Cat and Mouse

Judy: So, whenever you’re ready, shall we begin? Michael: Begin what? Judy: Your session. Michael: My session? Judy: Your session. You understand where you are, don’t you? Michael: In a room with a middle aged woman. Judy: Indeed. Michael: What would I want with a middle aged woman? Judy: What do you want with a middle aged woman? Michael: I wouldn’t know, you’re the middle aged woman, it stands to reason you would know what you want with you. Judy: Have you ever done this before? Michael: No. Judy: Okay. So, take your time, and say whatever comes to mind. Michael: Anything? Judy: Anything. Michael: I’m here to what, exactly? Tell you stuff? Judy: You’re here to discuss yourself, yes, whatever your problem is. Michael: I don’t have a problem. Judy: Then why are you here? Michael: Why are you here? Judy: Because I get paid. Michael: Isn’t your job to help people? Judy: That’s the general premise, yes. Michael: Do you care more about the people or the money? Judy: I care for both. Michael: For what? Judy: The money and the people. Michael: Why didn’t you say that before? Judy: You never asked. Michael: I never asked? Judy: You never asked. Michael: Whatever you say Calamity Shaw. Judy: Did I mishear, or did you just refer to me as “Calamity Shaw?” Michael: You did in fact mishear. Judy: I don’t suppose I did. Michael: Then you didn’t. ‘Cause you’re always right. Judy: Not always, no. But contrary to popular belief, my hearing is pretty good for someone of my age. Michael: Okay. I did. Judy: May I ask why? Michael: No reason. Judy: No reason? Michael: It’s nothing. Judy: Nothing is nothing. Michael: But nothing IS nothing. Judy: Nothing is nothing here. Is there a reason you called me “Calamity Shaw?” Michael: Are you married? Judy: That doesn’t seem relevant. Michael: Everything is relevant, is it not? Judy: It is not. Michael: Is it not? Judy: Indeed. Michael: Then tell me. Judy: Tell you what? Michael: Whatever you’re hiding. Judy: I’m hiding nothing. Michael: Nothing is nothing. Judy: Nothing is nothing in some cases, but not in this. Michael: Are you saying you lied? Judy: I am saying you’re playing with my words. Michael: I’m simply repeating whatever words you spoke. Lack of specification is laid at your door. Judy: Who’s door? Michael: Your door. Judy: My door? Michael: Your door. Judy: Then at who’s door do you decide to knock? Michael: Yours. Judy: Mine? Michael: Yes. Judy: Why? Michael: Why? Judy: Why would you knock at my door? Michael: Why wouldn’t I knock at your door? Judy: You don’t know me. Michael: I don’t know you. Judy: Then why are you here? Michael: Isn’t it your job to find out? Judy: It is my job to ask you how you’re feeling. To listen. Michael: Is that all? If I wanted someone to listen I’d have spoken to my cat. Would’ve saved money. Judy: Then why didn’t you? Michael: The same reason I assume most come to see you. Judy: Most people approach with the awareness that I cannot give a psychiatric diagnosis. Michael: You have studied for all this time, and cannot give a diagnosis? Judy: Indeed. Michael: Well, what a waste of time. How much was it I owed you? Judy: Wait. Michael: Wait? Judy: Wait. Michael: Wait for what? Judy: Just… wait a moment. Your session… There’s still more to discuss. Michael: Such as? Judy: Well… I mean… I don’t even know your name. Michael: No name? Judy: No name. Michael: Michael. Judy: Judy. Michael: Would that be all? Judy: No! I mean… no. You came here for a reason. What was it? Michael: You sit there for a reason. What is it? Judy: You first. Michael: Have you heard the story of the chicken who ran across the road? Judy: “Why did the chicken cross the road?” Michael: I don’t know. Why? Judy: Why what? Michael: Why did the chicken cross the road? Judy: Why what? Michael: You asked. Judy: You asked. Michael: I asked? Judy: Yes. Michael: No. Judy: Yes. You asked. I assume you have the answer. Michael: The answer to what? Judy: Your question. Michael: Why would I ask if I knew the answer? Judy: Then why did you ask? Michael: You asked first. Judy: No. Michael: Yes. Judy: No. I did not. Michael: You asked why I came. Judy: Indeed. Michael: Why would you want to know that? Judy: Because you are sitting in my office. Michael: But I could’ve left your office. Ten minutes ago to be precise. That was before you asked. Yet, you told me to stay. Why? Judy: Because I didn’t feel we were done talking. Michael: What were we talking about? Judy: When? Michael: When you asked me to stay. Judy: I can’t recall. Michael: So why would I need to stay now? Judy: To talk. Michael: To talk? Judy: