10 things i hate about you

- You’re an asshole, Rozanov. - Fuck you, Hollander! The hot sex scene begins and lasts for ten minutes. Let’s be honest, what did you remember from the first two episodes after watching it for the first time? Probably the scene that opens up the series and is also the most informative during the next few episodes. It took Shane and Ilya almost ten years to talk about their feelings. Perhaps in a decade I, too, will confess to this series the love of it, but for now it is “ten things I hate about it” The hot sex scene begins and lasts for ten minutes. Let’s be honest, what did you remember from the first two episodes after watching it for the first time? Probably the scene that opens up the series and is also the most informative during the next few episodes. It took Shane and Ilya almost ten years to talk about their feelings. Perhaps in a decade I, too, will confess to this series the love of it, but for now it is “ten reasons my hate”. I’ll start with the sore spot right away. This key and beloved moment of many peoples by it’s own stupidity and illogicality makes me want to yell and hit my head against the wall. The picture: you are in your thirties, still have ten good years of professional career ahead. You are a super star of the league, everyone is constantly watching you, absolutely everyone. What did you say, which restaurant you were seen in, where you got a speeding ticket, what you wore, who you rested with, and finally how you played in the previous game. It has even stopped being annoying, but you are starting a relationship that only rumors about can pay you a high price. At this moment, another hockey player is making a deafening coming out. The world is in shock — there are gays in hockey too! Fans who have already ships everything, especially you and your constant vis-à-vis, are raising archives, looking at photos under a microscope, replaying games, looking for secret signs and confirmation of their dream ship. Because now there is one such hockey player and that means that there are others, their pairing Hollanov can become a dream on the spot. You worry that the attention to you and your partner will become even greater, and now you have to be more careful if you don’t want to expose your relationship publicly. A trip to the cottage now seems simply impossible. Picture in the series: oh, he didn’t fall straight into hell after kissing his boyfriend under the camera, so if I go to Hollander’s cottage, it certainly won’t be a problem. And it doesn’t matter that you were spotted at the airport, it doesn’t matter that you were seen getting into his car, it doesn’t matter that afterwards, not-so-conscientious journalists would say that you are spending your vacation together, which in light of recent events looks as ambiguous as possible and then will remind you repeatedly. Can you imagine how in a giant airport, no one, not even a single soul, recognized in the tall, athletic man star of the NHL Ilya Rosanov? Can you imagine that in our reality, when everyone has a camera in their pocket, no one knows that Ilya left the airport parking lot in the front seat of Shane Hollander’s own car. Are you sure? Well, right now no one catches Hudson and Connor in places like this, they’re just passing by unnoticed. Therefore, for me this moment is the most unreal and the most “fairytale” in the entire series. I just can’t believe that Ilya or anyone else, being in this situation, did exactly what happened on the show. The following two points are directly related to the life and lifestyle of a professional athlete. Do you remember the moment when Shane runs out of the hotel to get to Ilya’s house and not just goes away for a couple of hours, but then disappears there all the morning? So, it’s so unbelievable that you want to laugh. Of course, no one locks athletes and they can leave on their own and never come back. BUT! Shane is the captain of his team, an example to others, one of the most recognizable individuals in the NHL. Normally, all athletes are not allowed to leave the hotel unauthorized, especially before the game. At most, a team tour of the city or some press meeting. Second, Hollander should have been a team breakfast in the morning and it would be early enough. The captain’s absence from such an event would not have been left unnoticed, at least this reprimand and fine, as well as at most — a suspension from training with the team. So many such cases have happened in real life. Well, one can imagine that hockey players, and also authority figures like Shane, could do anything. But it’s still very unlikely, because whoever you are, the discipline and rules for everyone on the team are the same. Moreover, as a professional, Shane should have felt his responsibility and could not afford to be so chill out in Ilya’s house before the game. After — please, there is a completely different conversation. Without going far from the subject of sports in this series — injuries. Does anyone really believe that in one of the most traumatic and contact sports, only one serious injury with hospitalization for two has occurred in ten years? Provided that these two players are attacking, key team players? Seriously?! The creators could be guggled “how often hockey players are injured” and see his plausible response: “Injury rates in NHL meet world standards of professional hockey, with attackers being injured more frequently (60.8% of cases) than defenders (33.5%) and goalkeepers (5.7%).” Sorry, I forgot that Ilya (once! for the whole series!!!) got his ribs bruised. Of course, because the plot, which consisting of messages and filmed as endless music video, would have lost a lot, write Ilya: “- Damn, I won’t come out today, I bumped the back” or “- I hurt my shoulder, tomorrow I won’t fuck you on the ice.” So we smoothly moved on to the next 2×1 point — the story, or rather its absence. Something similar to normal drama happens in exactly half of the series — 3, 5 and 6. The rest, by word load, looks more like a music video. A story at the level of erotic literature or, more precisely, fiction NC-17, where the plot, character development, acquaintance with the world is reserved for five minutes, and sex — fifteen, and all events take place solely to connect the main characters in bed. And that’s not bad! (I am by no means going to insult or humiliate the ficwriters, nor the ficreaders! Fanfiction is power. And sometimes fans works are even better than the original, but not about that now). I like to read that sometimes too. BUT! It’s getting boring. The first episode, okay, we understood how hot these guys are and all that, but in the second one you want to go deeper psychologically rather than physically, and the series is going into a clip with only texting and sex. There was