Traces of Hope

Just after New Year’s of 2005, Crystal huddled in the darkness against the chill Massachusetts winds that whipped around her. She knew she was in danger, but life was about taking chances, wasn’t it? Besides, she’d already been harmed once, and it had a way of toughening one up rather quickly. She placed a hand over her fluttering heart, trying to will it to slow down. Hurry, Mathew! She strained to see through the gloom of the old streetlights above. She knew they were out there. Every night, they roamed the streets and held the city hostage. Law enforcement seemed oblivious to it all. She watched the shadowy figures dart in and out of the alleyways. Any one of them could be him, though he had attacked in broad daylight. “Hey, sweetie pie. Looking for a good time or a quick fix?” Her breath caught in her throat as she quickly glanced toward where the nasal voice had come from. Her eyes settled upon a hulking, shadowy form that slowly loomed closer and closer. In the backwash of the streetlight, no features were visible. “No, thank you.” “It’s an awfully chilly night for late April, don’t you think?” the casual stranger asked. “Yes.” “Don’t you want someone to keep you warm for the night, sugar?” “I have to go to work,” she said, trying to keep her voice steady. If you get mad enough, you can take almost anyone,she remembered her cousin Mathew telling her. If someone accosts you on the street, get mad, Crystal, not scared. It may be easier said than done, but it’s your only hope of survival, for they prey upon fear, the same as any vicious dog would. “What’s your name?” he asked, coming closer still. “I don’t have a name,” Crystal replied, trying to sound as firm as she could, wrapping her hand around the gun in her coat pocket that she’d gotten from Mathew after the attack. Before she could withdraw it, Mathew showed up like a God-sent angel. She jumped in the passenger seat as fast as she could. “What was that all about?” asked Mathew, pulling the taxi cab he drove late at night away from the curb. “Oh, probably just some wino, pimp, dope dealer, axe murderer, or all of the above,” Crystal answered, glancing at her cousin. Mathew was a few years older with a shock of ruby-red curls similar to her own. Only hers fell to her waist when it wasn’t up in a bun like it was when she was on the job. Many thought they were siblings because of how much alike they looked. They grew up together, often playing in the woods after school. They played everything from hide-and-seek to pretend games of various kinds. Sometimes they played alone; other times they invited friends to tag along. Mathew was her father’s brother’s son. He had been a domineering man, much like her mother. The two sought solace in one another, having been able to understand what the other was going through. Her mother and Mathew’s father were constantly criticizing them and discouraging them from following and achieving their goals. They were moody and hypocritical, often embarrassing themselves in front of friends and family. As adults living on their own, they did their best to avoid them, basically only getting together for holidays and birthdays. They had grown up in houses right next door to each other. Even though they were now on their own, as was Mathew’s older sister, Abigail, their parents still lived in the same houses. Crystal’s mother had often talked of escaping out west, but like most New Englanders, this seemed to be nothing more than a dream. Perhaps it was due to a lack of finances, or perhaps it was due to a simple lack of guts. To move cross-country to a foreign place was a very bold thing to do, no matter how much movies and magazines might glamorize certain places in the West. It took a determined, strong-willed character that her mother was not. Instead, she did what was easiest, which was to just stay put. With a house that was paid for, familiar terrain around her, and friends and family in the area, it was worth putting up with the cold, snowy winters and the wet, humid summers. Crystal didn’t really have any specific dreams or goals in mind. All she really wanted was a woman to love who loved her in return, and to survive the jungle she lived in. Aside from that, to be able to pay the bills and remain healthy was enough for her. “Crystal, you’ve got to be more careful,” Mathew lectured. “I hate to sound like your father or anything like that, but even with a gun, you’re barely five feet tall and a hundred pounds soaking wet. Why look for a reason to have to use the damn thing?” “I’m not looking for a reason to use it, and I’m five-two-and-a-half, one hundred and fifteen pounds.” “Still, you ought to wait inside from now on and not come out till you see me pull up.” “Okay,” Crystal sighed. “It’s a deal. If only to keep you from lecturing me.” “You want to spot him, don’t you?” asked Mathew. “Just so you can seek revenge.” Crystal said nothing. Instead, she stared out the window at the closed stores passing by one by one. All tucked in for the night,Crystal thought, just like I wish I could be. “Well, forget it, little cousin. These kinds of creeps don’t hang around long afterward. They move on to new places with new people to terrorize.” “Yes, I suppose you’re right.” Five minutes later, they pulled up at the 24-hour