Twice Two

Nymphia woke up with anxious thoughts. The past few weeks, she had been sleeping poorly — tossing and turning for a long time before bed and often waking in the middle of the night for no apparent reason. In the morning, it was hard for her to open her eyes and force herself out of bed. She reached for her phone and looked at the screen. No word from Plane. ‘Maybe she’s still asleep,’ Nymphia thought, trying to comfort herself. But no matter how much she tried to calm herself, she hardly believed it. To distract herself from intrusive thoughts, Nymphia decided to take care of household chores. Hours passed, and unable to bear the silence any longer, she texted, ‘Where have you disappeared, Plane? Are you okay?’ Plane didn’t hurry to respond, and Nymphia was about to call when, to her surprise, Plane finally replied, ‘Yes.’ ‘What do you mean, ‘yes’? And that’s all you can write?’ Nymphia shouted in rage, no longer able to control herself. Plane didn’t pick up the call either, sending a message instead, ‘Can’t talk now. Family gathering.’ Nymphia wanted to believe her, but Plane’s recent behavior sparked suspicious thoughts. Why had Plane distanced herself so much? Was it Nymphia’s fault? She knew that messages wouldn’t clarify anything, and Plane certainly wouldn’t answer calls, so only a personal meeting could shed light on the situation. But, as usual, they were both busy with work, and a reunion was out of the question. Nymphia decided to wait, hoping Plane would call back, and she would realize she was wrong and calm down. But by evening, there was neither call nor message. When she asked, ‘Are the family matters over?’ Plane again replied, ‘Yes.’ In despair, Nymphia threw her phone, barely avoiding hitting the wall. She went to the mirror and looked at her haggard face and dull eyes, tired from crying. She racked her brains for a way to get a proper response to her message, but all options had already been exhausted, and nothing came to mind besides the tired questions that always elicited a ‘Everything’s fine.’ At the same time, Nymphia tried to find the reason for Plane’s sudden and painful change in behavior. Had she done something wrong? For someone as straightforward as Plane, telling the blunt truth was no problem at all. ‘What are you trying to achieve, Plane?’ If this was the end, why not say it outright? Did she want Nymphia to freak out and leave her? But why? What’s the point? Over time, Nymphia began to get used to the constant thoughts that arose every morning upon waking. Would Plane write today? Share the latest news? Delight her with a visit or invite her over? But with each passing day, hope for answers faded, and Nymphia gradually got used to her sad situation. The end. This is really the end. Plane doesn’t need to say anything. Everything is already clear. Nymphia is smart; she should understand. So why say it out loud? These were the disheartening conclusions Nymphia reached as she mechanically checked her messages. Her gaze fell on an interview, and there was Plane, as usual, with a clever look, spouting complete nonsense to the audience, which she found hysterically funny. Her face looked completely carefree, as if there were no sorrows or worries in her life. Plane, of course, could fake it like no one else. And, probably, except for Nymphia, no one could notice. And now, she saw no trace of pretense. Plane was fine. Everything was just great. She was joking and teasing the sisters as usual in her ridiculous outfit. Meanwhile, Nymphia was agonizing over the cause of their rift. ‘No way,’ Nymphia muttered. ‘I’m not leaving this so easily. She won’t escape me and will answer for her awful behavior. Time to head to Boston and melt the Snow Queen’s heart again.’ It would be foolish to warn Plane about her visit, so Nymphia quickly found Big Atlas’s page and started a conversation. Atlas responded instantly, and Nymphia felt as if she had been waiting for her message. Nymphia decided to get straight to the point and asked one of the questions that had been tormenting her, ‘How’s Plane?’ Atlas didn’t ask unnecessary questions like, ‘Why are you asking me?’ — she obviously knew what was going on and replied, ‘If I could fake it like she does, I’d say she’s fine.’ Nymphia sighed, thinking of further questions. What was happening with Plane? Why the act? What should she do? ‘Will you come?’ came an unexpected but precise question. ‘Send the address.’  

