept looking into his eyes until the very end, afraid to miss even a single emotion that flickered there. But finally I couldn’t hold on any longer. I squeezed my eyes shut, and tears streamed down my cold cheeks. Jay pulled me to him impulsively, sheltering me in the warmth of his strong embrace, and breathed into my hair, ruffling it with his warm breath: “Shh… Don’t cry, my love… I will make this wish come true for you myself… Believe me, I don’t need any stars for that. I won’t let you go. I won’t give you to anyone… Do you hear me? To no one — not even death… You are mine. You will stay with me… And I will never… let you… fall… Trust me, my good girl… just trust me… everything will be alright… you’ll see…” Every word was accompanied by a soft kiss on my cheek, temple, chin. His warm lips glided weightlessly over my face, collecting my tears and whispering how much he loved me. But his quiet confessions only made the tears fall harder. I buried my face in his neck, quietly sobbing and hiding in his arms — the only place I had ever felt at home. He *was* my home. Home was wherever Jay was. My beloved cheeky brunette. My beloved boy. My beloved husband. The meaning of my life. He stroked my back and hair, quietly purring something tender and soothing, letting me cry out all the pain and fear I had been desperately fighting. I hadn’t wanted to give up, had kept hoping until the very end that everything would be fine. But tonight… all those long-suppressed feelings and emotions crashed over me like a tsunami, and I could no longer hold them back. It was good that I had Jay, who understood me without words, sharing his warmth and quiet strength. My heart was breaking because I wanted so badly to believe him that it hurt almost physically. I wanted so much to stay with him… …in sickness and in health, until death do us part… …but unfortunately, the second part of our vow was drawing closer with every passing day. I had told him I wanted to see falling stars to make a wish, but really, I had just wanted to escape the clinic for a little while — a place that reminded me of my cursed illness at every turn. I simply wanted… to feel alive again… like an ordinary girl in love, not a terminally ill cardiology patient. The tears kept flowing, but Jay had asked me not to cry on this magical night of wishes. After some time, I managed to pull myself together. I stilled on his lap, face buried in his warm neck, holding him tightly, wishing only that time would stop forever in this moment. “Are you okay now, my love? Have you calmed down a little?” Jay whispered softly when he felt my shoulders stop shaking under his hands. I nodded, taking a deep breath, then pulled back slightly so I could see his face. Looking into my husband’s dark, gentle eyes — eyes that shone brighter than the most beautiful stars — I whispered with lips still trembling from tears: “Do you remember what Jamie wanted?” Jay tilted his head with a soft smile and brushed the tangled strands from my tear-streaked face. “To see a miracle?” I nodded. For a moment I closed my eyes as a sharp flash of pain pierced my chest. Gathering the last of my nearly depleted strength, I spoke, drowning in the tender golden gaze that had pierced straight into my soul — a soul that loved him without reservation: “Landon became her miracle… and you became mine… Jay, I… I love you.” He froze and seemed to stop breathing entirely. Then he leaned toward me, cradling my face in his hands and searching my eyes with a frantic, burning gaze. “Say it again.” It sounded like a command, but I was ready to repeat those words again and again. I had waited too long to say them. And I had nearly been too late. I covered his hands with mine, reached up, cradled his beloved face, and left light kisses on his cheekbones, cheeks, and chin, whispering softly: “I love you… I love you… I love you…” The next “I love you” dissolved against his hot lips as he pressed them to mine, stopping the endless stream of confessions I had kept locked in my heart for so long. Now they were bursting out, sweeping away everything in their path. My heart beat faster and more desperately in my chest, as if afraid it wouldn’t have time to live this moment. And then… something tore inside my chest. A blinding flash of pain nearly made me lose consciousness. I let out a muffled groan and dropped my head onto his chest, trying to draw a breath — but nothing came. …It was just like the first time my heart had stopped. But now I knew this… would be the last. Jay wouldn’t have time to save me. There was no defibrillator, no resuscitation team. I understood this was the end, but… I wasn’t afraid anymore. Looking into the beloved eyes of my husband leaning over me — eyes filled with horror and despair — I regretted only the pain flooding them. Because of me. He shouldn’t have had to feel this pain. I never wanted that. Forgive me, my love… Forgive me for not being able to keep my promise… The last “I love you” left my lips in a trembling, ragged breath — and everything disappeared. I no longer felt pain, only the warmth of the dear arms embracing me. But even that sensation was rapidly slipping away along with the last minutes of my life. “Rosé! Rosé, my love…” ...Love is patient, love is kind… “Baby, answer me, please…” …it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking… “Darling, don’t close your eyes. Look at me, only at me, do you hear?!” …it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth… “I will die with you, fawn… No, no, it’s not time yet… Stay… Stay with me…” …it always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres… “My love, I…” I wanted to reassure him that I would always be with him… to tell him I loved him a thousand more times, but… I no longer had time. This must have been my punishment for staying silent for too long. Jay leaned over me, frantically whispering something with trembling lips, gently brushing the hair from my face. But my consciousness was rapidly being swallowed by impenetrable darkness. The last thing I saw was his face and the distant, cold stars twinkling above his head. But I… wasn’t afraid anymore, because… I had still managed to see a miracle… just like the heroine of my favorite film… …Jay had become my miracle… He had fulfilled every deepest desire of my heart… made me happy and showed me what it meant to love with all of oneself. He taught me tenderness. He taught me love. He taught me not to give up and to fight to the end for what I truly wanted. He replaced my entire world, becoming the whole world for me. …Wild… dangerous… uncontrollable… but at the same time… …Tender… affectionate… and warm. Always… so… warm. Incredibly caring and loving… The very best. The most… beloved. …My spring wind, who burst into my life uninvited and turned it upside down. Who changed my world forever. Who changed me. Or perhaps simply made me who I was always meant to be. My happiness. My love. My husband. Everything best in my life had happened because of him. We had so little time together, but that precious time was worth an entire lifetime. I wanted so much to live this life with him… so much… To remain forever in his strong arms… But… even the stars could not help me. I tried to raise my hand to wipe the tears tracing wet paths down his cheeks, but I no longer had the strength. He kept calling my name and whispering desperately, holding me so tightly my ribs should have broken long ago. His hot tears fell onto my cold cheeks, but I could no longer answer. I was only glad I had managed to tell him I loved him… so much… More… than life.