The Wrong Sister

“What’s the matter today, honey?” Lisa asked, her voice a mixture of concern and suspicion. I didn’t know who I hated more at the moment… God above for allowing the catastrophes of my life, or the evil standing before me. “I haven’t been feeling well today. Just an upset stomach. I think that between the shitty food and the excitement of getting out of this place tomorrow, it’s doing a number on me.” “Oh, yeah?” “Either that, or it could be something I ate or a reaction to my medication.” I realized I was starting to over-explain and stopped. “It’s nothing. How are you, and how’s work going?” “Great.” She gazed around the courtyard thoughtfully for a moment. “I can’t wait to get out of here.” “Yeah, but Shay…” “Yes?” “There are going to have to be some conditions.” “I thought we already went over those.” “We did.” “I promise to keep my hands to myself, to take my meds, and to see Shrink M all you want.” “Actually…” My pulse sped up. “I don’t think it’s necessary for you to see the doctor anymore.” “Then how do I get my medication?” “Well, I don’t think you really need medication.” “Then what is it you think I need, Lisa? I’ve been trying to make things up to you and do everything I can possibly think of that you would want me to do. What am I still not doing?” “It’s not that you’re not doing enough. I think you’re doing too much instead. You’re trying too hard in a sense.” “What do you mean?” “Well, getting dependent on medication, for one. Seeing a doctor just to tell her the same things we can discuss together. I think maybe even teaching was getting to be a bit much for you.” “Are you kidding?” I asked, trying not to let my anger surface. “I love teaching, and I only do it part-time.” “Well…” “You gotta meet me halfway, Lisa. I’ll give up the psych meds and the doctor, but I’m not going to abandon my students any more than I already have. I just don’t expect to jump back into the swing of things the instant I get back home. I need a few days to rest and for us to catch up on lost time together, so don’t worry about that.” “We’ll see.” “There’s nothing to see.” I knew I shouldn’t risk getting argumentative with her at such a crucial moment. I was just tired as hell of her thinking she could dictate every aspect of my life—from what doctors I saw, to what meds I took, and now to the students I loved spending time with and seeing the happiness that music brought out in them. Lisa said nothing. “I don’t know if you know this already, but they don’t start discharges until after 2 PM.” “I was told to be here around lunchtime.” My heart sank to the pit of my stomach, but I tried not to show it. Instead, as calmly as I could, I said, “Really?” “Well, I don’t think they let people go at a set time.” “Hopefully I’ll get out earlier then, but don’t worry if you’re a little late, because I promised another patient I would chat with her one last time after lunch.” “About what?” Think fast! “She wants to move to Arizona, and there are some questions she wants to ask me about the state in general and the areas I lived in.” Again, she said nothing, appearing to accept the answer without question. I tried to act excited about returning home with her tomorrow, but not too excited. “Not going to lie, hot stuff. One of the things I’m looking forward to most is diving between the sheets with you.” She laughed. “Oh, you’ll get plenty of bedtime activity. Don’t worry about that.” She gathered me into her arms for a long hug before leaving. I felt her cheek rest on the top of my head. One hand was on the small of my back, the other near my ass. Please don’t let that hand roam too far downward, I silently begged, because then she might notice the indentation of my escape cards and get curious. Relief ran through me when that hand slowly moved back upward and away from my only ticket to freedom. As much as I hated to admit it, I missed being close to Lisa. I missed that safe, warm feeling of being in her strong arms. I already felt my libido begin to kick in. How could I feel such things after what she’d done to me? Was it similar to the way a child continued to love an abusive parent? Maybe something was wrong with me, but I liked being in her arms even though it also made me sick to my stomach. I had to resist pushing away and screaming at her while also resisting the desire to give in to how wonderful it felt to be close to her. When she gently pushed me back a bit, she said, “We’ll finish this at home tomorrow.” We said our goodbyes, and she left after kissing me on the lips. I wondered whether she could sense that something was amiss. All I had to do now was hope for two things: that she didn’t show up before I made my getaway, and that I actually succeeded in making it. I went back to my room and realized that if all went well, I would never see Lisa again. This saddened me a bit, but the cruelty she had unleashed upon me had left me with no choice but to run from this madwoman who would never agree to let me go if she could help it.