diner. “Thanks, Mathew. See you on your break.” “You got it.” Crystal hopped out of the cab and headed for the door of the diner. Mathew didn’t pull away till she was inside. Once inside, she headed straight for the back of the diner, glancing at the clock along the way. It was two minutes before eleven. She picked up her time card and punched in just as Dominique entered the room. “Good evening,” said the middle-aged blonde in a cheery voice. “Hello,” Crystal replied. The second-shift waitresses and the cook had left, so now it was just Dominique and herself to wait tables while Ray took over the cooking. “They just came out with this week’s schedule,” said Dominique. “You’re off tomorrow night and then again two nights later. Enjoy your days off?” Crystal nodded as she pinned her name tag on the front of her uniform, which consisted of a pink dress under a white pinafore. “I did the usual.” “I suppose that means you stayed home alone and read romance novels. Really, Crystal, I know you’re a lesbian, but do you really want to stay home all the time and die an old maid? Why not get out to some of the gay bars and dance clubs they have?” “Because most of the patrons in those places are phony druggies and drunks. Anything exciting happen while I was gone?” Crystal asked, changing the subject. “Nope. Been deader than dead. Just this new, dumpy-looking lady that’s been coming in for coffee and donuts at around 3:00. Some form of businesswoman, I guess. She’s really quiet. Doesn’t say a word. Just ponders over her paperwork. Ready to hit the floor?” “As ready as I’ll ever be,” replied Crystal. She and Dominique worked well together. Dominique had trained Crystal when she began working at the diner a month ago. They simply cut the diner in half, which meant that Dominique took the non-smoking side while Crystal took the smoking side. Dominique had been working at the diner ever since her daughter turned two, and that was just over a year ago. Crystal knew her husband didn’t like her working nights, but because they hadn’t gotten along so well since they’d had their child, Dominique preferred it this way. With her working nights and him working days, they got to see each other a lot less. “How’s Al?” Crystal asked on their way to their stations. “Same old, same old. He’s not sure who he’s more upset with for stealing our time together, our daughter or this job, but I don’t see any divorce pending in the future, so I guess things aren’t too bad. We stay together for the kid, you know? And because it’s convenient to do so. Saves us on taxes. See ya.” Dominique flashed a smile and was off to greet a young, giggly couple who’d just entered the diner. And so they went through the motions of waiting tables into the night. It was almost 2:00 when Crystal was wiping down the portion of the counter that was in her area. “Why are you so quiet tonight, Crystal?” Dominique came up behind her to ask, startling her. “Sorry,” she added when Crystal gave a slight jump. “Oh, well, uh, I guess there’s just not anything really interesting to say.” “Oh,” said Dominique with a frown. “You haven’t been yourself lately. Anything been going on you haven’t told me about?” Crystal tried not to let her tension show. “No, not really.” “Well, if you ever need someone to talk to, I’m here.” “Thanks, Dominique,” Crystal said, mustering up the cheeriest smile she could. Dominique then took a half-hour break while Crystal poured refill after refill of coffee for a scraggly-looking old man who sat at the non-smoking counter by the door. When Dominique returned, she went on break next. She was just heading back to her station when Dominique said, “Good. You’re just in time. The 3:00 businesswoman smokes, so she’ll be yours. She sits at the counter.” Dominique finished talking just as the woman opened the diner’s inner door. The woman was tall and slender. She stood perhaps six feet tall and had tousled brown hair to the shoulders. The unstyled hair matched her eyes. Crystal didn’t think the woman looked dumpy, though she could see where most might consider her to be rather plain. She wore a blue suit jacket over a white blouse with pinstripes and a blue knee-length skirt that matched her jacket. On Crystal, the skirt would’ve been to the middle of her calves. She wore brown loafers and a scattering of gold chains around her neck and wrists, along with a gold watch and small gold stud earrings. She wore very little makeup, and Crystal could see up close that her eyebrows were neatly plucked. The woman appeared to be around thirty, give or take a couple of years. “Howdy,” said Dominique. “Hello,” said the woman. Her eyes skipped over Dominique and came to settle upon Crystal. “She’ll take care of you,” Dominique said, nodding toward Crystal as she went to take an order on the other side of the diner. The woman smiled slightly and headed for the counter in Crystal’s section. Suddenly, Crystal felt a strange yet pleasant wave of self-consciousness come over her that she wasn’t used to feeling. There was something about the woman that appealed to her, drew her toward her, despite her plainness. “Just coffee and a cinnamon donut will do,” the woman told Crystal, sitting down and plopping some manila envelopes on the counter beside her. “Cream and sugar?” “No, thank