✶ ✭ ✶ ✭ ✶

Nymphia stood in front of her suitcase, surveying the scattered clothes on the floor. Thoughts swirled in her head. On one hand, she was eager to rush to Plane’s house, grab her in her arms, and remind her how much she loved her. On the other hand, she feared Plane’s reaction. Over two months, Plane had distanced herself so much that Nymphia feared she had become a stranger. ‘And what about hugs then?’ But action was necessary. Even if Plane refused the hug and kept her distance, Nymphia would seduce her with her talents. She had done it once before. Who said she couldn’t do it again? Knowing so much about Plane’s needs, she shoved her things into the suitcase without caring what exactly she packed. Her eyes fell on a small bag, lying alone among the clutter for three months. ‘And what now? Carry you around hoping you’ll bring me luck?’ Nymphia picked it up. ‘No need for luck!’ she exclaimed, tossing the bag aside. ‘She loves me, and I’ll do everything to remind her of it. This time she’ll surrender!’ Nymphia looked at herself in the mirror, banishing thoughts of possible failure.  

✶ ✭ ✶ ✭ ✶

Big Atlas stood near the airport building, nervously smoking, trying to suppress her own anxiety. For two months, she had been trying to bring her beloved friend back to her senses, desperately wanting to help her. It was hard to see Plane so downcast. On stage, she was her usual self, performing provocatively for an almost entirely female audience, boldly displaying her chest for generous tips, and generally acting like a madwoman. But as soon as the show ended, her smile vanished along with the wig given by her friend, and her face became distant. Plane avoided heartfelt conversations and no longer looked her friends in the eyes. When Plane first returned from New York, and Big Atlas, unable to meet her at the airport, burst into her home, her heart seemed to stop for a moment. Plane was lying curled up on the bed, silently crying. Judging by the state of the sheets, it had been going on for a long time, and Plane didn’t even lift her head to her friend, staring at a single point on the wall. ‘What happened?’ Atlas asked quietly, sitting at the edge of the bed, not daring to touch her sister. Plane didn’t like physical contact in such moments, and Atlas knew this better than anyone. ‘Nothing,’ Plane replied softly, stopping her tears but not looking away from the wall. ‘Did she hurt you?’ Atlas asked gently. ‘Why would you think that?’ Plane snapped unexpectedly, turning to Atlas and looking her in the eyes. ‘Because we’ve been through this before,’ Atlas replied calmly, running her hand through Plane’s hair, brushing curls off her damp face. ‘Don’t compare him to Nymphia,’ Plane shot back sharply. ‘Did something happen in New York?’ Atlas continued, ignoring Plane’s tone. ‘In London,’ her friend exhaled. ‘In London?’ Atlas asked, recalling the content she had seen on Twitter and Instagram on the day of Plane’s performance. ‘You don’t mean to say the story with that London girl turned out to be serious?’ Instead of answering, Plane sniffled and looked away. Big Atlas stared, speechless, not knowing what to say. She wanted to shout at her, call her every curse she knew, even hit her — but Plane wasn’t in a state to handle that. She had already done all of that to herself. ‘So? Nothing to say?’ Plane asked wearily, looking her friend in the eyes again. ‘What am I supposed to tell you, idiot? That you ruined your happiness? You already know that.’ ‘Screw you, ‘friend,’’ Plane pushed her away. ‘If you want, I can leave,’ Atlas said seriously. ‘But honestly, I’m not eager to find out later that you’ve gone crazy, smeared snot over your bed, and cursed yourself.’ ‘I don’t want that.’ Plane sniffled again and tried to lie down next to Atlas, but Atlas pushed her away. ‘Lie with me,’ Plane pleaded. ‘Sorry, I love you and all, but lying in your snot isn’t part of my life plan.’ ‘What if I change the sheets, will you stay?’ Plane asked hopefully. ‘Where could I go?’ her friend said, smiling, helping her sit up.  