a lack of balance in the erotic plot, that’s all. But, judging by the world’s reaction to this series, there is currently no demand for an interesting plot and character development. People are enough that all problems, as if by magic, are solved in the last episodes by the force of “vacation energy” and thanks to unexpectedly grown and sharply aware characters. Again, why does everyone love the fifth episode so much? I think not only because of “I’m going to the cottage”, but also because here, finally (!), here’s something bigger than the desire to get laid, something deeper. Sex is just great and wonderful, but it’s not everything and not the most important thing and then the viewer finally sees it. Another reason why it was better to make a film is that the characters in classic romantic cinema have this “realization” happening somewhere in the middle of the film. That is, the first two episodes are shortened to fifteen-twenty minutes, then we switch to a shorter line with Scott, five minutes are enough for episode four, and there’s almost an entire episode five and six. The film is a little more than two hours ready and, thanks to the unstretched timeline, we make an illusion of a fascinating plot! Scott Hunter is the man who suffered the most. Unexpectedly, the main sufferer of the series is not Shane with rich people’s problems (- But, mum, I don’t want to go to London and sit with some princess), nor even Ilya, who not only was born in Russia, but has lost his entire family (his brother did not die, but as if worse) and Scott. Scott, who didn’t touch anyone all the time and just lived his life like a normal person. Scott, who didn’t hope or even try to find his love and accepted it. Scott, who fell in love with a smoothie seller and was reciprocated by him. Scott, who lost his parents when he was still a boy. Scott, who went to buy a painting with his boyfriend for their apartment and was not afraid of publicity (almost) and who invited his boyfriend to his charity event. Scott, who made the first move. And Kip’s friend decided to press him and say that Kip does not deserve such a relationship and that you cannot hide such a beautiful man. And Kip has decided that Scott’s a wimp? he doesn’t love him? or something else shit out there Kip decided when Scott, in order to keep his personal life a secret from the press, decided not to go to the party at the gay pub. How does Hunter even dare to do something like that?! That’s what I really hate, is this “why can’t you tell the whole world that you love me?!” drivel. Well, the really stupid reason there was that, for example, the main character is ashamed of it and so on. But, excuse me, when you start a relationship with an NHL hockey player from the top club, which fights for the championship, with the player who is the captain of your national team, then you must understand what world you are living in and what you are signing up for. That the partner will hide you, not because it is you “not good enough” or he is “bad”, but because, unfortunately, there is no other way for now. Yes, it’s sad and hurtful, but you can live with that. Also, Scott made it clear to him: bear with me a little, just let me finish my career and we’ll live like normal people. But we must turn this already drama into a bigger drama and make life even more difficult for the main sufferer. On the subject of Scott, I will add that it is unlikely that a real professional athlete will be able to drink a random smoothie on match day; he would rather do it himself. Russian. The representation of a Russian man in foreign cinema breeds self-love and some beginnings of patriotism. It is pleasant, unusual, and amusing. Connor did a tremendous job, learning so many unintelligible Russian words. Pronunciation, intonation, accent. Well done! It is clear that the creators know about this country not only “winter, vodka and bear”, but something more. The scene with the answering machine was generally pleasing. And you look, everything goes smoothly and well, but then some pointless crap pops up that immediately ruins the whole impression. It’s as if they did half the work perfectly and the other half with a fucking Google translator. For example, a phrase that in english means “long time no see” was translated as “long time” and in russian sounded like “davnenko”. No one in Russia would ever say that! Ilya talking to a brother on the phone is something indescribable, starting with that no one ever would call his brother Alexei, because it has shortened version Lesha by default, and ending with the brilliant “For what this time? — To fuck you!”. We don’t use this phrase in this context! And in Russian it sounds really stupid like Alexei would really want to have a sex with Ilya. People somehow know that Alexander is Sasha, but Svetlana is always Svetlana (she is not! She is Sveta if she’s really your life-time friend). But there is “you dull faggot, Ilyushka.” Why did they have to make Sasha repeat the same phrase so that, on a second time, he wouldn’t be able to say it properly and you get something like “mimimi”? Once again, all these dialogues in Russian are written by half: there is something really conversational and “not by textbooks” and the second half as if with a Google translator. It’s frustrating. What amuses me is that when Ilya gets upset in Russian, it sounds like he’s some kind of diva. Also, the Russians don’t get red, just can’t physically, but they are afraid of wolves. Great! And one more thing. Have you ever seen Ovechkin? And the size of the crucifix on his chest? Then why does Ilya have some small shit thing hanging on his chest? But to immerse the viewer even more deeply in the atmosphere of Russia, in the house of Ilya in his home country (whose father is some cool guy and the house is clearly not a rustic and not even just an ordinary panel) we distinctly hear in the background the overstatement of the wind. Well, we are cold, and no one seems to know that in Russian homes in winter there is a hottest battery and +24 °C inside. Conclusion. I didn’t like many things, felt cringe all the way and I didn’t understand how it became so popular; dying from a number of silly moments and strange conversations in Russian; I didn’t like that there was no plot, that the characters didn’t say more than two sentences at the same scene; I didn’t like that there was so little play hockey scenes and that the whole plot was saddled to the last two episodes. I’m glad there’s a representation of gay hockey, which is very important in this traditionally masculine sport. But the interviews with the actors were more interesting and engaging than the show itself. The PR people, as always, did their best. But mostly I hate the way I don’t hate you, not even close, not even a little bit, not at all.