you.” Crystal felt the woman’s eyes on her as she filled a mug of coffee and brought it to her. She also felt her eyes on her when she went to fetch the donut. She placed it down in front of her and asked with a smile, “Anything else?” The woman eyed her intently, then said, “No, ma’am. That just about does it. Thank you.” Crystal began to walk away when the woman asked, “Is it usually this dead in here?” “Yeah, it is actually. In the month I’ve been here, I’ve never seen more than two or three tables at a time taken. Makes me wonder why they bother to keep the place open at night.” Just then, Mathew entered the diner. “How goes it, girl?” he called out to her. “Same as always,” Crystal told him, heading over to him. “How ’bout you?” “Same as always.” “What do you want?” “Same as always.” “Okay,” Crystal said with a chuckle, “coming right up.” She turned and got him a cup of coffee to go. “Thanks. See you at 7:00,” he said before turning to leave. A moment later, Crystal headed back toward the woman. She had eaten the donut and was now smoking a cigarette. “That your boyfriend?” she asked. “No, he’s my cousin. He drives a cab,” Crystal replied. “Oh,” said the woman, exhaling smoke. “I’m carless because I hate to drive, so he takes me to and from work.” “Do you live here in Chicopee?” Crystal shook her head. “Springfield.” The woman nodded and took another drag from her cigarette. Not long afterward, she pulled some papers from an envelope and pored through them as she puffed on her cigarette. Ray stepped out from the back. “Going on break now, ladies. Meanwhile, I have most of the dog food on the menu cooked up and ready to go till I get back.” “Gotcha, Ray,” laughed Dominique, turning back to the two women she’d been talking to. Crystal was washing down the salad bar a short while later when she heard the woman call her name. “Yes?” she asked, dropping the rag and heading over to her. “Could you please get me some ice water when you get a chance?” “Sure.” Crystal got the water for her. As she set the glass down in front of the woman, she noticed the woman’s eyes casually flicker upon the scars that were on her inner left wrist. She felt the heat rise to her cheeks as she turned to finish cleaning the salad bar. Damn herself for doing such an idiotic thing! When she was done, she asked if she wanted anything else, trying not to think of what she’d noticed and making a point to hide her scars whenever possible. “No thanks, Crystal. I do believe I’m set for now.” Crystal was unable to tear her eyes from the woman. “You know my name, so do I get to know yours?” The woman smiled. “It’s Jewell.” “Jewell?” Jewell nodded. “Nice name.” Jewell tilted her hand back and forth, palm facing downward. “So-so. Yours is prettier. Crystal and Jewell pair well, though.” Crystal smiled with a nod. “I’ll leave you to your work now.” “Oh, it’s okay,” Jewell said as if to suggest her work was no big deal. Chatter breaks up the monotony of things, don’t you think?” Crystal nodded. “So how old are you, Crystal?” “Twenty. And you?” “Twenty-eight.” “Oh.” “That’s quite an unusual eye color you’ve got there,” Jewell said, gazing into Crystal’s amber eyes. “Crystal, could you get the ladies by the door slices of apple pie? I have to run to the bathroom really badly.” “Sure, right on it,” said Crystal. Once she returned to the counter, she found that Jewell was gone. She’d left her a five-dollar bill. Dominique saw the bill, and her eyes widened. “Wow, five bucks just for coffee and a donut? She only left me a buck.” “Well, maybe it was because she added some ice water to her order, sprinkled with a bit of chatter this time around.” “So I saw. She’s never been that friendly before. Maybe she likes you,” Dominique said with a wink and an impish grin. “I don’t know about that, but I do know that I like her,” smiled Crystal. “What? You serious?” Crystal nodded with a grin. “I can see where some would find her to be rather dull, but there’s just something about her, nonetheless. Don’t know what it is. It’s nothing I can really put a finger on.” “I don’t know, Crystal,” Dominique said doubtfully. “There’s something rather stern about the woman.” “What do you mean?” Dominique shrugged. “She just seems a bit hardcore to me.” “The only thing I don’t like is cigarette smoking. All else is quite a turn-on so far.” “Hmm. I’d have thought you’d go for someone a bit more feminine.” “I kind of like a touch of masculinity. I don’t know, perhaps it’s because I’m so feminine myself.” “I’ve heard that short and feminine often goes for tall and masculine.” “Yeah, usually.” “Well, hey, go for it then. Think she’s into women, too?” “Can’t say for sure, but I’d like to eventually find out. She sure eyed me enough.” When Mathew came to pick her up, she wasted no time filling him in. She could talk to him about anything. They often shared personal experiences with each other. “Remember the woman in blue at the counter?” Crystal asked him. Mathew frowned. “Vaguely. Why?” “She is so hot. Don’t ask me why. She just is,” Crystal said with a grin. “Ooh. She know you think so?” “No. I’m not that brave. Not yet anyway.” “Think she’s a lesbian?” “Don’t know. She stared at me a lot and even chatted a bit with me, but who knows? Maybe she was just being friendly.” “She a regular?” “She