✶ ✭ ✶ ✭ ✶

‘Still, why did you do it?’ Big Atlas asked, lying next to Plane and looking into her eyes. ‘I told you — I don’t know,’ Plane replied irritably. ‘Think about it — what were you trying to achieve? Did Nymphia stop being enough for you?’ ‘Do you think I’m so messed up that I’d trade Nymphia for some gross sex in a dirty bathroom?’ Plane exclaimed. ‘I think you already did. And how is it? Better than with her?’ ‘Stop talking nonsense! I didn’t do it for side sex.’ ‘So what then?’ Atlas carefully nudged her. ‘Well, things with Nymphia aren’t exactly smooth.’ ‘They weren’t…’ she added quietly. Big Atlas tensed. ‘Living together isn’t for us. I’m not meant to be a submissive wife — or husband. Doesn’t matter. Nymphia wouldn’t make a good housekeeper either. If I hadn’t fought with my mother, I wouldn’t have learned this sad truth, and maybe everything would have been fine.’ ‘Well, you’re no wife, that’s for sure,’ her friend confirmed, remembering how she had persuaded Plane to put laundry in the washer instead of leaving it on the floor. ‘And in the end, we had a huge fight the day before the trip. We were supposed to fly together, but instead I dragged myself to London and wanted to show Nymphia how cool I am and how everyone wants me. Even while staring at that fool, I thought of Nymphia. I wanted her to see it and feel pain.’ Plane felt sick from her confession and buried her face in the pillow. Without showing emotion, Atlas asked another question, ‘And Nymphia?’ ‘Nothing,’ Plane said slowly, turning to Atlas again. ‘I had the guts to sleep with a slut, but zero courage to confess to Nymphia.’ ‘You didn’t tell her?’ her friend asked in shock. ‘She was so happy when I returned. She said how much she missed me, even apologized for our fight. And I listened, feeling like complete crap. How, looking into those bright eyes, could I say such a horrible thing? How could she live with that?’ ‘So you wanted to get back at Nymphia by sleeping with someone else and imagining her watching and suffering, but in the end, you never told her. What the hell?’ ‘I don’t know!’ Plane yelled, pounding her fist on the mattress. ‘What I imagined and real life are two completely different things. And when I sobered up and realized what a stupid thing I did, it was already too late. You won’t find another idiot like me easily. We shouldn’t have started anything with Nymphia — it would have spared us this mess.’ ‘And did you even think about her?’ Atlas’s tone was indignant. ‘Why do you think it would have been better that way? Do you think it would be better if Nymphia never approached you, never fell in love, never was happy? Sometimes I feel like you act first, think later — and mostly about yourself.’ ‘I don’t want to think anymore,’ Plane said, staring at the ceiling. ‘I don’t want to think about her. But it’s so hard — she’s everywhere. I can’t ignore her messages and pretend nothing’s changed. But over time, I will. If I really try.’  

✶ ✭ ✶ ✭ ✶

Finally, Nymphia appeared in the doorway. As expected, she was wearing a yellow sweater and rolling a matching yellow suitcase. Big Atlas didn’t know how to act around her or what mood she would be in, but upon seeing Nymphia’s cheerful smile — the one that only she had — Atlas also smiled and embraced her. ‘How was the flight?’ Atlas asked the standard question as they headed to the car. Their only common topic was Plane, but now was not the time to talk about her. ‘Fine,’ Nymphia replied just as routinely, immediately taking the bull by the horns. ‘When can I see Plane?’ Big Atlas hadn’t expected such directness, but she didn’t show it. ‘We’ll drop your things off at my place, grab a bite, and then I’ll introduce you to our friends at the club.’ Nymphia raised an eyebrow in confusion. ‘Plane isn’t in a state to make decisions right now, so don’t refuse our help — we all want her to be okay.’  

