My smart girl 3. Rewriting our stars

I didn't know how long I've slept but when i opened my eyes again, it was already dark outside. And now, lying on the bed and still recovering from one of the most unpleasant experiences of my life, I gradually calmed down. I felt the warmth of my beloved enveloping me from head to toe and simply enjoyed being able to feel Jay’s gentle fingers in my hair instead of all those foreign sharp and cutting objects that should never have been inside my body. “Baby, you're awake?" his gentle voice came somewhere from above my head. I simply nodded, feeling him press the softest kiss to my temple. "My brave girl. You did so well today. I’m really proud of you,” Jay breathed softly into my hair with a quiet smile, his warm breath gently ruffling it. I sighed and pressed even closer to him, stating the obvious: “I don’t think you have anything to be proud of. Honestly, I’m… a terrible coward. If you hadn’t been there, I definitely would’ve fainted.” Just the memory of the biopsy made me shudder. Jay hugged me even tighter and kissed the top of my head, whispering: “Shh, kitten. Don’t think about it anymore. It’s over.” We lay in silence for some time. After another quiet sigh escaped my lips, he gently touched his warm lips to my forehead and asked with concern: “How are you feeling, Bambi? Is everything okay? Does your chest still hurt? Is it hard to breathe?” I sighed again. Instead of answering, I pressed myself even tighter against him, needing him like air — desperately, intensely. But my silence apparently lasted too long, because Jay leaned over me, carefully searching my eyes, and said anxiously: “Bambi, you’re scaring me. Are you feeling bad? Does it hurt somewhere?” Touched to the depths of my soul by his care, I finally forced myself to smile weakly so he would stop worrying so much. “Everything’s fine, Jae… It’s just… Please… promise me that other people won’t shove any more big, long, and scary things into me that bite pieces off my heart,” I pleaded pitifully. Hearing this, Jay softly laughed with relief and stroked my cheek. He kissed my temple and reassured me: “Okay, bunny. I promise. And by the way, the next big, long thing that ends up inside you, I’ll put there myself. But it’ll be hard, firm, and hot, and it’ll feel much more pleasant…” “Jay!” Hearing this dirty joke, I blushed furiously and indignantly shoved this rascal in the shoulder. He only chuckled quietly and pulled me closer again. What a shameless man! I had just nearly died of fright, and here he was, still joking! Although… this was actually my chance to steer the conversation in the direction I wanted… This brilliant idea lit up in my head like a bright lightbulb. Instantly “changing shoes mid-air,” I lifted my head, met his smiling eyes, and, not wanting to lose the last remnants of my courage (which had already almost disappeared after his constant refusals), I whispered quietly: “By the way, Jae…” Jay raised an eyebrow and lay on his side, propping his head up with his hand. He looked at me expectantly, smiling like a sly cat. “My birthday is coming up soon…” I reminded him with a mischievous smile. His gaze softened. He reached out and gently stroked my cheek. “I remember, Bambi.” I bit my lip, looking at him from under my lashes, and whispered softly: “And you… will you give me something?” His smile and gaze became unbearably tender. “Of course, doll. I already have some ideas for your gift, but maybe there’s something you especially want?” I could feel my face burning from what I was about to say. He simply looked at me with a soft smile, patiently waiting for my answer. Finally, I whispered barely audibly: “Actually… there is something, but it’s not something you can buy in a store…” I moved closer to him, my gaze lingering on his soft lips. Jay’s expression changed. “Oh no… I think I already know what you’re going to ask for…” he groaned, covering his eyes with his palm. “So… should I not continue, since you’ve already guessed?” I smiled teasingly, running my fingers down his arm. He sighed so heavily that I didn’t even know people could sigh like that. But then he seemed to pull himself together, and his lips curved into that soft, patronizing half-smile again. “Alright, you little schemer. Tell me what you want for your birthday. Though I’m still hoping I’m wrong.” I shrugged, giving him my most innocent “little cute fawn” look, and whispered with a smile: “I want… you. Isn’t it obvious?” Jay raised an eyebrow. For a moment, that signature mischievous half-smirk touched his lips — the one that used to annoy me so much. He leaned in and breathed out, looking straight into my soul with a warm, laughing gaze, as if testing how long my courage would last before I looked away. “Me?.. Hmm… And which part of my body should I tie a bow around?” Here we go again… Jokes, teasing, and driving me up the wall. But this time you won’t derail me, my love. “That very part, Jae,” I said meaningfully, looking at him. The cheeky brunette smirked teasingly. “That very part, Bambi? You mean my cock?” I flushed bright red. No matter how hard I tried to stay composed, I still bit my lip at his staggering directness. Embarrassed, I squeaked and buried my face in his chest, hitting it a couple of times in indignation. Even though I had heard him say that word with his shameless mouth hundreds of times, every single time felt like the first, and it still excited and embarrassed me just as much. Meanwhile, this rascal in the white coat leaned down and whispered in my ear with a smile: “What am I going to do with you, baby? You can’t even say the word out loud and you still blush so adorably when I do, yet you’re asking