recently became one, I guess.” “What’s she do?” Mathew asked. “I don’t know anything about her other than that her name’s Jewell and she’s twenty-eight years old. She seems to come in around the same time, which is right about when you come in.” “Crystal and Jewell. Cute. I’ll have to pay better attention next time.” “You and me both,” Crystal said, grinning. The following night, Crystal sat staring blindly at her television set. For the first time since she’d begun waitressing, which she found to be rather boring, she was wishing she could be at the diner that night. Especially when 3:00 AM rolled around. When she did return to work, she asked Dominique if Jewell had been in. “Sure was,” Dominique said with a smile. “Even asked for you.” Crystal’s eyes lit up. “Really?” “Yes, ma’am. I told her it was your night off and that our nights off vary from week to week.” Dominique noticed Crystal glancing at the clock and said, “It’s going to be a long four hours, isn’t it?” Crystal nodded. “Dominique, 3:00 can’t come fast enough!” When it finally did, Crystal was eyeing the door in anticipation. When she finally saw Jewell approach, her heart began to go aflutter. This time, Jewell was dressed more casually in jeans and a coral-colored turtleneck underneath a dark brown leather jacket. Crystal thought she looked hot. She tried to contain her delight. Dominique winked knowingly at her as she passed by Crystal and went to wait on another customer. “Hi, Jewell,” Crystal said. “Good evening. Or, good morning, I should say.” The two chuckled as Jewell made her way to the same spot at the counter she’d sat at the last time she worked. “What can I get you?” Crystal asked. “Let’s start with coffee and a chocolate donut this time around,” said Jewell, once again plopping a manila envelope down on the countertop, all the while eyeing her intently. Crystal brought her coffee and donut, then leaned on the countertop on her forearms and asked, “So, is it getting cold out there?” Jewell nodded. “It’s a little brisk.” “Just what is it that you do anyway?” “FBI.” “Huh?” “I’m with the FBI,” Jewell said casually, taking a bite of the donut. “Oh, are you really?” asked an intrigued Crystal. “Well, I’m not a field agent, but I do other things. Right now I’m filling in for someone who’s on a leave of absence, which is the only reason I’m working nights right now.” “What kinds of things do you do? I mean, are you an agent of some other kind?” “Uh-huh,” Jewell said with a nod. “I mostly do criminal profiling.” “Interesting.” “Think so?” Crystal nodded, then pulled back and said, “Well, I’ll let you enjoy your donut in peace now.” “But you’re not disturbing my peace.” “Are you sure? I don’t want to bug you.” Jewell shook her head assuringly. “No, you actually give my night a breath of fresh air, to be honest with you.” Crystal smiled. “Clears my head of the shots.” “The shots?” Jewell nodded. “As in gunshots.” “Ah, target practice, huh?” Jewell smiled. “Ballistics testing, actually.” “Oh, I see.” “We wear headphones, but even with those, the noise gets old. You live alone?” Crystal nodded. “I have my own place. You live alone, too?” Jewell nodded, sparking more hope within Crystal. “Work full-time?” Again, Jewell nodded. “I have weekends off.” “I’m off again tomorrow night.” “Are you? Do you stay up all night when you’re not working?” asked Jewell. “Yes, I do. It’d be too hard to jump back and forth from nights to days that quickly and that often, so I make it a point to stay up at night even when I’m off and to sleep till around three or four in the afternoon. Hardly see Kaori anymore.” “Kaori?” “My best friend since childhood,” Crystal explained. “What do you do on your nights off?” “Read, watch TV, listen to music.” “Oh,” said Jewell, reaching inside her purse. “You can call me at work if you get too bored.” She handed Crystal a business card. Crystal took it with a smile. “Just call that number and ask for Agent Wallace. Be prepared, though, as I may not be able to talk to you, depending on how busy I am.” “Okay.” Jewell lit up a cigarette. “You know my last name. Do I get to know yours?” Crystal hesitated a moment, then said, “Pierceson.” She glanced over at Dominique, who was watching her and Jewell. When she turned back toward Jewell, she found that she was still eyeing her intently, making Crystal feel almost as if she could see right through her. Dominique flashed a grin in their direction, then headed to the back. Jewell looked around the deserted diner and said, “Well, I guess it’s just you and me now.” “Scary, huh?” Crystal said with a smile. Jewell gave a soft tinkle of laughter, showing nice, even teeth, then she looked more serious again. “So, Crystal…” “Yeah?” “I’m not usually this forward, but are guys your thing or not?” Crystal’s heartbeat sped up. “Nope,” she said matter-of-factly. “Ever been with a woman before?” “Yeah, I had a girlfriend once. Didn’t last long, yet it was long enough to confirm that it is my cup of tea.” “You’ve never even been with a guy before?” Crystal stilled as Jewell continued to gaze steadily at her. Then reluctantly she said, “Not willingly.” Dominique then called to her. Crystal was grateful for her timing. When she returned a few minutes later, Jewell was gone. Again, she left a five-dollar bill.