Yes. Michael: Why? Judy: Why what? Michael: Why would I need to talk? Judy: You chose to come here. Michael: I chose to leave. Judy: You chose to stay. Michael: You chose that I should stay. Judy: Why didn’t you leave? Michael: Why didn’t you let me leave? Judy: I let you leave. Michael: No you didn’t. Judy: Yes I did. Michael: No you didn’t. Judy: How didn’t I? Michael: I’m still sitting here. Judy: I don’t see any handcuffs. Michael: And I don’t see a psychiatrist. Judy: What should I look like? Michael: You’re not one, are you? Judy: Yes I am. Michael: No you’re not. Judy: Why are you here? Michael: To see you. Judy: Why? Michael: Why what? Judy: Why would you want to see me? Michael: Why did you want me to stay? Judy: Because we need to talk. Michael: About? Judy: Is there a reason you came here? Michael: Nothing much to do. Judy: Nothing much to do? Michael: Nothing much. Judy: Why? Michael: Why what? Judy: Do you work? Michael: Why’d you ask? Judy: Seems relevant. Michael: Relevant? Judy: Yes. Michael: No. Judy: No? Michael: Why would it be relevant? Judy: You said you had nothing much to do, if you were working you’d have plenty to do. Michael: Right. Judy: Right? Michael: Yes. Judy: So, what would be your occupation? Michael: Do you like dogs, doc? Judy: Why’d you ask? Michael: Curious. Judy: Yes, I do. Michael: Have one at home? Judy: No. Michael: No? Judy: No. Michael: Why? Judy: My job demands too much time. Michael: Is that why you’re not married? Judy: What leads you to make that inference? Michael: No ring. Judy: Excessive jewellery’s not in my taste. Michael: So you are married? Judy: I never said that. Michael: You’re not married? Judy: I never said that either. Michael: Which one are you? Judy: Why’d you ask? Michael: Nothing. Judy: Nothing is nothing. Michael: How can nothing be something? Judy: All is something and all is relevant. Michael: So you are relevant. Judy: So I am relevant. Michael: But you didn’t give me answers. Judy: What answers would you require? Michael: Are you married? Judy: Why’d you ask? Michael: Why do you do that? Judy: Do what? Michael: Answer a question with a question. Judy: How do you answer a question? Michael: With a straight answer. Judy: Yes? Michael: Yes. Judy: Why? Michael: It’s more polite. Judy: You care about politeness? Michael: Yes. Judy: Why? Michael: Do you? Judy: Should I? Michael: Should you? Judy: Do you? Michael: Yes. Judy: Why? Michael: Because I do. Judy: That wasn’t a straight answer. Michael: So? Judy: You said you would only give straight answers. Michael: What’s it to you? Judy: It’s everything to me. Michael: Why? Judy: Why what? Michael: What? Judy: Why what? Michael: It just is. Judy: Why? Michael: Are you a real therapist? Judy: Do you think I am? Michael: No. Judy: No? Michael: No. Judy: Why? Michael: Why what? Judy: Why aren’t I a real therapist? Michael: Should you be? Judy: Should I be? Michael: Yes. Judy: Why? Michael: Am I allowed to leave? Judy: I never stopped you. Michael: Yes you did. Judy: No I didn’t. Michael: Yes you did. Judy: How? Michael: You said “wait”. Judy: And you listened. Michael: I didn’t choose to stay. Judy: You could’ve left. Michael: No I couldn’t. Judy: Yes you could. Michael: You begged me. Judy: I don’t recall. Michael: You begged me. Judy: No I didn’t. Michael: Yes you did. Judy: Playing hero, are you? Michael: I could’ve left. Judy: Why didn’t you? Michael: You begged me. Judy: No I didn’t. Michael: Yes you did. Judy: How so? Michael: You said “wait.” Judy: And you listened, which says something. Michael: What does it say? Judy: I wouldn’t know. Michael: You don’t know? Judy: No. Michael: Why? Judy: Why what? Michael: Why don’t you know? Judy: Do you know? Michael: No. Judy: Exactly. Michael: Exactly what? Judy: How can I know something you don’t about you? Michael: It’s your job to know. Judy: It’s my job to guess. Michael: Then guess. Judy: I’ve guessed. Michael: Guessed what? Judy: I’ve guessed you’re a sad, scared, strange little man. Would I be correct in my assumption? Michael: You would be correct. Judy: I would be correct? Michael: You would indeed. And what I see before me is a woman so deeply afraid of commitment, she takes a lacklustre position to quench the desire for human connection, then just as the galloping ponies pick up speed, she unleashes them. Judy: You would be correct. But what if those galloping ponies chose not to be leashed from the start? Michael: You put a choke hold around it’s neck. Judy: And if this choke hold hurts it? Michael: You never let go. Judy: I’ve never let go. Michael: Of what? Judy: And I never will.