me for this. Are you sure this is exactly the gift you want from me… my little seductress?” Now it was my turn to sigh heavily, but I still nodded and whispered somewhere into his collarbones: “I’m sure. And if this is your way of making me change my mind, it won’t work, just so you know.” It seemed he understood that too, because his responding sigh was even heavier than mine. Much heavier. “Sweetheart…” he took a deep breath, leaned over me, and gently ran his fingertips along my cheek. Then he softly gripped my chin and, looking straight into my soul with a gaze so tender it made me shiver, said, “Believe me, more than anything in the world I want to give you what you’re asking for, but… we can’t take that risk. I already told you… your heart might not withstand the strain.” That same heart in my chest clenched painfully at his quiet words — words I couldn’t forget for even a moment. But I stubbornly refused to accept yet another refusal, even though it came from the best intentions and care for me. So I smiled slightly, raised an eyebrow challengingly, pulled back a little, and looked at him from under my lashes: “Strain?.. Aren’t I supposed to just lie there and enjoy it? I thought you’d be the one doing all the work.” Hearing this, the cheeky brunette choked on air. For a couple of seconds he desperately bit his lips, trying to hold back the laughter bursting out of him, but in the end he couldn’t and burst out laughing, falling back onto the pillow. I rolled my eyes in offense and demonstratively moved away from him, but he didn’t let me go far. He scooped me up in his arms, still chuckling, then kissed the top of my head and said in mock seriousness: “Of course, baby. Most of the work is on me, but it’s immediately obvious how little you know about what actually happens between a guy and a girl in bed.” I quietly snorted and rolled my eyes, then suggested: “Then maybe you could enlighten me on the subject, Doctor?” The aforementioned Doctor stretched out lazily on the narrow hospital bed to his full (far from small) height, immediately taking up the entire thing, and stroked the back of my head. He drawled lazily: “Well… how should I explain it, Bambi… in general… they both undress, kiss for a long time, do all sorts of naughty things to each other, and then the guy puts his hard, aroused co—” I burst out laughing and covered his mouth with my palm, burying my face in his chest while indignantly hitting it again. Even on such a serious and embarrassing topic, this rascal managed to turn everything into a joke. “Hey, stop hitting me, baby. I’m not finished yet,” he breathed with a quiet teasing chuckle, peeling my fingers off his shameless smiling lips. He took a breath to continue his educational lecture, but I couldn’t listen anymore without risking dying of hysterical laughter. So I covered his sly smile with my hand again, leaned over him, and grumbled, still laughing: “That’s enough, for God’s sake… I don’t need your anatomy lessons.” “Why not, Bambi? My lectures are very informative because they also include live demonstrations,” Jay smirked and wiggled his dark eyebrows, shooting me a devastating look from under equally dark lashes. But I shook my head, still biting my lip to keep from laughing, and leaned closer, confiding in him: “I’m sorry to disappoint you, but… you’re not going to be a teacher.” He snorted and rolled his eyes with a smile, but then became serious again and possessively pulled me closer, whispering softly: “I think I’ll survive that somehow. But seriously, Bambi, you need to understand that any sex is a huge stress for the body, even the most pleasant kind. Have you heard that you can die from an orgasm?” “Really?” I looked at him in surprise. He nodded, adding without a trace of a smile: “Really, baby. And it’s happened more than once, unfortunately. I could talk for a long time about hormones and how they affect heart activity during sex, but the bottom line is — in your condition, it’s very dangerous.” “But… is it really that serious?” Despite everything he had just said, I still didn’t want to believe it. Jay sighed, tucked me protectively under his wing again, gently kissed my temple, and whispered: “Yes, baby. Unfortunately, it is. You’re weak right now, like a newborn kitten. Your body is very weakened, and your heart is working at its limit. I can’t expose you to that kind of risk.” I sighed quietly and pressed myself against his warm chest, unconsciously drawing patterns on it with the tip of my index finger, and breathed almost inaudibly: “In the arms of the man I love… even dying wouldn’t be scary…” But of course Jay heard everything perfectly. He pulled me even tighter against him, took a shaky breath, and whispered into my hair: “Don’t say that, Bambi… and don’t even think it. This isn’t a joke — it’s the reality I’m trying with all my strength to protect you from.” I sighed again and kissed his shoulder, confessing: “I really do appreciate it, my love… but I… I just want it to be you. Please… it’s… my only wish…” Jay sighed and was about to say something when Jisoo entered the ward with an IV drip. He kissed my temple and whispered so quietly that only I could hear: “We’ll definitely come back to this conversation, baby. But right now you’ll have to tolerate a few more foreign objects in your body for a little while longer.” I sighed, understanding that I wouldn’t get anything more from him for now, and smiled weakly. “I’ll endure it if you stay with me.” His answering smile was impossibly tender as he helped me settle more comfortably on the pillow, kissed me on the lips, stroked my cheek, and whispered: “Of course, sunshine. I’ll always be with you. Always.”