✶ ✭ ✶ ✭ ✶

Nymphia found it difficult to predict how she would behave when she finally saw Plane, since much depended on Plane’s reaction. Previously, Nymphia could have sworn she knew every possible reaction, but the past months of limited communication had shaken her, leaving the ground beneath her feet seemingly split open. Deciding to act according to the situation, Nymphia scanned the half-empty hall and suddenly felt an inexplicable panic. It would have helped if someone nearby had taken her hand and calmed her. That person used to be Plane. And now? Now Plane had become the very source of Nymphia’s unease. Plane appeared unexpectedly. She walked confidently straight to the table where Nymphia sat. There was no trace of surprise or joy on her face. In fact, it was hard to read anything at all. It was as if she only saw a familiar classmate, not someone with whom she had spent passionate nights, confessed her love, and planned a life together. Shocked by this transformation, Nymphia froze, unable to act. Only when they were a few steps apart did she feel she could move and stood up, keeping her eyes on Plane’s stone-cold face. ‘Don’t shout ‘Surprise!’’ Plane said in a tone vaguely familiar to Nymphia. It reminded her of how Plane had spoken in their first week of acquaintance, expressing either extreme aversion or hidden affection. Nymphia had never figured out the answer to this mystery. ‘I already know you came,’ Plane continued haughtily. Nymphia still couldn’t find words and stood silently, staring at Plane. ‘That wasn’t very considerate of you,’ Plane added, taking her phone from the back pocket of her pants. ‘Why?’ Nymphia finally croaked, feeling the ability to speak returning. Surprised by her voice, Plane lifted her gaze from the screen briefly, but it quickly returned to its previous expression, demonstrating that the phone held more interest. ‘You’ve obviously stopped caring about fans’ opinions. Otherwise, you wouldn’t waste time traveling.’ ‘Waste time? Fans’ opinions?’ Nymphia tried to parse the meaning behind Plane’s words, hidden beneath affected nonchalance and light contempt, like making her way through dense thorny undergrowth. ‘Yes,’ Plane confirmed calmly. ‘They think you’ve become conceited for daring to miss shows and skip interviews that your manager fights for with blood and sweat.’ ‘That’s nonsense!’ Nymphia exclaimed, outraged either by the fabricated facts or the subject itself. ‘Why are we even talking about this now?’ ‘What do you suggest we discuss then?’ Plane asked, feigning interest, and set her phone aside. ‘At least my arrival or the reason for it.’ ‘I’ve already commented on your arrival. The reason? Only you can tell that, right?’ Nymphia took a deep breath and immediately regretted it. Looking into Plane’s empty eyes made her dizzy. ‘The reason?’ she blurted, grabbing the edge of the table. ‘The reason, damn it, is that otherwise it’s impossible to reach you! In three minutes, you’ve said more than in two weeks. And what lovely words you chose to greet me after two months since our last meeting! No doubt — Plane Jane in the flesh!’ Plane crossed her arms, taking Nymphia’s outburst as a routine performance. ‘So why are you silent?’ Nymphia concluded her tirade. ‘Do you want to say I threw a tantrum for no reason?’ ‘I’m afraid if I say anything, you’ll freak out even more.’ ‘You think it’s baseless?’ Nymphia heard a low murmur of voices behind Plane and turned to see a group of four drag queens led by Big Atlas, fully dressed and ready to perform. They matched Plane and Nymphia step for step, staring enchanted at their guest, rushing to hug her while introducing themselves. Meanwhile, Big Atlas glared at Plane, expressing extreme disapproval, trying to gauge how the meeting went. After meeting the new friends, Nymphia engaged enthusiastically, gradually leaving the hall, supported under her elbows by the girls. ‘Where are they taking her?’ Plane asked, looking after them. ‘They’re eager to show how Boston parties, and she doesn’t mind seeing the performance,’ Atlas explained. ‘But we don’t have any scheduled shows today!’ Plane stared in disbelief. ‘That’s fixable if you have connections with the right people,’ Atlas smirked, nudging her with her elbow. ‘What did you tell her?’ ‘To whom?’ Plane asked, confused. ‘Oh, you know whom. She looked stunned when we arrived.’ ‘Listen, Attie,’ Plane said sharply. ‘Why do you think it’s your business? We’re adults and can handle our problems ourselves.’ ‘As you wish,’ Atlas huffed. ‘But don’t ever ask me to come over and comfort you while you smear snot on the pillow.’ ‘It was only once!’ Plane protested. ‘And I swear you’ll never hear her name from me again!’ ‘I’m not going to communicate with her through you. You’ve made up all sorts of things about her and try to impose them on me. If you had told her the truth, none of this would’ve happened. So stay here alone; I’ll join the girls.’ Plane looked around the hall and realized she was completely alone. She had lost Nymphia — this time for good. Her friends had turned away. Now, at least at home, there was temporary peace. Yelena decided to take full charge of her son and finally teach him to live independently.  

