My smart girl 3. Rewriting our stars

Lina and I chatted a little longer. When she mentioned she wanted to stop by Ten’s office before leaving, I offered to go with her — I was desperately tired of being stuck in the hospital room. We walked down the corridor, smiling and exchanging light, meaningless phrases, until we reached the doctors’ lounge where my brother was. I had already raised my hand to knock when I suddenly froze, rooted to the spot. Jay’s muffled voice was coming from behind the door: “What a cruel sense of humor fate has, Ten… A cardiologist who can’t save the girl he loves from a heart defect… I couldn’t have imagined anything worse even in my most terrifying nightmare…” “Jay, please, calm down,” Ten replied quietly. “We still have time. We’re not giving up that easily. I’ve pulled every string I have, just like you and your parents… We’ll save her. Don’t doubt that for a second.” But Jay’s voice was hollow and completely lifeless when he answered, barely audible: “How can I calm down, Ten? She has… an inoperable heart defect and rapidly progressing heart failure right before our eyes… She’s dying… And if I don’t find a donor very soon, then…” “What?!” The door I had just flung open slammed against the wall with a dull thud. I stood frozen in the doorway, feeling like I was about to faint from everything I had just heard. They had been talking about me. There was no doubt about it. The confirmation hit me hard when my eyes landed on a stunned Ten and a shocked, openly terrified Jay. I had never seen him like this before, and that was the most frightening thing of all. “Bambi…” he breathed, almost soundlessly. Our eyes met. His face twisted with pain the moment he realized I had heard everything. Unable to bear it, I turned and ran, not caring where I was going. *** Jay caught up with me near the staircase, exactly as I had expected. He grabbed me around the waist and pulled me back against him, but I struggled wildly in his arms, which had locked around me like steel bands. I scratched and hissed like a feral cat, not even fully understanding my own reaction — I was clearly in a state of shock. How else was I supposed to react after learning that everyone had been lying to my face… and that I was dying, not just “overtired”? Jay, of course, had no intention of letting me go. Instead, he pulled me even closer, his arms tightening like a vice. He exhaled shakily into my hair: “Shh, it’s okay… it’s okay, my love… Easy… Easy, little one… Please, calm down…” But how could I possibly calm down after hearing something like that? It felt like this was happening to someone else — like a bad dream, the same kind I’d had that distant night when I first stayed over at Jay’s. Any second now I would wake up, and everything would be fine again… just like before. But unfortunately, this nightmare showed no signs of ending. I finally stopped struggling, realizing it was pointless. Slowly, I turned in his arms, terrified of what I might hear, yet unable to stay silent. I looked up and met Jay’s gaze — filled with such raw pain and longing that it told me everything before he even spoke. “So… it’s true?” I whispered, my voice barely audible. “You… were talking about me?” He closed his eyes for a moment, drawing in a ragged breath as if the words physically hurt him. When he finally answered, his voice was clear and final, like a death sentence: “Yes.” My legs gave out. My head spun, and everything blurred before my eyes. A sob escaped me as I bit my lip hard and clutched desperately at his tense forearms to keep from collapsing. Even though I knew he would never let me fall while he held me. His eyes clouded over with anguish. He pulled me tightly against him, pressing my head to his broad, warm chest. “Bambi… my sweet girl, please don’t cry… Just listen to me…” he began, but I stubbornly shook my head. “Why… why did you lie to me?” I choked out. Jay squeezed his eyes shut, breathing in sharp, uneven gasps — not from chasing me, but because the same pain tearing through my chest was ripping his apart too. He cupped my face gently with his warm hands and rested his forehead against mine, whispering hoarsely: “There’s an unspoken rule among doctors, baby… Professional ethics forbid us from telling patients about terminal diagnoses. But you… you’re not just a patient. You’re my… my beloved girl, and I… I just couldn’t…” His voice cracked and broke. He pulled me against him with desperate strength, hugging me so tightly it felt like he was trying to shield me from the entire world and make me a permanent part of himself. I sobbed into his chest, feeling his heart hammering wildly and unevenly beneath my cheek. I wrapped my arms around him just as tightly, needing his warmth, his strength, and the sense of safety he had always given me — asking for nothing in return. But even his warmth couldn’t chase away the icy fear gripping my heart. Calm felt impossibly far away — and this time, it had nothing to do with his kisses. “Jay… I’m so scared… I don’t want… I don’t want to die…” I whispered with trembling lips, my body beginning to shake noticeably. The initial shock was fading, replaced by cold, terrifying awareness — and that was even worse. Feeling me tremble, Jay held me even closer, though it seemed impossible to get any nearer. He buried his fingers in my hair and breathed out quietly: “Shh… Don’t be afraid, my love… I won’t let you die. Trust me.” “How much… time do I have?” I asked, closing my eyes as my trembling fingers twisted the fabric of his black t-shirt. Jay was silent for a long moment. Then he pulled back slightly and whispered hoarsely, cradling my face in his palm: “Three months. At best, six.” My grip on his shoulders turned frantic. He pulled me back into his arms, kissing my temple soothingly before lifting my chin so he could look into my eyes. “I will find a donor. I swear it to you,” he said quietly but with absolute seriousness. “Do you believe me?” I nodded, even though I felt no real confidence. Jay leaned down and softly kissed my temple. “Everything will be okay, baby.” “I don’t want to die…” I repeated with numb lips. “I don’t want to, Jay…” His embrace tightened until my ribs ached in protest, but I didn’t care. I pressed myself against him just as desperately, until there wasn’t even a breath of air left between us. Only in his arms did I feel completely and utterly safe. “You’re not going to die, my love… I won’t allow it…” he rasped against my neck, leaving a tender kiss there. “I waited too long for you to let you go so easily. Don’t even think about getting rid of me that simply, understand? I won’t give you to anyone — not even death… You’re mine… My only sunshine girl…” My heart clenched painfully at his quiet, sincere words. I buried my face in his neck and whispered almost soundlessly: “Promise…?” His answer came immediately, leaving no room for doubt: “I promise, my love.” He pulled back just enough to cup my face gently in his warm hands. Looking straight into my soul, he whispered: “I will never let you go, Rosé. But you have to promise me you’ll be strong and hold on… for me… for us. I need you, baby… Promise you won’t leave me here alone…” His voice cracked, and a hot, wet tear traced down my cheek, disappearing into his palm. “I promise…” I whispered, barely audible. Jay pulled me back into his arms with a shaky breath. I hugged him back with all the strength I had left and closed my eyes, feeling as though these ten minutes had aged me by a thousand years.