✶ ✭ ✶ ✭ ✶

It began with Yelena announcing that she was going to stay with a friend in Concord and that the house needed constant care, especially watching over Toby, keeping it clean, and cooking meals. Plane would have happily relied on food delivery, but a month earlier she had firmly decided to give that up and had been living comfortably on her mother’s cooking. Now she was forced to open Yelena’s personal recipe book, which she had been keeping since time immemorial — even before moving to the States — and begin cooking her favorite dishes. It’s unknown whether Yelena did it on purpose or not, but three days later she called and ‘cheerfully informed’ that she would stay with her friend for another couple of days, so Andy should continue in the same spirit. Moreover, the woman was so delighted by the reunion with Yelena that she was eager to pay a return visit, and Andy was tasked with preparing a festive dinner for Yelena’s arrival and greeting the friends in a perfectly polished house with a well-fed dog. Plane took the assignment very seriously, and since she had a few days off, she diligently studied the recipe book and boldly experimented. Of course, not every food experiment turned out successful — some dishes she didn’t dare feed even to Toby. But by the time the women arrived, the house was spotless, and a small but appetizing dinner was waiting on the table. After tasting the first dish, Yelena glanced at her son with suspicion. ‘Something wrong?’ Andy asked cautiously. ‘Did you really cook this?’ ‘Well, that sounded offensive,’ Andy muttered and got up from the table. ‘Lena, don’t be rude,’ her friend intervened. ‘Look how much effort your son put into this, and you immediately hurt him.’ ‘You’re right,’ Yelena admitted, embarrassed. ‘Andy, forgive me. I honestly didn’t expect such a welcome.’ And noticing his darkened expression again, she added, ‘You’re a very capable child.’ Andy snorted. ‘Then promise me you won’t keep picking on this ‘child’ for the rest of today.’ She had kept that promise ever since. Plane grew accustomed to her responsibilities, and from that moment, Yelena could afford to rest from household chores for several days. Now she was confident in her son’s ability to live independently. Plane felt it too — only the question remained: with whom would she share that independent life?  

✶ ✭ ✶ ✭ ✶

The girls took turns on stage and sat down with Nymphia, exchanging stories from their lives and work. Nymphia noticed Plane entering the hall and stopping nearby, sadly watching the cheerful group. On Plane’s face, Nymphia read the struggle between the desire to come closer and join the conversation, and the urge to leave without saying goodbye. Plane had already turned her back to head for the exit, when suddenly she spun around sharply and resolutely walked to the table. Breaking off from the lively discussion, Nymphia raised her eyes to her and heard, ‘Get up, we need to talk somewhere quieter.’ Without a word of protest, Nymphia obeyed, and they disappeared into one of the service rooms. Under other circumstances, they would have long since used this place for very different purposes, but today was not such a day. ‘Nymphia, I can’t do this anymore!’ Plane’s eyes filled with tears, which she unsuccessfully tried to hide with her hand. ‘What’s wrong with you?’ Nymphia put a hand on her shoulder. ‘What’s wrong with us?’ ‘Forgive me, I never wanted things to turn out this way,’ Plane pleaded, looking into her eyes. ‘Planey, explain it to me. I’m trying to understand your logic, but I can’t. Why have you been avoiding me for months? Do you not love me anymore?’ Plane shook her head vigorously. ‘No, no. I love you very much — I’m constantly thinking about you and missing us, and that only makes it hurt more.’ ‘Then what the hell is it?’ Nymphia stomped her foot in frustration. ‘What kind of crap are you pulling?’ ‘I don’t deserve you, and that’s why I want you to forget me as soon as possible, before I hurt you even more.’ ‘You wish,’ Nymphia whispered and pressed her lips to Plane’s. No matter how much Plane had tried to push Nymphia out of her life, now she couldn’t find the strength to resist. Holding her tightly, Nymphia was about to wrap her legs around Plane, but she didn’t give in and pulled back, still holding her by the shoulders. Nymphia tried again to kiss Plane, but her firm grip didn’t allow it. ‘My love, don’t,’ she pleaded, looking into Nymphia’s eyes. ‘I did something terrible behind your back, and I don’t want you to hope for a continuation of our relationship. It’ll be better this way.’ ‘You can tell me everything,’ Nymphia said firmly. ‘I can accept it all and will never judge you. You didn’t kill anyone, did you?’ she added with a nervous laugh. ‘Not yet,’ Plane answered seriously. ‘But if we keep talking, it will destroy everything we had.’ Plane let go of Nymphia and stepped back. She didn’t look away like before, and Nymphia saw how convinced Plane was of her own words and how hard it was for her to speak them. ‘All right,’ Nymphia finally said and nodded. ‘I hear you. You don’t want to open up, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to storm off and leave. After all, I came here on vacation, and I haven’t seen all of Boston yet. I can’t promise we won’t run into each other again, so I’m not saying goodbye.’ Plane was surprised and asked with concern, ‘Have you found a place to stay?’ Nymphia, secretly hoping Plane would invite her over, gave a bitter smile and replied, ‘Boston is a wonderful city, and there are plenty of kind people willing to lend a hand. I heard Atlas has a lovely house and a sweet cat.’ ‘You’re staying with Attie?’ Plane exclaimed in disbelief. ‘That little bitch. Some friend she is,’ ran through her mind. ‘Yep,’ Nymphia winked and left the room, leaving Plane with conflicting emotions.